BPOV
"I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore," he breathed.
"What... What do you mean?" I asked.
"You've no idea how much I want you right now," he said in a husky voice.
Go, fuck off.
Get lost.
What the fuck are you doing?
I should have said something like that!
Instead, I said, "Show me."
Yes, because I was an idiot, and I had no fucking morals!
"What?" he said.
"Show me how much you want me." I said.
"Don't play with me," he said.
"Should I be scared?" I said as I began taking backward steps toward the bed.
"Fuck." he said as he pulled me closer to him, and began kissing me!
I couldn't believe this was actually happening!
We were actually kissing!
He was a married man, his wife was fighting for her life, and... we were kissing!
"Stop!" He said after some time.
I wasn't sure what was wrong with me, but those words broke my heart unlike anything.
I wanted him, however wrong it was!
"Sorry..." I said as I tried to remove my hands from his neck, but he didn't seem to like that as he took one of my hands in his.
"I won't be able to stop if we don't stop now," he said.
Ummm... what?
What did that mean?
I looked into his eyes and they were burning with fire.
"You need to tell me to stop. Do you understand that?" he said.
I pulled him closer and put my lips on his. I guess that should make it clear that I didn't want him to stop!
"Fuck." he said again before he surrendered.
I wasn't sure if it was because I was drunk, but I had never felt so desired. His hands roamed each and every part of my body and he kissed me everywhere.
"So beautiful," he muttered before his lips found mine again.
I wasn't able to think of anything.
I was completely lost in the moment.
This wasn't something I thought even in my wildest dreams.
I did realize what we had done only when it was a little too late!
Tanya's face kept coming into my mind and I didn't know what to do with that.
How wrong this was!
Tanya was fighting for her life when we were fulfilling our desires!
It was just... wrong!
We were going to regret this tomorrow... Yeah, tomorrow! Not tonight!
"Hey... Good morning," I smiled brightly as he woke up.
For some reason, 'smiling and greeting him' seemed like a perfect idea to me!
I didn't think I had any strength to hear any hurtful things from him, and I thought it should hurt a bit less if I turned this into a 'not a big deal' matter. I'd behave as if everything was just... normal!
Sleeping with your family friend was a terrible idea!
Sleeping with your boss was a terrible, terrible idea!
Sleeping with a married man was a terrible, terrible, terrible idea!
And I did it all, so now I needed to figure out what to do next!
He stared at me as if he was thinking what was fucking wrong with me.
"Look... I..." he said.
Okay, there he goes! He so regretted this, as he should!
"I'm having such a bad headache!" I said.
"Look Bella, I..."
"Anyway, Alice just called... She had some surprises planned for today. She asked me if I'm ready. I guess I need to hurry up!"
"Bella, what are you trying to do?" he asked frustratingly.
"What?" I asked confidently.
"What? You're asking me 'what'?" he asked with disbelief.
"Oh! Are you talking about what happened last night?" I smiled.
He didn't reply and just stared at me.
"I don't see any point why we should make it a big deal," I said.
"So it's not a big deal?" he asked.
"Should it be?" I asked.
"I'm surprised why it isn't," he said.
Yeah, I was ready with the answer.
"Because, we were drunk as hell. We had no idea what was going on. And I know you are regretting it. I'm regretting it, too! I know you must be thinking that you have betrayed Tanya. I feel terrible too, but to be honest, I don't see a point why we should drag this. If it's not you, it could have been anyone, literally anyone! I really don't remember anything."
Okay, maybe the last thing was a bit too much to sound 'cool'!
He stared at me for a few seconds, before he said, "Oh I see!"
"Yeah really," I smiled, "Let's not make this a big deal."
I spent the whole morning chatting with Emmett, Jasper and Alice while we were playing golf. I showed more enthusiasm than usual, but I wanted to prove it to everyone and myself that everything was just completely normal!
I avoided any kind of contact with Edward. I caught him staring at me a few times, but I decided to ignore that.
I knew I couldn't ignore him forever, but I was waiting for the right moment.
"I think you guys had a team outing at the same resort just before I joined, right Edward?" I asked him during lunch.
Yeah, I was going to take this very smoothly.
He made a fist, gritted his teeth, roamed his hand in his hair and exhaled, before replying, "Yeah... Yeah..."
"Oh, it must have been fun! This is really a perfect place for a team outing," I said.
"Yeah," he said.
"So was this before or after Tyler, Irina, etc. joined?" I asked.
"After," he said.
"I think Irina is really good at this, right?" I said, "She was telling me that she had also won some amateur Golf tournaments."
"Yes," he said.
"I guess I should take lessons from her," I chuckled.
"Sure," he said.
"I'm also considering taking some lessons," Emmett jumped into the conversation.
But anyway, I guess that was an icebreaker? I mean, I couldn't ignore him forever, so this seemed like a fine start point.
"What's wrong with you?" Alice asked suspiciously after lunch.
"Hmm?" I asked like an idiot.
"Why are you behaving so strangely today?" she asked, "Why have you been laughing and smiling so artificially and awkwardly?"
No, I was not!
"And why are you talking so much today?"
Damn Alice and her observation skills!
"What?" I asked.
"Did anything happen between Edward and you?" she asked.
"Hmm?" I asked like an idiot again.
"I thought so," she sighed.
How could she possibly know? Like, how?
"Let me tell you something. Whatever the hell you've been trying to do since today morning... I don't think it's really helping!" she said.
She was right!
Maybe I was behaving really abnormally since the morning, but I wasn't sure what else I could fucking even do!
Did Edward also think the same? But I mean, he didn't know me so well, so he might not have noticed anything strange!
"How bad is it?" she asked.
"It's a mess," I said.
"Oh!" she said, "Did you talk to him?"
"No!" I said.
"Then talk to him," she said, "It might help."
"No!" I said stubbornly.
"Why not?" she asked.
"Because I'm scared he's going to say something which I'm not going to like," I said. I realized my eyes were welling up with tears.
What was fucking wrong with me?
Why was this hurting so much?
"Oh Bella!" She shook her head.
"Hope you guys figure out whatever it is." she said.
"I doubt that," I said.
"Try to talk to him," she said, "I'm sure that will help."
"I doubt that," I repeated, "But I'll try."
"Oh please! You couldn't even take Bella to her room," Jasper was talking to Emmett when we went back to where guys were sitting after some time, "Thank God Edward was there to help her."
"Not a big deal," Edward shrugged his shoulders, "It could have been anyone, literally anyone," he said while shooting a glance at me.