BPOV
My head was spinning.
He was crazy!
Why would he marry someone just for the sake of getting funding for his company!
Why did I even like this guy!
He was crazy!
"I see you're questioning your life choices right now," he smiled, "To be honest, I'd have been surprised if you weren't!"
"So why are you telling me all this now?" I asked.
"Well, because you just asked me why I got married to her," he chuckled.
"Do you think this is funny?" I asked with disbelief.
"No..." he said while still smiling, "It's just that... This is the first time I've said this out loud to someone and for some strange reason, I feel so... relieved?" he laughed, "I realize how absurd it sounds when I say it out loud. I'm sorry, but I have no fucking idea about what I was thinking at that time. There's no possible explanation to defend myself!"
"I don't even know how to react," I said, "I'm judging you so hard right now."
"I know," he laughed.
"You don't have any right to call anyone 'stupid' from now on!" I said.
"See, I wasn't joking when I said I was scared about screwing things up with you," he smiled, "You can't question my ability to fuck up things now! I'm capable of messing things up to the highest degree!"
"Yes, I seriously can't question that now," I said, "I'm shocked!"
"I know," he sighed.
"I really like you, Bella," he said in a serious tone finally, "I always thought you were too good for me! But after what happened between us that night, and the way you've been acting since then... I realized you might also have some feelings for me... But I could be wrong, of course!" he said defensively.
Yeah, you've no idea! I wanted to say.
"I know I've fucked up everything badly, and I know you deserve better than a stupid married man like me, I know that... That's why I tried to fight it, but I gave up!" he said.
"I don't even know if I've a right to tell you this... I know I have messed up everything so badly!" he said, "I know that until Tanya wakes up, there's no way I could make everything right..." he sighed.
Everything he was saying was something I had only dreamed to hear from him, but I was too shocked with his reasoning behind marrying Tanya.
And he was right.
There was no way we could make this right.
"That's right," I said, "There's no way to make this right. Let's forget about our one-night stand and move on."
But I wasn't sure if that's what I really wanted! I still wanted to be with him even if everything was just... wrong!
"Okay." he sighed as he got up from the couch, "I'll leave I guess..."
"Ummm... You know, even if we give this a shot... It's still wrong!" I said when he was about to open the door.
"I know," he said as he turned around to face me.
"She's still your wife," I said.
"I know," he said.
"And she's still fighting for her life," I said.
"I know," he repeated, "That's why I said there's no way I can make this right until she's out of Coma."
"The best option is to stay away from each other until then," I said.
"Maybe," he said.
Maybe?
"What do you mean by 'maybe'?" I shook my head.
"I mean, there are other ways... But morally it's not right..." he said.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked.
"Yes," he said.
"Are you really serious about me?" I asked. I had never found my voice so weak.
He chuckled.
"I have never been more serious about anything else, Bella," he said, "I don't know how I can prove it to you."
"I find it very difficult to stay away from you," I finally said.
"I've already told you about how I feel," he said.
"But people are going to judge me..." I said, "For having an affair with a married man."
I couldn't believe I was actually considering this option!
I hated cheating, and now I was actually trying to see if I could justify it somehow!
He sighed.
"And this is the reason I have no right to ask you anything." he said, "I'm so sorry, Bella! I wish I hadn't made a mess of everything. But if you ever decide to give me a chance, I promise I'll do everything in my power to make it up for you."
"People are going to call me a homewrecker, not you!" I shivered as I said that.
No!
I should stop!
"I know..." he sighed.
"No, I think this is not a good idea," I said.
"Yeah... I think the same..." he said.