I'm Already Married!

by Yuhabahha

For want of a nail, Kiritsugu summons an entirely different Saber. A Saber that has the potential to perhaps be even more powerful than the King he would have summoned in another time and place. ...The only problem being the unintended consequences caused by the new Saber's summoning...as well as the fact that in this timeline the world's oldest Hero is a woman...

4. Chapter 4

The final stretch.

Note: Zero takes place in 1994, which is not that far off from 1989, wink.

---

Not even a full minute later, Saber watched Lancer land close to where he left from but a few moments ago. And promptly toss the Geas scroll back to him.

"Saber?" Kiritsugu questioned, viewing the document through Saber's eyes.

"Seems clear to me, Master," he sent back.

"Mhxa?"

The blonde, rising on her tiptoes, and causing Michael to lower the scroll some, scanned it and nodded.

"Humu. Everything seems to be in order."

"Master?"

"Go," Kiritsugu ordered. Seemingly satisfied.

Nodding, Saber passed the geas to Mhxa, less so for protection of the document, for even if it was destroyed, the contract activated, or in this case, was primed to activate the moments the pre-agreed conditions were met and was powered by the signees own magic.

And so, aside from being a pretty clear sign of betrayal. Saber cared little for the scroll's condition. Well, that was a lie, he rather wanted Kayneth to sign it as well once he was healed but no, that wasn't the main reason.

"Lancer~" he said, striding up to the man with a big grin.

"…Yes?" the man asked, with a suspicious glare. Sensing something amiss.

With slow movements, even by mortal standards, Michael raised his arm and repeatedly patted the man on the shoulder.

"Lancer, my good friend, my pal, my chum," he continued, grin widening and still patting the man.

And making him shrug his hand away.

"What do you want?" he asked.

And Saber sighed theatrically.

"Well, you see, I'm very weak at the moment and I fear I'd be unable to follow you, and thus." He stared at the man's eyes. "I need you to carry me~" Lancer's mouth opened in shock and he took a step back.

"Hell no! By the Hag's tits, no!"

Saber blinked.

"Lady Scathach's or Gilgamesh's?"

"Either! Both! The answer is, no! Have the space girl carry you," the man continued, taking another step back. "Hell! If you're that drained, how will you heal Kayneth?"

"Oh, I have a way around that, and sadly, Mhxa cannot carry me, for she is carrying and guarding a very important object."

Mhxa nodded and raised the scroll higher.

"Very important."

Lancer's eye twitched. "You're going to use a seal to refuel yourself, aren't you? Then do so and fly under your own power!"

Saber shook his head in mock sorrow.

"Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that, you see, doing so will drain, a small amount, granted, but still will drain some of my power, and so, in honor of our new alliance I can't risk it. After all, as a good Father and unofficial doctor to be, I have to do my very best to save my son, no~?"

The gritting of Lancer's teeth was like music to his ears. And the pulsing of the vein on the man's temple the most wonderful of plays.

"Fine!" the man spat, and lowered his arm. "Hop on," he said, with an evil grin.

Saber snorted and did just that. If the brat thought he'd be offended at the notion of a bridal carry… well, his pride was not so easily bruised.

Sighing the man jumped, with Mhxa right behind them as they headed for the dying blond.

xxx

"A-Are you certain about this, sir?"

Kiritsugu, in the midst of removing the magazine from his riffle, paused.

"I-I mean its a good thing, b-b-but—"

"Relax kid," he said, watching as the ex-master of Rider, still stiff as a board gave him a nod.

Kiritsugu snorted, and shook his head. Checking the magazine and then, with the riffle facing at the distant ground, tested that the gun was indeed empty, before flicking on the safety switch and flinging it over his back, rising and withdrawing a pack of smokes.

"Yeah, I'm sure, kid," he said at last, popping a stick out of the packet and offering one to the teen, the kid frantically shaking his head in denial. Shrugging, the Magus Killer raised it to his lip and lighting it, inhaled a lungful.

"After all, doing this helps avoid that," he said and side-eyed the kid. "The question is why you believe me. After all, like me, I suspect you have a wish of your own."

The black-haired teen eyes hardened. "Yes, I do…or rather did, but if it meant unleashing all the world's evils then no." The boy sighed. "As for why I believe you, sir, it's simple."

Kiritsugu remained silent, taking another puff from his lit stick. Observing.

"I've heard of you, you see. Your methods…" the kid, green faced licked his lips and it clicked. For if the kid was as sharp as Saber purported him to be, and their brief acquaintance so far, after Mhxa had dropped him off, pointed it to be so, then he'd made the connection that Kiritsugu's actions were not congruent with his usual modus operandi.

The difference becoming only more glaring when one considered the power Saber wielded. With his Servant all but announcing it to the world earlier.

"So yeah, sir," the kid stared at him, steel once again in his gaze. "If you, of all people are willing to go that far while claiming such things… I have no choice but to believe you. So, this is why I can't help but wonder—"

Kiritsugu sighed and closed his eyes.

"Eep!"

"Let's go kid," he said, making his way towards the roof's stairs. "This is the best tactical option, and besides, have you changed your mind?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder at the kid as they made their way down the evacuated building.

And as the kid made to answer, "Master, it's time."

Kiritsugu raised his arm, still staring at Waver who rushed next to him.

"Saber, by my command seal, recover your might!" he ordered, his voice clouding the sound of their steps against the empty concrete.

The sigil pulsing, vanishing, and taking with it his connection to his, for the moment, ex-servant.

"N-no!" the kid said, shaking his head. "I will help you to stop this anyway I can!" the kid said, sending him a tremulous smile and raising his own slim arm. Drawing attention to the lone remaining sigil.

And judging by the slight green tint on the boy's face, Kiritsugu had a hunch the kid suspected what the outcome would be if he refused to hand the seal over.

And he'd be right.

…Not that he would kill the kid. For one, he wasn't going about this in his usual way and for another the kid had already helped him with shoring up the contract with El Melloi.

No, he wouldn't kill him.

…it helped that Saber could heal and reatach limbs if it came to it though.

"Kid."

"Y-Yes? Time to go home, I think my wife will like you," he said with a grin.

"E-Eh? B-But I already have a place to stay and—"

"And unless you missed it, Gilgamesh is out and about, and if she decides to visit, would you rather face her behind a Servant or on your own."

"…I'll come."

Kiritsugu snorted.

Iri would love the kid. If he ever met Illya on the other hand? Oh, his baby girl would eat the kid alive and have him wrapped around her finger in a week.

His small grin slipped of his face as they made it out of the building and Kiritsugu hotroded a nearby abandoned car, glancing from time to time at the banana shaped communicator. In this case, no news being good news.

xxx

The sight of Saber, illuminated by the car's strobing lights, lounging with his back against the castle gates, arms crossed was certainly impressive.

Killing the engine, parking next to his wife's car, and stepping out of the vehicle, Kiritsugu made his way towards Saber with tired feet, by his side, Waver glancing from side to side, gulping as the owls spread around the forest hooted.

"Were you successful?" were Kiritsugu's first words as they reached the man.

"Good to see you too, Master," Saber said with a snort, pushing off the gates and nodding. "And yeah, it wasn't as bad as I feared, it only took something close to two thirds of my reserves to oust and heal."

Kiritsugu grinned, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief. For if the man still referred to him as Master then he need not fear about an imminent betrayal.

And that meant, that Iri was still alive. For even if the wards were reporting one thing, one could never be too certain.

In his mind, his metaphysical hands let go of the mental trigger tied to some very real world explosives around the property.

"Iri and Maiya?" he asked.

"Safe, inside," saber said. "Master, the kid…" he trailed off, scarlet eyes fixed on a gulping Waver.

"Is with us."

Saber blinked and then shrugged. "Ok. But now I'm curious."

"And I'll fill you in, once we're inside and the contract re-estrablished."

Saber nodded and pushed open the doors.

"Saber."

"Yeah, Master?" the man asked over his shoulder as he entered the building.

"How good are you with magecraft again?"

The man paused and looked at them over his shoulder. "Barely passable, as I've already told you, my wife is the one you want for any serious working and—"

"Yes, 'passable' according to a Magi as esteemed as her. So, in other words, you can transfer command seals? Yes?"

Saber blinked and furrowed his brows, alternating staring from him and to the kid and back again before it clicked.

The man massaged his forehead.

"Master you always find new ways to create problems for me." That was his line thank you very much! "But yea, I think I can manage." Saber stared him square in the eye. "But, just for that I'm not spoiling the surprise for you."

Alarm bells begun ringing in his mind and he started to tense.

"Don't worry, its nothing bad, I promise," Saber said with a grin and turned his back to Kiritsugu, starting to walk again. "I simply want to see your reaction, as payback for fostering rather troublesome work on me."

He frowned, and followed after his Servant, still on guard. Waver silently trailing after him.

The surprise soon became apparent.

Namely, his wife sleeping on the couch of the castle's big sitting room, a pair of kids on either side of her. One being his new…son. That wouldn't stop being weird any time soon. And the other a purple haired girl.

"Nom-nom-nom."

One that, given that Mhxa was sitting on the opposite side of the trio, busy going through what was half the castle's supply of sweets, was probably the space Servant's Master.

"Saber," he said. Staring with a complicated expression. "Why is she here?"

"Simple, Master, given that Gilgamesh is roaming around freely, I felt best that I offer Mhxa sanctuary. Better united and all that, yes?"

"Nom—Mmh? Humu, salutations, honorable Kiritsugu," the blonde said with a nod and a small wave…before diving back in.

"Honorable?" Waver mouthed, and he couldn't blame the kid.

Nor Saber for that matter. The man having arrived to the same conclusion and offering the same argument to Berserker no doubt that he did to Waver.

"Sensei!" Maiya's frantic hiss and pale face as she strode up to him did cause a certain amount of concern in him though.

"What is it, Maiya?"

"She…she's..." The redhead, staring at Mhxa in horror gulped. "She's gone through two thirds of our supplies in sweets and she's not showing any signs of stopping!" the girl said with horrified fascination. "What do we do?"

He opened his mouth. He closed it. He opened it again and stared at Waver. The kid shrugged, about as lost as Kiritsugu.

"Err, Master?"

Saber's meek voice drew his eyes, and watching the man clasp his hand and perform a small bow caused him to recoil backwards.

"I once again ask for your forgiveness, for I might have… taken a few liberties again."

"…Saber, what did you do?"

xxx

Above the clouds, high enough that any of the present day mongrels scuttling about below in her Garden would have trouble breathing, Gilgamesh, the King of Kings and of Heroes both surveyed her jewel.

Seated on her ship's throne, golden, of course, leaning to the side and propping her head with one arm. Watching, contemplating, and as the first rays of Amaterasu graced this part of the King's jewel, she smiled.

For she'd come to a decision and thus had her answer.

She glanced downwards, peering through ancient technologies and metal spun in gold, past the clouds and the irrelevant distance, and nodded to herself.

"Yes…this will do as the stage," she mussed. And threaded a lock of gold around her finger, smiling to herself, imagining the night to come and the celebrations to follow after they consummated their marriage.

"And now all that remains…" she smirked and reached with mental hands for the index of her treasury, her superior mind soon finding what she was looking through the almost endless repository. Several somethings in fact. "Is to set the actors on the stage~" she said, let go of her treasury, content with having found the items.

Soon, but not yet.

Her Queen needed to rest and be at her best after all.

Letting out a dark chuckle she crossed her arms and sunk her will into the vessel, the ship obediently speeding forth as she set out, deciding to take a brief break while waiting and peruse and judge the nearby lands and the mongrels.

She had to know how many she should spare from the incoming culling after all…If there was anyone worthy enough to spare that is.

xxx

She wanted to puke.

"Oh? Gkh! D-Do you disapprove, oh Assassin~"

Stupid! She mentally berated herself. For some of her disgust must have shown upon her face.

And, from a certain point of view, she couldn't blame the, the…man—if thats what he was still—for holding a tone of reproach in his voice.

After all, she was supposed to be nothing but an obedient Servant, as both Assassin and Spirit, and yet… Last night's loss—events, had left her in somewhat of a disarray it would seem.

"Apologies my Master," she said, swallowing as she watched the man, kneeling in the center of the house's living room, its prior owners spread around, each at a certain fixed point around the pulsating red circles, the constructs shifting and spinning, their radiance growing in dimming.

The only constants being the fixed points, and the black dark spikes driven through each of the unfortunate souls, their faces looked in expressions of agony.

She swallowed a bout of nausea, for it hadn't been enough what they did to this family, for her Master required more unfortunate souls to complete…whatever it was he was in the midst of the process off.

"I'm but your humble Servant, and I merely worry if this is…healthy."

The man in the center of the room, covered in writhing darkness, chuckled.

"I'm sure, Assassin," he said, and smirked at her, and from behind her, one of the circles touched her, making her jump in surprise and revulsion at the sensation of it as it, like the rest of its compatriots, drew closer to her Master.

"Gkh!" the man groaning in pain again, not that it lasted long.

"M-Master?"

The man, busy examining the trio of dark bands spinning lazily around the middle of his chest looked up at her.

"Mmh?"

"Do you require any further help?" she asked, not sure which answer she was dreading more.

For one would necessitate taking the lives of yet more innocents souls.

While the other would mean that whatever her Master planned was about to occur.

"Gkh!" the man grunted, as yet another of the stolen sigils that'd been decorating his arm vanished, leaving him with a 'paltry' four. "No," the man shook his head, beads of sweat running down his face as the circles drew even closer, before slamming and converging into but one dark band that spun around the priest and the blood orb by his feet in front of him. "No, I don't believe I do, Assassin, so…" the man gave her an indulgent smile that made her want to retch. "Go out, have some fun! Or whatever suits your fancy, maybe even try to kill a master, or not. Enjoy yourself, my dear, for tonight, this war ends~"

Shuddering and nodding she spun around and dashed out of the house, her Master's dark chuckles echoing in her ears.

xxx

Watching the pale-faced blond with the slicked back hair strut about like an overgrown peacock, his fiancée and Lancer in tow, Kiritsugu felt reasonably certain as to what the 'liberties' Saber had taken where.

He side-eyed the man, the golden maned Spirit sending him an apologetic smile in return.

With the Scabbard once again within him, Kiritsugu was almost certain he couldn't get a headache. And yet his Servant was trying his darnedest anyway!

Kiritsugu did not object to the group's presence on principle, not really, for with the close to air tight geas in place, he had little to worry about.

"Mmh~" El Melloi's delighted tone as he turned to him, the man having finished his examination of the Castle's exterior made him twitch. "I have to say, Lord Emiya, you have a magnificent residence, truly I've misjudged you, more the fool me for placing so much trust in such unsubstantiated rumors."

No, the rumors were true. If anything, Kiritsugu had done his best to silence those who knew too much. The rumors, in fact, were understating things.

"Still, that is in the past now, I greet you now, as an ally should, let us go forth and win this war, Lord Emiya," the man said with a stupid smile, reaching out with an arm.

Inside the confines of his mind, Kiritsugu groaned. But, on the outside, expression stoic, he nodded and shook the man's hand.

"Pops."

"Brat."

Ignoring their Servants, Kiritsugu spun and walked back inside the Castle.

"So, now that we're here, mind sharing with us the thing Saber was so tight lipped about last night?"

He side-eyed his Servant.

Kiritsugu had a good idea as to what had been in his Servant's mind at the time, and given that the group behind Kiritsugu were now his allies, even if unwilling, he saw little reason not to do so.

"Mmh, sure," he said, glancing at Kayneth, the man having sped up with a wince to walk next to him. "We also do not seek the Grail," he started, tone blunt, watching as the group all but stumbled on their feet. "for it is cursed, tainted, with the spirit of Angra Mainyu and thus unsuitable for anyones purpose."

"What?"

He blinked innocently at the surprised chorus and turned towards Saber.

"Was it something I said?"

Saber snorted. "Keep it up, Master, and we might make a comedian out of you yet."

"W-what do you mean, you don't want the Grail! Or that it's cursed?" the pale man by his side questioned, and Kiritsugu sighed.

"L-L-Lady Irisviel, s-stop!"

"Ara? But you're so skinny! Come on, eat, just another bite!" Catching a glance of his wife running after Waver, Shirou running after her, while trailing leisurely behind them both was none other than Mhxa, sweets in hand, the other clasped tightly by Tokiomi's daughter, who was busy glaring at Shirou, he sighed again.

This was why he didn't want more… 'guests'. It was already a madhouse in here.

But at least, they weren't expecting anyone—

The wet yolk down his back and the honk of a car, made him twitch. And pause.

Cranking his neck he stared at Saber through narrowed eyes.

"Don't look at me, Master," the man said with upraised hands. "This wasn't my doing."

So, an attack then? He tensed and spun around, flaring his still aching circuits, and Lancer, to his credit, also faced the doors, ready to help defend the castle.

And as the car came into view, stopped and its occupants stepped out.

Kiritsugu's tension bled out. Not that he let his guard drop entirely. Bus a magus he could deal with if it came to it. You could even say it was his specialty.

"Saber…" he growled.

"Told you Master, not my doing!" the man protested.

"Humu," Mhxa, sans Sakura, said, landing next to them with a nod. "That would be me, I invited them."

Fighting the urge to shout and curse, he opted instead for a simple.

"Why?"

And if his voice came out as somewhat of a growl, well he could be excused under the circumstances.

"Stronger together," was all Mhxa said, scarfing down another of his and Iri's sweets. Before pausing, "and Sakura's sister is with them," the girl mumbled.

Kiritsugu could offer a dozen rebuttals from the top of his head, from the fact that the man and his family were still nominally their enemies, to the fact that Tohsaka was no longer a Master or had command seals, or that there were more things at stake here than the life of Sakura's sister, to name a few.

Instead, with a sigh, he strode forth to meet the newcomers.

But, to deal with all this lunacy he turned his focus elsewhere.

"Saber?"

"Yes, Master?"

"What of Iri's seal?"

Saber stumbled as they reached Tohsaka and started exchanging pointless pleasantries.

"…It still holds."

Kiritsugu didn't like the nervousness in the man's voice.

"But?"

Ignoring the weird looks by everyone around them, Saber sighed to himself and run a hand through his locks.

"But, Master, it's already straining, close to bursting. Another Servant soul will most certainly overwhelm it."

With Toshaka thankfully turning towards Kayneth, Kiritsugu pursed his lips, and they still had to deal with Gilgamesh, who truly incarnated or not, was still, in part, a Servant, so if she died her no doubt massive soul would overwhelm Iri.

"In fact, I dare say we've been quite lucky."

"How so?"

"Well, Mhxa and Gilgamesh killed Assassin last night, yeah? Well, her soul put almost no strain on the seal, in fact, if I didn't know how strong Rider was, I'd say she put no weight at all. Hell, I think you're right Master."

"Is that right?" he asked with confusion.

"Well, yeah, for it would seem I truly am more skilled than I thought with magecraft."

Yes, being the husband and probably unwilling student of the Fairy Queen would result in something like that, yes.

"Once again, I must thank you for allowing us this kindness, Lord Emiya," Tokiomi said, thankfully garbed in a normal suit this time. "And I promise, I will not forget this."

Smile. Smile and nod for Iri, Illya and Shirou.

Still, he dearly hoped that they had no more unexpected visitors and interruptions. For they needed to devise a plan to deal with the ancient woman, preferably without killing her, and then, after that, disarm the grail.

And…hunt down that priest

Not that he'd tell anyone, no need to make them worry.

Nonetheless, the man had been a Master in this war and more importantly, he threatened his wife. And so, Kiritsugu had a few dozen bullets with the man's name on them.

Iri…

He knew she often liked to put on a strong and brave face.

But what could she be thinking, what was she feeling right now?

xxx

Iri was floating in the seventh heaven.

Feeding another spoonful to the nervous teen, with Shirou quietly by her side, Mhxa's cute Master on the other.

Ahh~ If only Illya was here as well.

Blinking, she chanced a glance at Shirou.

"Eh? What is it, Kaa-chan?" the obedient cutie asked. And the seed of a most ingenious idea took root in her head.

And she started chuckling.

"E-er, cough, Miss Irisviel?" Waver, asked, swallowing his spoonful and making her blink at him.

"Ara? What is it, dear?"

"If you please drop the evil laughter? You're scaring the children," the teen said and with a blink, Iri realized that both Sakura and Shirou had scooted away from her.

"Tee~hee~ Oops?"

xxx

As Tokiomi signed his own geas, making him part of the…alliance, and ensuring the safety of Iri and the kids, Kiritsugu nodded with a small pleased smirk.

"You drive a hard but fair bargain, Lord Emiya," the man said, pushing back from the table and leaning back against the chair. "Still, I fear I must burden you still even more and ask for your help."

Kiritsugu had a bad feeling about this.

"With what?" he asked, eyes narrow, tone suspicious.

The man, had the good grace to flash an apologetic smile towards him, Saber, and even Kayneth.

"With the city itself," the man said, a dark pall seeming to come over his face. "Now that we are all in this together, and with your words regarding the Grail…well, suffice to say I can and must share, for Fuyuki itself is at risk. The task at hand is too much for be alone."

"Ah… I see," the blond fop of a Lord said from his own chair. Nodding.

He, on the other hand frowned. See what?

"Oh? As expected of the Lord Melloi."

The blond smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "Well, it wasn't that difficult a riddle, after all, I had an issue yesterday that required your…touch shall we say, but was forced to deal with it on my own. And, well, after last night's…everything."

The blond paused, shuddered, licked his lips and put on a brave face again.

"I-I wasn't that hard to guess."

The hell were they talking about. What expertise did Tokiomi have in dealing with issues and—

"Wrong track, Master," Saber said.

"Mmh?"

"You're looking at it from your point of view. Remember, not everyone sees the world the way you do."

What was Saber talking about, 'wrong point of view'—

Looking at Tokiomi and the fop, it clicked, and Kiritsugu wanted to facepalm.

"I can't hypnotize a whole city myself either, Lord Tohsaka," he said instead. Right, of course the pair in front of him would not mean the same thing he did when talking about dealing with issues. "And I suspect, neither can all three of us together, even if we had the time and Gilgamesh wasn't hovering over our heads. Probably literally at that."

Tokiomi inclined his head.

"You are of course, correct, Lord Emiya, and I'm not asking for that. Rather, I wish for your help, rather your support and yours as well Lord Melloi in calling the Clock Tower and providing a united front as we request…assistance with the cleanup."

Kiritsugu twitched.

Hell no! He shouted, if only within the confines of his mind.

First of all, him and the Tower did not mix. But even if the moment they called, half the idiots over there didn't rush straight to Japan, gunning for him, ostensibly in the name of 'helping'… Even if that didn't occur, and the magi arrived with the purest of intents and the desire to help, Kiritsugu fought the urge to snort, magi and pure intent riiiight.

But even in such a scenario, he was reluctant to allow incompetent outsiders like the Clocktowers ilk, into bumbling into this delicate situation and making things worse.

"No," he proclaimed at last.

Drawing wide eyes from Kayneth and Tokiomi both.

"B-But the people…" the Second Owner trailed off, as if surprised by Kiritsugu's decision.

"Dealing with the war takes precedence," he snapped.

Not that he cared as to the pair's opinion.

But, in this case, he couldn't leave things as they where it was true.

One man's life, or discomfort in this case, vs the lives of tens of thousands…

Rapping his fingers on his desk, Kiritsugu gritted his teeth. And with a reluctant sigh, pulled back his desk's drawer, staring at the black cellphone sitting innocently within.

"But, the people of this town mater as well," he said, making the men's eyes light up. And with a trembling hand, pulled out the device. "Still, no Clock Tower."

Kayneth's brows furrowed.

"What then?"

Kiritsugu, stared at the tiny screen for a few seconds, already dreading this, and yet… what choice did he have at this point.

"Don't worry, I can call in some actual experts to help."

He found the correct number, and lifted the phone to his ear.

For a few blessed moments, nobody picked up, and Kiritsugu allowed himself the luxury of dreaming that nobody would.

But then.

"Hello?"

He sighed and his shoulders slumped.

"Mrs. Suzi, is that you?"

"Eh? Who is this?" the old voice on the other end of the line asked before gasping. "Kiri-kun! Is that you? Why its been ages, how have you been? Are you coming for a visit? Oh my, this is unexpected and all but— Joseph, Joseph!"

"What? What is it, honey?"

"Don't you honey me you fiend! Anyway, that wonderful boy, young Kiri is on the phone~ So, get your sorry but here right this instant, Mister!"

"What?!" the distant voice on the other end of the line shouted with surprise, before the rushing of feet could be heard. "Give me the phone!" the speaker exhanged hands and then. "Kiritsugu you ass! Why haven't you called"

"Joseph!"

"Hello to you too, you old fart, I'd love to hear what mess you've landed yourself in this time—"

"M-M-Mess? What mess? I've been a model citizen. Honest! Hahaha…"

"That's what they're calling it now? Ass!"

"But, I'm afraid this isn't a social call, old man, I need the speedwagon foundation, I need their help, I'm in Fuyuki and there's been a…mess."

"Are you alright?" the man on the other end of the line asked, tone serious all of a sudden. "Do you need me to come over? I can see about gathering the other two as well but—"

"Oh~ And perhaps have another child or two, and maybe even cheat with a different woman this time?"

Kiritsugu blinked, opening and closing his mouth in succession. Their help would've potentialy been useful, but, he didn't want to drag them into his world and besides…he wanted no part in that.

"No need, old man," he replied in a smooth voice. "Members of the foundation will do."

"That so," the man said with a sigh. "What do you need exactly?"

Filling Joseph in, Kiritsugu still couldn't help but notice as Saber spun about, an incredulous expression on his face and walked out of his study.

Wonder what that's about.

xxx

Michael refused to think about what he'd just witnessed.

For if he thought too hard about it he'd probably make a new hole in the castle's walls. With his head.

Nope!

And as he'd learned over the years, the best way to distract yourself from something uncomfortable, was to immerse yourself and deal with something else.

And so, after a few minutes of searching, he stumbled upon Lancer a few paces past the castle's doors, the man scowling as, with his spear planted in the earth was busy tracing Runes.

"How goes the day, oh fair, Lancer~"

The man glared at him.

"Blow me, pops," the man said, pausing for an instant in his work to flash him the finger. "Upgrading the wards of this place is a pain the butt and not my forte! You should have asked my Caster self for this!"

Saber shrugged his shoulders. "Well, we don't have your superior version, so we'll be forced to make due by relying on your mangy ass."

Lancer twitched before sighing. "What do you want?"

Saber snorted and crossed his arms. "From you? Nothing. But I was wondering if you'd seen Mhxa, I wanted to ask her something…"

"Yeah, I bet," Lancer said with a grin, waggling his eyebrows and making him want to punch the man. "Yeah, I have," he said after a moment. Jerking his head towards the forest. "She's somewhere in there, overseeing the brats playtime and making sure they remain under the wards. No idea where your better half is though. Probably still tormenting Rider's Master."

He blinked and nodded in thanks before the meaning of Lancer's words hit him.

"Lady Irisviel is not mine you flea for brains!"

"Oh? That so?" the brat said with a shit eating grin. "Well, my mistake then, but how was I to know, what with you snogging the Hag last night and spitting on your vows, pops."

His eye twitched and with a growl he started walking towards the forest.

"Mutt."

"Lizard."

This was Lancer's win, but he'd get him back.

A sigh escaped his lips as he walked under the canopy of trees, at the very least the idiot had helped him put what he'd seen out of his mind and—

Nope!

Not thinking about it.

Spying a familiar blonde further up ahead, he smiled and quickened his step.

"Mhxa," he said, making the girl freeze, blink and turn with flushed cheeks away from the sight of a sweating Shirou in the clearing ahead of her, the boy panting as stood and with a pulse of mana started tracing.

Ah. Great. More things to ignore.

Stepping in front of Mhxa and turning his back to the motivated kid behind him, Michael focused on the golden eyed blond.

"May I have a word?"

The girl's eyes widened and her cheeks darkened even further.

"W-what about?" she asked, voice timid and Saber frowned in confusion, was Lancer the cause of this?

"Just something I've been wondering about, its not something to worry about, merely an idle curiosity. Also."

"Y-Yes?"

"Where's Lady Irisviel, and the rest of the kids?"

Mhxa twitched, glancing somewhere to her right, a twitch developing in her eye.

"Miss Irisviel is…around," she said. "As for the children, well, Waver is in a food coma back in the castle and Rin and Sakura are exploring the forest."

Saber nodded.

"Mmh, then you can spare a moment after all."

"But the children, their safety…"

He snorted. "Who's gonna get past the wards? Every remaining Servant, except for Gilgamesh is here. And trust me, we'll know if she decides to barge in."

"…I guess you're right, h-humu! Lead the way then."

xxx

What is 'fun'?

Traipsing underneath the canopy of trees, but still very much within the bounds of the scary man's Castle's wards, Sakura pondered the question.

For her Master had all but ordered her to go out and have some before vanishing somewhere within the forest. Guarding. Watching.

So, as she walked her mind once again tangled with her Master's orders. What even was 'fun'?

She knew once, she was all but certain of it. But then…

A deep shudder racked her frame.

Not any more. Not…quite.

"Hng!"

Tilting her head, she blinked at the unexpected sound and, with the spark of curiosity fanned she approached with careful steps. Doing her best to be as silent as possible, as befitting of a future Dark Lord!

"Oof!"

The same noise, the same voice again!

Her fingers digging against the hard soggy bark, Sakura peeked beyond the trunk's edge at the clearing in front of her and—

Her mouth fell open.

"Hiya!"

That boy… she frowned. Ever since last night, her first impression of him hadn't changed. He was weird.

Watching as the boy again and again conjured a set of items with his magic and then tried, and tried, and failed to jump over the conjured iron bar.

Why isn't the scary man's son scary as well? She couldn't help but wonder.

She had no answer to that mystery and so, with nothing better to do, she set about watching the young boy fail again and again, a dark feeling of glee wailing up inside her as he tried to surpass his limits and crushed to the ground again and again.

Good! A small smirk spread across her young face. Soon, he'll be just like me!

Only, the young redheaded boy seemed to not understand the concept of failure, or giving up for that matter.

Fail damn you! Cry, break, give up! She howled within her mind, even as she bit her lip, for this was no way for a future Dark Lady to act, or think. Her Master had been clear. She should be in control of her emotions. Not the other way around!

And yet, as the minutes passed and the boy remained undeterred, continuing to fail and accumulating more and more bruises for his efforts. A spark of something forgotten ignited deep within the girl, feeble, tiny, and almost crushed by her inner howls of despair. And yet… watching the steely eyed boy, it endured.

If he won't break, then… then maybe… A fleeting smile, a true smile flashed across her face. And she continued her vigilance for her potential future minion for some time more, before, with a blink, coming to realize that enough time had passed and her Master would soon start looking for her.

Waving at the oblivious boy, she made to turn, before across the clearing a flash of black and a familiar ribbon also leaving made her scowl.

He would be her minion! Dammit!

xxx

The rustling of leaves made Shirou pause, and blink, looking to his right and then to his left revealing nothing out of the ordinary.

He shrugged. Probably just some small animal then.

Frowning, he once again projected a new bar and prepared to attempt the jump once more. After all, just as Mr Saber had said, training makes the Hero, and he would be the best Hero to ever Hero!

"You don't understand the meaning of 'give up' do you boyo?"

A smooth, silky voice made him shiver for reasons he wouldn't understand for many years yet to come, and caused him to mistime his jump and… promptly crash down to the ground once again.

Dislodging a few leaves from his hair, Shirou jumped to his feet and blinked as a—

"Pretty nee-san!" he said the first thing that came to his mind, making the purple-haired masked woman come to a pause in front of him and stare.

"What?"

Shirou's cheeks grew warm and he averted his eyes away from the dark-skinned nee-san.

"I'm sorry," he murmured and kicked a small pebble with his feet. "Its just… nee-san is…err" his blush deepened but the woman, instead of being offended, knelt in front of Shirou and with one arm and a gentle, if insistent pull, directed his gaze back to her.

"Did you mean what you just said boyo?"

Shirou blinked and his brows furrowed. "Nee-san is not mad?"

"Answer the question."

"Of course I did, why wouldn't I?" he asked with a tilt of his head, the woman letting him do so.

"But, aren't those muscles of mine too ugly?" the woman asked, pointing with her other arm at her abs and flexing her bicep.

If anything, that made Shirou's blush deepen for reasons he did not yet understand.

"Nee-san is very pretty," he mumbled and fidgeted in place.

Said 'Nee-san' opted to stare, and stare some more, before a dark full belly chuckle erupted out of her.

"Nee-san?" Shirou asked with wide eyes.

"Don't worry, boyo. I was simply thinking of something. All you need to know is you're kindness is much appreciated."

"Eh?"

The woman snorted and with a pat of Shirou's head rose to her feet in one smooth captivating motion.

"It doesn't concern you, boyo, but, what is important is your stance."

Shirou blinked again.

"Eh?"

The woman crossed her muscular arms and snorted. "What you were just doing—"

"Training?"

"If you can call it that… at any rate, your stance, your movements, everything about it is just wrong. If I'm to be your 'nee-san' I refuse to be related to someone that bad. Come," the beauty said and scooted closer. "Copy my movements and ingrain the motions in your memory. Understand?"

"Yes, nee-san!" That day became one of Shirou's fondest memories for a variety of reasons… As well as a source of much contentions and troubles between him and a pair of sisters. Especially when the group joined a certain observatory and Shirou once again reunited with his 'nee-san'.

And her teachings? Just like Saber-san's they would soon be of much more and earlier use than anyone thought they would.

xxx

Unbeknownst to all, a few feet away, hiding within a bush, a pair of red eyes watched the proceedings with interest.

The interloper's shoulders shaking with silent glee.

For they'd seen everything.

Good…Goooood~ Go forth my new son and work your charm! For the Emiya Bloodline must continue!

xxx

"H-Humu! S-so, what did you want to talk about?" Mhxa asked.

Saber raised an arm and pointed towards Lancer, the man further up ahead and a bit to the right.

"Well, before that, do you by chance have some technique or 'highly advanced science' gizmo to help reinforce the wards?"

"No, I'm afraid not," the girl said, pursing her lips and shaking her head. "I lack most of the resources I usually have access too, as for some technique…" she pondered it for a moment and then sighed. "No. All the Dark Wards, that could potentially stall someone like the bimbo would take a lot ofpower. Power that my diminished altereactor can't provide. That or time in the order of a couple of days, days which we don't have."

Michael's shoulders slumped.

"Damn. Well, there goes that idea," he murmured and flashed a smile to the tense all of a sudden Mhxa. "Oh well, no point worrying about it then—"

"Wait."

He paused and turned to her with a blink.

"Mhxa?"

"There is one ward…" the girl mumbled, facing away, eyes fixed on some of the gently swaying branches of a nearby tree. "One taught to me by her," Mhxa said, crossing her arms. "And so, it is not exactly a Dark Ward."

Saber furrowed his brows, how the hell did she capitalize a spoken word? Again?

"But it will help somewhat, even against the idiot and it won't turn me into a husk…"

He grinned and placed his arms on the girl's shoulders. "Thank you, Mhxa!

Making her flush.

"H-Humu…"

And face him with lidded eyes as she started to close the distance…

Wait what?

But just as the girl lips entered the danger close zone, his mind a connection relating to the girl's earlier words. "Ah! So Mha taught it to you," he said, his mouth running faster than his thoughts and making the blonde blink, huff, and blowing her cheeks pull back.

"Hmf!" the girl said, turning her head away. "I'm going to help Lancer!" she said and stomped off.

Saber scratched at his cheek. Right, Mhxa had a complicated relationship with her definitely not best friend didn't she? But more importantly, since when was the girl interested in him of all people?

Making for one of the nearby trees, turning and resting his back on it, a strand of gold flashed across his face, he pushed it back out his sight and froze.

"No…"

Surely not.

Fact: Mha is blonde. I'm blonde… or close to it. Fact: despite her statements, Mhxa is kind deep down and likes kind people. A lump of lead started forming in his gut. F-fact: like the rest of the Artoria lineup, Mhxa swings both ways… he gulped. Fact: she for some reason things that Kiritsugu and I, but especially I, are kind and noble…

Michael groaned and palmed his face.

And, when he healed Sakura two nights ago, and spoke soothing words to the girl and tried to give her hope, the girl no doubt shared everything with Mhxa…

Plus, there was last night. Where, from a certain point of view, he and his Master's actions could be considered as further evidence as to their nature, and then, couple all that which his…err, reluctance to wed Gilgamesh—for as hot as she the ancient King was, there was a reason the 'don't stick your peepee in crazy' was a thing—and given Mhxa's dislike for the woman…

Saber clasped his hands in front of him and looked upwards.

Honeys, if you can hear me, know that I didn't plan or want this!

Were they listening, or even if they where would they blame him for it all? Probably not. But with wives as strong and willful as his? Best be sure.

He sighed and leaned back, resting comfortably against the tree's bark and watching from afar as Mhxa argued with Lancer, the pair having an apparent disagreement as to something relating to the wards.

Still, it didn't last long, and after some minutes, and a lot of tendrils of pale lightning spewing from Mhxa's hands, flowing into Lancer's runes, the girl was apparently finished with her contribution to the castle's defense.

For she made her way back to him with a tiny proud smile.

"Well done," he offered.

"Humu!" making the smile widen.

Pushing off the tree he nodded towards a certain table up ahead and begun walking towards it, the blonde next to him.

Reaching the canopy under which the table and the set of chairs were…as well as a lot of explosives buried underneath, he pulled back a chair for Mhxa.

For if she thought he was kind and a gentleman he saw little reason to disabuse her of the notion.

Sliding into a seat of his own, he fixed his gaze into that of the blushing girl's.

"H-humu, will you now tell me what you wished to talk about?"

"That."

She blinked.

"Eh?"

"I'm not from this timeline, Mhxa," he said instead and the girl nodded.

"Yes, you've mentioned it before."

Saber nodded. "And while I'd not be averse to sharing the details now that we're allies, the whole thing would take too much time that could be better spent preparing for Gilgamesh, still." He locked eyes with Mhxa. "Even if it's just to satisfy my curiosity I need to know," he said, wondering within the confines of his mind if this was due to any of his aspects. "And so, let me ask you this, how were you summoned by Sakura?"

A hint of steel entered the girl's eyes.

"…why do you want to know?"

He raised his palms. "Not out of any desire to harm or impair the girl in any way I promise you," he said. "Merely trying to confirm or disprove a hunch of mine, and thus find out why some things don't quite fit."

She studied him for a moment, and seemingly either finding what she was looking for or trusting his word, relaxed and nodded.

"I'm not quite sure," she said at last. "You see, before I was summoned here certain…events took place that resulted in me, mmh, drifting, I guess you could say."

Alright, that cleared one part of the puzzle.

"And then, I felt an oddly familiar presence, tugging at me, or rather, the presence was near the one doing the pulling, and so, curious I answered."

Saber hummed. Aaand things were almost starting to make sense.

"Ok, that about trucks with what I suspected," he said. "A question."

"Humu?"

"Does the word, 'Chaldea' mean anything to you?" he asked and the girl froze, turning suspicious eyes to him.

"How do you—"

"Worry not, I've not been to the place…" he frowned. "I think." And shook his head. "But at any rate, by your reaction you've either been summoned there or had contact with… I wanna say, Gudako?" he said, picking at random.

And making a whole body shudder course through the girl, who, nodding gazed from side to side as if in fear.

"Yes! Don't say her name!"

Distant chuckles reached Saber's ears and he paused.

Ah. The Beast of Gacha variant. He nodded to himself. Repressing.

"Then, Mhxa I think I have an idea as to how you came to be here." The girl cocked her head. "You see, in certain timelines, Gudao and…her are the children of either Sakura and Kiritsugu's new son."

"Shirou?" the girl asked in shock. Not questioning his words.

"Yes, and in others, of Shirou and Tohsaka's—"

The girl's cheeks burned crimson and he blinked.

"—other daughter," he said brows furrowed.

"Oh…" the girl said with a disappointed air. Saber opened his mouth to ask but, "my slash fanfic…"

He closed his mouth.

Represing.

"At any rate," he growled. "I suspect that your previous Master was related to the Sakura of her world, and so, you unconsciously answered her plea, mistaking Sakura for her. You really cared for the girl didn't you?"

"…Humu."

He shook his head. "That still leaves me with the question of how the barriers between the Servantverse and this world were thinned, even if momentarily, for it to happen in the first place…Oh well, can't answer them all, I guess."

"How…"

Michael blinked. "Eh?"

"How do you know about the Servantverse. Humu!" the girl asked, eyes wide.

And Saber grinned. "Aaand that brings me to what I trully wanted to know," he said and leaned forward across the table, Mhxa flushing scarlet.

"You see, I'm not from this timeline."

"This is the third time you bring it up, yes," Mhxa said.

"Indeed and the reason for it has to do with the fact that where I'm…was, from originally, due to special circumstances, I guess you could say I had something akin to a limited clairvoyance, being able to peer into some of the Root's worlds and timelines, mostly those relating to Gaiya and special persons of importance…as well as the Servantverse."

Mhxa's eyes turned wide as sauceers and Saber blinked, for what looked like steam was coming out of the girl's heads and ears.

"Pervert," she mumbled, glasses foggy.

"Eh? No!" he said, leaning back into his seat and waving his arms like mad. "Nothing like that! I didn't see you in any, err…private moments."

Doujins and certain pieces of art did not count, right? Right.

Mhxa narrowed her eyes and peered into what felt like his soul.

"Liar," she huffed at last, crossing her arms and turning away, but, a small smile could be seen on her face.

How? It's the fairy Corgi that's supposed to have the truth sense, not the space one…ahh, right, Sith expy.

"Humu. You just thought of something bad, did you not?"

"No idea what you're talking about, Mhxa."

"Humu…"

He shook his head. "Anyway, that brings me to 'that'."

The glower vanished from the girl's eyes as she tilted her head.

"That?"

"Yes, 'that'," he nodded. "Why do you keep saying," he paused. "'Humu'. The Mhxa I saw and know off never did." The girl froze, turning stiff as a board in her seat and paling. "Unless its some kind of timeline variant and an actual verbal tic, in which case apologies, I didn't mean to offend and know that I don't mind, but I just had to know and—"

The blonde, face scarlet and looking downwards mumbled something. Making him blink.

"Mhxa?" he asked and the girl mumbled again, if a bit louder. He shook his head. "I can't hear you."

"I just thought it was cool!" the girl said, raising her head and pouting before a sigh escaped the girl and she avoided his gaze again. "For from the moment I stepped foot in this world, I came face to face with horrible things, relative killing relative and abusing Sakura."

Mhxa's shoulders slumped. "Sakura who looked so lost and alone that I had no way to help her. And so, I didn't," she said, a tiny mischievous grin on the suddenly shy girl's face.

And it clicked.

Humu…Humu…Umu.

Saber groaned and palmed his face, a tiny giggle reaching his ears.

"Ah, I guess you were speaking the truth no matter how difficult it is to believe, you do know me, or of me. Figured it out~?"

Sighing, he nodded and, with palm still around half his face he looked at Mhxa with one eye. "You channeled the most confident person you knew, Nero."

"Yes," she mumbled, voice tiny, and lowered her eyes.

Ahh…now things make sense at last. There's the Mhxa I know.

"Ecchan?" he asked, testing things, and sure enough the girl's flush grew.

"Y-Yes?"

"Why all the talk of Dark Lords and her being your apprentice though?"

The girl, blinked at him with furrowed brows.

"Cause it will be good for her and I do need to take an apprentice eventually?" she asked, voice slow as if he was slow.

And Saber sighed.

Of course this would be her actual tick. All Artorias have one after all… Well, that and Sabers.

"You're thinking something—"

But the girl never managed to finish her sentence, for a horrible tearing sound assaulted their ears, almost enough to make them bleed.

Jumping to their feet, the chairs crumbling under their power, they stepped past the canopy, making towards Lancer and both of them stared with surprise.

For up above in the midday sky, a thin line rend a section of it in two, followed by the twin dark edges forming dark thin lines up and down, like teeth and then, like a mouth opening, they pulled upwards, revealing a pitch black space, from which a single gigantic blue eye glowed and then.

What felt like the weight of the world crushed down on Saber and Mhxa, and no doubt everyone else, making them stumble as from the gap, twin lances of light shot forth.

Assuming the shapes of squares, which slammed into the wards around the castle and property.

And for an instant, Saber, pushing off the pressure and helping Ecchan to her feet, hoped the barrier would hold, which, as he feared, promptly shattered a moment later.

And with an ominous hum, one of the beams of light pierced through a thin section of the castle, the other, heading for the forest of all places and—

The second beam froze, a second set of wards springing up, a set of runes interwoven with pale white arching tendrils and with a thunderous screech, the second beam shattered.

"Heh, it worked," Ecchan said, with a grin as they about reached Lancer.

Another set of secondary wards sprung up, trying to do the same to the first beam, but then, the amount of energy pouring down from up above doubled, thickening the beam and tearing the ward to shred.

"Tsk!"

Ignoring the pouting girl, Saber stared at the remaining beam and—

"Master!" he shouted, for indeed, within the beam, isolated and ascending despite his attempts to the contrary was none other than Kiritsugu.

"Mwahahah!" a familiar voice boomed, coming from within the dark space. "That's right my Queen! That is in fact your summoner in my grasp, and if you and the rest of the mongrels gathered there wish for him to remain amongst the living, then you, my Queen will come to me tonight, alone."

Saber opened his mouth to reply only for a roar of mana by his side to make him pause.

"Gae Bolg!"

Lancer's flew fast and it flew true. And yet, after a few moments spent fighting against the translucent glowing barrier, a third burst of power coming down as the spear started to make headway, it finally stopped. Falling back down to Lancer's scowling grasp.

"Mutts should not bark at their betters, mongrel," Gilgamesh said from the other side of the portal. "

"I will await you at this town's temple, my Queen, you know the one I speak off, see you soon~" and with that, the moment Kiritsugu vanished into the dark, the portal snapped shut.

Taking the pressure that was making it hard to move with it. For all that it mattered now.

"Kiri!" Lady Irisiviel's panicked shout as she cleared the trees, Shirou in her arms caused Saber to clench his fist.

"Damn that Hag," Lancer murmured by his side.

"Saber…what do we do?" Mhxa asked, and Michael's heart felt as if it was in freefall. For the girl to acknowledge, to pierce past her Madness Enhancement, even for a moment? She was truly worried.

As Sakura and Rin emerged from the forest, and Kayneth and Tokiomi from the Castle, he pursed his lips.

"What else," he growled. "We play her game."

Much as he didn't like it. But then again, what choice did they have, she caught them with their pants down…

But… Would it have mattered even we'd been given another day or two to prepare? When Gilgamesh is trying, at least to an extent?

xxx

Kiritsugu hovered some meters above the ground, trapped within a bubble barrier, golden of course. With a long thin pyramidal like spear hovering and rotating in front of his chest, aimed at his heart.

"Try anything, even think about using that lone seal on your arm, and the spear will go through you, mongrel," Gilgamesh said from below. "And, while I'm sure my Queen will be sad, he'll get over it." With that, the woman spun around and made her way towards a reclining golden chair she'd pulled out of one of her portals.

Well, at least, whatever magic was powering this was quite comfortable. Kiritsugu 'leaned' back, allowing his eyes to drift close and relax.

The feeling not unlike a Queen sized mattress.

He set about waiting.

Either Saber would come or he wouldn't. And either they'd manage to save him and win or they wouldn't.

For his part, he hoped nobody came, for one life against those of everyone in their group… It was an easy choice.

Still, the one bright spot in all of this was the fact that Gilgamesh hadn't bothered to search nor disarm him.

Feeling confident, and rightly so, in her strength no doubt.

So he had that going for him, which was nice…not that he was quite sure what he could do with just his pistol and Mhxa's ahogephone.

xxx

Saber ignored the westering sun, instead climbing the stone steps of Ryuudou Temple, tall trees with thick trunks on either side of him.

It'd proved a tad more difficult to give the slip to Ecchan and Lancer than expected, but in the end he'd managed to do so.

Best not put anyone else at risk after all, and besides, he was the strongest Servant here, with the exception of Gilgamesh. And if the conditions were right and he went all out, he didn't like her odds.

But then, there wouldn't be much of a city afterwards, would there?

"So, you've come, my Queen," Gilgamesh said, brilliant smile on her face as the nude woman jumped to her feet, the reclining chair vanishing, making him gulp and tear his eyes away from her curvaceous body with some difficulty.

Pointedly staring at the big Temple behind her.

The woman's grin only widening at that, her armor materializing around her in full as she walked towards him.

"So I have."

"Mmh~" The woman purred, coming to a stop but a few inches from him, cupping his rigid cheek with a gauntleted hand. "So strong, so willful, so defiant. I like that," she purred, withdrawing her arm and with a step backwards, crossing her arms.

"Are you ready for our union, my Queen?" the woman asked.

Saber snorted. "I've done as you asked, release my Master," he said instead, and Gilgamesh's grin widened.

"So forceful," she purred, her eyes shining with lust. "But worry not, you'll learn your place in time, my dear," she said and blinked. "And as for the mongrel, I suppose you do reserve a reward for good behavior."

She uncrossed her arms, and raising a hand, snapped her fingers.

Above, the golden sphere containing Kiritsugu descended swiftly, the spear hovering in front of the man vanishing into motes of gold.

"Now… for your part of the bargain, my Queen."

Michael nodded.

"Yes, I suppose you're right," he said and swung his arms upwards, in between his grip, Merodach manifesting, glinting in defiance, aiming to part the King's armor.

Only for a nameless sword to descend from a portal, and slam into the sword's path, stopping it in place as it exploded the resulting bout of smoke hiding Gilgamesh from Saber's vision for an instant.

Knowing better than to remain in place, he jumped backwards, clearing the smoke and with a blow of his manifested wings, clearing it away.

But the King was nowhere to be found.

He scanned left and right, and aside from his Master, on his feet and patting his suit there was nothing.

Then that only left—

"Over here, dear~" her voice came as Saber craned his neck upwards. And found Gilgamesh hovering on a pair of, of course, golden wings, upon whose edges tiny rockets could be found.

He blinked, Merodach dropping slightly. For the sight, it reminded him off, "Is that… a jetpack?" he couldn't help but ask.

Gilgamesh scoffed.

"Don't be ridiculous, my Queen," the woman said and Saber did indeed feel a tad sheepish. How could he thing that the wings on the woman's back were—

"It's no mere jetpack!" the woman said, tone snappish. "This is the first jetpack!"

Saber stopped, he glanced at Kiritsugu, and sighed.

Gripping Merodach tighter, he jumped upwards, aiming for the woman's heart, while behind her, portal after golden portal manifested.

xxx

Taking a slow step, and then another, breaking into a run afterwards, after ensuring that Gilgamesh was truly focused upon Michael, Kiritsugu made it to the central temple building's doors.

And more importantly, the overhanging roof above him which served to hide Kiritsugu from the enemy Servant, even if only briefly.

A thunderous crash caused his heartbeat to speed up, and Kiritsugu to glance to the side, where, underneath a new circular hole in the roof, with moonlight reflecting off of it, a deflected and half dented spear, rich in mana was in the midst of evaporating.

He swallowed and reached into one of his suit's front pockets fast enough to almost tear the fabric.

For the lack of the King's direct attention did not guarantee his safety.

Retrieving Mhxa's gift, he raised it to his lips.

"This is Kiritsugu, does anyone copy?"

"Kiri!"

"This is Mhxa, we read you, what's the situation, where's Saber?"

"We're located in Ryuudou Temple. Saber is currently in the process of fighting Gilgamesh," Kiritsugu said.

"Mwhahaha! More, amuse me more my Queen!"

And with the sound of thunderous clashes above, coupled with Saber's answering roars, Kiritsugu made to speak.

"Oi! Oi! Put me down woman! I'm not a toy! MFF!"

"Kiri!"

Only for Iri's, neigh possessed voice to make him blink and pause.

"The situation is under control." No it wasn't. But until Saber and he found a way to disengage from the woman above and lose her trail, exfiltration or something along those lines was the last thing anyone should be considering. "Don't do anything rush—"

His senses screamed at him, and after a lifetime spent in battle, in some form of another, Kiritsugu listened.

"Octo accel" he whispered, and, letting go of the phone, push hard against the stone flooring, cracking it and flying to the left, towards the hole created moments prior.

And it was a good thing he did, for completing his punch in the space Kiritsugu's torso and heart had been an instant prior—and blowing a gust of air as he did. Was a familiar face.

"Square accel" this time listening, he allowed his body to drop the crest's activation to something more manageable. For even the Scabbard, blazing within him could only do so much. And this was no time to be overdo it and be 'locked' out of his crest's use. Not in a fight like this.

Not when the face of Kirei, covered in writhing darkness turned somewhat slow, if still with rather more speed than the man should and grinned at him.

Double accel was already superhuman, at square and above Kiritsugu entered the realm of Servants, for the man to, even somewhat, keep up…

"Gah! Hrk!"

The sudden twin lances of agony shooting up his kidneys and spine made him gasp, and then, the pair of dark strong arms wrapping around him in a lock, immobilizing him, were enough for Kiritsugu to lose control of his magic and for time to return to its normal flow.

"Gkh!" and the backlash to hit in.

With the scabbard blazing at such intensity, the discomfort being brief. But given his state and the new injuries…

"Heathen immobilized, Master," Assassin said. "Do you wish me to dispose of him?" she asked Kirei, the man's smile slipping from his shadow covered face as he turned towards them. For once, the man's cassock being closed up front.

"Excellent job Assassin," Kirei said with a smile and spread his arms. "Rejoice…"

xxx

"Yes, yes, yes!" Gilgamesh crowed, ducking underneath a swipe of his claws, while stretching her left hand forth, a portal manifesting and spewing a golden aegis, the shield intercepting Merodach just in time.

"Tsk!" Tugging his power back to his core and redirecting the energy in an instant, Abzu's size and authority diminishing, but in return, Merodach shone all the brighter and with a small explosion blasting from the blade's side in contact with the aegis, shattering the shield and knocking Gilgamesh backward.

"Eek!"

Marduk let go of his regalia, his power and authority diving back in.

And Saber braced himself, redirecting his energy yet again towards his other authority.

And Michael, with a flap of his wings, vanished and using his Father's graciously gifted omnipresence to all the members of the Host, appeared right behind the Heathen King's path. Swiping his hand and the glowing Holy sword held within in an arc, his arm meeting with the arrogant woman's head, making her spin, Michael of course appearing a few paces away and out of the twisting woman's golden mimicries of the blessing Father had gifted to his loyal servants.

A brief note of righteousness filling him as the woman's trajectory had her crash into and through one of the tiny tenements in the rear right of the Temple. And, with a brief note of sadness at the pointless distraction, for even if the sheep of this faith were misguided their ways were still held within them the approval of his Father, Michael graciously let go, his presence sinking back into the blessed half-sleep.

Michael, twitching and taking a second to recenter himself gasped, for even this was still weird. And yet, the rapid switching was still better than what he could do the previous nights.

On paper, he was the strongest Servant, yes, and yet, being so rarely summoned, he hadn't had the chance to acclimatize to his…nature. And so, this trick, cribbed from a half forgotten carton from the original's life and world, it was the best he could.

For attempting a true union of authorities, was more likely than not, to fail. And this was no time to experiment…More than he was in the midst of doing anyway.

The sound of battle down below made him frown and gaze towards the source—his senses screaming caused him to freeze.

xxx

"Rejoice…Kiritsugu, Assassin," Kirei said, smiling wider and a foul aura radiated from the man. "For tonight the answer to everyones hopes and dreams will be achieved, and one will have to suffer any more."

For barely an instant, Kiritsugu froze, a small desperate part of himself wondering whether the corrupted priest was, in fact like him. But then, the miasma made him crinkle his nose and he remembered Saber's words.

No, whatever the man was on about, it was unlikely to be good for anyone.

But still, how could they have been so foolish, to so easily decide that Assassin was dead. When the woman had a hundred bodies…

"But…" Kirei continued, a mocking look of sorrow aimed at him.

No. Not at—

"You won't be there to see it, I'm afraid," Kirei said and raised his hand. "Assassin," a sigil glowed and the man's voice turned into a malicious hiss. "I no longer have need of your…services~"

"Argh!"

The seal in Kirei's arm faded, leaving the man with a full three.

And the arms holding Kiritsugu fell to the side, and with a scream, their owner stepped out of the canopy on stumbling feet, trembling arms, slowly, oh so slowly rising, until, knives manifested.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as Assassin struggled for a few moments longer before driving the knives into her lower gut, again, and again, and again.

Kiritsugu scowled as from his right, the thunk of a body hitting the stones reached his ears.

"Hooo?" Kirei asked, with a wide eyed blink, as fake as any of the man's expressions so far. "Surely not, for this was the most efficient way to deal with her, don't you think?" he asked and brought his arms into a boxing stance. "I'm sure that someone like you could understand."

His jaw clenched.

The priest's words might hold a glimmer of truth, and yet…

"We're nothing alike," he said. "And so—"

"Square accel—gkhah!" spit flew from his mouth, and so did the rest of him, Kiritsugu breaking through a few of the wooden beams supporting the front part of the overhead roof as he flew and tumbled on the stone floor. Rasping, fighting to breath with crushed lungs and also maintain the acceleration while ignoring the fading stings from his back.

A glint caught his eye.

"Octo accel!"

He rolled to the side, hand accelerated by time magic and reinforcement acting on instinct and withdrawing his pistol, firing as he stopped and leaped to his feet.

"Impressive," Kirei slurred.

"Gkh!" and with his vision turning white for an instant, the sensation of something bursting in his skull filling him with white hot agony, Kiritsugu struggled through the pain to see and to hold onto a 'mere' penta-accel.

"If you'd been but a hairsbreadth slower…"

Glancing at the foot digging into the stone, where his head had been, Kiritsugu grimaced and it had little to do with the nausea.

The man's cassock slid open and Kiritsugu's eyes widened.

For within the center of his pitch black chest, surrounded by a pair of dark rings, an opening lay where his heart should be, a blood red pulsating sphere hovering in its place.

"Impressive, is it not?" the man purred, lifting a hand and caressing the orb.

Shit.

A hand that was now bereft of seals.

That explained the man's superhuman capabilities.

Should he…

Did he have a choice?

Stilling the rest of his body, he gripped the pistol in his arm tighter.

"Deci-accel." He said, and immediately went blind on the left side, still, moving only the muscles of his arm, he lifted and fired.

And let the crest shift down to a mere double-accel. Sinking to his knees with a gasp.

'Plink'

But no sound of something breaking reached him, instead, glancing upwards he found a smirking Kirei, the man not having moved, lowering the arm which had a slowly closing bullet hole in it. As for the orb?

Not a scratch.

"Did you really think it would be so easy?"

Kirei, chuckling started walking towards him and Kiritsugu struggled to rise, managing to succeed even if his knees trembled somewhat fierce.

The Scabbard seems to be stronger tonight… Curious.

"But, as fun as this reunion has been, I fear that we must cut this short, for I've prior arrangements you see," Kirei said with an apologetic smirk, and then kicked of the ground.

"Square—gkh!" Kiritsugu tried to accelerate and failed, his body in full blown rebellion, his circuits blazing, and he could do nothing but watch his death approaching.

xxx

Thrusting his energy into his original authority, Michael the foreigner stepped out of the world…and like a dog with its chained yanked, was immediately pulled back in. Not even getting the chance to glimpse the space in-between.

Huffing, he grinned, for that was a given, but it didn't matter, for despite his legend mis-recording him as something akin to a planeswalker, there was no way this container would have enough strength to allow for something like that, no he merely wished to shift out of what his senses were screaming to him about—

Turning to the spot he'd just been, he paled.

For a writhing, pulsating sphere of a golden prison was there.

"Pity."

The rubble below shifting, Gilgamesh blasted back to the sky, hovering but a few feet from him. "That was a good attempt, my Queen, I was right to choose you," she said and glanced at the sphere, snapping her fingers and causing the abomination to freeze and vanish.

The shell going first and then the frozen creature within, that even dismissed and seemingly dead, was staring at Michael with a thousand hateful eyes.

He gulped.

"What was that?" he couldn't help but ask.

Gilgamesh shrugged.

"Oh, nothing much, just a captive from outside. Nothing special mind you, but still enough to thwart that angelic trick of yours, at least in your diminished state," she said with a smirk and Michael had to fight the urge to shudder. For indeed, every fiber of his being, and especially from that authority felt nothing but revulsion towards the creature.

Gilgamesh frowned. "But then again, I failed to account for your status, of course a foreigner could escape from one of its own kin…" she sighed and shook her head, a dozen new portals springing to life behind and around her.

Michael, tensing, raised his sword. He should attack and yet…

"My King, may I ask a question?"

The aura of danger halted for a moment.

"I will allow it, ask."

He licked his lips. "Did…did the prison have to be gold?" Like most everything else the woman owned he didn't add.

Gilgamesh's brows furrowed and she blinked.

"The King fails to understand your question oh Queen of mine to be," the woman narrowed her eyes and rubbed her chin with a gauntleted hand. "Is this a riddle of a sorts, a…what do the mongrels of this age call it, a…prank question?"

Saber sighed and shook his head. What did he expect…

"Nay my King, merely a curiosity of mine, pay it no heed."

"Hm. Very well," the King nodded and fired a sword from her treasury, Michael hastening to deflect it.

For some reason, I get the sense that you and Big E? You'd be either the greatest of friends or immediately kill each other… he flapped his wings and spinned to the side, avoiding a barrage of weapons and then, Abzu focused and caught a passing nameless noble phantasm with his watery tail, throwing it back to Gilgamesh.

The wide eyed woman gawking in surprise, and barely managing to duck out of the way.

"Dragon, you dare?" she asked, as she stabilized her flight, glaring at Abzu as he dismissed his tail.

"Why, I thought I was to be your 'Queen'," Michael said with a smirk and a confidence he didn't feel. "So, shouldn't your things…be my things as well?"

Gilgamesh's mouth opened and closed, a constipated expression on her face as she pondered his question.

"Your words…have a certain merit to them, my Queen," she grounded out at last. Clearly trying, and yet, sounding like a kid asked to part with their favorite toy.

Still, Saber couldn't help but blink in surprise. This…he very much did not expect, even partial access to her treasury? The woman was even more serious about this than he'd thought!

He worked his mouth, trying and failing to find a response but then, something caught his eye and he paled.

Down below, his Master was about to get killed by a Kirei who'd apparently decided a dip in tar was a wise decision.

"My Dragon~" He barely reacted as Gilgamesh rushed towards him. "You're wide open~"

Saber could move out of the way of the King's tackle…and watch Kiritsugu died.

In the span of his superhuman heartbeat, Abzu made his decision.

Inhaling, he spoke.

"I am Abzu, Father of All," he begun, the world trembling, halting, freezing, holding its breath and even Gilgamesh's ruby eyes held a measure of weariness in them. "And you, Kotomine Kirei are no longer one of my Children!"

Abzu gasped, and a full fifth of his reserves up and disappeared.

But it mattered little, for the effects of his Edict were both immediate and obvious.

"Got you~" The Golden King's arms wrapped around his torso, holding Saber tight, as down below, an agonized roar left the priest's lips, and the blow that moments prior had been aimed at Kiritsugu's head, due to the spasm of Kirei's muscles missed, digging into Kiritsugu's guts.

Bad.

But the man still lived, and as long as he continued to do so Saber could heal him afterwards… Assuming he could escape Gilgamesh's clutches.

"This has been a fine game, my Queen. Now, prepare yourself—"

xxx

Blood dribbled down the side of his chin, but Kiritsugu endured.

Ignoring the pain the likes of which he'd rarely felt, pain caused by the fist digging into his gut and grazing his spine, numbing everything below it, Kiritsugu, vision swimming raised his pistol.

The priest still twitching, and unable to react, and shot the man, once, twice, thrice in the chest. Making the man jerk, and then, with an elbow slam aimed at the orb, which failed to crack it, pushed Kirei away, the man's limp fist following him as he spun away and dropped face down on the ground, and stopped moving entirely.

And Kiritsugu did the same, sinking to his knees with a pained groan.

The wound in his gut refusing to heal, despite the Scabbard within him bursting into an almost blaze of what felt like holy fire.

The artifact only managing to slow the bleeding.

Kiritsugu's eyes fell on the dead priest, and the blood soaked arm, corruption still emanating from it and the rest of the man.

Even a touch of whatever curse he's coated with is enough to stall the Scabbard's properties? He couldn't help but wonder, sinking backwards and only a hastily placed arm stopping him from falling on his back. If Saber hadn't done what he did and disabled Kirei's healing…

He'd be dead. Simple as that.

"Gkh!"

He checked his hand, it came coated in red.

Kiritsugu chuckled, for death was still very much in the cards.

An explosion took place above him but he didn't have the strength to spare to check, Saber was on his own for the moment.

Gritting his teeth, sweat pouring down his face, Kiritsugu rose on unsteady feet, new songs of agony pulsing through his veins as he did, his body's way of showing him what it thought of the idea.

He took a step, and another, taking a wide berth around the priest… and firing another bullet on the man's back for good measure as he made his way towards the Temple compound's entrance.

But, barely a few meters away from Kirei's body, his strength left him and he crushed to the ground.

"Gkh!" the red sigil on his arm glinted.

And for a brief tantalizing instant he dreamed of using it on himself like Kirei had clearly done, and so, boost his own attributes, or even better use it on the Scabbard. Hoping that it would be enough to overwhelm the curse that even now was slowly spreading across his body.

"Pathetic…" he snorted and shook his head.

No, he would not. Not yet, he'd hold out as long as he could and then, when the curse was about to overwhelm him, use the seal to help Saber.

xxx

Saber was in somewhat of a bind. Literally in this case, what with Gilgamesh's arms wrapped around him like a vice.

Now there was a lot of things he could attempt to do to escape, but judging by the red glint in the woman's eyes, she probably had accounted for most sane methods of escape.

So, the answer clearly lay in insane methods.

Saber nodded, and Michael leaned closer, capturing the surprised woman's cherry like lips.

The blonde's eyes fluttering in surprise, before, feeling her lips smirking she reciprocated the kiss and—

A bubble of pure Holy white energy emanated in all directions, with the Heavenly Prince at its center.

"Eep!"

Flinging the Heathen woman away and Michael once again graciously slept.

Who said Dark Souls couldn't be useful!

Gilgamesh, once again, managed to stabilize her flight and glowered at Saber.

"That's the second time you've caused me to make such an ungraceful sound," she growled and her glare promised pain. "So, my Queen, I can only conclude that you like it rough," the woman hissed, as portal after portal spat phantasm after noble phantasm at Michael.

Saber, ducking, deflecting, translocating and in general doing his best to avoid the weapons, not even thinking about counterattacking in this rain of death.

"And I, as your merciful King, will of course oblige you," Gilgamesh spat, floating backwards and crossing her arms as Michael fought for his life.

Heart beating madly as he continued this deadly dance, Saber, noted that somehow, the King's assault seemed to slow down.

The amount of weapons increased, and Saber, frantically switching between authorities had no more time to think. And yet, after a few more seconds… The assault once again seemed to become slower and Saber, in the midst of parrying a spear with Merodach, catching an arrow with his other arm and sending a spear back to its owner with his tail grinned.

For it would seem that this trial by fire imposed by Gilgamesh and the constant back and forth switching, was helping him achieve a true union of authorities.

And even if the current power he could draw out of his true potential was small, if Gilgamesh kept this up, soon he'd be strong enough to—

"Hmf! I think not!" Gilgamesh said, eyes glinting and stretched out her right arm, a portal appearing, and from it an obscene amount of power flower, and a familiar hilt started to appear.

Saber's eyes widened and in panic, he pushed his body and the unstable union further, frantically parrying weapons, a few even digging into him as he dashed through the air towards Gilgamesh.

The woman grasping the Sword of Rupture, starting to pull it out as Saber, augmented his muscles further, increasing their speed, Merodach singing through the air, ready to separate her arm from her body.

"Gkh!"

And froze, unable to move his arms and legs.

For out of four portals, glowing links of a certain golden chain flowed. Wrapping around his limbs.

"Got you~" Gilgamesh chirped, the malice disappearing from her visage. "I wasn't certain you'd fall for it, but you walked, or rather flew right into my trap!" the woman giggled, giggled! As Saber strained with gritted teeth against Enkidu.

"It's useless my love," the blonde said with a shake of her head. "With the amount of Divinity coursing through your veins, it'd be easier to lift the world than shatter those chains."

Tiamat had done it! And so—

"You will too?" the King asked with a sad smile, as if it hurt her to see him pained so. "Yes, the Mother of All, did shatter Enkidu once, but, unlike you she was at full power." She floated closer and cupped his cheek. "Give in my love, it is time~"

xxx

With the stars glittering overhead, Kiritsugu on his knees and with blood dripping down the sides of his mouth, could do nothing but watch. Watch as a set of body parts landed on the ground but a few feet from him and gale after gale of wind slammed down and into him as the battle above resumed.

The two monsters in the sky, paying him no heed, clashing against one another, again and again.

"Mwhahaha! Submit to the inevitable, my love! Your resistance is as amusing as it is futile, why do you keep fighting? What greater honor could there be then to receive the King's affection?

"My King, I fear that I must remind you…" Saber growled, managing to stabilize and halt his flight some distance from the smirking gold beauty. The man's fist beginning to warp and transform, scales traveling up the limb while in his other arm, the sword glowed white. The man dived back in against the oldest King. "I'm already married!"

Tha Magus killer, observing, waiting for the end, couldn't help but snort, and then the pain hit, bending over and clutching his gut with one arm, the fingers coming back bloody he crumbled to the ground.

Gritting his teeth and directing his energy, in a futile attempt to stall the bleeding he started to exhale. Only for the sound of rolling thunder to reach him.

He turned his head towards the entrance… and closed his eyes.

So this was how he died, huh?

…Another breath entered his lungs.

Hesitant, he cracked open an eyelid, quickly followed by the other.

Searing white greeted his eyeballs, making him turn and blink away the spots.

So, he didn't become roadkill to his wife's driving. That was something, he supposed.

"Kiri!"

The sound of the car's door slamming open, followed by his wife's hurried steps, made him turn away from the ongoing fight above.

"Kiri, dear, are you okay?"

Well no, he was a bit busy dying.

But, watching the color drain from his wife's already pale face, he did the only thing he could.

He coughed and offered her a wan smile "h-hey, Iri…"

"No-no-no!" the woman shook her head as she sunk to her knees, pressing her hands against his wound, eliciting a pain hissed from him. "Sorry."

"I-it's ok…"

"Guys, come out! I need help!" she cried, making him blink.

Guys?

A chorus of pained groans made him turn towards the car, thankful that Iri remembered to turn off the engine, and thus the lights, in her haste.

Am I hallucinating due to blood-loss? He wondered.

It was a fair question.

For within the car, familiar green tinted faces stared back at him. And a lot more than this model of car could support.

First to tumble out with a groan and faceplant to the dirt was Tokiomi, followed by his daughters landing on his back and driving the air from the man's lungs. Then from the passenger seat, the Sith fell out, with swirls in her eyes clutching Shirou, while from the back, Kayneth and his fiancée, passed out and clutching each other in a death grip also fell out… on top of Tokiomi, his girls having managed to roll to the side.

"Why…"

This was truly a clown car.

Kiritsugu blinked, wait, where was—

The hood from the back of the car flew off, as did the spandex wearing man, soaring through the sky like a drunken comet.

"Freedom!" the man yelled, thrusting his barbed spear towards the sky. "Blergh!" before puking his guts out and promptly landing like an ostrich, with his head buried in the dirt, ass and body swaying in the sky.

So this was his life now, huh?

"Lancer, if you could please, hurry?" Iri asked, worry lacing her tone, her hands pressing tight against him.

The man's only response came in the form of an impotent twitch.

"Iri…why?" he wheezed again and his wife smiled at him, tears threatening to spill from the edges of her eyes.

"Because we're in this together," Iri said and continued pressing against the wound.

Kiritsugu felt like cursing.

"Hmf, I had hoped to kill you myself," a voice said, freezing the blood in Kiritsugu's veins and causing Iri to blink. "But, I suppose, watching helplessly as your wife dies before you will have to do,"

"Eh?"

"Run Iri!" Kiritsugu shouted with a desperate burst of strength, watching as from behind her, a man that should be dead, approached with fast if calm steps. "How are you still alive?" he asked, milking the burst of adrenaline for all it was worth, trying to buy time. Time for either one of the Servants to return to their senses or for Iri to run away.

Unfortunately, Kirei, blood dripping down the side of his mouth and from the gunshots to his chest, saw through it and spread his arms as he came to a stop right behind Iri, the orb in his chest pulsing in an alien cadence, like an eldritch heartbeat as the man grinned down at them.

"A blessing from the Lord for my good service no doubt, now, my friend, time to die," he said, and a sickening pulse of magic emanated from the man, as the fake priest raised his arm and—

"Stay away from my dad!"

Only for all three of them to blink and turn, and stare with various differing levels of befuddlement as Shirou, his body alight with lines of reinforcement soared through the air, arm cocked and aiming towards Kirei.

The priest snorted, and with casual ease, avoided Shirou's punch, grabbing the boy's arm and—

"Arghh!"

Snapping it, before throwing the redhead away.

"Foolish," he said with a sniff.

"Shirou!" Iri let out a panicked shout and tried to rush towards the boy, her motherly instincts overriding her senses for an instant, causing her to forget both their predicament and Kiritsugu's wounds.

Kiriei snorted and, with a slap, sent her flying away as well.

Despite the pain, despite the hands of death carresing his soul, a sublime furry filled Kiritsugu's heart.

"You bastard!" he roared and heedless of the damage and the danger humped to his feet, rushing towards the man. "Hrk!"

"Gooooood~" only for Kirei, to smile at him with glee as he held Kiritsugu aloft with one arm from his throat. A miasma of power coating the Priest's limbs. "That's the expression I wanted to see. And I wasn't aware that you had a son. A recent addition to the family perhaps?" the man asked with a tilt of his head, before shrugging. "Not that it matters, not after tonight."

Kiritsugu tried to struggle. He really did. But the blood-loss and the diminishing air supply in his bloodstream made that a hard preposition.

xxx

Tearing off his own limbs had hurt like a bitch. And yet, what choice did he have? He refused to lose, to fail his Master, and above all, he refused to submit and cuck his wives.

And yet…

He could do nothing but dodge the golden chain's links, firing from portal after portal. Gilgamesh hovering a few meters away and watching him struggle desperately with a delighted smile on her face.

Growling and pushing the union a tad further he fought on, hoping for a break, a miracle, a chance.

But instead, a tiny overextension of his arm, a leg a tad out of place and it was all over.

Chain after chain wrapped all around him. Holding him immobile and helpless in place.

xxx

"Nothing to say? Oh, well." Kirei raised his other arm with a shrug, cocking it backwards and straightening his fingers like a blade.

A shadow rose behind Kirei and Kiritsugu's eyes darted towards it, making the priest frown.

"Yes, die."

"Wh—Ghk!"

Sadly, his lapse of control was enough to turn a killing stroke into a merely deliberating one, the dark arm piercing straight through Kirei's lung instead of his heart.

"You!" the man snarled, dropping Kiritsugu and turning towards his would be killer as the limb retracted.

"Yes, me, master" the woman that'd served as the man's Servant said with a smile, all but spitting the last word as she dropped to her knees, her outline already starting to fade.

For a moment, Kirei's knees wobbled and, as blood poured out of his wounds, Kiritsugu almost dared to believe it was finally enough.

Yet, with a snarl and another surge of miasma the man steadied himself. If barely.

"A foolish attempt. I expected more from one of the fabled Hassans," Kirei said. "But it would seem that you're a failure, even in this."

But despite his harsh word's the woman's smile remained undaunted.

"You misunderstand, master," she said, her mask fading into motes of magic, revealing a heart stopping face behind it.

"What?"

"I was the distraction."

"What?"

"Babyloniaaaaa—"

A roar like clashing steel echoed through the grounds and everyone, from Kirei and Kiritsugu to the still nauseous Servants and Masters turned to see, Shirou, once again flying through the air, his unbroken arm shining with reinforcement.

"That was it?" Kirei, said with a sniff and a pale grin. "Foolishness."

And with the same ease as before reached forth and grasped Shirou's other arm, halting the boy's momentum.

'Crack'

But the boy did not cry, if anything the grin on his face?

"Now you see? There is—"

It seemed to scream 'you fell for it!'

"KIIIIIICKKK!" with all the strength in his young body diverted to his leg, Shirou smashed his foot into Kirei's nads, shattering his bones and the priest's balls.

"Argh!" causing the man's eyes to bulge out and with a silent scream, Kirei fell backwards, Shirou's overpowered kick being enough to push the man's barely hanging body over the edge, the orb in his chest ceasing to spin.

And small tremor run through the ground.

"Whose 'overly muscled' now, bastard?" Assassin asked, making Kiritsugu blink and blink again as Shirou, landing with a pained wince immediately rushed to the disappearing woman's side.

"Nee-san! Nee-san! Are you ok? Please don't go!"

"Heh. You did good kid, you'd have made a good Assassin back in the day," the woman said, planting a hand on his son's hair and ruffling it.

"Nee-chan…"

"Don't cry kid, Assassins don't cry."

With a sniff, Shirou nodded and the woman smiled.

"That's better, make me proud kid," she said and at last her body burst into motes of magic.

What.

Kiritsugu was too old for this shit.

Luckily his time was just about up and thus—

"Sorry for not being able to help." A spear landed in front of him, a spear used more like a stick than the weapon of myth it was, as its still green faced owner used it for support. "But if you want to blame someone, blame your wife," Lancer said, his arm rising up to stop his bulging cheeks.

"Ara?" Iri asked, using the tree she landed against as support and rising to her feet.

Kiritsugu nodded at Lancer. Understandable his gaze seemed to say.

"Now, hold still, I'm not as good at this as my Caster self, so…" and with a shrug, the man removed the butt of his spear from the dirt, swaying on his feet for an instant before pointing it at Kiritsugu's guts and a green glow started emanating from it.

Making him gasp as heat once again flooded through his veins, driving back the cold, inch by inch.

Another tremor racked the earth and Kiritsugu, with practiced ease chose to focus on that, or even the receding pain courtesy of Lancer's magic… and not on the fact that his kind wife's dark giggling scared the bejesus out of him.

At least, poor innocent Shirou had yet to notice, nor had the two young girl's clinging to each of his arms, ostensibly to help him stay upright, but instead glaring at one another.

"Grandchildren~"

Nope, it was surely the blood loss making him imagine things. Yes.

"I have to say, your wife kinda sorta scares me."

Kiritsugu gritted his teeth. "Less talking more healing," he said, its one thing to ignore reality, but to do so when it's in fact, pointed out to you that you're doing so? That's a whole different barrel of fish. And he doubted anyone even could—

"L-Lancer—blegh! Lancer, we've talked about this, you need to overcome that phobia of women you have."

Mechanically, with almost robotic movements in fact, Lancer turned and stared at his green faced Master, before staring back at Kiritsugu with a raised eyebrow. His whole face seeming to scream "See what I'm working with?"

The Magus killer sighed and nodded before pausing.

For from within his wound, the sensation of wrongness remained.

Somewhat diminished, yes, but still…

"Lancer," he said, drawing the man's eyes as from Kiritsugu's left, Mhxa hobbled on usnteady feet towards them, eyes fixed upwards, her arms trying, and failing to lift her sword.

"Ah," the man's grin was as fake as the priest's had been. "You noticed, huh?" he asked and sighed. "This is about the best I can do, holding it at bay, for anything more we need Saber, and he…" Lancer glanced upwards, and with some effort Kiritsugu followed him.

Saber was unlikely to be able to help, wrapped up in chains like the world's most ostentatious pinata…or most eye-watering gift.

"Blegh…"

Kiritsugu blinked and turned his head to the side, catching a mop of black hair on the ground, crawling away from the trunk of the car.

Ah. He'd been wandering where was Waver...

The Magus Killer sighed. Now, all they could was hope and—

A body hit the ground and Kiritsugu turned his head, he knew the sound quite well after so many years.

"Iri!" he shouted, making to get up.

"Settle down you fool!" Only for Lancer's arm to slam into his shoulder, pinning him in place, and Kiritsugu, after warring with himself did just that while Mhxa and Tokiomi rushed…or rather stumbled towards his wife.

"She's breathing," Mhxa said. "Merely unconscious," the girl added and Kiritsugu, gritting his teeth glared at nothing in particular. His eyes fell on the dead form of the priest…the priest whose Servant had just died…

The seal!

So, Saber had been right after all. The Servant's estimate of his capabilities quite accurate. The magical workaround capable of withstanding about two Servants souls before, underneath the weight of Assassin's soul failing at last.

Great, just another thing to deal with…

He sighed and made to close his eyes.

A twitch caught his eyes.

A twitch coming from the priest's dead corpse.

What does it take to kill the man? He wondered incredulously and opened his mouth to warn the others but as he did, a small earthquake shook the ground and then, Kirei's body exploded into a spherical pilar of dark power, the black beam rising upwards, piercing the heavens.

Before fading an instant later, and then as the figure within revealed itself, a corrupting pressure slammed into each and everyone.

"Unforgivable!" the white-haired figure floating in the air, garbed in a plain dress proclaimed, glaring at Kiritsugu, her gaze then moving to the rest of the group, paying no attention to the flying Servants, a dark barrier made of mud snapping into existence and deflecting a small barrage coming from Gilgamesh's treasury.

"We were so close…" the woman half hissed half sobbed, and pierced Kiritsugu with a golden eyed glare. "So close to blessing this world with our love, and yet… and yet." The dark orb floating in the center of the woman's tattooed chest spinned faster. "You took my Kirei-poo from me!"

Kiritsugu ignored the very powerful woman's glare and the weight behind it.

The hate behind it enough to agitate the curse roiling around in his guts.

He twitched.

For he knew not how the evil within the grail had manifested itself, he cared not in fact, not at this moment, for he was quite busy attempting to suppress some horrible ideas his mind conjured.

Cause, according to what Saber had told him at least, Angra Mainyu…

"Teach's thighs!" Lancer chortled, mirth and surprise mixing in equal amounts in his voice as he stared at the floating figure, making the woman blink and flap her wings, angelic on the one side, demonic on the other. "The damn priest managed to tap that? I'll raise a mug on his memory later."

Yes…that, the idea that Kirei laid with all the world's evil. And did such a good job that the being was acting like…like…

"Kirei-poo was such a good man," the floating woman said, a blush on her face as she raised a hand and caressed the orb within her, her barrier continuing to snap into existence just in time to intercept Gilgamesh's attacks. "And so devoted too~ making his best to bring me what I needed to materialize with, or without you sacrifices souls. Ahh~ Kirei~"

Watching the world's evils blush like a schoolgirl…

Kiritsugu first thought was something to the likes of, how do we defeat her?

…No. In truth, his first thought was, Repressing.

But the matter of dealing with the woman remained.

A figure rose from Kiritsugu's right.

xxx

"Oho?" Saber did not like the tone of interest in the woman's voice, nor the smile promising violence as she paused in the midst of pulling out tables, clothes, foods and other stuff necessary for a wedding from her treasury and setting them on the translucent floating platform, with the thin hint of gold, of course.

Instead, focusing past Saber's immobile form, Michael feeling rather like an immobile turkey struggling futilely against the imminent basting, and at the pillar of power rising and making his hair stand on edge.

"The King grows tired of all these interruptions…"

Wrapped in chains and barely able to wiggle. Saber did the only thing he could, using his still free feet, he hopped and spun in place, like the world's most shining bunny, and blinked. And blinked again.

"What the fuck?"

"Language my Queen, no need to be crass," the blonde behind him said, and the sound of her snapping fingers was accompanied by a barrage of swords, spears and other pointy implements rushing forth, intending to skewer the newcomer.

Only for small patches of mud of all things to appear in their path, blocking the attack with ease.

"Oho~ The mongrel has some fight in her? Fufufu~" Gilgamesh's dark chuckle at being denied, made Saber shiver. "Good, I wanted there to be some celebratory bloodshed, and hunting the mutt would be boring. The King had decided that she will make for excellent sport!"

Yet another barrage.

Yet again the white-haired woman ignored Gilgamesh, focused on those below instead.

"Stop hiding behind your barrier coward!" Gilgamesh shouted at last. "Face me!" she shouted and Michael felt like this might be a bad idea.

Apparently, the King did not share his opinion, for a presence slammed into him, one he'd never felt before/been ages since he tasted.

And a golden radiance spread all over, turning the night into day if for a moment, and Saber, struggling, craned his neck backwards and, from the biggest portal yet beheld something that made his heart still.

A gigantic steel curving tip, protruding from the portal, pushing forth, the main body of the enormous greatsword black as tar.

And then Ig-Alima fired, slamming into the floating woman, her barrier of mud spinning into existence as she at last glanced towards them before crumbling like tissue paper underneath the weight of divinity and literal weight both of the behemoth of a sword.

Creating an explosion and flinging what Saber suspected to be Angra far into the forests surrounding the Temple.

"Mwahaha!" Gilgamesh chuckled. "See? That's why you should pay attention to your King—"

A corona of dark power erupting down in the forest below was their only warning, and then an arching beam of darkness slammed into the hovering platform and Gilgamesh, the strength behind it enough to make the fading platform start to topple, the places not destroyed by the beam starting to be eroded by black mud.

"Gkh!"

Michael, jumping away from the dark substance and rubbing new blood into his hands, felt thankful that the beam had at least dispersed Enkidu. And yet…

As the darkness cleared, he saw that Gilgamesh had not, in fact, been blown clear from the attack.

"Hello~"

For the world's evils, the Beast of Retribution had come. And held Gilgamesh up by her neck, the blonde struggling to pry the pale thin arm off, the cute smile on Angra's face contrasting hard with the malice in her golden eyes.

"Do you wanna play too, honey?"

Well, we have her attention, congratz!

xxx

Kiritsugu glanced to the side.

"Iri?"

The woman turned towards him, and yet the soul behind those eyes was not his wife.

"Hasten, subject, we don't have much time," the stranger said.

"Who are you? What did you do to Iri?" he asked as Lancer above him tensed and Mhxa, jumping away from Tokiomi with bulging cheeks and swirling eyes, still raised her sword protectively as she landed in front of Sakura and the kids.

The woman inhabiting his wife's body shook her head.

"There's no time to explain, if you wish to defeat the creature above you—"

A profound shift seemed to come over Iri's face and the aura of cold emanating from her shifting to one of warmth and affection.

"Worry not, dear, your wife is safe and resting, we're merely communicating with you through her, please…listen to the grump!"

The voice faded and the aura of aloof coldness returned while above them a cataclysm took place.

"All of you are what you'd call a magus in these days, yes?" she asked, and Kiritsugu nodded reluctantly, the others pitching in with some sort of agreement, or other. "Hmf! A disappointing bunch, but you will have to do, I've worked with worse tools before," the woman murmured and then gazed upwards and took a deep breath. "Husband! I require your assistance!" she bellowed and Kiritsugu's brows furrowed.

"Husband?" Lancer mouthed to him, about as weary and confused as the Magus Killer.

Unable to do much more, he shrugged.

xxx

Manifesting Merodach and preparing to jump at Gilgamesh's defense, Michael reached for the union again and—

A voice he hadn't heard in an age shouted for him, making him blink in shock and look downwards.

"Husband! Why do you tarry? Hasten to me!" the Queen proclaimed and Michael, took one glance at Gilgamesh, still in Angra's grasp.

He wasn't quite sure what she was planning, but in this situation he trusted her rather more than he did either Gilgamesh or Angra.

Questions as to how she was even here, if within the body of Lady Irisviel were best left for later.

"Buy me some time, will you?" he asked Gilgamesh, drawing the blonde's eyes, the woman managing to squawk in surprise even with her lack of air. And to make certain…

"I…I believe in you…my love," he said and dived downwards.

He could deal with the consequences off fanning the King's affections later.

Xxx

"Good!" the stranger said as Saber slammed in front of her. "Here is what we must do—"

"How," Saber asked, the longing thick in his voice.

"Oh Husband," she said, and Kiritsugu twitched as the woman in Iri's body flashed Saber a loving smile and cupped his cheek. "we don't have time to spare on that, for the evil grows stronger with each passing moment, but, to assuage your curiosity somewhat, it has to do with this woman's nature and you being…you."

Saber, leaning into her touch blinked and looked shocked.

"Me?"

"Yes, dear, your presence in the real world naturally interested us, and with this woman being a conduit we could gaze and hear through her and—"

Saber paled.

"It wasn't my fault! She came on to me!" the man whimpered.

The stranger had a patient smile. "We know and do not blame you for it, Husband, but—" an abrupt shift came over the woman's expression.

"Muu! But I do blame you my priest for not calling more often!"

"Apologies my goddess."

Kiritsugu stared at Lancer.

Lancer stared at Kiritsugu.

They were both just as lost.

Although the voice did remind Kiritsugu of Tokiomi's eldest to some extent.

Flashes of memories and the bits of the past Saber had shared with him rose unbidden.

No…Surely not! There had to be a limit to all this!

"Muu! I hope you're ready to—"

The aloof stranger was back again.

"Enough!" she shouted. "We don't have time for this," she took a calming breath and smiled warmly at Saber. "Husband, how goes your studies in magecraft?"

Saber squirmed.

"Err…I've been busy you see and—"

"Mm, remedial lessons are in order, I see."

"Please no…"

"At any rate, you and the others must make haste and—"

Hearing the woman's proposal, Kiritsugu's expression matched that of Saber. Both of them incredulous, and yet, the idea could work.

The two glanced at one another. And Kiritsugu sighed and nodded, raising his arm.

xxx

Growling, she called upon her oldest friend.

Enkidu, ever loyal flying out of a multitude of portals wrapping around the woman's limbs and throat, making her hiss in discomfort and let go of the King as she was pulled backwards.

Gilgamesh crossed her arms and smirked at the struggling woman.

"Hmf! A good attempt, mongrel," she crowed and portals flashed into existence all around her. "But you will find the King to not be so easy a game," and fired from all directions at her captive.

Her heart fluttering.

For her Queen had at last, acknowledged her as he should!

And she did not intend to disappoint him, planning to do as asked while her Queen plotted and schemed on how to defeat this fool.

Not that there had been a need to worry.

As if hearing her thoughts, the white-haired woman smirked and stopped struggling.

Had she accepted death?

And turned into mud which fell through the links, her treasury's weapons passing through empty air.

The river of mud, flowing, and reforming into the woman a few steps away, before she exploded towards Gilgamesh, the wide eyed King barely managing to raise her arm in front of her chest.

And with a gong like sound flying clear off the platform.

"Gkh!"

She glared as her left arm, hang limply by her side, broken, the armor around it caved in, a miasma of darkness leeching the metal of its luster.

"Mmh~" the woman said, flying towards her with leisurely flaps and an easy smile. "You'll make for a fine toy~ For you're more resilient than I thought!" the woman, coming to a stop in front of her sighed, cupping her own cheek. "Of if only our plan had gone off and Kirei was still with me, what…pleasures we could show you!"

She snarled.

"The King is nobody's toy, mongrel!"

"Oh~ We'll see about that, fufufu~"

Gilgamesh glanced downwards and grew perplexed.

What is he doing… she wondered as down below, her Queen aided by the rest of his group of misfits were busy drawing and curving circles on the ground.

"Mmh~ In fact, why not begin right now? The night is still young after all, and why waste a single moment of it?"

Gilgamesh rocketed backwards, a brilliant aegis falling out of a portal and into the path of a set of writhing tentacles of mud.

"Muu~! I crafted them for love just for you~ Why do you deny them?" the woman asked, flying above the shield and diving towards her.

She gritted her teeth and from a portal, Enkidu flowed, wrapping around her broken arm, twisting and holding it into place, but more importantly, restoring her range of motion.

"Cease your prattling, mongrel!" she roared, slamming her chain coated fist into the woman.

"Kiyaaa!" making her scream in pain and flow backwards.

For even if she could escape her friend's binds, their touch still hurt her.

"That…" in short order, deflecting the barrage of nameless phantasms with ease, she was back again. "That was uncalled for," the woman hissed, eyes narrowed and mud flowing back into the cracks of her face as she regenerated herself. "In fact, I think you deserve a punishment," and with a growl, the incarnated evil rushed towards her again.

Only this time, her speed and the strength behind her blows was an order of magnitude.

Gilgamesh, even with sight half-activated barely managing to avoid the life ending blows.

In fact, if Michael did not help her soon, she would—

"My King!" speak of the dragon.

A smile flitted across her face, but she did not look, did not turn, for all of her senses were focused in staying alive.

"My King!" his distant shout came again. "Hand me the grail!" he ordered, and the woman seeking to kill Gilgamesh blinked confused, her blows wavering for an instant.

And she was confused too.

What was he talking about—

Her ruby eyes widened.

Of course!

And while it wasn't the circumstances she had in mind, it would do.

Not verbally replying to her Queen's shout, she rushed towards the surprised beauty in front of her.

"Oho~? Where a moment prior you were so desperate now you're so determined. Did your love's request really inspire you so? Foolish girl," the creature in the guise of a woman said with a nasty grin as she parried the King's blows. "You can't hope to possibly kill me, and even if you did, my cup is still corrupted so—"

Good. The idiot had started to prattle.

A tiny golden portal formed away from them both, and from it flew a cup, aimed at her Queen.

The woman in front of her twitched and her eyes almost fell out of her skull.

"What, no! How can this be, I'm… I see…" she said, turning narrowing eyes at Gilgamesh and miasma exploded out of the white-haired beauty, and the King, much to her horror realized that the creature had been playing with her still.

"Gkah! Kiyaaa!" and with a few short blows it was all over.

Hoisted in the air by the neck again, her armor gone, bruises all over her body and her limbs broken as hateful golden eyes peered at her.

"Foolish woman, what did you think you could achieve, even if you have a grail, and even if Saber incarnates, what of it? Do you think he can stop me?"

Magic pulsed in the air.

Angra snorted and shook her head.

"Let him, in fact…" an evil glint came over the girl's features as she curled a white lock of hair around one finger. The magic grew potent. "I think I'll keep him, why he'll probably make for better sport than you, ain't I nice? Rejoice oh 'king', for your beloved will find comfort in my arms~"

"He is my Queen!" Gilgamesh managed to rasp.

"Fufufu~ Not for long~"

The sense of prana in the air, reminded the King of the age of the gods.

"And look!" Angra said, eyes fixed on her. "He's incarnating right as we speak! And I've thought of a wonderful gift to celebrate his return amongst the living," Angra's eyes grew cold. "Namely, your head."

The white-haired beauty raised her other arm, flattening it like a blade and a miasma of darkness erupted around the limb.

And Gilgamesh could only watch as death approached, body broken and locked out of her treasury through some art of Angra's.

xxx

Saber's arm snapped upwards, catching the shining cup of legend, and Michael shifted to the center of the carven set of circles. Slapping it in the middle of it.

"Now!" he shouted, and as his summoner, swaying on his feet, supported by Berserker and Lancer, begun chanting, with blood dripping out his mouth, Tokiomi, Kayneth and Waver next to him, Abzu summoned forth his full authority, but did not transform, instead, pushing his energy into the cup and the circles surrounding him.

A pulse akin to a heartbeat encompassed all.

Magic grew thick in the air.

And then even more thick while a brilliant glow erupted from the cup in front of a panting Saber, the man sinking to his knees.

The air grew stifling and then all the circles converged inwards the pressure vanishing and then, with an explosion of power figures stepped forth and the pressure returned magnified.

xxx

Reaching out with an arm and taking a book from his bookself, he turned and made his way back to his study, setting the book on the table and blinking.

"What's this?"

For in the middle of Acht's desk a small heart shaped box rested.

Undoing the ribbons and opening it with curiosity and trepidation, he felt his heart freeze.

A handwritten message accompanied the small magical projector.

"Remember, you know nothing." The message said, and Acht gulped as he watched the horrifying visual titled 'compilation of Jar-jar's best', letting the message tumble to the ground.

xxx

A gigantic arm slammed into Angra, the surprised woman letting go of Gilgamesh.

Not that the King had anything to fear, for a portal not of her own making opened and she fell through it, landing on the ground next to the mongrels she'd been previously hovering over, the last thing she heard before the portal closed being, "Tell me, who do you think this mud you've been using belonged too~" as the owner of the gigantic arm leaned close.

"Aaaargh!" and then, with a surge of power and a scream of agony, Angra vanished.

And Gilgamesh stared.

xxx

Kiritsugu could no do nothing but stare.

Stare as the ancient King landed on the ground, a broken naked mess from a portal created by what seemed for intents and purposes to be a tall beautiful angel.

"Bwahaha! The position suits you, goldie!" while a neigh naked redhead, one that reminded him of Tokiomi's eldest, floating on a ostentatious bow shaped vehicle was busy pointing and laughing at Gilgamesh.

And from the center of where the circle had been, an aloof white-haired beauty gazed at everything around her with a dismissive gaze, her gaze only softening as it landed on a spent Saber by her feet.

"What's she doing here…" Mhxa asked by Kiritsugu's side, her grip on his arm growing painfully tight for a moment. Coincidentally drawing the woman's gaze.

"Ah. Sister, no mater the form or universe, still the same, I see," the beauty said with a sniff and Mhxa growled.

But Kiritutsugu cared little for Mhxa's woes.

For above them all, stood a gigantic woman, clad in only some strategically placed thin dark stips as enormous horns curved from the sides of and towards the back of her head, the woman, and her enormous arm, apparently the reason for Angra's death.

The enormous white-haired beauty shook her arm for a few seconds and then begun to shrink.

Continuing to do so until she was only, oh about ten feet tall.

And then proceeded to immediately scoop up Saber in her arms, mushing the man in her breasts.

"Aaaaa!"

"I've missed you!"

He blinked, for the woman's voice was simultaneously incoherent and yet he could understand her.

"Hi, honey," Saber's muffled voice said. "I've missed you too," the man said.

"Medb's waterslide!" Lancer said, from Kiritsugu's left. "Pops had a harem! And full of fine beauties at that! No wonder he liked kissing the Hag!"

"Lancer…" Gilgamesh started with a pained growl, but then.

"Saena." Saber said, turning his head from what could only be the Mother of all Life's breasts and gazing at the silent, tall beautiful woman, the angel flowing closer.

They stared at one another, communicating in a way that Kiritsugu with his last seal spent empowering Saber no longer could.

The angel nodded and turned towards Kiritsugu.

…or rather, he got the impression the being wasn't looking at him extactly.

The beauty spread her many wings and a portal formed underneath Lancer.

"Oi! Oi! What the—" the surprised man promptly falling downwards, only the push of invisible fingers catching and steadying Kiritsugu ensuring he didn't follow him.

xxx

Lancer groaned, standing up and rubbing his head.

The hell was that for?

Taking in his surroundings he blinked. For darkened soil spread out under his feet, with dark ominous trees surrounding him and up above, the roiling dark clouds spelt nothing good.

"Where the hell am I—" he mumbled and then sniffed. And sniffed again, for the concentration of magic in the air rather reminded him of—

Please no…

"Ara~"

A familiar voice sounded out behind him. A familiar female voice.

Lancer whimpered as he turned.

"Ara~ara~ the wayward pupil has returned, did you at last remember your poor old and feeble teacher and decided to return and keep her company?" the red eyed devil with the body of a goddess asked, twirling her spear.

He liked to joke that she was a hag.

"Teach…there's nothing old, or feeble about you," he said. "Besides your personality. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be leaving." he spun around and prepared to make a mad dash, and hopefully find a way out of this hellhole! "Places to be, Masters to help and all that, you know how it is."

A hand landed on his shoulder.

"Ara? Leaving so soon? But the nice angel said you'd stay for a few weeks more? Weeks where we…ahh~" the erotic moan in Scathach's voice sounded wrong. "Where we can…mhh~" she was rubbing her thighs, wasn't she. "We can revisit your ~training~"

Lancer whimpered again, knowing his fate was sealed. For even if some would say that he was a battle hungry maniac, and they'd be right, when compared to Scathach? He was a pacifist.

xxx

[Mutt silenced] the angel's eldritch voice slammed into all of their ears, making Kiritsugu wince.

"W-what? What did you do to Lancer!" Kayneth shouted and Saber snorted.

"Don't worry he's both alive and safe…err relatively."

"What do you mean?"

"As I said, don't worry, he'll be back," Michael said and already his voice was sounding far off. The curse resuming its spread without Lancer's healing touch. "Saena here just sent on him on a vacation trip."

"Vacation?" Kayneth hissed. "To where?"

"The Land of Shadows."

"Ah…"

Kiritsugu sent a prayer for the poor man.

"Dear?"

"Aaa?"

"Yes, honey?"

"My Master, if you'd be so kind?" Saber asked and with a smile and a nod, the gigantic woman waved her arm and a wave of mud drenched Kiritsugu in water.

Mhxa jumping away in time as he sputtered and stood on his feet.

"The hell, Saber…"he said with a blink and noticed that both his wounds and the festering curse were gone.

A second wave crushed into Shirou.

Seeing that he no longed needed her, Mhxa picked herself up with a growl from the ground to his right and stomped towards the aloof beauty.

"Morgan!"

"Ara~ Isn't it wonderful, Kiri?" his wife said from his left, clapping her hands, eyes shining. "We managed to survive after all and I get to meet the voices I've been hearing!"

Kiritsugu worked his mouth, but a reply refused to come out.

Watching this carnival taking place in front of him.

He sighed and with a nod came to a decision.

His arm flashed into his coat and withdrew something silver.

"KIRI!" Iri's panicked scream caused heads to turn as his wife stretched a desperate hand.

But he did not stop, with his other arm, he pulled the stopper off of Acht's gift and throwing back his head chugged down the contents of the ever-full whiskey flask.

"Oh…I thought it was a gun…" Iri murmured from the side, tone sheepish.

He did not stop.

For if he had to face this carnival his life was turning into, he wouldn't do it sober damn it!

The End.

---

People always keep forgetting about everyone's favorite priest.

And he might be dead, but, he did tap that evil booty, and more importantly, he tapped so good as to turn the world's evils into a lovestruck waifu.

Look to yourself, look back at the priest and weep knowing that none of us can ever be as cool as Kirei.
"Crow's Claw - Light and Darkness" guitar riff intensifies.

That aside, yeah, Kiritsugu is in for a rough couple of years :xD

Also, that one Shirou line? The All Might homage? That single fucking line is something like close to half the reason this fic ended up this big.

For you see, once I had the bright idea and wanted to put that in, I had to somehow make it fit, justify it. For even if this is but a silly fic we're still serious writers here-pfft! Yeah-ahem anyway. And that single idea/decision resulted in a lot of extra words and work for me...

So kids, take this free advise from an old idiot. Delineate the scope of your fic clearly and don't start throwing in extra "wouldn't it be cool-" ideas all the time.

I mean, sure, I like the result, but due to adding a lot of extra stuff it balooned way out of its scope. So, learn from my mistakes.

Anyway, Yuha out.

Ja ne!