Battle of the Drunks: Idea for short given by G-Man 2.0 on FF dot net
Characters Featured:
Mamoru Takamura(Hajime no Ippo)
Kimura Tatsuya(Hajime no Ippo)
Aoki Masaru(Hajime no Ippo)
Aqua(Konosuba)
Bender(Futurama)
Rick Sanchez(Rick and Morty)
Homer Simpson(Simpsons)
Barney Gumbel(Simpsons)
Moe Szyslak(Simpsons)
Himeno (Chainsaw Man)
Power (Chainsaw Man)
Thor(Marvel)(Ultimate Avengers Cartoon Movies)
Peter Griffin (Family Guy)
Denji (Chainsaw Man)
Qrow Branwen(RWBY)
Denji and Power were walking before Power saw a place called Moe's Tavern.
"Moe's Tavern? What kind of an establishment is this?" Power asked looking at the pictures and the people inside.
Denji, not even giving the place a look before Power said something, looked over to see what the pink-haired fiend was talking about.
"Oh. It's a bar. They sell alcohol here." Denji said.
Power sees the promotional poster about some sort of contest. "A contest? I am going to enter this contest! And crush every single mortal that enters as well!"
"Why not? We've got nothing else better to do." Denji said before entering the bar behind Power.
One of the patrons with an eyepatch turned around. This was Himeno, a fellow Devil Hunter with Denji and Power.
"Denji? Power? Nice to see you two here." Himeno said, beer in hand.
"Hey, well aren't you a sight for sore eyes." A man with grayish black, spikey hair, faded red eyes and a slight stubble along his jawline wearing a grey dress shirt and tattered cloak. This was Qrow Branwen, the Uncle of two of the young huntresses of Remnant Yang Xiao Long and Ruby(honorary in her case).
Qrow started to drink more beer from his mug again.
"I don't even know you human." Power said.
"What? No, no, I'm not talking about you." He said, waving nonchalantly as someone entered behind them. A man with flowing blonde hair wearing a black coat over a sleeveless black armor plate, a large belt and blue pants. This was the thunder god himself from Asgard(or at least one of several Asgards throughout the multiverse), Thor.
"If it isn't goldilocks." Qrow said.
"Hmm, have we met? I don't seem to have a recollection of who you are." Thor said before going to the bar tender.
"Yeah, I'm sure we have." Qrow said, even though they actually didn't.
"Excuse me." Thor said, trying to get the attention of the bartender Moe Szyslak.
"How ya doin'?" Moe says to Thor.
"I saw from outside that you're hosting a drinking contest. I would like to enter." Thor said.
"Oh yeah, sure thing." Moe said. "What's your name?" He asked.
"Thor Odinson of Asgard."
"Heh, Asgard." Peter Griffin said, laughing a little.
"All right!" One of three people that entered said. This was Mamoru Takamura the current Middleweight boxing champion of Japan back in his version of Earth. The two people beside him were Aoki Masaru and Kimura Tatsuya, two fellow boxers and friends of his that all go to the Kamogawa Gym. Though they were in lightweight and junior lightweight weight classes respectively.
"Free beeeeer!" A robot said, walking in. This was Bender.
"Hey, I'm here for the free beer." He said, going to the bartender.
"Huh? Oh, you mean the sign outside. What's your name?" Moe asked.
"Bender. Now when am I gonna get my free beer?" Bender asked.
"You get it if you win the drinking contest." Moe answered.
"Oh. Well that's easy. If this is my competition then this'll be no problem. Free beer here I come!" Bender said.
"Don't think you've won anything. I will win this competition!" Power said.
"Yeah I call bullsh*t on that." Rick Sanchez said.
"Now, now, everyone has a fair chance of winning. Everyone except me." Takamura said.
"Here he goes again." Kimura said to Aoki.
"And why's that ya wannabe Elvis?" Peter said to Takamura, referring to his hair.
"Easy! You guys got a zero percent chance of winning while I got a hundred percent!" Takamura boomed.
"Oh yeah, well then why don't we settle this!" Homer said.
"I couldn't agree more!" Takamura said.
"Yes! The time for battle has come!" Thor said.
"Hey, what do ya think you're doing, you're not gonna fight in here are you?" Aoki asked.
"Of course not you idiot! We're gonna settle this by doing the thing we came here for!" Takamura said.
"Yeah! All right, hit us with the first rounds already!" Bender said to Moe.
"Not without me you're not!" A voice said. She had light blue hairthat was waist-long and partially tied into a loop with a spherical clip and wore a sleeveless dark-blue feather dress with white trimmings, an extremely short dark blue miniskirt, a green bow around her chest with a blue gem in the middle, and thigh-high blue heeled boots.
"Yeah, and just who the hell are you supposed to be?" Power asked.
"I'm Aqua! A goddess of water!" Aqua declared proudly.
"Ah! A fellow god! Come and join us in our competition!" Thor said.
"Fellow god? Who are you?" Aqua asked.
"Thor Odinson! God of Thunder! I am from Asgard!" Thor said proudly.
"Hmm…. I don't think I've ever heard of Asgard. You must be someone from another world." Aqua concluded.
"All right, let's get this competition started." Moe said, handing mugs to Takamura, Aqua and everyone else that didn't have one.
"Drink up everyone! Last one standing wins!" Moe said, pouring beer into all of their mugs.
"And that will be me!" Power said.
"Over my cold, shiny metal a*s!" Bender said.
"This might be a while." Denji thought before seeing Aqua. "Although, I wouldn't mind her sticking around for a bit."
"This time the glory's mine!" Kimura said, as he gulped down the beer, which only caused Takamura laughed.
"What's so funny?" Kimura said.
"It's just…." Takamura said before drinking more beer. "You thinking you can beat me."
"Just 'cause you're a boxing champ doesn't mean that's gonna carry over to everything else!" Aoki said, drinking.
"Wait, you're a boxing champ? How come I never heard of you?" Peter said, drinking. "You from some different country or something?"
"Yeah. I'm the middleweight champion of Japan!" Takamura said proudly.
"A boxing champion? I can respect your triumphs. It is too bad they won't help you here." Thor said. "Another!" He said, asking for more beer.
"Wow, so this guy's a boxing champion huh? And he's just drinking like any other booze chugger. Never thought I'd be in the same room with someone like him." Denji thought.
"You may be a champion but I'm sure your stats are nothing compared to mine." Aqua said, before drinking another full cup of beer.
"Who knew that a *urp* champion would be here chugging beer." Rick said, already on his 7th mug of beer. "But hey, if a couple of gods can just come here and not give a sh*t and just drink, then why not."
"Another! I demand another drink!" Power said.
"Yeah, I've been down on my luck when it comes to women. And the ones that I do get it just doesn't last long." Kimura said to Barney.
"Hey don't get too down on yourself. You could be me, 40 and still single." Barney said.
"Yeah, I'm sure lots of women would love dating a boxer. Well, at least for the money." Peter said.
"I mean yeah that's true but…." Kimura said before drinking more.
"ANOTHER!" Thor and Power said simultaneously in the background.
"….I'd love to be with someone that just sees me as more than just some boxer. I gotta admit that I'm not exactly the best boxer in the world. Especially not compared to the big guy or Ippo." Kimura said.
"Meh, romance is over- *urp*rated anyways. It's not the end of the world every woman you date to want to go further than that." Rick said.
"Goddess or not I'm not losin' to you!" Takamura said to Aqua.
"Being a goddess is exactly why I'll win!" Aqua replied.
"Foolish! I'll be the one that wins!" Power said.
"So I hear- *hic* you're looking for romance." Himeno said to Kimura.
"Huh?" Kimura said, confused before she kissed him.
"Word of advice, I wouldn't-" Denji started, but it was too late.
"YEAH! I could do this all day!" Takamura boasted.
"So could I! Even though I've got to go to work tomorrow! WOOO!" Homer said.
Takamura looked over and saw Himeno leaning on Kimura. A mischievous grin appeared on his face. He walked past Bender who was getting ready to chug down another mug worth of beer before playfully nudging Kimura.
"Ah, so I see you're takin' the time to get to know the ladies huh Kimura? I'm jealous!" Takamura said.
"Yeah. Looks like you're the last man standing pal." Aoki said.
"Ah whatever." Takamura said, dismissing Aoki's comments with a wave. "Romance isn't everything anyways."
"Yeah, tell that to Dr. Yamaguchi." Kimura joked.
"Dr. Yamaguchi, there's no need to worry about her. It's just you and me. Just like in the ring." Himeno said, too drunk to even realize what he actually meant by that.
"Heh heh. Yeah." Kimura said before leaning in for another kiss only to be hit with vomit from both her and Aqua.
"I tried to warn you. Was too late." Denji said.
"Alright, I think that's about enough for you two. You're out!" Moe said.
"What? But I can't lose! I'm a goddess!" Aqua said before crying. "Please, give me another chance!"
"Sorry, rules are rules." Moe said.
Seeing Aqua cry only made Power laugh.
"Look at you! A goddess! Crying!" Power said.
"Why do you have to be so mean! It's not funny!" Aqua said, still crying.
"But it is! It's hilarious!" Power said before her drink fell in her laughter and Kimura himself proceeded to vomit all over her which also caused her to do so as well.
"Gross man." Denji said.
"Ha! That's what you get for laughing at me!" Aqua said to Power.
"It's too bad none of you have a tough body like mine!" Takamura said before his glass broke. "What?" Although that wasn't the worst of it. Eventually, he would have to leave too and with the help of Aoki, was able to release the effects of drinking all of that alcohol outside with Rick not being too far behind him. Peter fell to the ground after asking for another drink mid-refill and so did Homer and Barney.
In the end, only Thor, Bender and Qrow were left.
"So it is only us three now." Thor said.
"Yep." Qrow said. "Though I think I kinda had something to do with that." He said, referring to his Misfortune semblance.
"Looks like we're out of extra mugs. You lose your mug, you're out."
"I am ready for another, my friend!" Thor said.
The drinking lasted for several more minutes until Thor and Qrow would both be eliminated, with Qrow accidentally hitting his hand against Thor's mug, shattering it and Qrow himself dropping his own.
"Like I said, can't seem to turn it off. Not even on myself at times." Qrow said, shrugging.
"Ha ha! It looks like I win! Gods! Humans! Demons! It doesn't matter! Bender wins!" The robot said triumphantly before he dropped his glass too during his celebration.
"Free lifetime supply of beer as promised." Moe Szyslak said, giving him said voucher.
"BEEEEEERR!" Bender shouted triumphantly only for the voucher to get blown away by wind. Another product of Qrow's misfortune.
"Wait. No come back!" Bender said, running after it.
"Yeah, I think it's time I take my leave." Qrow said, knowing it was his fault the voucher flew away.
Thor, before leaving, finished with a long, extended burp.
"A great match. Now I must depart." Thor said before flying off.
A/N: And Bender is the winner!
Fun Fact, adding Power in here was a mistake. I think I saw her as a suggestion in a review somewhere and just started writing her in here unconsciously. Until I realized that that wasn't a character that was suggested for this short or a character I proposed adding myself. Instead of erasing it, I just went with it.