CW for: body horror. text in complete bold is either FP talking backwards, or the Noise speaking Spanish (backward text is uncomfortable to read, and using Google Translate is unreliable). here's two funny fun facts for you: I called Fake Peppino "Pepper", both because I found it cute and because it's easier to write than Fake Peppino every time, simply because I had forgotten that Pepperman was a character. oopsie! and, literally after I finished this draft, I found out that the Nosie is canonically Mexican! I thought he was Bri*ish this entire time. I don't go into the spaces of the things I like if I can help it, but Twitter fucking sucks. at least it showed me that one titbit of information
started: 4/5/2023
he didn't like the yellow one.
the first real time he'd looked over anyone other than his clone had been outside of the collapsed tower. red ball, tiny hat, the yellow one, orange stick, gnome man, clone - his attention had snapped right back to the yellow one, and the burning hatred that coursed its way through his chest was instantaneous. for the longest time, he could never fathom as to why.
the red ball was proud, but avoided eye contact with him at any and all costs. the tiny hat sweated more in his presence, often cowering under his brim. gnome man was over-polite and far too nice for his own good. his clone was panicky, but seemed cool with him being around, even if he caused the clone a few heart attacks with his drop in's. he knew that they were all scared of him, but he didn't mind.
however, the yellow one was loud. the yellow one was flashy. the yellow one was obnoxious. chatty, narcissistic, rude. the yellow one reminded him of the tall triangle, which only made him hate the yellow one more. and unlike the others, the yellow one wasn't scared of him in the slightest. at least he wasn't slimy like the tall triangle, nor did he reek of disgusting, old pizza grease and acidic, moldy pizza sauce. in fact, he would say that the only nice thing about the yellow one was his scent, and even that was a 50 / 50 - he would either smell like rhubarb, or stink of smoke.
he despised the yellow one. many a time had he considered asking his clone if he could eat the yellow one, just so his chest would stop twisting whenever the yellow one graced their shop (his clone said that he couldn't, since, apparently, eating and dismembering people was "a crime" and "a pretty fucked up thing to do". it almost made him wish he was back in the tower). it was a miracle he had held himself back for so long.
their first meeting was at least an exciting one.
the yellow one, smoking in their back alley. him, on his rounds of taking trash bags to the trash cans ("no, you can't eat the trash. that's gross." so many rules).
he walked his way over to the yellow one, the stench of smoke growing heavier and heavier. he tapped the yellow ones shoulder, who hummed, turning to face him. with a cold stare, he ripped the bag open, and wordlessly tipped the contents over the yellow ones head. discarded dough, fish bones, chocolate wrappers, bits and pieces of toppings, as well as the odd apple core, were dumped on to the yellow ones head, his suit very quickly dimming into a disgusting brown.
there was a moment where neither party did anything. smoke continued to flutter into the air, as he let his arms fall, tilting his head to the side. he'd half expected the yellow one to run for the hills in terror, since he'd basically "attacked" him first, but the yellow one had quite the opposite reaction.
his teeth and hands grew sharp, mouth foaming. his pupils shrunk to pinpricks. his hat and whiskers stood on their ends, and like a startled cat, his back and cape curved into a ) shape. the cigarette fell from the yellow ones claws, forgotten, as he glared into his eyes without fear.
with little warning, the yellow one was on him, teeth sunken deep into his arm, hands mercilessly clawing at any body part he could reach. not expecting such an attack, he could do nothing more than let out a shocked shriek, leaning as far away as he could. he rebounded by hardening his skin, but that didn't stop the yellow ones assault, only making him double his efforts. he wrapped an arm around the yellow ones body, trying in vein to tug him off, but he held fast, snarling and growling, the contents of the trash dripping off the yellow one and on to him, staining his white apron a shitty grey. he had half a mind to morph into a monster and swallow the yellow one whole, his temper getting shorter and shorter the harder the yellow one bit down.
'what the FUCK is going on out here?!' he heard his clone all but demand from the door, which finally seemed to snap the yellow one out of his blood fuelled rage. at least, enough out of it to respond to his clone. the yellow one still clung to him like a lifeline, claws caught in his hip, and it was only his clones presence that had stopped him from sprouting limbs to rip the little rat apart.
'GET YOUR FUCKING DOG ON A LEASH, ITALIAN' the yellow one boomed, pointing a hooked finger at him, who was still trying to get the yellow one off his person. 'NOW I 'AVE TO GO HOME AND SHOWER! I GOT A FUCKIN' SHOW IN TEN MINUTES!'
'funny! funny! was funny!' he squeaked, as he finally managed to dislodge the yellow one from his skin. he none too kindly chucked the yellow one down the alley, who was sent flying with a howl. he landed on his back, skidded across the pavement for three whole seconds, then rebounded onto his feet, as if nothing had happened, eyes red and foam still forming around his mouth. 'funny prank! go away! go away!'
'why are you even smoking here?! piss off!' with nothing else to add, the yellow one flipped them off, and stormed away. once he was sure the yellow one was gone, he checked over his arm, his clone joining him at his side. with a huff, he bloated out the bitten skin, and when it sunk down, the puncture wounds and scratch marks were gone. he hummed, satisfied. 'you're, uh. cleaning this up. by the way.' his clone said as he motioned toward the trash scattered up and down the alley, seeming uncomfortable. the clone hurried back to the shop before he could say anything.
each encounter with the yellow one was much the same as the first. no matter how big he made himself, or how sharp he got his teeth, or how many limbs he thrust out of himself, the yellow one never grew afraid. he never backed down, or cowered away, instead meeting him head on with just as much animalistic rage as him. only once had blood been drawn, back in their early days, and even that had done little to scare the yellow one away. if anything, it had made him angrier.
so, no. he wasn't much fond of the yellow one. his clone wasn't, either. no one really liked him, other than the pink bunny. he couldn't understand why his clone didn't let him eat the yellow one. it wasn't like anyone would miss him.
he was baking. he had been entrusted with looking after the shop, his clone, the gnome man, and the rat all going out somewhere. he'd wanted to stay behind, so now, he was baking. what was he baking? he doesn't know. he had mixed dough and sugar together, adding chocolate chips and caramel sauce to a separate bowl, just winging it. he was about to pop the mixture into the pre-heated oven when he heard the bell jingle from the front entrance of the shop.
'oi Italian, I forgot something here! it's for the Missus!' ugh, the yellow one. why was he here? he was sure his friends had put the sign on "closed". 'think it was her ring - not sure why she even lost her ring here, but- CHEESUS CRUST' he jumped at the yellow ones sudden shout, head shooting up to glare at him. the yellow one stared back, though not with anger, but shock. 'YOUR FUCKING ARM!' blinking, he lowered his gaze to his arm, and- oh.
he'd left it in the oven. when he pulled it out, it was charred black, skin flaking off in chunks that turned to dust the second they hit the marble floor. the kitchen smelt of freshly burnt dough and a tinge of rotten flesh.
the funny thing about his body was that he couldn't really feel pain. sometimes there was a stinging sensation, other times there was a numbness, but mostly it was a flat nothingness. he tilted his head, tapping the limb curiously, which made the arm pop off with a wretched snap. as soon as it hit the floor, it shattered into a line of dark crumbs, leaving behind a burnt, haphazardly cut off stump.
silence befell the shop. he blinked, not at all surprised by the event - it hadn't been the first time he'd accidentally cooked a part of himself via his bad memory. the yellow one, however, didn't share the same sentiment. for the first time since he'd known him, the yellow one was expressing pure, genuine fear, his ears pinned flat to his head. he leapt clean over the counter, pupils pinpricks and cape furled, as he rushed to his side, hands awkwardly hovering over the stump, like he wanted to help, but had no idea how to.
'WHAT THE FUCK, WHY DID YOU LEAVE YOUR ARM IN THERE YOU DUMBASS?!' the yellow one bellowed, hopping from foot to foot in hysteria. this left him confused, because why was the yellow one so scared? shouldn't something like this bring him sadistic joy? 'oh my god it's just gone, you-you cooked your fucking arm off! why would you even let something like this happen?! you-'
he tapped the yellow ones head, who looked close to tears. he made sure he had the yellow ones attention, as he took his fisted hand to his stump, where he began to scrub at it. quickly, the charred flesh was rubbed away, a sickly brown colour taking its place, and with a hum, he grabbed at the stump, and pulled. with little fanfare, the flesh of the stump was tugged into a brand new arm, with the fingers, thumb, and elbow all in tact. it was a perfect replica to replace the botched baking job.
he stared at the yellow one, hoping his grin didn't come off as smug. the yellow one stared at the new limb. his eyes flitted, from the new limb, to the charred line, back to the new limb, then back to the darkened floor, before he let out a long, loud sigh. the yellow one slumped forward, hands braced on his knees, everything else - his ears, whiskers, and cape - all relaxing with him, as he heaved in great sighs of relief.
'oh, my god, you dipshit, I thought you'd, cooked, your own arm off, like permanently, I forgot, you're like, magic and shit.' with a manic laugh, the yellow one waved off his anxiety, and bounced right back to his cocky, arrogant self. 'way to give a guy a heart attack! I swear you do that shit on purpose, now 'ave you seen a ring anywhere? small, gold, got little rocks in the top?' the sudden shift in mood was startling. he ran a blank at it, because why had the yellow one been so. so scared? concerned? worried? the yellow ones emotions had felt the same to when his clone was scared that he'd messed up an order, or when the gnome man was scared that the rat was sick.
too stunned to think, he pointed to the "lost and found" box that sat pretty in the kitchens corner. with a sharp grin, the yellow one shouted a 'thanks!' before hopping away. he dug for all of two seconds, leaving behind a little mess of hats and gloves, before leaving through the backdoor without another word.
he couldn't even find it in himself to be mad at the yellow one for leaving behind the mess, his mind reeling at what had just happened. it was only when smoke clouded his vision did he remember that the oven existed, his little mix of ingredients beginning to burn.