Author's Note: I'm just trying to make myself write things. If I have an idea, I write it down, then force myself to make something of it. Its' good for me, probably, right? Anyway, another one-shot inspired by more Discord conversation. Enjoy or don't. I cannot stop you either way. But perhaps leave a review if you did enjoy. Or even if you didn't. I'm not picky.
It began months ago, but it began as nothing more than a cough. And then came the chest pain, the flushed cheeks, and fevers. When Estella had pulled her handkerchief away from her mouth to see the red spatters of blood, she knew she would not have much longer.
There was nothing the healers could do about the consumption. There was no cure. All there was to do was wait.
Estella would not have long to wait, it seemed. The fever and ever oppressive fatigue weighed her down, forced her eyes closed when she would have had them remain open. She longed for more time, more time with her husband, her children.
She knew she was dying when during her brief periods of wakefulness, Merry and the children all surrounded her. But always there were only six. Where was Theodoc? Where was her eldest?
One afternoon she woke suddenly, looking about the room and finding only Perry was with her. He was at her side the moment he saw she was awake, clasping her hand in his, kneeling by the bedside, worry etched in his face.
"Perry," Estella whispered, the chest pain preventing anything more.
"I'm here, Mama."
It had only been the briefest moment, and still the desire to close her eyes and slip back into sleep pulled at Estella. She was fading. But not yet. For there were still things to be said, and there was someone she had yet to say goodbye to.
"Promise you'll look after Rory," she said. "And Wynnie."
Perry's head nodded and he kissed her knuckles. "Dad and I will take good care of them."
A wave of urgency overwhelmed Estella then and her eyes shot back open. With every bit of remaining energy, she pushed herself upright, sitting up for the first time in days. Did Perry still not understand? After all these years, all the trips to lands of the big folk and the endless stories? After Elanor wrote to tell them all that Sam had gone to the Havens in search of his master? Merry could not look after the youngest of their brood. He would have business to attend to in far off places.
"You promise me, Periadoc. I must hear it from you. Wyn… will need…" she had not the strength to finish and could only cough then.
Perry rubbed her back gently and held the handkerchief to her mouth, helping her lay down again once the coughing fit was through. She slept once again, though uneasily.
The air was cold but the sun shone brightly on Buckland. Merry felt it was wrong. What reason did the sun have for shining on a day like today? A day when the light of his life lay wasting away, fevered and weak in her bed? But he had not made his way outdoors to feel slighted by the boldness of the cheerful sun. He had come to watch.
Merry watched and waited the from the top of Buck Hill, looking over toward the East Road in hopes he would see Theo coming back, coming home to say goodbye. There was no sign of him. Only the bright winter sun gleaming on the dead world of winter.
Word had been sent to where Theo said he would be, but still he had not come. He had sent no letter. And the worry in Merry's heart grew.
He would be devastated if Estella died while he was away, Merry knew. He was more than half convinced Estella still lived only because she had not seen Theo. But she could not hold on for much longer. She was weak and worn. She was dying.
Rosie had died. His wife was dying. Diamond was very sick. How had it come upon them all at once? How had the beautiful, wonderful, whole and happy lives the three of them had built all come crashing down, nearly all at once?
Well, no, thought Merry. They haven't toppled or ended. All of us have our children, our legacy still standing.
But their wives were what rooted their hearts in the Shire. Once they were gone, there was nothing left to hold them. Merry's eyes turned West, toward the Shire, toward the far away road that led to a quiet harbor he had no wish to see again. His road, and Pippin's, lay to the East. How sad that the four of us shall not be buried in our homeland.
"Dad!" He heard a strong, sure voice carry up the hill. Renewed hope filled him, and he turned, his eyes frantically searching for the owner of that voice. He saw him then, on the path to the Master's smial: Theodoc. He was making his way slowly, crutches and braces helping him along as always, Theo going out of his way to choose a more difficult path to his destination, as always.
Quickly as he was able, Merry went to meet his eldest son. The joy and levity Theo greeted him with let Merry know that no letter had been received. Word had not reached him. But it mattered little, for he was here now.
"Where have you been?" demanded Merry, embracing Theo before he could answer.
"To the Blue Mountains! One of my braces needed repairs and that couldn't be done in Bree so-" Merry's somber face cut him off. "What's happened?"
"Mama's been ill. It won't be long."
Theo's face fell then. "Let me see her."
When they entered the room where Estella lay, the others all looked on in amazement and gladness that their brother had at last arrived.
With some effort, they woke Estella, and when her eyes fell on Theo she smiled. "Home again, my lad," she softly said, reaching to tousle his curls as she had always done. Theo bent low to allow the affectionate gesture that he had never quite outgrown.
Tearful embraces were shared with brothers and sisters while Merry attempted to get Estella to drink. She refused his offers.
"The dying are not thirsty," she told him.
Merry nodded, taking a steadying breath to keep himself collected. Now that she had seen Theo, she was ready, so he too must prepare himself.
The next day, quiet words were exchanged with each of the children when she could muster the will to wake. Merry overheard her telling Perry again and again,
"You must promise me, you must."
Perry gently assured her that he would carry out her wish. At last, she asked for Merry, and he was there at her side, holding her hand. There were no more words to be exchanged between them. They had said their goodbyes many times when the children had all left the room to seek their own rest. Still, though her eyes were closed and her voice barely discernible, Estella whispered to him,
"I love you."
He would not hear it again and his heart hurt to know it. Still, as he always did, he told her in return, "I love you more."
Even in her sickness, a smile graced her face. "I know." She slipped into sleep once more and did not wake again. Merry felt the tethers of his heart cut loose.