Caitlyn was a fucking enigma.
To Vi at least. Maybe it was all in her head. Would put it past her. Caitlyn made direct eye contact. Never held words in her mouth and chewed, or spat them through her teeth. Perhaps the openness made her more confusing than the silent mysterious types. Perhaps Vi was a little to fucked in the head to recognise normal human interactions.
And it continued. Through their weird little companionship, then friendship , then finally settled to a comfortable simmer in the strange tolerance they had now. 'Girlfriend' was too explicit. Made Vi's hands tremble at the thought of it, and Vi never trembled.
"You alright?" Caitlyn would ask and mean it. And every possible response would catch in Vi's throat like some kind of ugly, mental noose. So she'd snort, throw her hands up and out, tell Caitlyn how cute her ass looked in the pants she wore and promptly be done with it. Because, no matter how genuine Caitlyn sounded, a voice always told her she was taking a risk. Showing a wound to a wild animal and daring it to bite again.
Softness was stupid and feeling were stupid and any semblance of nicety left in the world was stupid. Vi is muscle. Vi is violence. Those ugly, gritty bits of the world all chewed up and spat out and stomped on for good measure. Can't wrap a gun in gift wrap and pretend it's not a weapon.
"This alright?"
And yet Caitlyn still tried.
Fuck.
Vi blinked at the ceiling. Tried to muster up a facial expression, think of a comment, tell a fucking joke, anything to distract from the way Caitlyn's hand had stilled under her shirt.
"Pfft yeah."
Caitlyn removed her hand anyway. Let the shirt fumble back against Vi's stomach as she placed her small hands on Vi's hips instead. Alternated between pushing her thumbs against the waistband of her boxers and rubbing circles into the bones of her clothed hips.
Vi was on her back, sprawled on the bed, while Caitlyn straddled her.
Vi dared to push, wanted an escape from this sickly little waiting game, so she put both hands on Caitlyn's shoulders and pulled her into a kiss. Placed one hand on the back of Caitlyn's head and used the other to grope her ass and thigh. Delighting in the way Caitlyn ground down on her.
Caitlyn pulled away too soon. Tutted like Vi was some child to be scolded, but her grin gave away the fun she was having. She moved those graceful hips, grinding them down before stilling entirely. Barely giving Vi a moment to punch sappy thoughts into submission before biting her lip. In that way.
Vi stilled under her. Almost pathetic . Definitely desperate. Wanted to swallow those sappy feelings whole but they'd slide back up, burn in her chest. She didn't deserve them, not after everything. And yet they grew and grew until Vi was convinced she'd collapse from the inside like a building with weak foundations.
"Think you could try holding me down?" Vi blurted before something sappy slipped loose. Let the question hang in the air, weighted and sticky, tar building in her lungs. She deserved punishment. Needed it. Would wilt without it solidifying in her ugly roots.
Caitlyn's face seemed to twist. A cocktail of interested and disturbed. No judgment, of course. It made Vi want to scream.
"You want me to hold you down? You'd like that?"
Conversation after conversation. It never just was. Vi loved and hated it. Wanted to drown in Caitlyn's attention and yet beat her feelings into submission.
Caitlyn interrupted her thoughts with one raised hand. Slow and soft and close. Brought it up to her face and stroked her cheek. Gentle and lovely. Vi could feel herself breaking down. Falling into parts she thought were unfixable, tarnished beyond repair. And Caitlyn knew this. Waltzed into her life like some kind of craftsman, a glorified mechanic. Picking her up and dusting her off. Digging until the damage was exposed to the open air. And Vi couldn't, wouldn't-
"I asked you a question."
That tone. That voice. Vi exhaled and her mind was quiet. An empty street, thoughts scattered like pedestrians after gunfire. Vi stroked her face again. The over hand teasing over her thigh. So close yet so far.
"Yes," she breathed, clear and ready for the first time in a horribly long while.
Caitlyn made eye contact. Surveyed for something deep within that even Vi herself couldn't pinpoint. Come to a conclusion quickly. Nodding once. Sharp.
"Colors?"
Vi repeated them. Shaky with excitement or arousal or anticipation. Green, go. Yellow, wait. Red, stop. Caitlyn made her repeat them again as she dipped her head. Kissing into Vi's neck. Sucking with just enough pressure to make her squirm. Probably got off on the power trip.
Then, Caitlyn's small hands reached down. Seized the wrist that still sat still on her thigh with one, then grabbed the other. A painstaking pace. She pulled both hands up and over Vi's head and pinned them. Not biting or punishing. A soft restraint that Vi could easily escape.
"Like this?" Caitlyn said. Feigning ignorance. Acting as if she couldn't read Vi, clear as day.
"Harder."
"What was that?"
Of course she'd ask. Could balance banter and seriousness with ease.
"Please."
Caitlyn squeezed. Transferred Vi's wrists to one hand and used the other to slip behind her. Maneuvered her boxers down. Touching. Finding the mark. Alternating between circling her clit and fingering her open.
A part of Vi wanted more. Needed more. Didn't deserve this gentle restraint. Didn't deserve those soft hands. This isn't Vi. Vi is-
"Sexy."
The words struck her like a bullet to the chest. Unable to crack a joke over her bleeding out over the bedsheets.
"Huh?"
"You're sexy like this."
And Vi wanted to cry. Wanted to scream. Wanted to cum.
She settled for falling apart under Caitlyn's hand. Just for now. Allowing those gentle touches to push her. Rattle her brain in her skull. Have her falling hard yet landing on soft pillows and softer lips.
Caitlyn continued kissing her. Moved her hips in time with her fingers. Still kept Vi pinned under her mercy until she came with a spluttered sob. Guided her through it before rolling off and landing on her back beside Vi.
"Want me t'help you out?" Vi said after she recovered. Glancing down. Pretending her eyes went teary.
"No, I'm alright."
Caitlyn didn't allow Vi to wallow in whatever guilty thoughts her mind was about to conjure. Kissed her and shut them up. Pinning her again in a way that wasn't sexual. A play fight.
"Didn't realise you were a bit kinky."
"Oh, fuck off-" Vi's obscenities were drowned out by Caitlyn's laughter. Light and airy, a gust of wind blowing away those doubtful thoughts and leaving Vi enveloped in her.