Chapter 1: Never Should Have Come Here
'Crime isn't something you merely do, it's a state of mind. Now, what does that mean exactly? Who knows and who cares. Stop reading some dumb book you fucking nerd and go out there and steal something!" -Excerpt from Introduction, Teyvat's Guide to Crime & Mayhem.
One moment you're listening to a podcast and doing some homework, the next you're rolling around the floor in burning, blistering waves of pain. Now, that could just be something as mundane as period pangs, which might've be reasonable if it wasn't for the fact that I'm male. Maybe my dream of having a sudden gender change had been achieved somehow.
"Uh, Stellio? You good? That potion do something funky?" A falsely concerned voice called out as I stared blankly at the icy ceiling of a small cavern.
As the remnants of the pain left my body, I noticed three things: that I was no longer in my room, was surrounded by two guys in suspiciously familiar outfits and the fact that I too was wearing one of these outfits. Oh, and that my name is suddenly Stellio. But you see, I have this super cool skill that I've been raising all my life, which I liked to call 'going with the flow', and mama didn't raise someone slow on the uptake.
"Honestly man, no clue what the fuck that was. Did I drink that?" I responded back in a raspy voice that revealed a slightly damaged throat.
Memories started flashing through me and it took everything I had to keep myself from showing any reactions on my face. I was in the world of Teyvat, the universe from that one gacha game I play on my lunch break. Not only that, I was a goddamn Treasure Hoarder. Seriously? I couldn't be thrown into the body of one of the gacha characters? That blows. There goes my dream of being a cute anime girl.
A young blond man with a white shirt and brown khakis – Edgar – suddenly grabbed my arm and helped me up with surprising strength for his skinny arms.
"Haha, I guess you don't remember?" He said almost smugly before turning around, "Boss?"
Another man standing back with a face and body filled with scars – Atlas – spoke up, "It was one of the test potions left by the Harbringer Dottore, nobody wanted to drink it except for you – who drank it all in one go."
Mhm, sounds like something I would do. Guess this Stellio dude must have been one of the great intellectuals of this time. Was Stellio dead now or was he now struggling to comprehend what a laptop was in my room on Earth? Good luck Stelly! Don't forget to format the sources! But why was this group's first thought to have someone drink a suspicious potion rather than take it back with them and test it elsewhere?
"Let's get moving," Atlas said with an impatient tone, "Spade already took his group back and Dirk got a head start on carrying the loot."
"Come on Stellio," Edgar slapped the side of a dirty wheelbarrow filled with crates.
My memories told me what to do and I moved over to him. We both took one arm each of the wheelbarrow and pulled it forwards to the only exit in this frozen cavern with Atlas in front of us. I took this as a moment to recollect my memories.
This was a facility in Dragonspine, because of course it was, just my luck to spawn in the most dangerous place in Mondstadt. Dottore left the facility a month ago, but nobody really wanted to go in until they were really, really sure he was gone. From what little documents I peeked at, he was mostly trying to extract the properties of Durin's blood to a range of uses, from explosives to genetic modification of humans to survive low temperatures.
The crates we carried contained these research notes as well as materials and generally anything that wasn't nailed down to this place. They would be sold mostly to other Treasure Hoarders, as it mostly worked. Eventually they'd reach the hands of alchemy hobbyists, researchers or shadow departments of the Knights. Ironically, sometimes they'd be sold back to the Fatui under the guise of new research.
"-Ellio? Stellio?" Edgar's annoying voice brought me back.
"Yeah?" I replied, snapping out of autopilot and feeling my arms burn from the effort of pulling the wheelbarrow.
"Did that potion actually do anything other than make you scream like a Lawrence?"
"Ah fuck off," I waved him off, "It did something to my head though, I'm gonna take a break after this one."
"You still have that debt," Atlas jumped in as the passage starting to get brighter, "You'll take a break when you're dead."
By Barbatos, this Stellio dude left me WITH DEBT. He's out there on Earth drinking my smoothie watching ghost hunter shows and I'm here working in the dirt, what kind of karma is this? My worst crime was using adblockers.
"Sucks to be you," Edgar muttered over some coughs as we finally made it outside.
Once out, all of three of us immediately tensed. Edgar and Atlas warily edged forward but I stayed rooted in place. Tents, tables and crates surrounded the area, almost giving off the vibe of a small settlement. Except that a small settlement wouldn't have fifteen or so people face-flat on the floor in various states of disarray and pools of blood. Daggers of a uniform shape stuck out from their bodies and littered the camp.
"What happened to everyone?" Atlas whispered, breaking the silence to state the obvious.
It wasn't like I was sticking around to find out, so I darted off immediately, but Atlas grabbed my arm as soon as I tried and glared at me.
"I can be bait!" I protested.
"You still have two years of work left in you, son," Atlas replied, before suddenly letting go and jerking backwards to avoid a dagger that shot past his head with a whizz.
"Edgar!" I shouted and turned around, only to see his figure dashing away into the distance.
What a great idea, I snapped back to my original plan and dashed off into a random direction too, leaving a yelling Atlas behind.
"Come on out, coward!" I heard him last shouting to the assailant as I dived into a snowstorm without a care.
It was freezing, but it would be biting cold for any trackers too on top of erasing my footprints. In any case, I was well-dressed for the cold, wielding a comfy purple coat bought from a merchant branch of Liyue Treasure Hoarders. As I considered my options, I decided to burrow myself into the snow instead of taking the risk of stumbling around into the hands of whoever this was. Carving out a small grove in the snow, I waited until the storm covered up the burrow hole and I ended up inside an underground (undersnow?) bunker.
From Stellio's memories, he had no knowledge on how to evade or escape hunters, or anything really, so it would be better to hide than to lay false trails. Thankfully, Treasure Hoarders have a reputation of being notoriously slippery, so there was a good chance that nobody would pursue anyway. It also meant that he'd get the full story once he found the other members of the crew that ran away like Edgar.
For now, he'd lay low. Stellio's memories didn't paint the picture of an athletic runner anyway. The dude was a treasure trove of alchemy knowledge, but nothing else. He often forgot who Barbatos even was, but his alchemy did come in handy. From one of his unusually large pockets, I withdrew today's saving brew, one called Wyrmrest Potion. Despite the impressive name, it was just made from Wolfhook pulp with small amounts of dissolved Scarlet Quartz.
I took a sip and felt a hot, almost painful, energy rush through me like lava and I shuddered, feeling my underclothes stick to my skin with sweat. Overall, it wasn't too bad. Back in the days, people just inhaled raw Scarlet Quartz dust and poisoned themselves to survive the cold. Then someone with an IQ above 10 diluted it with Wolfhook, eventually adding in the bones of a fish called Snowstrider and other binding solvents.
It struck me as odd that I looked down on everyone with pompous distaste when it came to alchemy, but that must have been Stellio's original personality leaking through. At least if Stellio did actually make it to Earth, at least he'd have my memories to help him through it. The anti-cold nature of this potion reminded me of Dottore's research, but as a long-time fan of the game, I long theorized that the Scarlet Quartz are remnants of Durin's power that combined with the leylines.
In any case, I could stay here for a few hours before getting hungry. I had at least thirty more Wyrmrest Potions that could last me for a few more days in this weather. I unfortunately left my backpack back at the camp, so I needed to make double-time on getting down this mountain.