A/N: Title comes from Patiently Waiting by TrineATX. Please give it a listen. I hope you all enjoy.
Oscar didn't intend to kiss Ruby. Not now, not ever. It isn't that he doesn't love her. He does. More than he has words for. Even with the Oz collective increasing his vocabulary he doesn't have enough words. But the merge has progressed so much. He doesn't have much time left, and he has less every day.
When Ruby, Jaune, and the others were presumed dead, he was pushed to lead what remained of their little faction. Because, like it or not, he was Oz. Because, like it or not, Oscar had led them before. He didn't like any of it. But they needed him, so he had stepped up to the challenge. And that meant using magic even if it sped the merge along. That meant drawing on memories of leaders from before Ozpin was born. It meant accelerating the merge.
It also meant suppressing his grief and sorrow. Putting on a brave face for his friends. So he pretended his heart wasn't splitting down the middle at Ruby's loss, and ignored any sympathetic looks Ren shot his wat.. He pretended to no longer be afraid of the merge, even if the wizard in his head knew better.
So when Ruby had shown up with the others, looking as beautiful as the day he'd lost her, he hadn't known what to say. He wasn't the Oscar she'd left. Not really. Not anymore. But the crack that had been in his heart for over a year had started to seal up, ever so slightly. Ruby had lunged at him in a hug, just as Ren and Nora dogpiled Jaune with affection. He'd hugged her back, a touch awkwardly. Ruby was back! Ruby was alive! She seemed to collect herself and pulled back, a mile-wide smile on her face. "We're back!" she'd said. Oscar's heart had started to race. Oscar Pine loves Ruby Rose. He's regretted not telling her everyday since he lost her, and now she's back. He can tell her! But he can't. He'll be gone soon, lost in the merge. And he can't be okay with losing his heart, if his heart belongs to someone else.
So Oscar avoids her as best he can. He declines her offers to team up on missions despite wanting so desperately to fight alongside her. He politely turns her down when she asks him if he'd like to join her in checking out one of Shade's bakeries. She seems disappointed each time he turns her down, and the crack that had started to heal over starts to splinter back open in his heart seeing the hurt in her eyes. But if he lets his heart open, he'll start being afraid again. And that's not something he can do.
But today, tonight, it all came to a head, and all his justifications and excuses came crashing down. "Do you hate me now?" Ruby asks, eyes red and cheeks stained from crying. "Do you blame me for what happened in Atlas?"
"What?! No!" Oscar cries. "Ruby, I could never hate you! And that wasn't your fault!
"Then why are you avoiding me?" she asks, voice containing a mixture of hurt and anger. "Ever since we got back you've been avoiding me, Oscar and I don't understand why!" She's crying now, and Oscar hates himself for it. How can he explain?
"Ruby I..." Oscar starts. He rests his hand on her shoulders. He's a little taller now, so this causes her to meet him eye to eye. "I'm sorry. It's just been hard since you fell, and now that you're back... there's so much I want to say, but that I can't. Not now. The merge is almost up and-"
"The merge?" Ruby says, confused. "What does that have to do-"
"I'll be gone soon," Oscar says. "And I don't want to burden you with how I feel, if I'm not-"
They're already so close together that Ruby doesn't have to try very hard to push her lips to his, cutting off his justifications and excuses. Oscar is surprised, but he could have pulled back. But he doesn't. Ruby's arms go around him, and his go around her and the kiss deepens. And like this, he feels like Oscar again. Not Oz. Not another soldier in the war against an unending, undying opponent. Just Oscar. Just a normal boy in love with a normal girl.
The kiss ends when they eventually need to breathe. Oscar realizes that he wants to kiss Ruby again. But if she kisses him again, that means the first time wasn't a mistake. That means even now with the merge almost complete, she still sees him as Oscar. If she kisses him again, he's not sure he can keep pretending that he's okay with losing himself. But she does anyway and Oscar stops pretending.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed. Please feel free to leave feedback.