Dad
It was the simplest of words but it had been the word he had longed to hear.
He was still walking on air, and it had been two days.
Two brutally long days.
He had to confront the elephant in the room and he was dreading it, but he had to face it head on.
He had far too much to lose and this case was really starting to fuck with his head. The fear that had been building in his gut to since he learned Sam had once followed him. The sheer level of panic that had hit him when Sam appeared from out of nowhere when he had gone to pick up Mack and just how close she had come to seeing Mack or worse yet, Mack seeing her.
She had followed him at least once, whose to say she wouldn't do it again.
It was a risk he wouldn't take.
He wanted this case to be over, he regretted even offering to go under, he never once thought he'd still be at it two months later.
Thankfully he could see the softest hint of light at the end of the tunnel and it was why he had to do the one thing he'd been dreading.
He needed to go deeper under cover.
It meant he would actually spend his time at the UC apartment he rented and painstakingly furnished with finds from consignment shops. He would no longer show up at the 21st, nor would he work a case with them.
His main focus would be bringing down the Becks. He would have the occasional rendezvous with Atwater and Torres, they would continue to offer him assistance in whatever way he needed. They were his lifeline so to speak, they'd keep him from having to cross any lines and allow him to remain true to his moral compass.
Adam had finished up any outstanding paperwork he had, and filled out all the required paperwork in order to keep his UC profile active and squared away, including setting up new bank accounts for his paycheck to be deposited to, made sure to keep his CPD paycheck separate from what he earned while working for Richard. He needed to make sure everything looked legit as he made his final push to bring the Becks down.
He pushed the any thought of the Becks out of his mind, he had the next two days to spend with his girls and he would not allow himself to think of them and what was to come.
It had taken a bit of a miracle but he managed to get Kim off the 'on call' list without giving up to much info on their current relationship status. They had yet to tell anyone they had reconciled and decided to give their romantic relationship another go, they hadn't even told Mack.
Though both Kim and Adam suspected that Kevin had noticed the change in them but he hadn't said anything. They were playing it close to the vest for a variety of reasons but none bigger than their desire to do it right this time and also maintain a level of professionalism at work.
"All set?" Kim asked when she found Adam at his desk, he had his face buried in a file and didn't even flinch at the sound of her voice thankfully they were the only ones in the room so she ran her hand across his back, "hey..Adam, you okay?" She let her fingers dance across the little hairs at the nape of his neck.
Adam cleared his throat, "Yeah. Sorry, just going over some of the Beck financials." He was hoping to find something to tip him off to what Richard had planned.
"Anything?" Kim heard footsteps and immediately removed her hand, instantly missing the feeling of his hair beneath her fingers, though it was a bit too short for her liking.
"Nothing." Adam sighed heavily, "but I'm done." He closed the file, "I don't want to think about the Becks at all." He had fed Sam a story about his 'baby mama' making his life difficult and he needed to get away for a bit. He would be out of pocket on a much needed boys trip.
"Yo, Ruz?" Atwater called out to him, "Torres and I are hitting up Molly's you in?" He knew Kim was a no go, she rarely went out for drinks with them, he understood her reasoning.
"Nah." Adam shook his head, "I'm gonna take it easy tonight."
"Tomorrow?" Kevin asked, "C'mon bro. You're going all in on the Becks. We need to grab a couple beers before you go. It could be weeks before you're done."
Kim was almost certain she saw Adam flinch a bit at Kevin's words, "I'll see to it he hangs out with you tomorrow night, Kev." She flashed him a smile, "Mack and I have a girls night planned for tomorrow. Adam's not going to ruin it for us."
"Wow. I'm feeling the love Kim." Adam teased.
"Right. Right. Well, I will see you then. I'mma go grab Torres and see if we can't catch a few honeys at Mollys."
Mack was immersed in the television when they got home, Kim went in first and Adam hung back a bit. It had been two days since he had seen Mack and Kim wanted him to surprise her and Kim regretted it the second she saw the look of disappointment on Mack's face.
"Hey kiddo." Kim kissed the top of her head.
"Hi Mom." Mack looked up at her, "where's dad?"
Kim would never tire of hearing Mack call Adam dad, it was the sweetest sound.
"I'm here!" Adam called out to her and she jumped from the couch and raced into his open arms, as they hugged Kim paid the babysitter.
"They're too cute" the sitter Alexa said she watched the reunion, "I'll see you Monday, yeah?"
"Please." Kim replied, "Adam won't be available for the foreseeable future, so I will definitely need you a bit more. Will that work?"
"Absolutely." Alexa had become their favorite sitter, she was a bit younger than they usually used but came from a family of police officers, had a good head on her shoulders and Mack adored her.
"Thank you so much!" Kim gave her some cash and walked her out.
"I missed you dad!" Mack seemed to use the word 'dad' at every opportunity, it was precious. "are you all done with work?"
Adam led her to the couch and they both sat down, she squeezed herself into his side and rested her head on his chest, "Oh bumblebee you have no idea how much I needed to see you." He wrapped his arm around her, holding her close to his heart. The heart that she owned and carried in the palm of her hands,"I am all yours for the weekend but your mom and I need to talk to you in a bit."
Mack looked up at him, "what about?"
Kim had returned and joined them on the couch, "A few things." Kim chimed in, "The first being about your dad and I."
Makayla looked between them, "Okay?"
"Your dad and I.."Kim looked at Adam over Makayla's head, the look she saw in his eyes took her breath away and she stuttered a bit before speaking, "..well…"
"You're in love. I already know that." Makayla told her.
"Wait..what? Why..how?" Adam was flabbergasted, "why do you say that?"
Makayla rolled her eyes, "duh…everyone knows. Your my mom" she pointed at Kim, "your my dad" she pointed at Adam, "so you're in love. Plus, I saw you kissing the other night. I had to pee and you and mommy were on the couch, I heard you talking so I went to see and you kissed. Like the way they kiss in the movies. It was kind of gross so I ran away. I didn't want to watch that. Gross." She pretended to vomit and rolled her eyes.
Kim and Adam both laughed, "Okay, how do you feel about it?"
"It's cool. I mean as long as you don't kiss all the time." Makayla shuddered at the thought.
"Good." Adam replied, he had been a bit nervous to tell her, "Mommy and I aren't going to tell anyone else though. Not yet anyway."
Kim interrupted him, "Hey you said everyone knows…what do you mean? Why do you say that?"
"They do because we are a family. We all love each other that's how. Remember love is what makes a family, not just biology. You taught me that when Jacob Preston said you weren't really my mom because you weren't a biological mom." The kid had the memory of an elephant and excellent recall, Kim was sure it would bite them in the ass one day.
"Exactly!" Kim exhaled a bit relieved, she wasn't quite ready to tell the rest of the world that she and Adam were back together.
"We have to talk about something else." Adam wasn't looking forward to this one, "you know I've been working a lot."
"Yeah, it's the worst." Mack sighed, "I will miss you too much dad."
"Same kiddo, same." Adam was just as disappointed as she was, "I have the next two days off and I am going to spend them here. With you and mom."
"For real?" Mack asked her eyes wide with excitement.
"For real. Mom won't be called in either. It will be just us three." Adam explained, "but starting Monday I will have to stay away for work." He could see her face fall and her eyes fill with tears. Those big brown eyes would be the death of him, all she had to do was bat those eyelashes and he'd be putty in her hands. He feared her teenage years. "I hate it too, more than you know."
"How long? I'll miss you so much daddy!" She threw her arms around him and burst into tears.
He felt like the biggest asshole, "I'm so sorry." He whispered into her hair, he could feel Kim's hand on his shoulder and he to had tears in his eyes, "I hope it won't be too long, but I can't promise you that. Just know that I will be working so hard to come home to you and to mom."
"Why do you have to go? Can't you still stay here? Mommy does." Makayla was reeling a bit, and it came out as a whine, not that either one of her parents would blame her. In fact Kim had done her share of whining when she and Adam were discussing it.
"It's not the same sweetheart." Kim offered, "Daddy is working undercover. You remember what that means right?"
Mack wiped her eyes, "Yeah."she sniveled a bit, "he's pretending, so he can catch the bad guys doing bad guy things."
"Right."Kim was proud of her for remembering, "and in order for daddy to do that he needs to be away from his real life."
"Why?" Mack asked.
"It's for safety," Adam told her, "The bad guys can't know I'm a police officer and they can't know about my family. You and mom. It's to keep you and mom safe."
"Who will keep you safe?" Makayla asked.
"That's easy. You and your mom will. Just knowing that you are here waiting for me will help to keep me safe. Uncle Kevin too. You remember Dante right?" Adam asked her.
"I do."
"He and Kevin will check in with me, they will be helping me. Their job is to help keep me safe." Adam could see Kim wiping her eyes.
This was killing him.
Makayla took a deep breath and seemed to cheer up a bit, "well Uncle Kevin is the best cop, he's the strongest too. I think it's good that Uncle Kevin will help you. He can beat up all the bad guys. He is super strong, dad. I think he's the strongest guy I know."
Adam laughed, "Good to know."
Makayla was quick to reassure her dad "Oh you're strong too daddy, just not as strong as Uncle Kevin." Makayla quickly added. "I'm not happy you have to go away though."
"I'm not either. It sucks."
"Totally sucks." Mack added.
Kim stepped in, "Okay, no more work talk. It's family weekend! We are going to spend the next few days having fun together just the three of us. How does that sound?"
"Fun!" Makayla jumped up and down, a genuine smile on her face.
They watched as she scampered off to her bedroom to change into pajamas and grab her favorite stuffed animals.
"You okay?" Kim leaned into him.
He stole a quick kiss, "yeah..no, not really. This fucking sucks." He moved his hands to her face, "I don't want to leave you, we finally got our shit together and I've got to leave."
Kim hated it as well but she wasn't about to let it ruin the weekend, she stood on her toes and kissed him, gently at first only to suddenly feel overwhelmed by need.
They were oblivious to the fact the Makayla had returned from her room, "Ewww…that's gross, stop it!" She finally got through to them and they pulled away from each other, their cheeks flushed and their hearts racing.
"Can you not kiss anymore?" Makayla asked.
"How about we don't kiss in front of you?" Adam asked her, "cause I like kissing your mom."
It had been a fun night, they had pizza for dinner and had far too much ice cream for dessert. They played board games and hide and seek, they danced and laughed until their sides hurt. It was around midnight when they finally settled down for a movie and a family sleepover in the living room.
While both Adam and Kim would've preferred Mack to sleep in her room, that way they could have some privacy, they both knew Makayla needed time with Adam. Truth be told Adam probably needed it a little more than she did.
Mack didn't last long she was asleep thirty minutes in to the movie, Kim and Adam let it play as they lay together watching their daughter sleep between them.
"She's a bit of a cock block, isn't she?" Adam whispered, "It's killing me lying this close to you and I can't touch you the way I want too. The way I need to." He voice was low and the frustration he was feeling was evident.
"Adam…" Kim groaned, "Tomorrow night, she sleeps in her bed and you in mine." She pulled herself up to rest on her elbows and reached over Mack to kiss him.
He quickly slammed on the brakes, "Whoa, you can not do that to me. Not with our kid right here…" he leaned in for one last quick kiss.
"Sorry." Kim whispered as she move to lay back down, "you know, its still surreal that we have a kid, that we are together again. Can we talk about the whole 'Dad' thing? I think she's used that word a million times since the morning she first used it."
Adam laughed, "It's nuts, I'm still pinching myself, I can't believe it." He turned on his side to face her, "I've wanted this for so long."
"Me too." Kim admitted. "I hate that I was too afraid to admit it. It's more than just the ptsd Adam, I've been scared for a long time."
Adam moved to sit up, his back resting against the couch, "What do you mean?" Though he had his own suspicions he wanted to let her talk. They had finally mastered the art of communication, it had taken them a decade but they finally made it.
"Our first engagement. When I gave the ring back." She explained, "I did it because I was afraid you'd do it, that you'd leave. It was a combination of my own insecurities and listening to someone who had their own twisted agenda. I was young and stupid, I never expected to find what I found with you, and I figured it was just a matter of time before you left me." She got up and stepped over Mack to sit beside Adam.
Adam sighed, "I didn't fight for you, not really. Not like I should have. I just thought you finally realized you deserved better than me."
"Young and stupid. Both of us, huh?" Kim asked.
"One thing that never changed was my love for you. That never stopped. I needed you in my life, I wanted it all but if I could only be your friend, I was going to be the best friend I could."
"You were Adam, you were the one constant in my life. You were always my person, and as the years went on, I was too afraid to try for more. I wanted more with you but couldn't risk losing you. Then we got pregnant, I was scared. It wasn't just my heart on the line, then we lost the baby and I was angry. I hated myself for losing our baby."
"Wasn't your fault.' Adam held her hand in his, "you saved a life that day, I hate that we lost our baby but I never blamed you. It wasn't your fault."
Kim leaned back against his chest, relishing the feeling of his arms wrapped around her, how she missed being in his arms, "I know. Then we found Mack, and she became my purpose. I thought keeping you at arm's length was protecting her, but it was protecting me."
"I get it." He whispered.
"Then I was hurt, the custody case, Mack being kidnapped, it was just one trauma after the other. I couldn't bring myself to let you be more than a friend. I didn't want to let myself see how important you were becoming to Makayla, to me. You were the one we both could count on, to depend on. You were always there for us, you expected nothing in return. I was afraid you'd meet someone else, someone who didn't have the baggage I had. I had a kid, I was an emotional wreck." She turned to look him on the eye
Adam silenced her with a sweet kiss, "Don't you get it? You're it for me. You and Mack are my family, my everything."
"I know. I'm so happy you waited for me." Kim told him.
"I'd wait forever for you Darlin', I'm glad it didn't take that though. Had I known therapy would get the ball rolling, I'd have pushed for it years ago." He teased.
"We should probably send her a gift basket." Kim teased she heard Adam's soft chuckle, "not to totally change the subject but can we talk about Mack calling you dad, how'd that feel?"
"I swear my heart stopped, I was in absolute shock. Had she mentioned anything to you? I mean you looked as shocked as I was but it seemed to come out of nowhere." He glanced down at their sleeping daughter, "to circle back to the gift basket, what kind of gift basket should one send to the person who helped you get laid?" He ignored her eye roll, "here have some flowers, cause of you we fucked?" He shrugged his shoulders, "Seems weird, but if you insist."
Kim acted as she didn't hear his joke and brought the conversation back to Makayla calling him dad.
"Out of nowhere?" She looked at him, "Adam, it wasn't really out of nowhere. You have been her dad from almost the day we found her. You stepped up the minute I asked you to be her guardian if anything happened to me. The second I was injured you became her protector, her caregiver, you were there for her. You held her when she was scared, you were her dad. She felt safe with you, she knew you loved her. I think she's thought of you are her dad for over a year now, I think she just needed to build up the courage to finally call you dad. I think that's why it was so casual, 'okay dad', she didn't want to make a big deal out of it."
"It's my favorite." Adam smiled, "I could cry when I think about it."
"It's the best isn't it?" Kim asked him, "you know I bet we could sneak away for a bit. She's out cold, she won't wake up."
"Yeah?" Adam asked her.
"Yeah." Kim pulled him up from the couch and they made their way down the hall.
"Yours or mine?" Adam asked quickly between kisses.
"Mine…" Kim said, "…I mean ours.'
Saturday had been a full day of fun, they got up early and jumped in the car and drove without any destination in mind choosing to just see where they ended up. They didn't feel comfortable going to any of the tourist attractions in Chicago in fear they'd run into the Becks. Sure it was highly unlikely but it wasn't a risk Adam would take.
They found a quaint little town a few hours away and had lunch and found an adorable park and watched as Mack played, Adam joined her in games of tag and climbing on the play structures. Kim and Adam watched as Mack played with a group of girls, they left the park and had ice cream. They hit Main Street and went in all the shops much to Adam's chagrin and bought way more than they should have.
It was quite literally a perfect day.
Adam was a little sad to leave Kim and Mack but did finally head out to join Kevin and Dante for a few beers.
"Well, shit. Look who finally showed up." Dante clapped Adam on the back, "I didn't think you'd show."
Adam laughed, "Almost didn't. Company at home is far superior to my current company." He motioned to the bartender for three beers. "I'm not in it for the long haul boys, just two beers and I'm out."
"Eager to get home?" Kevin asked.
"Yeah. I've got what's left of tonight and then tomorrow and who knows how long I'll be gone." Adam sighed, his shoulders slumped and his body language left Kevin feeling a bit uneasy.
"You good?"
Adam sighed, "Yeah. Just sucks, you know."
Dante felt a little out of place, he could see Adam was struggling with the weight of it all and was perceptive enough to know Adam needed to unload and gave them some privacy, "I see a buddy of mine, good luck Ruz if I don't see you before you leave."
"Thanks, man." Adam shook his offered hand.
"Was it something I said?" Adam asked Kevin.
"Nah, man. Ocean just sensed you needed to talk." Kevin could see it in Adam's eyes, "what's up?"
Adam picked at the label on the bottle, "Every thing is finally coming together for us." He started to talk, "Kim and I, man. We finally figured it out."
"What?" Kevin's voice was higher than it typically was and it was a bit comical, "are you kidding me right now? Don't play with my emotions, bro."
Adam laughed, "It's amazing, I went to therapy with her and we talked and it just…" Adam smiled at the memory of that night, "…let's just say it was a beautiful night, then Mack.." he began to tear up, "…I'm headed out for work, Mack questions where I'm going, I tell her it's work, she tells me it's the weekend, just normal conversation. She hugs me and then as she walks away she said, 'okay dad'. She called me dad, Kev."
"Ah, that's beautiful." Kevin pulled him up and into a hug, lifting him off the ground, "I'm so happy for you, and Kim. Mack too. No one deserves this more than you and Burgess."
"Yeah, and now I gotta leave them." Adam sighed, "I love this job, Kev. But fuck I'm hating it right now, I know I need to go. I do. It just sucks."
"Let's solve this case then, do the work and come home to your girls." Kevin said, "You're a damn good cop, Adam. You've got this bro."
"I know. I'm a little scared though."
"Scared? Of what?" Kevin questioned him, "Something pop off?"
Adam shrugged his shoulders, "I'm sure it's nothing , just me over analyzing shit. But Sam she followed me, when I first started she said she followed me. Matter fact she showed up at the cafe I was supposed to pick Mack up at, had she been a few minutes later she'd of seen me with Mack."
"Okay. Well, sounds like a smart move for you to go all in. Trust the process. Trust your gut." Kevin grabbed him by the shoulder, "You're a damn good cop, you'll get the job done. You're motivated."
"Yeah." Adam's head bobbed up and down, "I need you to keep and eye on them? Will you do that for me? I need to know they're safe."
"You don't need to ask, Adam. I've got them."
"Thanks brother."
Monday morning came way to fast for their liking, they had an amazing weekend. As busy and fun filled as Saturday was, Sunday was the opposite. They stayed home and lounged around the house all day.
They door dashed lunch and dinner, which had Makayla over the moon. They never door dashed and it was something Mack was itching to do. They watched movies and took naps, they didn't need to do anything special they just needed to be together.
Bedtime was pretty emotional for Mack and Adam both, she really struggled and cried her eyes out and was terrified that Adam would get hurt. Once she started crying so did Kim and then it wasn't long before Adam was in tears as well.
Makayla finally calmed down, once they assured her that Uncle Kevin would still be helping her daddy and would help him to stay as safe as possible.
It wasn't much better for Kim, as the hours slipped away the harder it was for Kim. They took their time loving each other, neither one of them wanted to sleep.
Adam wanted to be up and out of the house before sunrise, he wanted to leave while Mack was still asleep, it was going to be hard as hell to leave Kim as it was. He didn't think he could leave if Makayla was up as well.
He was up before his alarm, and showered and dressed before Kim awoke. He watched her sleep and fought the temptation to climb back into bed with her.
"Baby…" Adam kissed her cheek lightly, "Wake up." He kissed her cheek again and again, he was playing with fire but he didn't care, he needed this.
"No…" Kim almost whined, "I don't want to wake up."
"I know." He didn't want to either, he wasn't sure when he fell asleep but he wished he was still sleeping, at least then he wouldn't be leaving her.
"I hate this. " Kim sat on her knees and wrapped her arms around Adam's neck, "I don't want you to go."
"I don't what to go. I will never volunteer to go under again." Adam laughed, "It sounds weird to say that, I've loved this part of the job. Not now."
"Not when we finally have it all." Kim was fighting tears, it was a fight she wasn't winning, "please be careful."
"I will be." Adam kissed her.
He felt the phone vibrate in his back pocket, "fuck." He groaned, "I gotta go."
He pressed his forehead against her's, "I can't wait to come home to you and Mack."
"We will be waiting for you."
As he drove off he couldn't shake the feeling in his gut that he may not come home.