Naruto watched as Haruno-goshujin-sama praised Sakura when she got her gift. He was four. She was three. He wondered why his father wasn't holding him close and smiling at him, too.
"Naruto-kun," his mother said, gathering him into his arms from the halls by the garden.
Naruto looked up at him and smiles. "Mama," he snuggles into his mother's chest.
His mother always thought Naruto's smiles were as bright as the sun. "How about a dango? They've got some in the kitchen right now," he says, taking Naruto away from the sight of their masters. (1)
Naruto's eyes widened in excitement. "Hai!" he loved sweets.
"Alright, we can have some and then go to the fox to pray,"
They offered dango to the fox. His mother died two years later.
At eight years old, Naruto had cried himself to sleep every night since he was five. He couldn't remember a night when he didn't cry. Iruka-san was there for him, and somehow, he made things a bit better.
He was ten when Oku-sama scarred his face. Oku-sama fired Iruka-san when she found out he'd been treating Naruto's cheeks. He still had the bandages on his face when he got the first bruises on his body. Oku-sama hit him when he brought the wrong kimono for Sakura to wear.
At thirteen, with a scalded neck and bruised torso, separated from Kiba, exhausted, starving, and dehydrated from his first heat, he found himself kneeling in front of the shrine with no offering. "Take me," he told the fox, he begged it as he shook from unshed tears. "Take me to where my mother is, nowareta kyuubi no kitsune." Cursed nine-tailed fox.
Naruto gasps. He's woken up crying from another nightmare. Even when he's left the Haruno household, their presence follows him in his nightmares. He rises from his bed, feeling like a phantom headache is about to come on.
He sighs. He hasn't seen Iruka-san since he was removed from his service.
He puts away the futon, suppressing the need to nest since he'll be thrown out anyway, and goes to dress himself. As he dresses, making sure he has his herbs, he sees one of the kimonos tearing near the upper back and neck. It's wearing thin and almost nearing unusable. Iruka-san gave it to him before he was made to leave, and even then, it was already threadbare. He's mended it so many times before that the fabric is falling apart. But he'll have to make do, even if any of his clothes are about to near the end of its usable life. Maybe Juugo-san has a sewing kit he can borrow.
He's wearing his kappougi when he enters the kitchen and finds Juugo-san already there and preparing for breakfast. (2)
"Good morning, Naruto-sama," Juugo greets him jovially as usual.
"Good morning, Juugo-san. You're early,"
"Well, with what happened yesterday morning, I decided to come a little early,"
Naruto gathers his courage. He wants to make Sasuke his breakfast this morning, but Sasuke comes into the kitchen, already dressed in his uniform, saying, "I won't be having breakfast today,"
"Bocchan, good morning. Are you sure?" Juugo asks him.
"Yes,"
"What about a bento?"
"No, Juugo, I don't have the time; I'm sorry," says Sasuke, then turns to Naruto. "Make me breakfast tomorrow," the lord is embarrassed by how awkwardly he says it.
Naruto is a little surprised with the request. "Hai,"
"Be warned," Sasuke says, feeling bad already that he can't help but threaten his fiancé again. "If you really do poison the food, I won't let you off. I'll be going. No need to see me out,"
"Have a good day, Danna-sama," Naruto bows as the master of the house leaves.
Juugo chuckles. "That boy," he sounds exasperated but fond. "If he wanted your cooking, he could've just said so!"
"I…don't think that's what he meant, Juugo-san,"
"Bocchan needs to learn how to use words!"
Naruto watches as Juugo prepares food for them, and he's already learning so much about how to run the Uchiha household. It's from Juugo that he'll learn Sasuke's standards. He wants to be just as skillful as he is, if not for Sasuke, then for any future households he may serve.
"You're an early bird, aren't you, Naruto-sama?"
"Um, yes. I always woke up before daybreak at the Haruno house,"
Oh, no. Why didn't he say home? Was the Haruno house really home? It didn't feel like it. After his mother died, that house became a prison. He's lucky to even know how to read and count, since he's had no education whatsoever, other than Iruka-san putting in immense patience into teaching him after his mother passed. Maybe if Oku-sama had her way, Naruto would be completely illiterate.
"I see, I see. Waking up early means a lot of things can be done before sundown,"
"Juugo-san? Is there a sewing kit I can borrow?"
"Yes. I'll bring it to you later,"
"That's wonderful, thank you,"
Naruto won't tell him it's for mending his clothes. Omegas from well off families should be versed in sewing and needlework, so Juugo might not suspect anything.
"Ohayou," Sasuke enters the receiving room the next day with his uniform loose and unfastened. He may take his time getting ready today.
"Ohayou gozaimasu, Danna-sama," Naruto has just served his breakfast.
Sasuke looks like he's in a good mood, which in turn relieves Naruto somewhat. He hopes that Sasuke likes the food.
How nice, Naruto thinks, to be engaged to a beautiful man, even if it's just for a while. It feels like he's getting away with something that isn't his.
Sasuke and Naruto sit opposite each other with their own trays in front of them. "Itadakimasu." I'll help myself. Sasuke lifts the bowl, then says, "Be sure to eat, too," he says, not because he suspects the food to be poisoned, but because he might have noticed Naruto hasn't eaten much since he arrived. He at least wants Naruto to gain a little weight to look healthy. (3)
"Hai, I'm so—" Naruto stops himself, "Itadakimasu," he picks up the bowl and chopsticks, and waits for Sasuke to take the first sip of the miso.
Naruto's cooking isn't anything special. He cooked the same food Sasuke declined the first time he tried. Sasuke may be a man of cultured taste, and he may not enjoy the food, but still, there is hope in Naruto that Sasuke will like it.
"It's good," Sasuke takes another sip and takes with the gulp some tofu cubes and seaweed. "Different from what I'm used to with Juugo's cooking. But good,"
Naruto stares at his fiancé. When was the last time he'd received a compliment or recognition? "Thank you,"
Sasuke lowers the bowl in alarm. "Why are you crying?" Did he say something wrong?
Naruto lifts hand to his scarred cheek. It's wet. He didn't notice he started crying.
Sasuke studies him. Naruto's eyes are blue as the sky, yet blank and empty, like hollow glass. What should he do? What should he say? He really only wanted to compliment him. Maybe he hurt him by comparing his cooking to Juugo's, but Sasuke is sincere when he said the food is delicious. He didn't think Naruto would cry.
"I apologize," Naruto struggles to get the words out in between sobs.
"I said to stop apologizing," Sasuke tells him gently. He's at a loss. What is the right thing to do when someone is crying?
"I'm sorry," Naruto says again as he sobs into his hand. "For breaking down like this. I'm just…so happy. My tears fell on their own," he takes a few breaths to calm himself down. "Nobody's ever complimented me on my cooking before, so thank you, Danna-sama,"
Sasuke doesn't think that's the real reason behind his tears. Who really is this Haruno Naruto? How was he raised? What kind of adults molded him? What kind of education did he receive? He had no idea on the life this omega led until he showed up at his doorstep.
Sasuke is a good judge of character, sensing everything a person is just from the social standing and family situation. But with Naruto, it's like he's facing a tall, brick wall. Naruto doesn't move, speak, or act like any other child of a high-ranking family.
They continue breakfast in silence, and when Sasuke is properly dressed, Naruto has taken away the bowls, and he is left with Juugo who is cleaning up after him.
"Juugo, I may be getting ahead of myself, tell me if you notice anything…off, with Naruto-san," he says as he fixes his collar. "I have a feeling he didn't receive the upbringing deserving of a child from a distinguished family,"
Sasuke had his suspicions from the start, and his suspicions grew worse the other night, when he considered the possibility that Naruto was just playing the role of the humble wife of the family head. But now, he's certain that the tears on his scarred cheeks weren't an act. What was it that happened to him, that a casual compliment could move him to tears?
"Perhaps," Juugo hums.
"If you ask, do you think he'll talk?"
"I doubt it," answers Juugo. "Naruto-sama barely speaks, Bocchan,"
"I see," Sasuke fastens his sword at his hip. "I want you to watch him. I'll investigate the Haruno family from the outside,"
"Understood," Juugo bows when he receives his instructions. "But Bocchan! How unlike you to become so interested in your bride!"
"I know that," Sasuke huffs in embarrassment.
"No need to be shy!" Juggo suppresses a chuckle.
"I'm not being shy. It's not like I'm trying to get to know him,"
"Ara ara," Juugo tuts. Oh my. "You're going to be single all your life, Bocchan,"
Why must Juugo enjoy teasing him like this? He isn't ten years old anymore. Yet it is this comfortable relationship with Juugo is how Sasuke knows his former nanny still holds love for him.
He wants to tell Juugo he's being rude, but can't bring himself to, not when he's flooded with all the memories of his former fiancées, which their demands, seductions, and ill wills. Sasuke isn't even sure what he wants in a mate himself. But he's sure they mustn't be like the typical rich lady like his mother.
"Naruto-sama is good for you! He'll make a fine wife,"
"You really think so?"
"Yes, I do," Juugo nods.
"You have a lot of confidence in him,"
Juugo and Naruto see him off again, wishing him a safe trip and a good day as he drives off. But he can't help being drowned in his thoughts. What was the Haruno family like? He can barely remember the name of their family head. Like the Uchiha family, they have abilities in their bloodline. He'll need to look into the family further before deciding to finalize his engagement or call it off entirely. He hopes no buried secrets will come to light.
"Why did you send Naruto to the Uchiha family? I asked you to entrust him to my daughter!" Inuzuka Tsume, the alpha head of the Inuzuka family, demands of Haruno Kizashi. She wants Naruto to be the mate of her alpha daughter who will replace her as head.
"Between the Inuzuka and the Uchiha family, of course I'd prioritize the Uchiha," Haruno replies stiffly. "That needn't be said. Naruto was given to them to create connections,"
"Naruto still has your blood. That means—"
"And yet he's still without a gift," Haruno scoffs. "It's been 19 years, still no gift," he neglects to mention the fox's curse following the boy. If Inuzuka wants a cursed child, then so be it; the fox will destroy her legacy, leaving only Haruno and Uchiha in the upper ranks of society.
Because if anything, Haruno is more ashamed of the boy as cursed child than if he were just a bastard. An ungifted bastard he can recognize to marry off, just as he did Naruto, but his curse is not something he'd want to be associated with him.
"Even so!" Inuzuka exclaims, resisting the urge to claw Haruno's face right where he kneels. "That doesn't mean your strength and healing won't be passed down to his children! I'd be lying if I said I didn't want that for the gain of my family!"
She huffs, waiting for Haruno's reply, but when he remains silent, she lets him know his worries.
"If the Uchiha family becomes any more powerful, our positions will be in jeopardy!"
Haruno concedes with a sigh. "Then when Uchiha throws him out, you're more than welcome to him. It's highly likely that he and Uchiha will not work out, and when you pick him up from the streets, he might even sob tears of joy,"
What an idiot, Inuzuka thinks, to cast aside a child with enormous potential to pass down abilities to its own children. She will have him. "Then you won't mind refraining from interfering with anything that concerns Naruto from here on?"
"Yes," Haruno sips his tea, unable to care less for his bastard. This cursed child. "He's a bastard after all,"
"Very well then,"
She won't let Uchiha get him.
An Uchiha crest decorates the sides of the sewing kit Juugo brings him.
"What beautiful sewing box," Naruto studies it carefully. "You're sure it's alright for me to use it?"
"Of course!" Juugo beams at her. "Oh, but if you'd like something newer, I can arrange that for you,"
New! Naruto pales. "No, no. There's no need for that. This is perfect," he says as he inspects the contents. "Thank you very much," he gives Juugo a bow. "Juugo-san, do you think Danna-sama was angry this morning?"
"Why would Bocchan be angry?" says Juugo, surprised by the question.
Naruto suddenly burst into tears. He's not sure if Sasuke finds troublesome someone who can't keep their composure. Had Naruto been as pretty as his half-sister, maybe alphas would clamor to comfort him when he shed tears. His tear-streaked scarred face must have been hideous. His very existence was despised by his father and his father's family. He thought he had no more tears to cry until this morning.
"Not at all!" Juugo takes Naruto's hands into his. "It's alright to cry, Naruto-sama. What's not alright, is bottling up feelings. If you feel the need to cry, let your tears fall. Bocchan won't be mad,"
Naruto hopes that's true. If Juugo-san says it, since he raised Sasuke since he was little, then it might be. He doesn't have any abilities, or education to offer Sasuke, and eventually, Sasuke will find out and throw him onto the streets. It his curse and lack of abilities, and his existence as a bastard, is what drove Haruno to keep him a secret, to protect the Haruno family's reputation.
He must keep it together. This is temporary. There is no way to secure his future in the Uchiha family.
"Naruto-sama, I will be in the kitchen preparing lunch if you need me,"
"I'd like to help," Naruto offers.
"Oh no. Please stay here and rest. I'll call you when lunch is ready,"
Naruto watches him leave.
He should be helping with the house. There's nothing else he knows how to do. But then, he'll have to maximize the time given to him and repair his clothes.
Naruto joins Sasuke again for dinner that night.
"When Juugo goes home early, what do you do?" Sasuke asks.
Juugo leaves the Uchiha home before sundown, and at night, only Naruto is left to attend to his fiancé and keep him company.
"I read the magazines I borrow from Juugo-san. I sweep the gardens, and water the plants. Tonight, I prepared dinner with him," Naruto answers.
If he tells Sasuke he'd been mending his clothes, he might misunderstand it and it may sound like he's asking for new ones. He wishes to be as honest as possible to Sasuke, but it's difficult when many of the reasons he does what he does, is due to his upbringing at the Haruno house. He would never breathe a word of the life he has as a bastard, about his father and his father's family.
"I'm thinking of heading out on my day off," Sasuke offers, hoping Naruto would accompany him.
"Hai,"
"You've yet to visit the town since you arrived, right?"
"Hai,"
"Would you like to come with me?"
Naruto is thrown off by the suggestion. He doesn't know how to answer that. He's rarely gone out from the Haruno estate. If anything, the only place he visited outside the house was the fox's shrine. The busyness of the town and market isn't exactly something he's ever wished to see, fearful that someone might recognize him, spread a rumor of Haruno's bastard wandering around town, doing God knows what, attracting who knows to him, causing irreparable damage to the Haruno name.
"I can't go,"
"Why?"
"There's no reason for me to go," Naruto sets the warm cup of tea down on the tray before him. "And won't I be bother to you?"
The master sighs. There Naruto goes again, slinking into the corner. "You're not a bother, and you don't need a reason to go. You will only have to accompany me," says Sasuke.
"Won't I get in your way?"
"Of course not. I did ask you to come with me, did I not?" Sasuke doesn't wait for a reply. "You can wear what you had on when you arrived. Do you have anything else that troubles you?"
"No,"
"That's settled then," Sasuke moves to stand. "Gochisousama." Thank you for the meal.
Naruto cleans up after them. He might have aggravated Sasuke again, even though the master was kind enough to invite him along. It's not that he didn't want to go, it's just that, what would he do? Stand there? He had no money to buy anything. Thinking about their excursion together, he decides he should start preparing. After all, he should clean himself up properly and be presentable. He doesn't want to embarrass Sasuke by looking like a beggar with his ratty clothing.
"Naruto-sama was mending his clothing on his own," Juugo tells Sasuke when he requests his presence in the receiving room the next day, to speak with him privately. "Those clothes are at the very least second or third hand. They're barely holding together, Bocchan. He didn't seem like he wants to be found out," he frowns.
"Sou ka," Sasuke hums thoughtfully. I see.
Naruto's clothes are in even worse condition than the destitute. Though his clothes do come in a collection of colors and patterns, the colors are faded, the thread and cloth itself are so worn they're about to tear whenever any movement was made. It bothers him.
He's never had the urge to gift anything to his fiancés, but for Naruto, he will make an exception. He's lying to himself saying there's no meaning behind this act of kindness.
In a bamboo garden, where there was a large orange sweet olive tree, Naruto saw his mother standing on a soribashi over a pond, as the wind blew the long blond hair he inherited from him. (4)
"Okaa-sama!"
Mother was wearing his favorite kimono, the white with embroidered red spider lilies. He was so close, yet so far. He was telling Naruto something.
The wind blew harder, whistling loud in his ear.
"Okaa-sama! I can't hear you!"
It was like Naruto is watching the past.
"Please don't abandon him!" his sickly mother begged their master.
But Haruno-goshujin-sama turned them away. "It's one thing to be a bastard. Another thing when to be ungifted when born into a gifted family. You think I'd want anything to do with a cursed, ungifted, bastard child?!"
Naruto doesn't understand. He was his father. "I'm sorry, Naruto," he gathered the small child into his arms. "Please forgive me,"
It's Naruto who should be asking for forgiveness. He brought nothing but suffering onto others. His mother died. Kiba-san is in an engagement he doesn't want to be in. Danna-sama will be married to cursed child. His father's reputation is about to be ruined.
"Mama?" his younger self asked, "Why are you sad?"
"Demo daijoubu," his mother said. But it will be alright. He runs his hand through Naruto's hair, brushing the bangs from his eyes. "When you're a little older—"
Again, Naruto is torn from a dream with a gasp.
He lies on the bed, panting. When he rises, he's once again greeted by the Uchiha crest, almost warning him to remember his place.
"When I grow older…" he mumbles, the dream almost fading from his memory.
After breakfast, which Juugo insisted he'd prepare and clear alone this time, since Naruto must get ready, Naruto freshens up and gets dressed.
Today is Sasuke's day off, a week after Sasuke invited him out to town. He's seated kneeling in front of his vanity, dressed and recalling what mother looked like as he brushed the knots out of his hair.
His mother was so very beautiful, even when they were exhausted from the work required of a servant. Sometimes, Naruto can see his mother in his reflection. He wondered if his hair could be just as beautiful as his if he had the resources to take proper care of it.
Impossible. Naruto could never be as beautiful as him. Not with these scars.
"Naruto-sama? May I enter?"
"Douzo." Yes.
Juugo sees Naruto has put on the same kimono he had on when they first met. A light orange kimono embroidered with the leaves, branches, and flowers of the ume, the Japanese apricot. "You look beautiful, Naruto-sama!"
"Iie…" Hardly. Juugo is just being nice. Naruto knows what he looks like.
"Aren't you going to put on any makeup?" Juugo asks.
"I don't…have any," Naruto bites his lower lip in embarrassment. "I'm not good at putting it on either,"
"Oh, then allow me!" Juugo returns to the door, slides it open, takes something from the threshold, then brings it back to Naruto. "Here we are!" he presents a small cosmetics box to Naruto. "I've got some here! I brought a kit just in case,"
Naruto follows Juugo's instructions as Juugo applies the products on his face. The last thing he applies is some rouge on Naruto's lips.
"There you go," says Juugo, pleased with his work. He's sure Bocchan will like it.
The tapping at the door makes Naruto scurry. "We should leave soon," says Sasuke from the other side of the door.
"I'll be right there!" he calls back, then bows to Juugo. "Thank you so much, Juugo-san!" then goes to join Sasuke to leave.
He's going out with Sasuke today.
Sasuke hears the door slide open, then turns around to greet his intended. He's rendered speechless and tries not to show his awe.
It's the first time Sasuke's seen Naruto's hair down; he hadn't realized it was that long—down to his waist. He has some light powder on, nothing that changed his skin tone nor cover his scars, and light rouge on his cheeks and lips. His eyes are bright and not as hollow as before. Shoulders up, square, and not languid. Cheeks plumper than they'd been. Sasuke is sure it's not just the makeup.
He still smells of fresh bamboo, orange blossoms, and morning dew, but without the sourness of fear.
"Omatase shimashita," Naruto says. Thank you for waiting.
It takes a moment for Sasuke to find his words. "Sorry for rushing you. Shall we go?"
"Yes,"
Naruto's beautiful. Sasuke wants him.
Chapter End Notes
(1) Dango （団子・だんご）are skewered sweet rice balls
(2) Kappougi (割烹着・かっぽうぎ）the traditional women's apron
(3) Itadakimasu （いただきます）literally means "I will receive" and is usually said before eating. Could mean many things depending on the translator or the situation. It can also mean "I'll eat now," or "let's eat!"
(4) soribashi (そりばし）a red arched bridge used in designing gardens.