"You do not have to do this, Natasha. You do not have to go with me."
"I know, but I do not want you to go there alone."
"Why? It's Tony."
"Yeah, I am doing it BECAUSE it's Tony."
"He won't betray us."
"He did once. That's why we are on the run."
"He promised that it's not a trap."
"Once he promised me that he won't leave Avengers, and here we are."
There was silence after that.
"Why are you doing it? Why are you risking everything for a woman?"
Steve did not know how to answer that question. He avoided the topic of Peggy Carter till now.
"It's not just... a woman."
"So, who is she?"
"She… she is the reason I am who I am. She was a part of the project Rebirth."
Natasha waited.
"She was the only one who trusted me when I became … this… and they used me only for the show. She and Tony's father helped me to save Bucky. We… we worked together ever since."
"You loved her." It was a statement, not a question. And Steve knew that it was true, but he has never heard anyone else saying it. And it hit him like a ton of bricks.
"I still do." He admitted.
"Does Tony know?"
"I haven't spoken about her with him."
"So… it's maybe truth… but what if… what if she is dead, Steve? What if the machine was broken?"
"Then at least I will know."
"Sometimes not knowing is better."
"No, it's not." He said it firmly, watching the road. He looked at the closest sign. They will be there in three hours. And then he will know. He could not focus on anything else, and it was a miracle that he did not crash their car into something. He could not think of finding Peggy dead, but he could not imagine her being still alive. He just knew that he must learn the truth.
The state of not-knowing drove him crazy. He was reading about her destiny, and he spent one whole week trying to find out more about Peggy after the car crash. But after a week in one internet café, it drew the attention of the S.H.I.E.L.D. and he had to run. Maybe, he thought, that was how they realized that he knew her. Maybe they told Tony. And maybe it's really a trap and Natasha is correct. He almost stopped breathing.
During the last months, he was trying to find a reason to live in this century. He had no one left. He did not have friends, he did not have any relationships, he did not have a home. He thought about buying a dog once, but then he realized that it would be harder to be on the run for him. So, he gave up on this idea too. What would he do if he found out that Peggy is long dead? Not for the first time in the past months he thought that maybe it would be easier to give up and be in prison. That way, he would not have to care anymore. He would be just lying in the bed and watching the ceiling, slowly, very slowly dying. So what? His life in this century was nothing else than waiting for death. He started to be more and more careless. When he was about to be found the last time, Natasha found him and almost dragged him out of that place. He did not know how she knew that he needed her help, but she did. Maybe, he thought, she needed someone too. They both showed signs of depression. Together, however, they could continue running. They motivated each other, they cared for each other. They did not do it for themselves, they did it for the other one. And it helped them. But in the middle of the night, they were both wide awake, thinking about why they are still on the run, why they try so hard.
Three hours later, Steve parked the car. They arrived at the set destination.