Familiarity
C/W: canon death of a pet (past event), grief, graveyard, arguments with parental figures (not on screen, mentioned)
Not many people saw the bond with a familiar as anything more than a working one. Familiars died, or left, and that was just the way the world worked. Perhaps there was something to be said about how growing up outside the wizarding world didn't instil those same values in Harry, or perhaps his bond with Hedwig had just been deeper than average, but he felt something in him sever when she died. Hermione had called it a 'Soul Bond', and Ron had called it 'the loss of a familiar', but all Harry knew was that he would never regain the part of him that had been so cruelly torn away.
Of course, that was then. Back when the wounds were still fresh, and Voldemort had been dead mere weeks. Grief was a gnarled beast, and it fed on memories, twisting them into a phantom gnarled into its own image, until every shred of happiness within them was run dry. It felt so cheap, where everyone else mourned for loved ones and family members, to be mourning for an owl that had lived most of its years anyway. How could you explain to the mother of a murdered eleven-year-old that the tears in your eyes were for a bird? How could you compare the hole you felt in your chest to that of a grieving brother who was a second too late to save his sister from plummeting to her death off the parapets of a castle that was supposed to be the safest place in the country? How could you explain that you couldn't come to the funeral because you were burying a cage and a bag of owl treats in a grave next to your parents?
Harry remembered being found by Hermione that day he laid Hedwig to rest in Godrick's Hollow. It had seemed fitting at the time, to lay the headstone beside his parents', and Hermione had seemed to approve. She'd appeared just as Harry was laying the broken cage into the hole he'd dug and had said nothing as he'd wiped away a tear and laid Hedwig's favourite treats in amongst the mangled metal. She'd only stepped in to help when Harry fumbled trying to fill in the hole. Then, she'd knelt and held his hand, and together they had covered Hedwig's cage in soil until only a mound was left. He'd laid a heavy, flat stone and carved 'Hedwig' into it.
He hadn't been able to bring himself to visit, even though the inscription on Hedwig's stone still lay empty. Nothing he could come up with had ever felt big enough to encapsulate all that she was to him, and after three years, the empty stone that sat at the back of his mind felt almost symbolic of the space she left when she died. The pain of her death felt like a dull weight settled somewhere in the space between his ribs and his spine now. Truthfully, Harry didn't believe it would ever go away.
He'd had the idea while walking through Muggle London and seen a bright blue and green sign in a shop window advertising an adoption weekend. He wasn't planning to go back but that Saturday something had compelled him to check it out. He'd reasoned he'd just look through the window and not actually go in, but one of the shelter volunteers had spied him through the window and waved, so he'd had to make a swift decision to either go in or walk away, and before he knew it, he was inside. Harry maintained even now that he didn't remember pushing open the door or being greeted by the young volunteer with braces and a name badge covered in sparkly stickers reading 'Hanah', but regardless, he found himself sitting on the floor in a room full of puppies, petting the nearest one surrounded by other people and families who had all come for the adoption weekend.
That day, he'd left with a squirming cage, a bag full of supplies and a list of phone numbers in case he needed anything at all to do with animal care.
Now, a week later, he was sitting on the floor in his living room, a catalogue spread out in front of him detailing every shape and size of cage you could imagine, his new ferret Cheese Puff curled around his neck asleep. He wasn't so sure about the name, but it was what the shelter had called her and so, at least for now, it was staying.
Harry turned the page to a selection of colourful toys. Idly, he reached up a hand and scratched Cheese Puff behind her ear. She trilled happily in her sleep.
"What do you think about this one?" He pointed at a rainbow tunnel that proclaimed to be a best seller. "You certainly seemed to like my socks this morning." Harry rubbed his cheek in her soft fur. "Socks are kinda like a tunnel, don't you think?" She let out a puff of air against his cheek. Harry chuckled softly. "I'll take that as a yes, then."
Cheese Puff was still a secret to Ron and Hermione, and the rest of the Weasley clan. Harry wasn't sure how they'd react to him bringing home an animal, let alone a ferret, especially given how they'd been with Hedwig. Molly – and even Arthur to a degree – hadn't really understood his grief over her, and it had led to a fair few arguments when he'd finally attempted to talk to her about it. She couldn't understand why Hedwig meant so much to him and had even accused him of trying to take away from their grief by saying Hedwig was more important than Fred. Harry knew it had been said in agony, and they'd had an emotional conversation afterwards where Molly apologised, but it still left a sour feeling where anything to do with pets was concerned.
Harry wasn't as concerned about Ron and Hermione having bad reactions, but he was still hesitant to tell them. He wanted to keep Cheese Puff to himself for a while longer.
Cheese Puff yawned and dug her claws into Harry's neck. "Hey there, girl. Nice sleep?" He nuzzled his cheek against her, and she pushed back. She stood and slunk her way down Harry's chest and onto his lap, where she hopped down onto the floor. "Is it playtime?" Harry asked fondly. Cheese Puff bounded away. "Oh, it is!"
She pounced on a pom-pom. It was orange and had been a gift from a small child at one of the War Foundation galas the Ministry held each year. Harry felt slightly guilty that it was now being used as a chew toy by an energetic ferret, but not enough to stop Cheese Puff's fun. She rolled over it and flopped onto her back then jumped back up and bounced over it. Harry shuffled over on his hands and knees and knocked the pom-pom across the floor. Cheese Puff bounced after it.
The strange thing about familiars, Harry mused, was that they meant something different to everyone. Some wizards went their entire lives without ever having a familiar, and even more went without experiencing that bond, despite having an animal that acted as a familiar. He was lucky, he thought, to have found that bond not once, but twice in his relatively short life.
Cheese Puff blinked stupidly up at him and Harry made a decision. It was time to visit an old friend.
Cheese Puff squirmed in the collar of Harry's jacket. Godrick's Hollow looked different than he remembered, and a hell of a lot greener than the Christmas he and Hermione went. There was the smell of blossom in the air, and a feeling of homeliness stuck to the trees and the old cobbles that lined the streets. Moss and daisies were growing in the cracks of the stones.
His footsteps felt lighter than when he'd buried what was left of Hedwig and even though he was walking towards the place where his whole disaster of a childhood had begun, his breath was steady. Cheese Puff was a solid warmth against his skin.
The house came into view. It looked beautifully tragic amongst the falling blossom petals and charred picket fence. The fountain sat stoically, holding its constant vigil over the square. The water in its basin was entirely covered in pink petals.
Harry watched for a moment, then turned and made his way to the graveyard. Cheese Puff squirmed restlessly. "Shh, love." Harry patted her soothingly through his jacket. "We're almost there."
They passed Bathilda's old house and Harry saw movement in the top window as a woman walked past it with a baby on her hip. A curtain on the bottom floor flickered as a cat disappeared off the ledge. Harry kept walking.
The graveyard was well looked after. There was a man standing at a gravestone near the path as Harry unlatched the metal gate and let himself in, and he nodded at him. There were flowers at his feet and tear tracks down his face, and Harry looked away out of respect.
There were patches of snowdrops dotted about throughout the graveyard, mixed in with pale daffodils clumped at the bases of the old, gnarled yew trees. The gravestones in this part of the yard were newer ones, their inscriptions still crisp and the mounds in front of them still mostly bare of grass, but further back lay the older stones; the ones for people long forgotten by anyone alive today.
James and Lily Potter were buried in a nondescript plot in the shadow of the graveyard's only ash tree. Right at the foot of the tree was a small stone with the name 'Hedwig'. Harry knelt in the soft dirt.
"Hey there, girl." He gently stroked the edge of the stone. "It's been a while, hasn't it?" Cheese Puff made a small noise of discontent and nuzzled the collar of Harry's jacket. He smiled softly and reached up to lift her gently out. "I've got someone for you to meet."
Cheese Puff sniffed at the stone curiously when he held her close to it, then looked back at him questioningly. She turned back and struggled to stand on the stone. Harry let her down and smiled when she curled up on it.
Harry sat with Cheese Puff and Hedwig until the sun went down and the breeze grew cold enough to break through the heating charms he'd cast, and only then did he tuck Cheese Puff back into his jacket and stand stiffly. With one last look at his parents and Hedwig, and one final flick of his wand, he left the graveyard.
The stone he left behind read;
Hedwig
Beloved Familiar, and Good Friend
May You Always Find Light in The Dark
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Round 7 for QLFC season 10
Team: Montrose Magpies
Position: Captain
Prompt: Soulbond/soulmates
Word count: 1807
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A/N: hurt/comfort, i-want-you-to-smile-through-your-tears, hands up who's still not over the death of Hedwig. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed reading! Stay safe x