Can I Be Him
A/N So known of this actual plotlining makes any sense. I'm very angry about it not making any sense, why have the whole Sloan-baby plotline anyway if it's so self-contained. It doesn't go anywhere. So I am going to compile some flowcharts to try and work out what the writers were thinking. But for the meantime, this story will continue to follow the canon of the show up until S8.
Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital, Seattle, WA 2010 - S6E17
I'm crying on the floor of the bathroom. Meredith's staring at me like I've just gone insane. Maybe I have. Mark's moving on. That's what I keep repeating, over and over, in my head. Like some sort of sordid mantra. I must be insane, I've got my no feelings with Alex and it's all fine so why can't I get Mark out of my head. If this thing with Alex isn't fun anymore, or it turns into something more serious, how am I going to feel? The whole point was that I didn't have to feel, so if we date that doesn't make any sense, I might as well be with Mark. But Mark has Sloan and the baby and then there's my feelings towards Mark and how being with Alex was supposed to be easy because I don't love him.
I just sob because I don't know what else to do. All I can think about is the gigantic mess I've created. And how I can't do a thing about it. Meredith's still staring at me.
Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital, Seattle, WA 2010 - S6E22
Torres told me to go for it. She told me with some confidence to do it, to tell Lexie how I feel. So why did she shoot me down? Callie must've had a reason. Sloan's gone, there's no baby. My reasons aren't reasons anymore, and all I want is her. We could make a good go of it now, everything is so simple. But she's with Karev. Why is she with Karev? Because I wanted to help my family. There's nothing to fix, but we're so broken. I'm ready now, ready for her. I'm never not going to love her and Karev he doesn't, I can see that he's in like sure, but he doesn't love her. She has to be with someone who'll love her.
I pound my fist against the wall. It hurts like hell but so does my head so. I can hear her crying somewhere, I can't do a thing to help. What am I supposed to do with this? I love her and I can tell she loves me, so why are we apart? It just doesn't make sense. Life doesn't make sense. Robbins not wanting a baby, that doesn't make sense. Callie having to sacrifice her happiness doesn't make sense. Lexie crying over me when she's with Alex, that doesn't make sense.