Thinking of you always, Percy, a percy jackson and the olympians fanfic

Author's Note: So, this story might be confusing to read. Because there are some events that happen in dreams and there is a flashback. So I will put * if it's a flashback, ** if it's a dream.

The thing about trying is that sometimes, it's just too late. You think "there's still time" or "maybe next time". But the thing about time is that it perpetually moves. It waits for no one. And once the time has passed - you can't get it back.

Percy had lived his entire life thinking he always had time, and therefore, second chances. But the thing about life, as he would eventually come to realize, was that occasionally, you're blessed to have a hundred chances.

Other times, you only get to have that one chance.

*"What the hell is going on here, Jason?" Percy demanded, approaching said teen.

All of them were gathered at the infirmary, with an unconscious son of Hades lying on the bed, barely breathing. Piper and Hazel just finished cleaning and bandaging his body up, and while Hazel remained by her brother's side, Piper was slowly cleaning up the supplies they used. It was clear that neither of them wanted to be a part of the conversation that was about to ensue. Fortunately for them, the son of Poseidon's attention was on one demigod alone.

Percy's hands clenched tightly into fists as he glared at the son of Jupiter. "Nico sounded convinced that he was going to die." He didn't add how Hazel sounded convinced as well when she told Jason how she felt Nico's soul slipping away.

"It's none of your concern, Percy," Jason tersely replied.

"The hell it is! Nico's my friend too!" Percy shouted. "I need to know what's going on with him! He was coughing flowers and blood, Jason! He passed out on the floor!"

Percy's blood ran cold at the memory. He couldn't get the image out of his mind of Nico's trembling body lying on the floor, barely breathing, his eyes almost lifeless. Dozens of blue flowers and blood - so much blood - surrounded him while he continued coughing and retching out more. 'I don't want to die,' Percy heard him whisper and sob to Jason, and it broke Percy's heart that someone as strong as Nico was shattering right before his eyes.

"Since getting the Diocletian's scepter, you, Hazel and Piper look as if you're hiding something from me and Frank," Leo accused, his eyes darting between the sons of Jupiter, Poseidon and Hades.

"What is it, Jason? Is Nico dying?" Annabeth asked this time, looking genuinely concerned.

"He's not," Jason insisted.

"Stop lying!" Percy hissed. There was now a palpable tension in the air between them as they glared at each other. Piper immediately stepped in between, raising her hands in a placating manner. Percy redirected his attention to her, but she wouldn't meet his eyes, shifting them to the floor nervously.

"Percy, you really don't want to know-" the daughter of Aphrodite started, but Percy cut her off before she could finish her sentence.

"Why don't I want to know?! What's causing him to die?!" Percy demanded. Leo yelped out loud at the sound of pipes in the bathrooms above groaning loudly, on the brink of exploding.

"It's you!" Jason spat.

Silence. The pipes stopped groaning. It was as if everyone stopped breathing as well. All of the anger in Percy's body seemed to have evaporated into thin air in that moment as he looked at Jason once more, noting how pale he had become in a matter of seconds. Even Piper seemed to have gone pale as well as she stared at the son of Poseidon.

"... What?" Percy eventually asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"Shit, that came out wrong," Jason cursed before he backed away, moving to stand on the wall near the bed. There was a panicked look in his eyes as they darted back and forth the sons of Hades and Poseidon.

Piper eventually lowered her hands as she moved to stand beside Jason, but she kept her eyes on Percy as well as the others, as if she was expecting that they would pounce on them the next second.

"Jason, Hazel, we have to tell them," Piper suddenly said, causing the son of Jupiter to look at her in surprise. Hazel didn't react from her spot beside the bed, her hands just holding on tightly to one of Nico's.

"But Nico said-" Jason tried to protest.

"There's no point in hiding anymore. Percy has seen the blood and the flowers," Piper reasoned before she turned to the daughter of Pluto. "Hazel, do you want to…?" she asked softly.

But Hazel just shook her head, burying her face in her hands as she clutched onto Nico's hand. She looked as if she were praying. She might as well be.

"Jason, you have to tell them," Piper said as she turned to the other demigod instead. "You saw Nico's memories."

"Piper, I can't betray Nico like that," Jason insisted, shaking his head.

"You're not. I'm sure he'll understand. The others deserve to know the truth," she coaxed, cautiously reaching out one of her hands to him. He looked at it for a few seconds before he hesitantly took it, squeezing it firmly. Whatever he saw in her eyes made him relent eventually, his body slumping forward in defeat.

"You want to know the truth? Nico is cursed," Jason stated, keeping his eyes on the unconscious teen as he spoke. "He was cursed by… the goddess of spring," he said, being careful not to say the actual name. "He has been cursed since birth. It was just lying dormant, and it only activated some time after the Battle of Manhattan."

'Months', Percy's heart stopped at the thought. Nico had been suffering for months. Why was he only knowing this now? Why was Nico hiding that from him - from them - all this time?

"I found out about it by accident when we went to get the scepter," Jason explained, as if reading Percy's mind. "Cupid forced it out of him, and I saw his memories. I convinced him to tell Hazel, but when he noticed that Piper was getting too suspicious about it as well, he decided to tell her. If it wasn't for me finding out, he would have not told anyone."

The son of Poseidon flinched at that. Nico was dying, but he would rather not let any of them know? He understood if it was only Jason, Piper, Leo, Frank and Reyna. But for Hazel, Annabeth and him too? Hazel was his sister, for gods' sake, and he and Annabeth had known him for years. Did he think that he couldn't depend on any of them?

'Why would he trust you with his life? You got his sister killed, remember?' A voice taunted in his head.

"We need you to explain this more in detail, Jason," Reyna prompted. "I can tell you're omitting too much information."

Jason opened and closed his mouth a few times, clearly struggling to get the words out. Eventually, he turned to the daughter of Aphrodite, his expression pained. "I can't do this. If I tell them-"

"If you tell them…" Piper cut him off, squeezing his hand in assurance. "... then maybe we can make this easier for Nico, for the time he has left."

Percy audibly sucked a breath at her statement. Why were they so convinced that Nico was going to die? If this was a curse, wasn't there a way to break it? All curses worked like that - there was a catalyst, and there was a way to break it. Jason hesitated once more before he nodded at her.

"It's a curse the goddess placed on all of his father's children. At least, Nico thinks the curse only affects the Greek side of the family since he's certain that Hazel's safe," Jason continued, glancing at the daughter of Pluto. Hazel didn't react to any of his words; she remained unmoving. "The price of his infidelity: a price that his children had to pay with their life."

"Those flowers you saw? They're suffocating him from the inside," Jason went on to explain, watching as the others' expressions contorted to varying degrees of horror, pity and sympathy. "The weight loss, the lack of sleep, the loss of appetite, the uncontrollable shaking, how his powers sometimes get out of control… All of them were because of the curse."

Nico might not have told them, but the signs were there, in his body. They all assumed-... But that was the problem, wasn't it? They assumed. None of them bothered to ask the son of Hades directly. Nico had been suffering for months, but none of them paid enough attention to acknowledge that his body was deteriorating rapidly. Percy glanced at the unconscious teen on the bed, his hands clenched into fists as he took in the sight of his deathly pale face and his bandaged torso and arms that emphasized his too-skinny frame. Why didn't they see it? Why didn't he see it?

"Can't he just kill the flowers from inside?" Frank suggested, looking uneasy. "Or can't the goddess just take away the curse from him?"

"He's tried. They grew back much faster. They won't die unless he dies," Jason stated, lips pressing into a grim line at his own words. "As for taking the curse back, it doesn't work that way. The curse was already activated; there was no taking it back. He's exhausted all possible options."

"You're not telling us everything. There's always a way for a curse to be broken," Annabeth spoke after a while, confirming Percy's earlier thoughts. Jason looked extremely uncomfortable under her scrutiny. "What is it that you're still hiding?"

"I can't, Piper," Jason said at that point, shaking his head. "I really can't betray Nico's trust."

Percy could understand him to some extent. It was difficult to regain Nico's trust once severed. But the last thing they needed was Jason's morality, especially when it stood between them and saving the son of Hades' life.

"Then I'll tell them." Fortunately, Piper intervened before Percy could come close to snapping again. Or perhaps, she saw that he was running out of patience fast and decided to step in.

"He was cursed to be unloved by anyone. No matter how much he gives, it will never be reciprocated. To love so intensely that it will suffocate him… that is his curse. The flowers are a representation of his love."

Percy wasn't sure what surprised him more: the fact that a goddess could hold a grudge so deep that she was willing to curse someone to the point of death, or the fact that Nico, if he understood correctly, was in love with someone. Who is it? Percy wondered, subconsciously gritting his teeth. Nico didn't seem like someone who cared about love. Percy couldn't imagine him being romantically affectionate with anyone, but then again…

'What do you know about him?' That same voice taunted him once more.

"That sounds more like your mom's domain," Leo tried to joke with an awkward laugh, earning a couple of glares from the people in the room for the ill-timing. Piper directed her attention to the daughter of Athena as she continued.

"You asked what was the condition for breaking the curse? His love had to be reciprocated."

What? Percy exchanged a confused glance with Annabeth.

"But you just said-" Piper didn't let her finish her statement before she cut Annabeth off.

"Exactly. That's why he knows there's no escaping death," Piper concluded.

"Hold on. Just now, Jason said that Nico's suffering because of Percy," Frank pointed out all of a sudden, earning everyone's attention.

Percy froze at that, the gears slowly turning in his head at the implication. His eyes immediately sought for Jason and Piper's wanting them to explain what that meant, but both of them were purposefully looking away from him, avoiding his gaze.

'No. It can't be.'

His eyes shifted towards Nico's unconscious form, but he was greeted instead with the sight of Hazel staring at him. The gold in her eyes was frozen solid in that moment, and they looked hauntingly empty as he looked into them. Her lips slowly parted, as she said the words he dreaded to hear.

"Nico has always been in love with you, and that love is physically killing him."

"Where is he?" Percy demanded the minute the battle was over as they approached Reyna by the campfire. He didn't care about his own injuries, and it seemed that neither did Hazel and Jason as they stumbled closely behind the son of Poseidon. His eyes darted around the camp, searching for the son of Hades, before they focused on the praetor's lone figure once more.

She didn't acknowledge them at first as she kept staring into the fire with lackluster eyes. Seeing them in her peripheral vision, she forced herself to stand up, her face scrunching slightly in pain. Upon closer look, Percy could see multiple gashes, cuts, bruises and injuries all over her body. He didn't have enough time to feel any guilt for not letting her get treated first as she turned to face them.

She wouldn't meet any of their eyes as she opened her mouth, and the words that came out were filled with remorse.

"His body had been giving out for days, to the point where he was fading into a shadow with each jump," Reyna started, carefully reaching behind her. "We managed to reach South Carolina before his body finally gave out. I'm sorry, but I can't bring his body home. There wasn't a body to bring home," the praetor finished, offering them a sheathed blade. It was Nico's Stygian Iron sword.

There was a moment of silence, but Percy could hear a loud ringing in his head before he suddenly started shouting.

"What do you mean there's no body to bring home?! Bodies just don't disappear!" The daughter of Bellona didn't flinch at his outburst, but she redirected her attention to the daughter of Pluto instead.

"His body disappeared. He became a shadow," Reyna said, offering the sheathed sword to Hazel who took it wordlessly, clutching onto it tightly against her chest as she quietly wept. Piper tried to pull her close to comfort her, but she only pulled away from them, shaking her head frantically.

"I-I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I can't do this. I-I can't stay here."

"Hazel!" Frank and Jason only had enough time to call her name before she disappeared into the shadows. Jason gritted his teeth as he clutched onto empty air.

"I'm sorry," Reyna whispered, staring at the son of Jupiter. "I really tried to bring his body back."

"Maybe he's not dead," Percy insisted, a look of desperation in his eyes. "Maybe there's no body for you to bring back because he's alive."

"Percy, in his last moments, he was in my arms. I saw the flowers crawling out of his mouth and his eyes becoming lifeless," the daughter of Bellona stated as she forced herself to look into Percy's eyes. There was an immense sadness and loss in them. "He's dead, Percy. Nico is dead."

"No, he's not dead. Stop lying," Percy shook his head, stepping back and walking away amidst everyone's calls. He could accept Leo's - they had seen it with their own eyes - but not Nico's.

Nico was the son of Hades. The Ambassador of Pluto. The Ghost King. The one who survived Tartarus on his own. The one who always had a plan to save Percy. Demigods like Nico weren't supposed to die. He couldn't possibly have died. He was gone… somewhere. Just gone.

Nico wasn't dead. At least, not to him. Until the day came where Percy would see his dead body, Nico was very much alive to him.

He tried sending Iris messages to Nico countless times. It never connected.

He tried sending Iris messages to Hazel countless times. It never connected either.

For a whole week, there was never a night since Nico 'left' that Percy hadn't dreamt of him.

He dreamt of bloodied blue flowers on the bathroom floor. He dreamt of sunken cheeks and sickly pale skin, and a too-thin body wrapped in bandages. He dreamt of russet-brown eyes filled with raw fear, and sheets stained with blood. He dreamt of his tears with every exertion to get the flowers out and saw the exhaustion in his eyes, as if he just wanted to give up. He dreamt of roots spreading underneath that pale skin, and heard the sickening snaps when Nico forced his limbs to unlock to get his body's mobility back. He heard his choked sobs and whimpers each time, had his heart breaking each time, but how would that even compare to a fraction of what Nico went through?

Percy wondered if Morpheus was instructed by Hades to have him dream of these memories as a way of punishing him for what his son had gone through. He never wondered though if he deserved it. He knew he did.

The first time Percy heard Nico's name was two months after the war. The campers spoke about Leo's death, but none dared to speak of Nico's absence. It wasn't as if they didn't care enough to discuss it, but in the presence of the son of Poseidon, it was a taboo topic.

Someone made a mistake once.

"Should we hold burial rites for the son of Hades as well?"

It was an honest mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. Percy couldn't even remember the demigod's name or his godly parent. All Percy remembered was sitting by the campfire one second, and the next, he had one hand wrapped tight around the demigod's neck, slamming the poor kid against a tree, while keeping him hoisted above the ground. It took Jason, Clarisse and Annabeth to physically restrain him, and for Piper to Charmspeak him to let go of the poor boy. No one had mentioned Nico's name in his presence since then. At least, in that context.

There were only a handful who were the exceptions.

"Hey, Percy. Could I talk to you for a second?" Jason asked, gesturing towards the son of Poseidon's cabin.

Wordlessly, Percy stood up from the steps of his cabin, shoving his hands inside his pants pockets before walking inside. It's been a while since he saw Jason. Between him taking up the position of a Pontifex Maximus and rebuilding the two camps, there was so much that needed to be done that they barely saw each other.

Or so he convinced himself.

On one hand, they were all grieving. For Leo, Percy added in his head. On another hand, Percy couldn't really bring himself to completely trust Jason and Piper, but more so the son of Jupiter. He wanted to. The fact that he managed to earn Nico's trust should be more than enough reason for him to be able to trust Jason. The fact that he painstakingly took care of Nico and stayed by his side when Percy couldn't should be enough reason for him to be able to trust Jason. But it was for all those same reasons that he could trust him that Percy felt a certain degree of animosity towards Jason.

It should have been me, Percy thought to himself, as he thought back to all those times Nico needed help and the first person he turned to was Jason. It should have been me. Not them. Not him.

"I'll get straight to the point," Jason said as soon as the cabin door was closed. He leaned against the wall adjacent to it, while Percy leaned close to one of the windows. "Nico wanted me to tell you something once he died."

Percy tried not to react to his words, but Jason must have seen a reaction from him to make him flinch.

"He said that he doesn't blame you or Annabeth for what happened to him. Especially you, Percy," Jason continued even as Percy continued looking out to nowhere in particular. "He knows you'll be particularly difficult on yourself."

Took a long time for you to tell me that he doesn't blame me, Percy wanted to say. It's because you don't believe it either, right? That it's not our fault. That it's not my fault. He didn't believe it either. He knew it was his fault.

"He's still looking out for me, even now," Percy said instead with a wry smile. His hands clenched into fists inside his pockets.

"If you only knew how much he had been looking out for you…"

The smile on his lips dropped, and his eyes darkened.

"I know, Grace."

"You don't, Jackson. You really don't." They could hear the fountain starting to bubble rapidly a short distance away. Neither paid attention to it. "The things he had done for you, the things he would have done for you…" Jason eyed the silver skull ring hanging from a silver necklace on Percy's neck.

Percy didn't need a reminder. He's been doing his own musings for the past two months.

"Cupid says his feelings deserve to be acknowledged. Since I don't think he told you this, I think I should still let you know," the son of Jupiter cleared his throat. Percy spared him a brief glance. "He loved you so much, Percy. I felt his emotions in his memories, and what he felt for you…" Jason shook his head. "More than anyone else in this world, he cared about you the most."

Why didn't he tell me that? Percy wanted to ask. His mind briefly flashed to the memory of that day. On the hills, Nico's lips shakily parted, but no words left his mouth. He left with a smile so fragile that Percy couldn't dwell so long on the memory without feeling his throat clogged with raw and painful emotions. He knew what Nico wanted to say then, and a part of him desperately wanted to hear it. He still wanted to hear it.

"How's Hazel?" Percy asked as he cleared his throat, quickly changing topics. Jason sighed, but answered nonetheless.

"She's still out there somewhere. She checks in with me, Piper and Frank sometimes…" Jason trailed off, electric blue eyes locking onto the son of Poseidon's taut frame. "You remind me of her. She looks lost. Both of you look lost."

Were they? Oddly, Percy found comfort in the fact that they were lost together.

**For the first time in a while, he had another dream. But it wasn't prophetic, or memories from that specific time; Percy easily recognized the scene, though it's been almost three years since then. He remembered the party balloons, the birthday cakes, the Monopoly set on the coffee table…

I remember this, Percy thought to himself as he walked over to his fifteen-year-old self who was planting a dried sprig of moonlace out in the fire escape. From his peripheral vision, he saw the shadows pulse and swirl before a familiar figure carefully stepped out.

I remember you, Percy thought, his breath hitching as he saw a younger Nico materialize from thin air a short distance from his younger self. He reached out a hand hastily, but it passed through the younger demigod's form easily. Right, Percy clenched his hand into a tight fist. This was a dream.

Nico was already de-

He's missing, Percy corrected himself, gritting his teeth. He's just… gone. Somewhere. He'll come back. He always comes back.

He looked healthier, Percy noticed as he hovered around Nico while his younger self conversed with him. He looked less broken. There was some lingering child-like innocence in his eyes, one that life had yet to snuff out. One that Percy had yet to snuff out.

"Is that… Is that blue birthday cake?" Nico asked with his brows furrowed, staring inside the room where his younger self had left a slice on top of his dresser. He sounded hungry, and a little bit wistful.

Where did you stay all this while? Percy asked, his heart twisting painfully as he watched the son of Hades. All these months, with no permanent place to call home, how did you survive? Did he wonder about these questions before? Or was he too self-absorbed with the prophecy that was to come that he shoved Nico's unspoken situation aside?

"Come inside for some cake and ice cream," his younger self said as he patted his hands clean before stepping back inside. "It sounds like we've got a lot to talk about."

That was as far as he could remember of that day. He assumed they talked. He assumed Nico would eventually leave, just as he always had. Percy turned around, ready to leave this scene.

"I don't… I don't want to be a bother." Percy paused in mid-step, cautiously turning around to face their younger selves once more. He didn't remember Nico saying that. Nico was fiddling with the silver skull ring on his thumb, twisting it.

"You're not. We could use the company. I only invited Tyson over," his younger self said, grinning a bit. He didn't recall saying that.

"If you're sure…" Nico mumbled, slowly approaching the window to step inside.

"Wait." His younger self pushed the window up fully to get the maximum opening before he held his hand out. "Here."

"What?" Nico asked, his cheeks flushing a bright red as he stared at the outstretched hand.

"Give me your hand," his younger self instructed, holding his hand out closer to the son of Hades. "You might trip. The last thing I want is for you to get a concussion."

I don't remember any of this, Percy thought as he turned around to approach their younger selves once more. Nico looked mortified at that point, his russet-brown eyes glancing back and forth between younger Percy's outstretched hand and his vibrant sea-green eyes.

"I'm not a kid…" Eventually, he took the offered hand, stumbling slightly into the room since he was trying to avoid looking at Percy. His younger self laughed at the sight, shutting up immediately when Nico glared at him.

"You're welcome," his younger self still said cheekily. For some reason, he refused to let go of Nico's hand as he guided them towards the door to his room. "Let's get you some cake and ice cream."

In the wee hours of the morning, Percy woke up from his dream, wondering if it was just that - a dream - or if he had a glimpse into memories that were once stolen from him.

Six months after the war, Leo Valdez spiraled down from the clouds on the back of Festus. Defying the gods and the Fates, he came back alive.

Percy drew a sharp breath as he saw another person behind him, and his heart palpitated erratically at the thought of what-if. But as they descended lower onto the campground and he slowly recognized the person behind the son of Hephaestus, he couldn't help the heavy disappointment that settled on his chest.

It's not him, Percy thought as he watched Leo help Calypso hop down from Festus' back. He should feel remorse for her, as he once did in the depths of Tartarus, for not ensuring that the gods free her from her island as they had promised. But at that moment, the disappointment was just far too overwhelming and suffocating.

"Percy?" Leo asked, crossing his arms as he frowned at the son of Poseidon. Percy was still looking at a spot behind the son of Hephaestus, as if he were expecting something - someone - to materialize out of thin air. "Dude, I'm finally back. Are you seriously expecting someone else?"

I am, Percy almost said. But he swallowed the words, composed himself as best as he could, and offered a grin as he pulled the son of Hephaestus into a hug.

A huge part of him wished it was someone else in his arms.

Nine months after the war, Hazel came back. Everyone was informed but Annabeth and him. They couldn't take offense; they knew she was blaming them - blaming him - for her brother's absence.

Percy only saw her and Frank once when he and Annabeth were visiting New Rome while processing their college applications; it was how they found out she was back in the first place. The daughter of Pluto had an empty and lifeless look in her eyes, and oftentimes, she would just stare off to nowhere in particular. Frank tried to get her attention more than once, to the extent of snapping his fingers in front of her eyes. She would snap back into reality, blinking rapidly, but she would look around every single time as if she had to check where she was. 'She looks lost', Jason once said. She still did. They were both still lost. Frank patiently guided her by the hand while Annabeth guided him.

Percy knew it was wrong, but sometimes, he wished there was another prophecy; a prophecy so great that it would bring Nico di Angelo back to them.

Nico's absence didn't hit him immediately. It hit him gradually in waves, lapping at his feet at first before rearing high up and washing over his head, pulling him under.

Percy grieved for his absence. He's convinced himself for months that Nico was just that - absent. In his life, in everyone's lives.

No one told him how to deal with the grief for someone's absence. No one told him that grief came hand-in-hand with an immense longing for the presence lost. No one told him that grief and longing were there to stay indefinitely.

He found himself searching for him. Searching in the flickering shadows, half expecting the son of Hades to step out of one, and in the sea of faceless crowds that passed him by. He found himself seeking for traces of him in a world that was slowly forgetting his existence. Silence and darkness used to feel different; silence and darkness used to feel comforting. Now, silence is just silence, and darkness is just darkness. Empty. Lonely.

He's trying to relearn how to live in a world before he met Nico di Angelo. He's trying to relearn how it's like to live in a world without the intangible haven of his quiet presence.

He's trying. He's not succeeding.

Not even a year after the war, Jason died.

All those years of sacrifices and trying to save the world, only to get one year to live, Percy thought bitterly. There was a permanence this time, in the form of Jason's coffin, and his physical body laying inside. There was a permanence this time, in his cremated remains afterwards. Slowly, he was starting to question why they were still doing the will of the gods. They had done enough, hadn't they? Jason deserved to be alive, just as much as the rest of them. Jason deserved to be here with them. Jason-

"Maybe Nico needed Jason's company," Leo tried to joke through watery eyes as he held one of Piper's hands while she leaned against Hazel on her other side. Percy didn't appreciate his comment. The rest of them, except for Hazel and Leo, with the latter being unaware, looked with unease at the son of Poseidon as his eyes darkened in a matter of a few seconds.

"What are you implying about Nico, Leo?" Percy asked in an extremely cold voice, dark clouds gathering above them. The sound of thunder boomed from a distance, and multiple streaks of lightning flashed across the sky, as if in protest of the weather being manipulated all of a sudden.

"Percy!" Annabeth barked, her sharp voice snapping him back to reality. "Percy, stop it!"

"I… I'm sorry," the son of Poseidon gritted his teeth as he dispersed the clouds. The last thing they needed was him accidentally unleashing a hurricane on camp grounds from atop the Half-Blood Hill.

"Percy…" Annabeth slowly started once everything was back to normal. Leo looked startled - almost scared - while the rest of them were alarmed. "Percy, it's been a year. It's long overdue, but I think we need to hold burial rites for Nico-"

"No, we don't, Annabeth," Percy cut her off before she could finish her statement. He glared at the grass underneath his feet, otherwise he would redirect it to her. "He's not dead. He's just… He's just missing. That's all."

"Percy, this isn't right anymore. You know he's not missing. You've got to let him go," the daughter of Athena said, placing a hand against his, but he pulled it back a second later as he stood up.

'Don't you realize how useless it all is? All the heroics - being pawns of the Olympians?' Luke Castellan's voice resurfaced in his mind at that moment.

"You want to talk about what isn't right? Fine!" Percy snapped.

"It's not right that we have to put our lives on the line every time there's a new prophecy on the horizon! It's not right for a bunch of teenagers and barely adults to be playing heroes when the gods, who are clearly more powerful and capable, should be stepping up to deal with these messes!"

Thunder boomed once more from the horizon, but Percy could care less.

"We were all dragged into this life, not because they wanted to protect us, but because they needed their dispensable children to fight for them! But what do we get in return after everything? Jason barely got a year. A year!"

Dark clouds were gathering above them once more, and rain was beginning to drop down from above. Festus raised his head towards the sky before he lifted one of his wings to shield the six of them from the rain.

"It's not right that Jason isn't here! It's not right that Nico isn't here!" His voice cracked as he said the son of Hades' name.

"You're right. It's not right," Annabeth agreed, standing up. She placed a placating hand on one of his shoulders. "But that's the world we live in."

"What world?" He demanded. She flinched at the anger in his eyes. "A world where we serve the gods and die when they have no more use for us?"

"Percy!" Piper called out to him. He redirected his attention to her, but he noticed that she was looking at his feet instead. Looking down, he noticed that the grass spanning at least three feet all around him had dried up, with the water from them floating right underneath his trembling hands. Startled, he released his subconscious hold on the water, letting it drop unceremoniously to the then dried grass.

"It doesn't have to be," Annabeth whispered as she dropped her hand from his shoulder.

"But it is," he bitterly chuckled. "Jason died because he's done his part. They had no more need for him. And people like Charles, Silena, Michael, Bianca, Zoe. Even Ethan and Luke-"

SLAP!

The rest of them gasped.

"Don't. Don't go there," Annabeth said, her eyes boiling with pain and anger. The hand she used to slap Percy across the cheek was still trembling, her palm slowly reddening. Percy couldn't even register the pain over the loud ringing in his ear. "I won't talk about him if you don't want to. That's fine. But don't bring Luke into this. He died an honorable death. I won't allow you to sully my memory of him."

"You don't have to talk about my brother at all," Hazel interjected in a quiet voice. She kept her eyes on the dried grass as she spoke. "I've already returned his sword to our father and done his burial rites in Camp Jupiter."

Everyone seemed startled to hear that as they all turned their attention to the daughter of Pluto. They looked at her with slight hurt in their eyes, including Piper and Frank. It seemed as if it was something she solely kept to herself.

"Why?" Percy asked. Why would you do that? He's alive and out there somewhere! He's-

"He's dead," she said, meeting his eyes directly. There was immense sadness in her eyes, but underneath it all, there was acceptance.

No. He's not. I refuse to believe that.

"Percy!" Annabeth called out to him as he briskly walked down the hill and away from them; away from their lies.

He didn't even bother using his powers to keep himself dry as he walked out into the rain; didn't stop walking until he was in the safety of his own cabin. He might have slammed the door to his cabin too harshly, but he couldn't tell over the sound of his blood pumping in his ears.

He's not dead, Percy told himself as he leaned against the wooden door, sliding down onto the floor. He rested his head between his knees as he tried to shut the rest of the world out.

'He's dead.' He could hear Hazel's voice saying those cruel words in his head.

He's not dead, Percy repeated in his head, gritting his teeth. It's Nico. There was no way he could be dead. Against all odds, if there was anyone who would survive any ordeal, it's him.

'But he's dead,' a voice seemingly as dark as Tartarus supplied in his head, eerily sounding like his own. 'He's dead... because of you.'

"He's not dead," Percy found himself whispering as he closed his eyes tightly. "He's alive somewhere. I know he's alive."

'You killed him.' The image of Nico, barely breathing and laying on the floor, surrounded by his blood and those cursed flowers, appeared in his head.

"I didn't…!"

'You killed him.' The image of Nico's eyes filled with fear, clutching onto a handful of flowers and blood flashed in his head.

"S-Stop it…"

'Murderer.'

"Stop it!" He shouted. The glass windows and the fountain suddenly exploded, shattering into pieces, causing the heavy rain outside and the blown pipes to soak the nearby bunk beds. The rain pelted down without mercy, pounding heavily on the roof of his cabin. From outside, he barely heard the campers' startled cries and the sound of windows shattering from the strong winds. With his jaws clenched, he tried to will for the rain to stop, but in his state of mind, he was only able to reduce its intensity to a light drizzle.

Keeping his head lowered, he took measured deep breaths as he tried to regain his composure. Nico wasn't dead, he insisted on his head once again as his hands clutched onto the silver ring on his chest, bringing it close to his lips.

"Please come back, Nico," he begged in a whisper. "Prove them wrong. Please, I need you to come back."

**"Nico?!" Percy gasped as he leaned his head out of the window, staring at the son of Hades whose clothes were clearly soaked through. But Nico didn't seem to mind as he continued sitting on the steps, staring off to nowhere in particular.

"How long have you been sitting there?! You could have come inside!" Percy scolded the younger male. Dry, Percy thought as he stepped out into the rain. A layer of air covered him like a second skin, shielding him from it.

"It's fine. I wanted to stay out a little longer," Nico answered, his voice thick with emotion. Percy cautiously stood in front of him, and in their proximity, he could see his eyes slightly red and glazed over, a forlorn look in his face. It was almost unnoticeable, but he was biting on his lower lip, as if to suppress his emotions. His body shook just slightly with every breath he took. It was clear that he had been crying.

"... Bad day?" Percy lamely asked.

"... Yeah," Nico confirmed without looking at him. "Just… a really, really bad day," he said in a voice barely above a whisper, hands clenching into tight fists.

Percy felt his heart clench painfully at the sight. He's had his share of bad days too, and it was always his mom who made things better for him. Nothing grand - some candy from the candy store or, if she had time, some blue chocolate chip cookies. But sometimes, the act of her holding him was more than enough comfort. It reminded him that he wasn't alone; that a bad day was just that - a day. It would pass. It would get better.

Who was doing that for Nico? No one, his mind supplied. Perhaps Bianca did when she was alive. Bianca said they had no one but each other, and now that Bianca was gone…

"Scoot over."

"What?" The son of Hades finally looked up at him. It was hard to distinguish in the rain, but Percy could see that he was crying. It didn't sit right with him; he wished the world could give Nico a break. He's been through enough, more so than others. "What are you doing?"

"Sitting beside you, duh," Percy said with a playful roll of his eyes as he did just that, causing the younger male to press himself against the railing, as far as possible from the son of Poseidon. After a moment of hesitance, he turned off his power and let the cold rain wash over him. He shuddered at the sudden cold temperature for a few seconds before he turned his attention to the younger male, smiling cheekily.

"This is ridiculous," Nico breathed as he watched the other teen gradually get wet from the downpour. "You're ridiculous."

"R-Really? I think it's n-nice. The r-r-rain is nice," Percy breathed, though his teeth started chattering almost immediately. How was Nico faring so easily with the cold temperature? Without thinking, he reached for one of his hands, almost hissing when he felt how much colder it was in comparison to the rain.

"G-Geez, your hand is so cold!" Percy complained, grasping onto Nico's hand with both of his, rubbing it as if to pass his warmth.

"What are you doing?!" Nico exclaimed, trying to pull his hand away in a panic. But Percy held on firmly, refusing to let go.

"Ke-Keeping both of us w-warm," Percy supplied in a matter-of-factly tone.

"Just go back inside. I… I'll follow after," Nico suggested with a faint flush on his cheeks. At that time, it was so easy to mistake it for embarrassment.

But Percy just shook his head, holding on tight to Nico's hand. He smiled slightly as he felt it slowly getting warmer against his.

"I won't l-leave you. I'll keep you company until y-you fe-feel better," Percy assured, keeping his attention focused on his current task at hand. Lifting Nico's hand close to his lips, he tried blowing hot air onto it a few times.

Soft laughter from beside him made him pause briefly mid breath. Turning his attention to the son of Hades, he noticed that Nico was looking at him as well, his eyes shining for once with amusement.

"Thanks, Percy," Nico said, the corner of his lips tugging up just slightly.

"You're welcome, Nico," Percy gave him an almost breathless smile in return. He ignored the sudden warmth in his chest at the sight, in favor of resuming what he was previously doing.

If only he paid more attention, he would have seen the almost bashful smile on the son of Hades' lips as he held Percy's hand just a little tighter.

Another year… or two… or three passed. If Percy were to be honest, he's stopped trying to keep track of time. Time passed, that's all that mattered.

Perhaps the gods heard his outburst, but since then, there were no more great prophecies looming over their heads and there was hardly ever a major quest. Even if there was, Chiron assigned them to the older campers back in Camp Half-Blood. Perhaps they acknowledged that he had already proven himself enough and had met his quota for this lifetime. Or perhaps, it was the fact that most of them moved to either New Rome or somewhere further away that prevented Chiron from seeking their help.

They were through with the demigod life. They were through with living every day on the edge. It was time to live for themselves and not for the gods who could care less who lived or died as long as their survival and positions were secured. For Percy, he was done playing the role of a hero. He was done taking the lead. So, he stood back.

Life goes on. There was finally normality in his life. He was attending college and sharing a living space with Annabeth in New Rome. He was living the dream that he and Annabeth envisioned. It should fulfill him. It should make him happy.

He's not.

He's still lost. He's still searching. For him.

He's still searching for him in the flickering shadows. He's still searching for him in the crowds. He's still seeking his presence in the silence and darkness. He still longed for his return, but until then, these dreams - or memories - would tide him over.

He would anticipate for the night to come more than the day, for in the night - for the majority, at least - he would dream about Nico. He would dream of that small world they created in his apartment back in Manhattan; he would dream of their talks in his room or his fire escape.

It had become an unhealthy fixation, Percy was aware. He would spend so much time asleep, he would often miss some, if not all, of his morning classes. Annabeth tried to fix this newly found bad habit, but it took three times of him unintentionally growling at her once she had successfully woken him up for her to stop altogether.

This isn't healthy, Percy. You're not moving on, she said one day, her brows furrowed with deep concern. Percy pitied her; she deserved better than what he was offering her, or rather lack of. It's supposed to be us against the world, but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle on my own here.

He didn't correct her. He couldn't correct her. For somewhere, in the depths of his heart, he knew she was right.

Memories may fail them, but the world leaves traces.

All this time, he's been searching for a person; for something physical. He didn't expect to find him in something just as intangible as a dream or a memory.

"Percy, can you close the windows out there in the living room before the rain gets heavier? Kind of busy at the moment," Annabeth called out to him from her room. Her frame was hunched over her study table and a bunch of hand drawn designs as she translated them to some modeling software on her laptop for her class.

"Sure," Percy agreed. He stood up from the couch and moved to close one of the windows. He grabbed the ledge, and was just about to close it when he froze.

It was faint, but he could smell it. A scent he was familiar with. A scent he never forgot despite how many years had passed. It was a scent that haunted him, even in his dreams. It was-

"Percy?" The daughter of Athena paused her work, peering out the door to her room as she looked at the son of Poseidon. Percy was still holding onto the ledge, the rain soaking through his long-sleeved shirt. But Percy wasn't even listening to her. Without closing the window, he suddenly ran out of the front door of their shared apartment, barefooted.

"Percy!" Annabeth called out to him, watching as he ran into the streets. Cursing, she hastily grabbed her apartment keys and a jacket, tugging it on and pulling the hood up as she ran after him.

"Percy!" She called out to him once more as she watched his eyes dart around, frantically looking around the streets for something or someone. He didn't even cast his powers as the rain soaked through his clothes. He looked lost; as lost as he had been since all those years ago. "Percy, what are you doing?!"

Her boyfriend turned to her, but the look he gave her… Annabeth winced as he crossed the distance between them in a few steps, his hands clasping tightly onto her shoulders to the point that it might bruise.

"That scent," he breathed. She could see the desperation and hope in his eyes; it was overwhelming. He looked like a madman. "Can you smell it too?"

Scent? She sniffed the air carefully while he waited with bated breath.

"Do you mean that pleasant, earthy smell? It's petrichor. It's produced by rainfall on very dry ground. It's been a long time since it rained that you can smell its distinct scent now," she answered. Whatever answer he was expecting, she clearly didn't provide it, as the hope in his eyes faded, and the hands that were holding onto her dropped, as if he had lost all strength. "Percy, what is it?"

Percy continued glancing around at the empty streets. Searching. Yearning.

"It smelled like him," Percy answered, a tear slipping from his eyes. She stiffened as she realized why he acted the way he did. It should have been obvious to her. Only he could make him crumble like this.

Petrichor. Not Nico.

Wordlessly, she pulled him into a tight hug. Percy held onto her with desperation as if she was his lifeline, and she could only pretend that it used to mean the same as it did all those years ago.

"I miss him," he sobbed, and in his pain, he failed to realize that she was crying too. He used to be completely hers at some point. They were supposed to be together, wasn't that what they fought for in Tartarus? In the two wars? Why was she losing him now? To whom was she losing him to? To his memories? To feelings that blossomed too late?

"I miss him so much it hurts," Percy gasped in between tears.

You're supposed to love me, not him, she wanted to say, but in his brokenness, she couldn't bring herself to be selfish.

Please move on, she begged in her head as she closed her eyes, letting the rain wash over her tears. She held him close, letting him break and shatter in her arms, being his pillar of support. It felt as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders once more, but this time, he wouldn't shoulder it for her.

Please start moving on. I don't know how much longer I can hang on until I have to let you go.

Once in a while, Percy would make it rain. Once in a while, Annabeth would silently break.

**"You know, you could stay here," Percy offered as they were watching movies one night. They were seated on his bed, with Nico huddled up on the opposite side, which didn't really matter since the bed was a size single.

"What?" Nico asked with a frown.

"I mean, you don't have to travel all the time. If you need a place to stay, you can always stay here," Percy gestured to the mess that was his room. Nico looked slightly uncomfortable with the offer as he fiddled with the silver skull ring on his thumb.

"Thanks, but I'm fine. I don't want to impose more than I already have…" Nico murmured as he took some popcorn from the bowl between them. Percy frowned in response.

"You're not. Besides, mom likes you." His mom actually adored Nico too much because he was too shy and polite with her. It was probably a breath of fresh air for her since his and Nico's personalities were rather the opposite of each other.

"Your mom likes anyone you call a friend, Percy," Nico pointed out while carefully eating one piece at a time.

"Well, I like you," Percy blurted out without thinking. The son of Hades coughed sharply as he suddenly looked away, a bright flush painting his cheeks. "H-Having you around, I mean," Percy corrected, stammering. His cheeks felt slightly hot at that moment. Probably from the embarrassment, he thought. "It's really no bother if you want to stay. It must be exhausting having to travel from place to place."

For a moment, a forlorn expression crossed the son of Hades' face once more. Percy noticed it for a while now: that Nico's profile always looked sad and alone, like it's a permanent identity that he had come to accept once Bianca was gone.

"It is. But I have no home, Percy."

'You never had a home even when it was just you and Bianca', Percy wanted to say. 'But this could be your home. You could stay. I'll make sure you'll never have to feel alone again.'

But for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to make another promise; not so soon after he had broken the first one and it cost his sister's life.

"You're always welcome here," Percy said instead. "I mean it."

"Thank you, Percy," Nico said as usual, a small smile on his lips.

At some point in the movie, Nico dozed off beside him and Percy guided his head to rest against his shoulder before he could topple off the side of the bed. He carefully brushed the hair away from his face, noting the dark bags underneath his eyes, and how prominently they stood out against his pale skin.

'You deserve better than this,' Percy thought as he wrapped a blanket around the two of them. 'This time, for sure…' he thought as he clumsily moved his right hand, searching for one of Nico's hands underneath the blanket. He grasped it firmly in his hand, shuddering at its now familiar coldness.

'This time, for sure, I'll protect you. I won't let the world leave you behind.'

"Did you even love me?" Annabeth asked as she stood on the doorway, a suitcase in one of her hands. Her stormy gray eyes were downcast. Looking at them, it was if Percy was staring at ruins once the storm had passed. They were broken. He broke her, just as he broke him.

Percy wondered if this was how his father left his mother back then all those years ago. Did he also say, 'This isn't working out anymore'? Did he also say 'We're not fine. You're not fine'? Did he also take the bare minimum with him as he left, with the promise to take the rest when she wasn't home?

Or did he leave like Nico - quietly - without a trace, and with a wordless goodbye?

Percy wondered if what he felt at that moment was the same as his mother's then. Did she feel just as worn out? Did she feel shattered? Did she also think 'Ah, I should have known this was coming', and found a forbidden relief when it finally did? Did she look at his father and thought 'I still love you' but still let him walk out of the door?

Did she almost beg, like Percy almost begged Annabeth? To hold on a little longer - 'I'm almost there' - but found that he couldn't because she had been holding on for years, and all this time when she could have been living her life, he had been dragging her down.

"I did," he said with certainty. He loved her so much. There was once a time when he would give everything for this beautiful woman with stormy gray eyes. "I still do."

"But not with all of your heart. Not as you used to," the daughter of Athena finished for him. His silence, his lack of response, confirmed that. She looked up towards the ceiling and started blinking rapidly. Percy could tell she was desperately trying not to cry. Not in front of him, at least. Percy didn't think he deserved her tears; he had taken so much away from her, broken so much of her over the years.

"I just want to know this: did you fall in love with him?" She asked as she turned to face him once more, her eyes searching.

His heart stopped for a beat at the question, and he could only look back at her in response. He never entertained the thought - not once. Did he? All these years, did he fall in love with Nico?

But how do you even fall in love with someone who's been long gone?

"I see." Whatever it was in his eyes was enough of an answer for her as she turned away from him.

"Please don't go," Percy found himself whispering selfishly. He knew it was the right thing to let her go, but she was taking away the few remaining lights in his life. He didn't want to think of the darkness that laid ahead. "I don't know how to be alone."

She paused as she crossed the threshold, her hand flexing around the handle of her suitcase. With her back to him, she looked up to the sky once more for a few seconds before she slowly turned to face him. A small, fragile smile graced her lips. His chest clenched painfully at how awfully familiar it looked to him.

"That only means you don't know who you are," Annabeth answered before she turned away from him once more. "I hope time will eventually heal you. Goodbye, Percy."

As she stepped into the hallway and slowly made her way out of the building, her steps becoming more sure and confident than previous ones, not once did she spare a glance back as she left Percy behind.

As Percy watched her walk away, he could feel his heart breaking into pieces as the silhouette of another figure stood by her, leaving him behind in the same manner as he once did all those years ago.

The world didn't stop; it kept moving. Percy half-expected it to stop for him; to give him enough time to catch up with the rest. But in the darkness of the apartment he used to share with her, and in the darkness of his room, he remained stuck. But this time, he was truly all on his own.

Frank tried to visit and call him. He's certain that Leo, Piper and even Grover also tried to do the same. He didn't answer on any occasion. He didn't mean to, and a part of him felt guilty, but a bigger chunk just felt numb. He couldn't bring himself to let them in. He couldn't bring himself to drag them into this mess that not even Annabeth could fix. He couldn't bring himself to break another person.

He called his mother and told her he had to stop going to college. A year - he promised to his mom. He claimed that he needed the break. He didn't tell her everything, but it was clear that she understood the details that mattered. She always did. But he remained in New Rome, just because he couldn't bring himself to be a burden to her. Ultimately, he couldn't bring himself to be back in his old room. He was afraid that if he stayed, he might not want to leave.

His mother suggested going to therapy. Just once, she insisted, to see if it would help him. He agreed just because he could see that he was breaking her heart with his disassociation. He was certain that he had been breaking her heart for years. He wanted to fix himself for her; he wanted to move on. He knew what was holding him back, but how?

How could he move on when all he wanted was to see him again?

How could he move on when all he wanted was to hold him - even just his hand - one more time?

How could he move on when all he wanted was to hear those words he never said all those years ago?

How do you move on with a lack of closure?

"Do you know there are five stages of grief?" the therapist said. "Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance - in that order. You wonder why you can't move on. In my perspective, you have been through its four stages, but you struggle to reach the last one, which is acceptance."

"You struggle to accept that he's gone." Percy flinched at the way she said that last word. "You're in denial whenever someone tells you otherwise, and you lash out at them for even suggesting it. You've bargained in your head, creating a lot of 'what if' and 'if only' statements that you will never find an answer to. You probably tried to bargain in terms of time as well. As for depression, well…" she tapped her finger against her notepad. "To me, it seems as if you've been drowning in it for a long time, Percy. Six years, to be precise."

"You feel guilty about him being gone, and I think that maybe you're mistaking that guilt with love," the therapist eventually said, referring to his feelings for Nico, as she scribbled down notes on her notepad while occasionally glancing at him. It was useless; Percy wasn't going to come back. He was certain she would never understand him or what was going on with him.

"Or maybe I'm mistaking love for guilt," he found himself saying, causing her to pause in her writing, a contemplative expression on her face. She probably didn't consider that. It was fine. He didn't consider that before either.

His apartment became his safe haven, and his prison at the same time, with his thoughts being his sole companions. He spent a lot of time thinking. It's the only thing he found that he could do.

He thought about Annabeth. Percy saw the inevitable end of their relationship creeping from a distance, but he adamantly tried to ignore it. He saw the signs - how they used to wait up for each other after classes and talk for hours on end, and how those hours gradually shortened to the point they wouldn't speak for days. When they did talk, he noticed the increasingly longer cracks they're leaving in their conversations, as if they didn't know how to talk to each other anymore. He noticed the ever-growing sadness in her eyes, her detachment in response to his. He noticed for weeks how the intimate embraces and the tender kisses stopped, replaced by melancholic caresses or pats on the cheeks as if she was slowly bidding him goodbye.

She let him go gradually, he realized. She had to let him go because he was suffocating her. He was those forget-me-nots she had to get out of her system so she could breathe, so she could live.

When he was not thinking about her, he thought of Nico - the younger Nico in his dreams and the one… he had last seen. He thought about the younger Nico in his dreams and his relationship with his then fifteen-year-old self. Percy could say that, if that were true, they were properly friends. He thought about their late-night talks in the fire escape, and in his room. Mostly, it's Percy talking, but in his dreams, Nico genuinely smiled a handful of times. And he was present. For Nico, he was present.

They felt too real to just be dreams. But if they were just dreams, were these his subconscious hopes of a second chance to be a better person - a better someone - for the son of Hades?

But who did he want to be for Nico? Did he want to be a better friend for him? Or did he, as Annabeth suggested, want something… more? Who was Nico to Percy?

He thought back to how Nico fitted against him. He thought back to the kiss they shared all those years ago. Their first and last. I wish it lasted much longer, he let the unbidden thought form in his head after years of shoving it at the back of his mind. I wish I could have taken the curse through your lips and suffered in your place.

He felt a familiar stirring in his chest.

He wants to-

Reaching up to his neck, he unclasped the silver necklace and let Nico's ring dangle in front of him.

What did he want?

Someone… help me. I don't know anything anymore.

What am I doing here? Percy thought as he found himself standing before the Temple of Venus. It was easily one of the best temples in Camp Jupiter, spanning more than a hundred meters in width and depth. It was to be expected - the Romans hailed her as the divine ancestress of their culture, and therefore, she was more than a mere goddess of love in comparison to how the Greeks perceive her. She was more respected here, and that much was obvious with the number of burnt torches that lined the building's structure. Percy felt a little jab of resentment as he looked at one of the marble sculptures that adorned the entrance.

Out of all the gods and goddesses he could possibly want to visit after all these years - after everything - the goddess of love was one of the many that he didn't want to pay tribute to. What had love done for him throughout the years? What had love brought into his life? Nothing. It yielded nothing, but a string of broken hearts and equally broken people. It yielded nothing when it was there, and it continued to yield nothing when it left. In its absence, all Percy felt was complete numbness and solitude. Love is as much a blessing as it is a curse. In Percy's case, it was nothing but a curse.

He should walk away. He wanted to walk away. But it was as if something was compelling him to go forward, and so he did.

Baskets of fruits and vases of red roses were spread across the seafoam green marble floor while numerous wrought iron stands lined the walls, full of small votive candles lit for prayers. For a temple where dozens of demigods and legacies come throughout the day to offer tributes and prayers, there seemed to be no one inside. It was quiet. Too quiet.

As he walked further inside, he saw a figure kneeling with his head down at the base of the forty-foot statue of Venus, and a quiet voice speaking in - based on what Percy could hear - Latin. He warily reached into his pocket, feeling for Riptide, and pulled it out in its pen form.

"It's very impolite to immediately greet someone with a sword to their back," the figure - a man - stated in a low voice. In the silence of the temple, it was clear and distinct. Still kneeling on the ground, the man looked over his shoulder and the face that greeted Percy immediately made him freeze in place.

You.

Riptide clattered and rolled on the ground, but Percy didn't even seem to notice as he stepped closer.

Six years. He had been waiting for him for six long years.

"Nico…" Percy reached a hand out.

"It's interesting that he's the one you're seeing right now," 'Nico' spoke in a voice so rich and deep, and not him. His appearance slowly began to change as he stood up - untamed black hair becoming perfectly straight while russet-brown eyes slowly shifted to a glaring blood-red. "But I'm not the son of Hades."

"I can only assume Jason Grace has told me about you. We met in Croatia; him and the son of Hades," the man continued, slinging a quiver filled with arrows and a bow behind his back.

"Cupid. You're Cupid," Percy breathed, disappointment dropping like lead onto his chest.

The god smiled. "You're not so slow on the uptake, son of Poseidon. Yes, I am Cupid."

"What are you doing here?" Percy asked, frowning in confusion. "I felt something pull me here. Were you the one?"

"I did pull you here to talk. It would have been my mother, but I believe she is the last person you want to talk to-..." Cupid paused, looking at the statue. "No, mother. I only meant that he might not listen if you were the one to talk to him. Nothing more," Cupid redirected his attention to the son of Poseidon with a sigh. "You've been praying for weeks for help, for answers, and so I came."

"Then give me answers now!" Percy demanded through gritted teeth. Months. Time might be fleeting for gods, but not for a mortal like him. "I don't understand anything anymore! What… Are those things that I'm seeing at night my memories? Or are the gods just messing with me?" he asked. It was the one thing he needed to know above everything else.

Cupid pursed his lips as he looked at the young demigod, contemplating.

"They are some of your most precious memories," the god admitted, watching Percy cautiously as he circled around him from a distance. "When the Queen of the gods took you away, they were part of the memories that you lost. I'm just giving them back. It's a slow process, of course. If I gave them back in one lump, there was a chance you might forget most of them, or worse, you would have gone insane."

"Why? Why weren't all my memories returned all those years ago?"

"Honestly? On one hand, the gods have forgotten about it." It didn't slip past Cupid how Percy's face darkened at his words. "On the other hand, it's what the gods wanted. They needed you to not remember until the prophecies were all done."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Percy asked, his patience running thin. He was asking questions, and to some extent, they were getting answered. But as more questions get answered, the more questions would come to mind. Cupid sensed this.

"What answers did you want, son of Poseidon?" The god prompted.

There were so many questions he needed answers for. But he settled for one of the two that was currently at the forefront of his mind.

"Did I really love Annabeth?" He asked. It seemed ridiculous to ask, but he couldn't trust his heart anymore. Not when it could be easily manipulated by the gods with just a snap of their fingers.

"You did," Cupid easily confirmed. It brought Percy some assurance that the past few years between them weren't a fabricated lie. "I can tell that you still do. There is some love still lingering, but not with the same passion as you once had. It's fading, with each passing day."

"Figuratively, both of you were pulled into the depths of the ocean and dragged to its floor. Whereas she resurfaced, you remained in place. You still do, to this day," Cupid commented.

"Were any of my feelings real?" How could he be beside someone for so many years and fall out of love in their presence?

"Most of it was real."

"But some aren't." It wasn't a question.

Cupid smiled ruefully before he stared at the silver skull ring on the son of Poseidon's ring finger. "You're asking the wrong question, demigod."

Percy stiffened at that. There were only two questions in his mind that he truly wanted to know. If it wasn't that, then…

"Did I… Did I love Nico?" He asked hesitantly. Cupid smiled wider, but it was twisted with something akin to pity.

"If you did, he would be alive now," the god pointed out, causing him to flinch instinctively in response. Nico wasn't dead. Even if a god were to tell him that, he refused to acknowledge it."Again, you're asking the wrong questions."

What am I supposed to ask then?! He wanted to shout. Both questions he needed an answer were, according to Cupid, the wrong questions. What was he supposed to ask? What was he supposed to know? Everything in his life seemed predetermined by the gods. Was there even any point in asking anything in his life if the only answer he would get was 'because it's what the gods wanted'?

"You didn't answer my earlier question," Percy recalled as he glanced over the god who was still walking in circles some distance away from him. He didn't miss how Cupid paused mid step for only a microsecond before he resumed his normal pace. "Why did the gods not want me to remember these memories with Nico until the prophecies were over?"

The god stopped pacing once he was finished with his question. "I think you already know the answer to that. All those months ago, you already had your answer. You just refused to acknowledge it."

No, I don't have an answer! Percy almost snapped. He wouldn't be asking such a question if he knew!

"Think, Percy Jackson. Think of him, and allow yourself to feel, and you'll realize that you have your answers all along."

He wanted to snap. Think? All he had ever done for six years was think of Nico di Angelo! Nico di Angelo, who occupied his thoughts in every waking moment and throughout the day. Nico di Angelo, who occupied his dreams most nights, and had Percy looking forward to those moments when sleep would finally claim him if that meant seeing him again. Nico di Angelo, whom he never stopped searching for in the sea of faceless crowds. Nico di Angelo, whose memories haunted him to this day.

Nico di Angelo…

Who are you to me, Nico? Percy asked, closing his eyes as he tried to recall Nico from his memories. Why did the gods not want me to remember you from that time?

He recalled Nico's profile in the rain and the immense sadness in his eyes. He recalled those russet-brown eyes and the forlorn expression in them, and wished that the world would be a little bit kinder to his soul…

He recalled the slight crinkle at the corner of Nico's eyes when he couldn't suppress a smile, no matter how small it was. He recalled the rare soft flush on his cheeks when he was embarrassed or flustered. He recalled the feel of Nico's hand, how they always felt cold at first, but they warmed just right against his the longer he held it. He recalled how soft they were despite the calluses and the multiple scars that littered them, and he felt the desire to go back in time to kiss every single one just because Nico deserved to be treated like someone special because he was.

He felt that familiar stirring in his chest, but this time he had a name for it. Oh.

The skull ring on his ring finger seemed to burn against his skin at that moment.

"... Would I have chosen Nico over Annabeth?" Percy hesitantly asked. The god looked away from him as Cupid resumed his pacing.

"You were standing at a fork on the road. One was with the daughter of Athena, the other was with the son of Hades. Your emotions played a huge factor on which road you were going to take."

"You remembered all the good memories you had with Annabeth, and so it seemed like an obvious choice to walk down the road with her. On the other hand, the only memories you had of Nico were of his betrayals." Percy flinched at the word, knowing how untrue it was now. Cupid looked almost sympathetic.

"That boy did a lot for you. As I mentioned to them before, the love he had for you deserved to be acknowledged," the god added, before he continued with what he was originally saying.

"Proserpina, or rather Persephone, she's the goddess of Spring. Despite the curse she inflicted on the son of Hades, she holds no governance over my mother's domain. Not fully, that is," Cupid rectified his words.

"She can't make someone unlovable. Which means that Nico had a chance to live," Cupid said with so much certainty that Percy believed in it.

That's what was bothering Percy all along about the curse. He tossed and turned it over in his head a dozen times. Everyone was so certain that Nico would… succumb… to it, but Percy begged to differ. There was no way a curse couldn't be broken; curses didn't work that way. But none of them could see the problem with it; none of them looked back enough on it. Now that Cupid was confirming his speculation, it only left a heavy weight in his chest. Nico could have-

"Would I have chosen Nico?" Percy asked once more, his voice surprisingly leveled. Cupid stopped pacing once more before he dissolved into thin air. The next second, he materialized at the entrance of the temple.

"It wasn't a coincidence that you somehow remembered him. Now that you've seen some of the memories you've had with him, do you think you would have chosen him?"

Yes.

It was a quiet voice in his head, but in the silence, it was deafening. Yes, he might have. He was ready to abandon everything for Annabeth. He would have been ready to abandon everything for Nico. Even the quest… even the world.

"They used us. You all used us," Percy whispered, a tear slipping from one of his eyes as he looked at the love god. The ground trembled beneath them, and he knew his anger was fueling it. It should startle Percy - that he was tapping onto powers he was certain that he didn't inherit from his father. But at that moment, he didn't care about anything aside from the overwhelming feeling of his heart being ripped into shreds and the waves of vengeful anger rolling off of him. Dark clouds gathered outside of the temple, covering the entirety of the Temple Hill, and the winds howled loudly. Cupid's gaze flickered outside briefly, but he didn't react beyond that.

Cupid was a love god, and so was his mother. Above all the gods…

You were supposed to honor this emotion, not play with it.

"It mattered where your heart was at that moment. Things had to happen for a reason. Whether the son of Hades was cursed or not, it was almost inevitable for you to make a choice beyond what the gods have chosen for you. And that path that they chose for you… was with the daughter of Athena."

But Percy heard none of it. He didn't want to hear anymore of the gods' excuses. Wordlessly, he headed towards the entrance to the temple, sparing no further glance to the love god.

"Where are you going, Percy?" Cupid asked quietly. The son of Poseidon paused in his steps at the entrance as he stared outside. He could hear the sounds of people shouting and panicking down at New Rome as the ground continued to shake underneath their feet. This. The preservation of this was the equivalent to Nico's life? The gods forsook Nico's life… for this. Nico suffered for months… felt helpless for months… for this.

'Bury it,' a dark voice inside his head crooned, sounding like his own. His fingers flexed in response to it. 'Bury this entire place to the ground and tear Olympus down. You know you want to. You know they deserve it.'

The sound of Nico sobbing that he didn't want to die surfaced in his mind, causing the ground to tremble all the more violently as it fueled his hatred.

'They didn't care about him. He was important to you, but he meant nothing to them.'

'They used his love for you to make him suffer," the voice continued. 'Going through Tartarus all on his own, getting trapped in a jar, leading everyone to the Doors of Death, taking the Athena Parthenos back to camp… it was all for you. They counted that he would do all of it… for you.'

They did. Nico was played by their hands.

'He would have been here if it weren't for them.'

Everywhere he went, he was reminded of a semblance of a normal life Nico might have had. Everywhere he went, he was reminded of all the things Nico didn't get a chance to have.

'He would have been here in your arms. They took him away from you.'

Everywhere he went, he was reminded of everything that was taken away from Nico. From him.

'So take it.'

Every fiber of his being was prompting him to listen to that voice. In his sorrow and despair, all he wanted was to take everything away from them just as they took Nico away from him. He wanted to. He so badly wanted to. But…

'Raze this world to the ground.'

His trembling hands slowly clenched into fists on his sides, and the tremors gradually subsided.

As much as he hated this world that knew only how to keep taking from him, he couldn't follow the voice in his head in consideration of Nico's wishes. Despite that it forsook him, Nico still wanted to save it. Despite that it forsook them, traces of Nico still remained in it, and it was all Percy had left to cling onto.

Rain, he whispered in his head before he completely stopped the ground from shaking.

"I'm going to get Nico back," Percy said in a low voice as he stepped out into the sudden heavy rain. He didn't bother keeping himself dry, finding the smallest comfort in feeling the rain on his skin, as well as the memory attached to it.

"Let the dead rest, Percy Jackson. He's long gone."

Crack marks suddenly started appearing on the base of the temple columns as well as the temple's platform.

"Shut up," Percy warned in a cold voice before he walked away, leaving Cupid to stare at his back.

The gods had lied to him all his life. He wasn't going to believe in another lie. He took a deep breath, letting that familiar earthy scent wash over him as the rain kissed the ground; kissed the tears away from his cheeks. He wasn't going to believe in another lie, not when the earth still remembered Nico's scent.

**Percy was aware that he was caught in another dream once more, but this felt different in comparison to others. It neither felt like a memory nor a vision, and there was a clear absence of presence of his younger self and a younger Nico. There was something off about the setting; something artificial about it. His room was spotless. It didn't look lived in. Like everything was just there so that the space wouldn't seem so empty.

"Percy."

He froze at the sound of that voice. There was no mistaking whose voice that belonged to. His eyes frantically darted around the room before coming to a stop at a figure outside of his window, standing at his balcony, staring at him expectantly. Percy could only stare at him in shock. It was him. Percy was certain that this was him. It was the same face from his memory all those years ago.

Please, don't let this be another cruelty from the gods, Percy begged in his head as he approached his figure. Never once did he look away from those beautiful russet-brown eyes, for fear of him disappearing. He paused once he reached the window, unsure for a second what he was supposed to do or say, before he simply held out one of his hands. Those brown eyes darted back and forth the outstretched hand and hopeful sea-green eyes for a few seconds before the figure spoke.

"I'm not a kid." Percy's eyes watered slightly at the familiar response. A hand grasped his hand confidently though, and the figure stumbled into his room as he did so many years ago, but Percy caught him in his arms this time. He couldn't hold back a sob as he finally held Nico in his arms.

This was what he wanted for six years. But not here; not in a dream. He couldn't feel the warmth of his body. He couldn't bask in his scent. Why couldn't he hold him outside of a dream? He felt smaller in his arms. It was as if Nico didn't change over the past six years.

"I miss you," Percy rasped through tears. Nico returned his embrace, and Percy simply brought him closer. "I miss you so much."

"I know," Nico murmured close to his ears. His voice sounded so broken that Percy wanted to pull back to look at his face, but Nico simply held on tighter. "I know the past few years have been hard on you. Which is why it's time for you to let go, Percy," Nico pleaded. "Please, Percy. Let go of me."

"I can't," Percy found himself denying Nico as he buried his face against the crook of his neck and held onto him desperately, refusing to let go. How could Nico be so cruel and ask him to let go? As if it was really that easy for Percy to get over him. "Not again. Not anymore. Just wait a little longer, and we can be together. I don't care whatever it is that I have to do - I'll get you back and we can start anew."

"You're not listening," Nico sobbed into his ear. Please, no more, Percy wanted to beg. He didn't want to hear Nico cry anymore because of him. He was done making that mistake. "You have to let me go. It's too late."

"It's not." Percy refused to accept that. Pulling back from their embrace, he carefully brushed Nico's tears away as they continued to spill from his eyes. "I'll come for you, Nico. I'll find you and I'll bring you back. We'll be together from now on," he promised. He had no intention of breaking it this time.

"Percy…" Percy could see the pain in his eyes as he called out his name. Nico cradled the son of Poseidon's face tenderly as he carefully pressed their foreheads against each other and leaned forward until there was only an inch separating their lips.

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing for you to find…" Nico whispered in the space between their lips. "Please move on and be free. Live without me." Their lips barely touched before Nico slowly disintegrated into hundreds of forget-me-nots, leaving Percy desperately clutching onto nothing once more.

The last person Percy expected to stop him from finding Nico was Hazel. And yet, here she was, standing inside of his apartment, meeting Percy's eyes for the first time in so many years. There was still a deep sadness in her eyes, but she seemed at peace. She didn't look lost anymore. Now, only he was truly left behind.

"May I come in?" Hazel asked, gesturing inside, as if she hadn't already barged in through the shadows. Percy swallowed. It had been a long time since he heard her voice. It was warm and gentle, and in a time gone by, he depended on it for comfort.

He gestured with his head and wordlessly let her in. She cautiously stepped inside, taking in his half-packed bag on the couch. He hastily placed it on the ground before gesturing for her to take a seat, which she did with a murmured thanks.

"Did you know, six years ago, Nico injected a fragment of his soul onto that ring?" Hazel asked with a forlorn look on her face as she stared at the skull ring on Percy's finger. "I think he wasn't aware of it. It was so weak I barely noticed it a few years ago."

"Is it still there?" Percy asked, cradling the ring carefully in his hand, as if it was his most prized possession. It was, at this point. He thought back to the most recent dream he had. Was the Nico he saw a fragment of the original soul then? It made sense if it was.

Hazel shook her head. "I can't feel it there anymore. It seems to have moved on." Percy's heart crushed just slightly at her words. Was he not even allowed to have that? A part of Nico with him? But he didn't dwell on the thought for too long. He would have Nico in his arms soon. He would willingly trade all of his soul if need be, if only he could have a moment to see and hold him once again. In the face of desperation, there was nothing he wouldn't give or do.

"But that's not what I came here for. Father-... well, Lord Hades spoke to me in my dreams," she said as soon as Percy sat down on the couch adjacent to the one she was seated on. "He told me to stop you from whatever it is that you're planning on doing. That whatever it is you're looking for, you will never find it."

Percy's hands clenched reflexively at the words. "If I told you I'm planning to use the sword of Hades to get Nico back, would you still stop me?" He asked, his voice thick with emotion as he finally acknowledged the truth that Nico died all those years ago. That no matter how much he searched for him in the shadows and in the crowds, he was never going to appear before Percy again.

But, Percy was going to get Nico back. He'd bring him back like he promised in that dream, just like Nico did for Hazel. He'd get to hold him again, and this time, he wouldn't let go of his hand. He'd get to apologize for his mistakes and for taking so long to come to him. He'd get to finally hear those words that he never said, and Percy-

A second chance. He was getting a second chance with Nico.

The daughter of Pluto bit on her lower lip at the response. Tearing her eyes away from the ring, she raised her eyes to meet Percy's sea-green ones.

"Before Nico, Reyna and Coach Hedge left to transport the Athena Parthenos, Nico told me something," she said instead, clasping her hands as if in a prayer as she leaned back against her seat. "He said he will wait for me in the Underworld so he could properly say his goodbye."

"Is he still there?" Percy asked, leaning forward, hope in his eyes. However, Hazel looked crushed.

"Percy… what I mean is Nico's really gone," she said in a voice so low it was almost inaudible. But Percy heard it.

"He chose rebirth six years ago."

Oh.

"I'm sorry, Percy," the daughter of Pluto continued, diverting her eyes to the carpeted floor. She couldn't bear the shattered look that presented itself in the son of Poseidon's eyes. He looked as if she took his entire world and his sole purpose to continue living. From her peripheral vision, she could see his hands, his entire frame, trembling. "All these years I've blamed you for my brother's death, even though it wasn't your fault."

"But it was. His feelings for me killed him, Hazel," Percy rasped, clutching onto the ring on his finger. It really was the only thing left he had of Nico's. It wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

Hazel shook her head at his words. "You said it yourself, his feelings for you killed him. His feelings. It's not your fault or his that he felt that way. It just happened."

Cautiously, she reached a hand out, placing it on top of one of Percy's.

"I'm done with blaming. I made peace with his death. It's time you do too. It's time to let go," she coaxed as she squeezed onto his hand.

There it was again. Let go. But he didn't know how to let go. He didn't want to let go. Moving on felt like forgetting him, and Percy didn't want to forget him.

How? He wanted to ask, and so he did.

"How? How did you do it?" How do you move on from someone who never became yours to let go?

Hazel gave him a small smile as she stood up, offering her hands up to him. Hesitantly, he took them and she pulled him to his feet before she wiped his tears. The shadows swirled around them, but this time, Percy knew better than to look. He kept his eyes on the daughter of Pluto as she willed the shadows to swallow them.

"Come with me, Percy. I want you to meet someone."

Hazel took them to the Adventure Playground in Central Park. Percy winced as the sudden brightness and loudness hit him. The daughter of Pluto laughed at his reaction before she gestured to him to follow her as she moved with purpose, a destination in her mind. They maneuvered carefully past running children and parents, with Hazel guiding them towards one of the occupied benches.

A beautiful woman who appeared to be in her mid-thirties was seated on it. Her long and wavy dark brown hair was tied back into a loose ponytail, with only a few wisps framing her delicate face. Her dark brown eyes were alight with happiness as she noticed the daughter of Pluto approaching them, though her expression shifted slightly into confusion once she noticed Percy trailing closely behind.

"Mrs. de Santis," Hazel greeted once they were just a few feet away. The woman smiled ever so brightly as she stood up, encompassing the younger woman in a tight hug. "I brought a friend."

Is she who Hazel wanted me to meet? Percy thought, confused.

"Hazel! It's so good to see you. It's been weeks," she greeted as she let the former go. Her eyes turned to Percy, and for some reason, Percy couldn't help but think that there was something familiar about the older woman although this was certainly the first time he was seeing her. "Who's your handsome friend?"

Percy blushed at the comment. He politely extended his hand as he introduced himself. "My name is Percy Jackson, ma'am."

"Nice to meet you, Percy. I'm Mariam de Santis," she introduced herself with an amicable smile as she shook his hand lightly. She turned to Hazel once more as soon as she released his hand. "I assume you came to see him?"

"Yes," Hazel confirmed with a soft smile, and Percy found himself staring at it. It's been six years since he saw Hazel smile in that way, a smile that she only reserved for her brother.

"I see," she nodded. Looking past them, she raised one of her hands and started waving it. "Tesorino! Come! Your friend Hazel's here!"

"Coming, mama!" A child answered in a sweet voice.

Percy turned around at the same time as the child did.

It can't be… His heart stopped beating for a second, and his eyes widened with surprise. He was much younger than Percy remembered, but the similarity in their features was uncanny. He was certain that this time, no god was playing tricks on his eyes - that what he was seeing was real. That black disheveled hair, his pale olive skin, his russet-brown eyes… gods those eyes. He never forgot them even as six years passed by.

Now Percy knew why the older woman looked so familiar - she was his mother as well in his past life.

"Hazel! I missed you!" The child gasped as he saw his friend, before he ran towards them, his hands outstretched. Hazel leaned down and easily took him in her arms, spinning him around in circles as she hugged him tight.

"Oh dear, he left his toys again," Mrs. de Santis said with a sigh. "Watch over him please, Hazel. I'll go get his toys," the woman politely requested, moving towards the sand play area before the younger woman could reply.

"Hey, little one. I missed you too. How have you been?" Hazel asked as she pressed kisses all over the child's face, causing the latter to giggle at the ticklish feeling. The sound was soft and endearing, like wind chimes tinkling against the gentle breeze. Percy had never heard him laugh so freely before. He didn't know it could sound so pleasant.

"Good! You brought a friend?" The child asked, eyes wide with wonder and curiosity as he looked into trembling sea-green eyes. Hazel carefully lowered him to the ground, in front of Percy. With a wide, cheeky grin, the child extended a small, delicate hand towards the son of Poseidon. Percy knew his name before he even introduced himself. "Hi, I'm Nico! I'm five!"

He didn't know how to react; he could only stare at the child in shock. 'Nico' tilted his head in confusion as his eyes darted between his outstretched hand and Percy before he hastily took it back. "Oops!" The child exclaimed, hastily taking his hand back as he noticed that it was full of grains of sand. He patted his hands clean, as well as the rest of his clothes as best as he could, before he extended it to Percy once more, with the same wide and cheeky grin on his face. "Hi, I'm Nico! I'm five!"

"You look so much like him…" Percy finally whispered as he knelt down in front of the child, his eyes never leaving 'Nico' for a second. He waited for that spark of familiarity in those eyes, a trace of something that would indicate that his Nico was somewhere inside. But when the child only tilted his head in confusion, that small gesture alone was enough to crush and shatter his hopes.

"All souls, to be reincarnated, have to drink from the River Lethe. Nico is no exception, Percy. He doesn't remember us anymore," Hazel said in a low voice from beside him, confirming the truth he had been trying to ignore from the moment his eyes met the child's and saw… nothing. There was no pain in them, no regrets, no sadness… no love.

"I've always been searching for his soul, and I finally found him two years ago," the daughter of Pluto explained, placing a hand on the child's unruly hair and ruffling it fondly, causing 'Nico' to laugh at the gesture. "This is how I found peace: in the fact that he's living a new life; a better life. I found peace in the fact that he's moved on, and so, we must too."

"We were both drowning, Percy. He took parts of us that we can't get back," Hazel continued, placing a hand on one of Percy's shoulders.

"For four years, I was drowning, until I found him. I was so happy to breathe again that I failed to see you were drowning too."

"Mister's drowning?" 'Nico' interrupted, looking at Percy with genuine concern. "Are you okay, mister?"

How many times had he heard that question in the span of six years? How many times had he said "I'm fine" and never meant a word of it?

He was never fine. There had never been a day where he was fine since Nico disappeared from his life six years ago. He took a part of Percy then, and over the years, he still continued taking parts of Percy in his absence.

"Percy," Percy breathed, causing the child to tilt his head in confusion once more. "My name's Perseus, but you can call me Percy," he clarified, earning him a bright smile.

"Percy!" His heart skipped a beat at hearing that voice call out his name once more. Nico seemed to have forgotten his earlier concern for the son of Poseidon as he continued. "That's a cool name! Like a hero's! I love heroes!" 'Nico' exclaimed with a toothy grin while bouncing on his heels. "Will you be my new friend?"

"Sure, Nico…" Percy said, swallowing a few times as it suddenly felt as if his mouth was stuffed with cotton. "... Is it okay if I hug you? Can I hug him?" Percy redirected his question to 'Nico's' mother, who had walked back to them and was looking at the two boys with a soft smile.

"Sure. He loves giving hugs." Percy had to laugh at the irony of that statement.

"I can tell you're carrying so much hurt inside your heart, Percy," she said, placing a hand against one of his shoulders. "You look worse than Hazel when she found us. I don't really know what's going on, but I hope you found the comfort you need."

'Nico' hugged Percy as tightly as he could before he could process the older woman's words. Whatever thoughts were plaguing his head, there was suddenly just silence as a familiar scent hit him. It was Nico's scent, Percy thought as his arms shakily wrapped around the child. His Nico's scent.

"Don't cry, Percy," 'Nico' mumbled, patting his back as a gesture of comfort. Percy blinked once, and his vision was suddenly blurry and there was a familiar moist feeling against his cheeks. He didn't even notice he was crying, but when 'Nico' addressed the tears streaming from his eyes, he couldn't bring himself to care anymore as he started weeping uncontrollably. He brought 'Nico' closer to him, holding him preciously, yet just as desperately. "It's okay. It'll be okay," the child whispered.

But Percy knew it would never be okay. It might be the same face, the same voice, the same scent, and the same name, but it was a different person. Nico di Angelo is dead. His Nico was truly gone, and all that remained were the meager memories he left, Percy's mountain of regrets, and emotions that bloomed all too late.

Sometimes, you don't get closure. You just move on.

It's been eleven years since Nico di Angelo died. So much time had passed, and yet Percy still hadn't found an answer to who Nico was to him.

Eventually, he stopped looking for a specific answer. Nico was Nico to him. It was vague, but for Percy, it justified the depth of who the young man was to him. Not just a friend. Not just someone who could have been. Someone special. Someone who was a part of his soul. Just… Nico.

He never stopped longing for him. He never stopped wishing he could hold him one last time; kiss him one last time. He stopped dreaming of new memories, and eventually, the dreams became less frequent as well. But he never stopped falling asleep to the thought that he could see him once more in his dreams. He never took off his ring. He never stopped kissing it as if to bid him goodnight before falling asleep, and his first action when waking up would be to kiss it as well as in greeting.

But, there were some things that did change over the years. Slowly, he stopped.

He stopped searching the shadows for him. He stopped searching the crowds for him. He stopped trying to find parts of himself that he lost. He knew he would never get them back. Nico took those parts with him when he died.

Slowly, he moved on as well.

He allowed himself to finally grieve properly before he started living once more. He started gaining some semblance of his old self. He reconnected with the rest of the seven, especially Annabeth. They became friends once more, and Percy found comfort in that. He wanted her to be in his life, and him in hers, even though it would never be in the way they originally hoped for. He and Hazel reconciled as well. She was like a sister he never had, and she found another brother in him. Eventually, he finished college and started working in New Rome.

Eventually, he gained a reason to continue living as well.

Percy watched with a fond smile as 'Nico' blew out the ten candles on his blue birthday cake. Blue really wasn't his color, but he had become obsessed with it over the years, courtesy of Percy. His family and friends clapped around him once all the candles were blown out. He turned to his mother as she pressed an affectionate kiss to his forehead, before his eyes immediately found Percy's. For a moment, it felt like he was meeting his ten-year-old Nico in Westover Hall again, the same cheeky grin adorning his lips.

Happy birthday, Nico, Percy mouthed to the child, and it earned him a wider smile in return.

No one else but Hazel and him knew about the existence of 'Nico'. It was easier that way. It was safer for 'Nico' that way. The two of them took care of 'Nico', and Mrs. de Santis just let them be. They became like children to her by extension, but it wasn't as if any of them tried to label whatever was their arrangement. She never once questioned what it was that drew them to her son, and that was more than fine for Percy. He wasn't sure they could lie to her. He wasn't sure if her knowing the truth would make her take the child away from them. Eventually Percy would have to let 'Nico' and Nico go, but until then… Just a little longer…

He would take care of 'Nico' and give him everything, because that's what his Nico deserved when he used to be alive. He would be whatever 'Nico' needed him to be in his life, for as long as 'Nico' allowed him to stay by his side. And when he could no longer, for some reason or another, he could only hope that fate would be kind to him and Nico, and let them find each other again in another lifetime.

Maybe then, it might be different for them. Maybe in another lifetime, he'd get to hear those precious words he never had a chance to hear from Nico's lips.

"Percy!" 'Nico' called out to him. The child was already laying down on his bed, peering over the edge and onto the floor where a spare mattress was laid out for whenever Percy stayed the night. Hazel joined them occasionally, but for that particular night, she had somewhere else to be. From where he lay, Percy looked up at the child. 'Nico' smiled. "Can you tell me that story again?"

Percy smiled in return. "Hmm? Again? Don't you already have it memorized? Besides, aren't you too old for bedtime stories?"

"It's a cool story!" Nico said in defense, huffing before he turned his back to Percy. "If you don't want to tell me, fine."

"Ok, ok. Don't pout," Percy laughed as he sat up. Pushing himself up, he moved towards the child's bed and sat on the side of it. The child grinned as he scooted over to give Percy more space, looking up expectantly. Percy allowed himself to smile once more, brushing the hair away from 'Nico's' face before he recounted the child's favorite story.

"There was once a son of Hades whose name was Nico…"

Author's Note: Aww… Poor Percy.

P.S. "Mariam" is actually another version of "Maria" and "de Santis" is "of the saints".

I was worried about the ending for this. In my head, this is how I wanted it to end when I first started drafting it. My general idea was 'Percy never getting over Nico.' I didn't really think I would drag it to the point of having Nico taking rebirth, with the child being a spitting image of him in all aspects, but still not being him, and Percy having to live with the fact that it will never be him no matter how many similarities there are between them.

Regarding Nico's death, I'm sure a few might wonder "If it's Hanahaki, why didn't you just directly kill him off with the flowers suffocating him?" If I did, then this story would have totally been different from the point of them interacting with Reyna, and frankly, I don't know what story that might be. I may or may not also want Percy to suffer eternally although I do love his character—

Also, I've always been a fan of the idea that their feelings were never truly theirs? At least the ones involved in the prophecies. Like how Piper broke up with Jason because she felt that the relationship was forced on them. Which led me to thinking that there was always a possibility of Percy and Nico happening.

Now that this series is over… to be honest, I don't know what's next haha. I do have a multi-chaptered work I'm currently writing, but I want to get some chapters done before I start posting. So, we'll see next week if I post something. Thanks for reading this work!