DUCK HUNT.
Based on the Nintendo video-game. Unauthorized fan fiction.
INT. LAKE – MORNING
The sun rises for the day over a big lake of water
surrounded by a landscape of green.
"Oh, What A Beautiful Morning" by Ray Charles plays.
Gradually, we move through the scene of outdoor nature
in the morning. Birds chirp from the many branches of tall
trees. Back and forth they make noises. Small insects crawl
across the leaves of the trees. At the ground level, between
the blades of green grass slither earthworms moving about,
shuffling through their day.
We settle at last on a sleeping duck in a lake.
His eyes open for the day and he awakens.
GARY
Wha? Huh? I'm up, I'm up.
He flaps his wings and begins to move about for the day.
GARY
Okay, well, I'm up.
He flies past some other ducks in the lake.
GARY
Susie! Mikey!
SUSIE
Gary!
MIKEY
Hey man, how's it going?
He slows down for a second to converse.
GARY
Not bad, not bad! Every day's a blessing. You know?
Gonna go get some breakfast. See ya around!
MIKEY
Yeah, yeah, it was good seeing you!
Gary turns back around and goes back to flying.
GARY
Okay, let me think. Cold time of year isn't for another
. . . two and a half months, I think. So I gotta start
thinking ahead. Okay. Start stockpiling.
He swoops down to the green grass beyond the lake.
GARY
Wahhh, wahhh, wahhh. Okay, Gary. Think.
OLD DUCK
Larry? Is that you?
GARY
It's Gary, actually. Gary, with a G.
OLD DUCK
Oh, Larry, I haven't seen you in ages.
What are you so worried about today?
GARY
The cold time of year is approaching, and I just –
I just like to know that I have whatever I need well
in advance.
OLD DUCK
Will you stop worrying so much! You'll get whatever
you need. It'll all just end up working out somehow.
GARY
Yeah, okay, sure. So just don't worry, ever, at all.
OLD DUCK
Relax, before you give yourself a heart attack!
The cold time of year always comes every year.
We always get through it, don't we?
GARY
Yeah, we – that's true.
OLD DUCK
Let me tell you about the time I barely escaped a giant hunter
when I was younger.
GARY
No, I'm – thanks, I'm good, I'm good on that.
OLD DUCK
I remember it like it was only days ago.
It was a giant hunter! I was outside one day
. . . or was it the night?
GARY
No, I'm good, you know what? Thanks,
thanks for the talk. I think I'm good from here.
He flies on with his day, flapping his wings quickly.
His flight takes him on a majestic travel through the air,
passing by flies, mosquitoes, ladybugs, birds, frogs hopping
about across the ground below, and other little wildlife.
His flight takes off and he finds himself soaring past green trees.
We ZOOM OUT quickly to find the many miles of green landscape
he is flying through.
CLOSE ON Gary as he flies through the endless landscape of green.
Unanchored to the ground, he flies free and clear.
GARY
Huh! Will you look at those frogs! You know I always
kinda wondered what exactly they are.
He settles on the grass.
GARY
Escaped a giant hunter. Yeah, right.
He always tells these tall tales.
I don't know with him.
He navigates his way through the blades of grass.
GARY
So, Gary, what are you going to find . . . here?
. . . Or . . . here?
Nothing yet.
Nothing for another few seconds.
Suddenly, a frog!
It captivates his attention immediately. He moves toward the frog.
GARY
Hello, little buddy!
He begins moving toward it, interested.
DOG
BARK BARK BARK!
GARY
Gah!
Gary flies away from the barking noise, terrified.
An enormous brown hunting dog leaps through the
air and lands right near where he was, quickly sliding to
a stop. The most enormous dog Gary has ever seen in
his life has landed, and his instinct is to flee. With both
wings flapping, in a few seconds he's able to get away from it,
making exasperated noises of panicked panting.
GARY
(pant, pant) Yeah, that's where I (pant, pant)
make my departure! (pant, pant)
Okay, Gary. Big scary monster behind you.
Flee! Flee! Nothing wrong with fleeing.
He flies away
GARY
Okay, Gary. Okay. Think. You lost him. Is he there . . .?
He looks back to check.
GARY
. . . No. Okay, just fly away and you'll survive.
Fly away and you'll survive. This is it, Gary.
Fight or flight. And you can't fight that thing.
Another duck? . . . Maybe. But that huge beast?
Ohhhh, no. Ohhhhh, no. So it's called fleeing.
But you're not being a coward by doing this.
You are not. You're being smart.
It would have torn you to shreds.
There'd have been nothing you could have done!
GARY! This is nothing wrong with fleeing
from a huge creature like that.
He looks around one more time.
GARY
. . . Okay. You lost him. He's gone.
You got this, Gary. You got this.
He flies back and forth.
GARY
Was starting to panick there for a minute.
Deeeee-stress, Gary. Deeeee-stress.
He flies quickly back toward where he had been before.
GARY
Once he's gone I can start thinking about breakfast –
POW! He gets shot at.
A loud ringing suddenly accompanies the shot,
as all of a sudden Gary is shot out of the air.
CLOSE ON the bullet lodged into his chest.
Back to the full body of the duck, Gary falls out of
the air as if his wings had suddenly stopped working.
GARY
Gwahhhhhhh!
He falls toward the ground, his body spinning out of control.
He can't flap his wings. Suddenly he finds himself falling
uncontrollably toward the ground below, soaring headfirst
until at last he collides with the ground and remains stuck.
Everything seems completely frozen suddenly on
Gary's body after impacting with the ground.
Instantly he has been reduced to a wounded, nearly dead
duck lying on the dirt. For five seconds he sits there,
helpless, breathing for small gasps of life, waiting for
the end . . .
. . . when the brown hunting dog sniffs its way around
and comes back to the area. Not gone, it grabs Gary's throat
with its big brown paw and hoists him up into the air.
A seven-note victory song plays for the dog as he holds his
prized find up in the air with one paw to be seen.
DOG
LOOK WHAT I'VE GOT! A DUCK!
Then the dog sets Gary down to the ground, dead.
From here everything remains motionless and silent
for a few seconds.
Back to a human hunter, an adult in his late thirties
and father of two, setting down his enormous orange-
painted gun to one side.
HUNTER
Mark number one for me! I got number one!
The hunter's son watches on, his eyes filled with silent
horror and sadness.
HUNTER'S SON
You . . . killed that duck?
The hunter holds his big orange-painted gun to his side,
displaying it like a trophy.
HUNTER
Another duck claimed by the work of Yours Truly
with the trusty, patented Light Zapper!
HUNTER'S SON
You mean a gray shotgun that you bought and had painted orange.
HUNTER
Well . . . I mean . . . I mean I meant for it to be red . . .
kinda . . . kinda came out more orange-ish, for now . . .
maybe . . . maybe go paint it again but don't really feel like it
to be honest . . . you know what? Here. The Light Zapper.
Next shot is all yours.
HUNTER'S SON
(avoiding the gun) Huh? Oh, no, no, no. I'm – no. I'm good!
HUNTER
Come on. Come on, son, take the thing.
The first shot was on me. The second shot?
All yours.
(annoyed at his son's refusal)
No, no! Really. The Light Zapper. All yours.
At last he hands it to his reluctant son, who holds it still.
HUNTER'S SON
. . . I can't.
HUNTER
Yes you can.
HUNTER'S SON
I just – I don't know about this.
HUNTER
Yes you can! How old are you now, son?
HUNTER'S SON
13.
HUNTER
You're slowly becoming a man. Now be a man
and kill the next duck once Rory chases off the next one.
Back to the dog, it's sniffing through the area.
DOG
Now let's go get the next one!
At last, it sees another duck. Both animals freeze up
momentarily. Then the dog wastes no time chasing after it.
The dog Rory runs off, and another duck, Sally, flies away.
SALLY
Ahhh! Ahhhh! Mmmm!
She flies back, forth, back, forth.
SALLY
What do I do? What do I do?
She flies back and forth, back and forth,
some more and soon enough
departs away from the area.
The dog laughs.
HUNTER
It flew away! Now what in the world is wrong
with you, son? You didn't fire a single shot!
HUNTER'S SON
I'm . . . I'm just not sure I can do this, Dad.
HUNTER
I have one son. And I have one daughters.
I do not have two daughters. My kids are
some day going to grow up to be a real man
and a real woman. And it starts here!
HUNTER'S SON
Does a duck have to die for this to happen?
HUNTER
Son, when I was growing up it was just accepted that
the world works a certain way, with men and women.
When you're a KID you're a boy and a girl. But as
you grow up, you slowly become a man and a woman.
You've been a kid your whole life. Now you're becoming
a man. And as a young man you are going to aim the Light
Zapper at those ducks and get your first shot in.
Rory's got em flying scared. It's the perfect shot.
HUNTER'S SON
Dad, I just . . . I just . . . I just don't think today's the day.
He sets the Light Zapper down.
HUNTER'S SON
I can't. I'm sorry.
His father groans.
HUNTER
I can't believe this. We'll wait.
FADE TO: later.
HUNTER
Well, son, it's been an hour. And you ain't budging.
I'm disappointed. But come on. Let's go on back home.
They walk away together.
BACK TO Gary. Two ducks approach.
MAVEN
Gary? Gary?
DAVID
Gary, you okay?
MAVEN
Is he just asleep?
DAVID
I don't think so.
At close inspection, they come to the conclusion.
DAVID
He's dead.
Maven starts making panicked noises.
MAVEN
(between panicked pants)
Who did this?
Who did this?
DAVID
HE'S DEAAAAD!
ZOOM OUT of the scene of the green scenery.
TITLE SHOT: DUCK HUNT.