"Auntie Edwina once told us that Granddad told our mom that he'd never let himself fall in love again, and if she was wise she'd do the same.
It's not worth it."
I never answered random numbers calling my phone; it was just a habit. If it was important, they'd leave a voicemail, which they never did. I'd just silenced an oncoming call as I exited my bedroom. Today was one of those days I'd bring my phone with me, seeing as I was going downtown by myself. Edwina was still in her room by the time I left, probably getting ready for her own day out. That's fine; I'll see her later. Still clutching my phone in my hand, I headed to front door, ready to go.
Ah, I loved days like this- where I could just go and be myself. I loved walking around the central, bustling streets of London, eating whatever I want and going wherever I please. Some of my best memories were of spring and summer days spent wandering about Malaga, Brussels, or Vancouver. No one needed to convince me of the fact: nobody could make me as happy as I could make myself. I took myself out on dates and bought myself flowers and treats, and I never disappointed- like so many of my friends with their partners. It filled me with great excitement and warmth, thinking today was just another one of those days to add to the long list of official "good days". The kind of days that make life worth living.
Naturally there was a spring in my step as I opened the door, already planning my way to the metro station. Or I was until the door finally opened…. I literally jumped, startled by the presence climbing our front steps. He was just as taken aback as I, blinking wildly.
"Miss Sharma?" "Anthony?!" I gasped, grasping at my chest with my free hand. Oh god…. What the HELL is he doing here?! How'd he even find this place? Quickly shutting the door behind me so Edwina wouldn't hear, I shot him a glare.
"What are you doing here?!" My lips yelled in a whisper. "I'm taking your sister to tea this morning," his tone was a little perplexed, like he hadn't anticipated running into me. "Tea?" My eyebrow raised slightly, and a side-grin finally crept alongside his mouth. "Or coffee, whichever she prefers." "How'd you even get this address?!" "I'll give you one guess," he teased, which shockingly relaxed me a little; brought me down to reality again….
I blinked, slowly lowering my hand stiff down to my side. My dry lips parted a tiny bit as I tried to think of something- preferably witty- to say. My gaze drifted off to the side a tad irritated. "She could have at least told me….." This was meant more for me than him. Anthony chuckled in that elegant, perfect way of his, giving me a look which had a hint of…. playfulness to it. I don't think he was disappointed to discover me out here…
"Well you ran off so fast last night, I didn't have a chance to ask you…." "Ask me what?" He shrugged. "Anything. But seeing as you wouldn't tell me something so simple as what your name is, I doubt you'd answer any other questions I'd like to ask you." My own clever side-smirk appeared here. "There's nothing of importance you need to ask me; you're engaged to my sister, after all… That still leaves a bad taste in my mouth," I spat and his smirk grew, his eyebrow lifting slightly. "Oh it does, does it?" "Yes, but that's also not important. I have a question for you." "Ask me anything. Unlike you, I have no objection to answering whatever it is you'd like to know about me." Bingo! I'll take that as a green-light to go ahead. I steadied myself before asking, not sure if I'd like the response he'd provide me.
"You're not interested in a love match with anyone, including my sister. Why?" "What?" His cheeky grin began to fade as he reflected upon my query. "You don't want to marry for love; I want to know why." "Edwina has no interest in that either," he swiftly countered but I shook my head. "She has her reasons." "So do I! You can't assume that you and your sister are the only ones who don't want to waste time dating, trying to find someone to fall in love with. Believe me, Kate; I have my own reasons too." "Which, let me guess, are none of my business?" My arms crossed defiantly, and he frowned, lowering his head a little but keeping his eyes on me. "I've seen the harm, the utter life-destroying pain love can bring…. when it's lost. I refuse to ever play a part in the terrible situation. Contrary to popular belief, I believe that we can will ourselves not to fall in love. We're not all Romeos or Werthers," he exclaimed and my eyes widened in surprise.
"You've read the Sorrows of Young Werther? And wait… Will?! Are you talking about "the will", as in the conceptual "human will"? How do you know about that?!" And he laughed, shaking his head ever so gently. "I DID go to Oxford, I'll have you know. I know a few things about philosophy and classical literature." My mouth began to open terrifically stunned. Oh yeah, that's right….
He went to Oxford too….. The university of my dreams.
We stared at one another a moment, not making a sound until he eventually took a step in my direction- a long step. "So as you see, you shouldn't have a problem with my "reasoning". It's perfectly logical, something which I think we both can appreciate, and it gives me total control of the variables in the situation," his hands clasped behind his back, and I giggled. "Heh, except for the fact that Edwina has an annoying older sister?" I teased and his smile-smirk returned in full force as he latched onto the centre of my eyes with his. "Well, any good formula can be adjusted." "I wouldn't know; I didn't study science." "Then trust me; I know what I'm talking about." "I'm sure you do," my teasing continued, and I don't think either of us were eager for it to stop anytime soon.
But a serious thought did cross my mind. My expression firmed up a tad as I lowered my chin. "But what about happiness? Don't most people nowadays marry for personal happiness? What's the point if you're not going to be happy?" And his face mirrored mine in that instant, his posture straightening up. "Individuals of my calibre must consider duty first and foremost. Happiness is of little concern, if any." "You mean your happiness. What about Edwina's? Shouldn't she be happy?" My eyebrow raised up. His eyes locked into mine once more- intently so. "She will be….. content. I can guarantee that much." "Oh, contentedness? Well that's what every girl hopes for," I rolled my eyes, though I did find myself smiling again. I don't know why I did that so much around him, especially considering how much I hated him. Anthony too, was smile-smirking again, with more than a hint of tenderness this time.
"Trust me on this as well, Miss Sharma, happiness is of little importance in this life. One's duty to one's family is what matters." "Then why do you say that so half-heartedly? You could at least have some gravity in your tone when telling such lies." "Oh, you think I'm lying?" The Viscount gave me one of "those" looks, and I had to suck in a massive victory grin; my cheeks were aching from how hard it was. In return to his pleasing, punishing glance, I flashed him a saucy, keen expression. "I know you are- it's so obvious. Otherwise why would you have chosen to marry the prettiest girl in the world?" "That's a matter of opinion," he fired back, but immediately regretted it, as shown in the sudden flush of horror in his eyes.
Edwina's timing was spot on, as she opened the door not a second after he made this verbal blunder. She saw him and her face lit up joyfully. "Ah, Anthony! You're here! Right on time. Oh, and Kate! I didn't think you were still here," she came to stand beside me.
Both Anthony and I blinked at her astonished, our jaws hanging open momentarily. "I uh….. I was um, leaving," I don't know why, but my finger stupidly pointed down along the sidewalk. She grinned at me, latching my arm with hers. "Since you're still here, why don't you join us for tea? We're going to Kensington." "Oh no! T-Thank you, really, but I've already got the whole day planned," my arm pulled away from hers. Her grin disappeared as she continued to watch me with mild dismay now.
"Come on, Kate. It'll only be for a little while. You can go to the British Museum afterwards." "The British Museum? You're going there? By yourself?" Anthony's eyebrow lifted in my direction and his mocking smirk caused a blood vessel to swell in my forehead. "Yes. I love museums, and I've been looking forward to this all week. You promised I wouldn't have to do anything else if I went to the ball last night, Edwina. It's my day today, so let me go enjoy myself," I then told her. She sighed in defeat, drooping her head downwards.
"Fine, but will you at least come to the races with us tomorrow?" She asked me, making me blink surprised. "Races?" "I'll be accompanying your sister to London's racecourse tomorrow," Anthony announced with mis-placed pride. I shot Edwina a troubled look. "But you hate animal sports. You told me back in Malaga that you were morally against bullfighting or horse racing," as was I. Edwina's harsh glare back my way told me firmly to "shut up", but Anthony seemed startled by this revelation, now glancing to my sister.
"You don't want to go, Edwina?" "No! I want to go! It's just…. Come with us, Kate. Please? I really want to be there, and I think you'd enjoy it! There'll be green lawns and flowers; all the outdoorize stuff you like," she prodded me, but I shook my head with resoluteness. "I can't. I've already got tickets to a football match tomorrow afternoon."
"You like football?!" Anthony spat out in a laugh of disbelief, earning a sharp side-eye glare from me. "Yes, a lot. I'm not missing that game, Edwina. I'm sorry, but I REALLY don't want to go a horse race," I really, really don't. Edwina looked so disappointed until Anthony regained his composure by suddenly clearing his throat, grabbing both of our attention.
"You're attending a football match? Fine then, we'll go with you instead." "Really?!" My sister and I gasped; her in delight and me in shock. But Anthony had his eyes on me again, serious and authentic…. Alarmingly, charmingly authentic just then. "Edwina has no real interest in the race, by the sounds of it, so we'll do what you want." "Oh no! You don't have to do that! Don't change your plans on my account!" My hand rushed up to my pounding chest. But he shook his head with determination and finality. "My mind's quite made up. Miss Edwina and I shall attend the match with you tomorrow afternoon." "But…. But…. Do you even like football?" My forefinger pointed his way, and Anthony's eyes remained sincere. "That doesn't matter. It'll make you happy, won't it?" He said, and my eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. Wait, hold on a second? Didn't he just say that happiness doesn't matter…..? That it's not important? So why does he care…..?
Why would it even enter into his conscious mind….. what made me happy?
He opened his car passenger door for my sister; I wish I knew what kind of car it was, but I suck at identifying brand labels. It looked expensive though, and was very slick and clean- Edwina was VERY impressed. I waited until the drove off, not moving from the spot where I'd been standing this whole time. Anthony rounded his car and opened his door, flashing me one last smile-smirk before getting in. "Remember, tomorrow afternoon." And with that, they drove off. My feet didn't move, my head merely turned along with the wheeling moving forward; this gentle, June breeze fluttered some strands of loose hair out in front of me. My heart was still beating so rapidly…..
I hadn't realized I'd been holding my breath until my phone suddenly buzzed in my hand. Gazing down at it, my mouth opened a sliver. Oh yeah… I'd been holding my phone this whole time; it's pink cover was clutched in my palm. It was one of those wallet sort of covers, so I pulled back the top half to see the screen. That unfamiliar number had sent me a text this time. It read:
[Your sister blocked me. Give me a call; I have to talk to you about Anthony Bridgerton.]