Pentagram City many years ago
Alastor was just strolling through the streets of Pentagram, humming quietly to himself. He flipped a coin to the local jazz player, he tipped his hat to the stag demon. One thing Alastor did like about his afterlife is not knowing what's gonna happen each day or who he's going to meet. But today something happened he'd never expect even in his wildest dreams. It started when he heard a peculiar sound. Wailing from an infant. It was coming from a back ally. This perked the Radio Demon's interest since that is no place for a small child.
He walked into the ally and found several possum looking demons opening up a container and looked inside. The sound of crying increased when the hatch was opened.
"It's young. It's tender and nice. Would make for a good stew." One of the possums said.
"Ahem," Alastor spoke, catching the rodent like demons attention. They all quivered in fear when they saw who it was. "I suggest you all scadadal back to whatever rock you varmints crawled out of." He said, waving his hand forward. They all wasted no time to flee, before Alastor changed his mind. The radio demon then walked over to the dumpster, looked inside and found the source of the wailing. Indeed it was a baby. An imp baby to be exact. Male, judging by the horns. He only had a piece of cloth covering his lower body. When the infant saw Alastor he reached out for him, crying softly. A shadow manifested beneath the child and lifted him up to Alastor, who took the baby in his arms. The small child tugged himself closely into Alastor, burying his face into his jacket, wetting it with his tears. "There, there, sweet child. You're safe now." Alastor cooed as he gently patted the infant's head. "What kind of parents would just leave you here like this? This simply will not do. Well, if they didn't want you, guess I'll take care of you from now on." He said and started walking out of the ally. "Now I wonder what should I name you?"
/
Imp City, present day
"What a fucking waste of a pair of good panties." Loona said, coming out of the bathroom. "My cracks are hurting like crazy." She said as she sat down, carefully, as her behind was hurting.
"How do you think Moxxie's feels?" Millie asked, arms crossed.
"Oh shut up!" Loona spat. "Serves him right for literally leaving me hanging."
"Even so, if you were gonna give someone a wedgie, it should've been the guy who gave you one instead." Millie scolded.
"Aw, shut up! He got away!" Loona spat as she brought up a bottle of cheap booze. "If I never see that green fucker ever again, it'll still be too soon." She said and started chugging the content down while reading the latest issue of Hellhound Monthly.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Millie looked between Loona and the door as the Hellhound did nothing. "Ain't ya gonna answer that?"
Loona groaned. "Fine." She said. "It's open, ya dumbass!"
Millie gave Loona an annoyed glare before turning her attention back to whoever was entering the room. "I apologize for our Hellhound." The female imp said. "She's just-eek." Millie suddenly cried out, falling silent when she saw who it was. The tall figure ignored Millie as he walks past her and over to the desk, where the local hellhound ignored everything and just read her magazine. Millie was too shocked to say anything.
"That wasn't very polite, now was it, mutt?"
Loona's eyes widen when she heard a voice that sounded like it was coming from an old radio. She turned her head and raised her eyes up and saw to her horror the Radio Demon towering over her, smiling down her as he emitted a deadly aura. Loona froze. Sweat streamed down her face. Fear was very evident in her facial expression. And Alastor enjoyed seeing that fear in her face. It was no secret Alastor was not fond of canines. And hellhounds are no exception.
"Well?" Alastor said. "Don't you think you owe me an apology for your rude behavior?" He asked, tilting his head as his eyes turned to dials.
Loona pulled her collars, swallowing a lump. "S-s-s-s-sorry." She managed to utter.
In Blitz's office, the taller imp threw a big pile of paper before Moxxie.
"I want these filed out and be finished before the weekend!" Blitz sternly told Moxxie.
"Why are you making me do your paper work for you?" Moxxie demanded.
"Why didn't you help Loonie down when she was hanging from her fucking underwear?!" Blitz shouted back.
"Give me a break. She already gave me a wedgie in retribution." Moxxie told Blitz. "If anything, you should scold her too for overreacting."
"She doesn't need any scolding. She didn't do anything wrong." Blitz stubbornly retorted.
"She ate my lunch and ran out and kicked a random stranger into a building." Moxxie pointed out. "And then she strangled me!"
"Well, maybe you shouldn't have triggered her." Blitz told him.
"Blitz!" Millie cried out, busting into the room.
"What!? I'm very busy!" Blitz shouted.
"We have … special visitor." Millie replied.
"Millie, honey, you look pale. What's wrong?" Moxxie asked.
"Aw, shit. Please don't tell me it's another one of those KKK fucks trying to hire us for a hit on the black communities. I swear, if I get another request from one of those inbred chucklefucks, I'll stick a burning cross up their assess!" Blitz spat.
"Uh…" Millie said, not sure how to explain it to him. "You better come outside and see for yourself. You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Fine," Blitz said and went for the reception room. Team M&M followed. When he got to the other room, he shouted. "So where is this super duper mystery fuck, you're making such a shit storm a-a-a-a …"
He couldn't find the right words when he saw Alastor by the desk, peering his eyes down at Loona, enjoying every second that she looked petrified. She didn't dare move. Because she didn't know how Alastor would react.
"Why are everyone so-oh …" Moxxie said as his face dropped when he saw who it was. "… crumbs." He added.
"What the FUCK is the fucking Radio Demon doing in my office?!" Blitz cried out, breaking out of his state of shock.
Alastor finally turned his head away from Loona, looking at the trio of imps. "There you are!" Alastor cheerfully said, throwing his arms into the air, startling Blitz and Millie as they went on the defensive. "So good to see you again … Moxxie." He said, which caused everyone in the room to look at the smallest member of the IMP.
"Hey," Moxxie said, waving awkwardly at the Radio Demon, sporting a sheepish smile.
"Is that it?" Alastor said as he walked towards him. "No hugs and kisses for-?"
"Stop right there!" Millie cried out as she stood in front of Alastor, aiming her spear at his throat. Any fear in her being was replaced with a sense of protectiveness towards Moxxie. "I don't know what beef you have with my husband. But I'm not about to let you lay a finger on his head. Even if you are the Radio Demon and my idol."
A red hand gently placed itself on Millie's spear to lower it. "It's okay, Millie." Moxxie told his wife. "If he wanted to hurt someone, he would've done so already." He assured. Silence filled the room as Moxxie between his wife and Alastor. The others watched intently as the smallest imp looked up at the red dressed demon. "How did you find me?" He asked.
"I never stopped watching over you," Alastor replied. "Not even when you left the Pride Ring. I have Hellborn friends too, remember?"
The tension in the air was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Blitz was about to ask what was on everyone's mind. But then, Moxxie threw his arms around the Radio Demon, leaving the other three Hellborns flabbergasted. And Alastor returned the hug.
"I'm sorry." Moxxie whispered, his voice cracking. Like he was about to break into tears. "I should've come seen you sooner. But I was ashamed. And embarrassed. I'm so ashamed and sorry for all the things I said. I didn't mean any them. I was just … just so angry at the time. I'd take back what I said if I could." He said, shaking as he was fighting to hold back his tears.
"There, there." Alastor said, patting Moxxie's head and pulled him away so he could look Moxxie in the eyes. "It's alright. I was never angry with you. I was just sad because you cut me out of your life. And besides, I … did unintentionally cause you a great deal of pain. So I always felt like I deserved some of it."
"Uh, excuse me." Blitz spoke up, catching their attention. "Moxxie … what the fuck's going on here?"
Moxxie looked up at Alastor, who gave him the nod. Moxxie turned his attention back to his team and said, "Guys … meet my dad."
"… WHAT?!" The other three cried out.
"How-what-when-why-where-shit-fuck-cunt-cock-WHAT?!" Blitz ranted.
"I think your boss is broken." Alastor commented.
"I don't think he's ever been NOT broken." Moxxie replied.
"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to connect the dots here. How the FUCK is he your daddy?!" Blitz cried out.
Before Moxxie could explain anything, Alastor beat him to it. "Oh, I found this little rascal abandoned in a dumpster when he was but an infant." He said while stroking Moxxie's hair.
"Dad," Moxxie hissed, clearly bothered by this.
"I couldn't very well leave a helpless baby in a dumpster to be eaten by looters. Even I have standards." Alastor said, which shocked everyone, besides Moxxie. The Radio Demon has standards? Yeah right.
"Oh, Moxxie." Millie said as she went over and hugged her husband. "So this is the reason you never talk about your family and past?" She asked.
"Yeah," Moxxie nodded. "It's a … touchy subject for me. But I was luckier than most in my position." He said, forcing a smile.
"I'll say," Alastor said, patting Moxxie's head. "Most would've either left him there, or worse, treated him as food. And having Moxxie in our lives was the greatest experience we've had since I came to Hell." He proudly declared.
"I'm sorry. We?" Blitz asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes. I'm talking about his mother of course. No one should have to grow up without the gentle loving care that only a mother can provide." Alastor replied.
Before the subject of his mother is brought up, Moxxie changes back to the subject. "While I'm … glad to see you again, why now? After all these years, you decided to show up now and at my workplace of all places."
"I saw you on the news on the picture show when Hell's new Fallen Hero picked a fight with your boss. And with your birthday approaching, I figured now's a good as time as any to start patching things up." Alastor replied.
"Oh yeah. I sure taught that shitbag a lesson." Blitz proudly declared.
"I was thinking of hosting a little reunion on your birthday. Get everyone back together again while celebrating the day you came into our lives." Alastor said with an excited grin.
"I don't really celebrate my birthday anymore." Moxxie, awkwardly. "But it would be nice meeting everyone again." He admitted.
"Then it's decided." Alastor said. "I'll send out invitations right away. Oh, and we'll be hosting it at my new workplace."
"Oh, Satan. Please tell me you didn't rekindle your dream as an interior designer!" Moxxie asked in horror.
"That could've been a new trend, if people weren't so picky." Alastor said in defense.
"Picky?! You made furniture out of the skins and bones of your victims. And used their blood as paint!" Moxxie cried out.
"Oh, what could've been." Alastor said with dreamy eyes, while the other IMP staffs looked disgusted and horrified. "But no. My new career is running the princess's new rehabilitation hotel."
"You mean that fucking stupid rehab hotel she talked about yesterday. I was in the studio when she made that announcement. Got a real kick out of it." Blitz said with a grin. But then got a tap in the head from Alastor's cane.
"Don't interrupt my father son moment with my boy." Alastor told him and went back to Moxxie, while Blitz rubbed his head.
"Why would you of all people be interested in a rehab center?" Moxxie asked his adopted father. But before Alastor could reply, Moxxie raised his hand and said with a deadpan expression. "Wait. Let me guess. It's an investment of ongoing entertainment for yourself. You want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb the hill of betterment, only to repeatedly trip and tumble down into the fiery pit of failure."
"Oh, Moxxie my boy. You know your old man so well. I'm so proud." Alastor said, as he leaned over and pulled Moxxie into a hug, rubbing the side of his face against the small imp. "But yeah. I do plan on hosting your birthday at the hotel." He declared and brought out a card. "Here's the address." He said, handing Moxxie the card.
"Oh! Oh! Can me and my daughter come?!" Blitz asked, excitedly.
"Sir, I don't-"
"Why sure," Alastor said, interrupting Moxxie.
"Dad! No!" Moxxie cried out, panicking.
"The more the merrier," Alastor added, ignoring Moxxie.
"Fuck yeah!" Blitz cheered, looking forward to hearing all of Moxxie's most embarrassing childhood stories.
"Oy-vey." Moxxie groaned, rubbing his head.
"Now son," Alastor said, wrapping an arm around Moxxie. "Let's go somewhere private where we can catch up."
"We have a lunch room." Moxxie replied.
"Hold it. He's got paperwork to do before the day's over." Blitz objected.
"Excuse me, my good fellow." Alastor hissed, turning his head, giving the tall imp a sinister grin. "I am trying to have some quality time with my son." He growled as his eyes turned to dials and his voice got deep and menacing.
"… My bad." Blitz silently said, visibly horrified.
"No harm done," Alastor replied, having revert his usual self and went back to escorting Moxxie out of the room. "Now then, I hear you've been jumping careers after graduation. A musician, a soldier and now an assassin. You have got quite the tale to share with me."
/
Happy Hotel
By the next day, the Hazbin staff were again gathered at the breakfast table. But most of them were in less than a morning mood.
"Why has everything been replaced with meat!?" Vaggie cried out.
"Ask him," Husk told her, pointing at Garfield. "That brat tried eating every fruit and vegetable in the kitchen and it all turned to meat."
"I was just trying to savor the flavor of the stuff I can't eat anymore," Gar retorted as he leaned on the table, holding his head, looking nauseous.
"I'm not complaining." Alastor said as he enjoyed his morning steak.
"What's the matter with'ya?" Angel asked as he sat next to Gar. "Ya look like death and shit warmed over."
"I have a headache." Garfield replied. "A nasty one too. It's caffeine withdrawal. As a superhero, I had to drink shitloads of energy drinks. But now that everything I drink turns into broth, I'm getting the worst migraine."
"It'll pass in a few days. I've gone through caffeine withdrawal myself. So I know." Angel assured him, taking a bite out of a turkey leg. "Just one question. What was this before you took a bite out of it?"
"A large broccoli," Gar replied.
Vaggie groaned. "Looks like we're going carnivore for a few days," She said in dismay.
"Oh now, don't be like that." Alastor told her. "A high protein diet has proven to keep one slender and at a healthy weight. It's why my son is so slender these days."
"Don't you dare bring any of your meat into the hotel!" Vaggie warned. "Knowing you, it'll probably be one of your latest victims."
"Wait, what?" Garfield asked, looking curious.
"Alastor is a cannibal. That's only one of the many reasons why he's one of the most feared beings in Hell." Vaggie replied.
"Oh, don't fret, my dear. I'm actually pretty picky about who I eat." Alastor assured. "Like the Boogieman. Lousy closet child groomer. Been out to get that filth for decades now."
"That's not what I was curious about." Garfield said. "Did you just say you have a … son?"
Everyone, who didn't know Al personally like Husk and Nifty, turned their heads curiously to him.
"Ah yes. I'm a daddy. Couldn't be more proud." Alastor said, boastfully.
"I can't believe I didn't notice that part." Vaggie said in complete disbelief.
"Wait. I'm confused. I thought sinners couldn't have children." Garfield pointed out.
"Oh, Moxxie is adopted." Alastor revealed. "Found him abandoned when he was still small enough to fit onto just the palm of my hand." He said, holding up his right hand. "Come to think of it, he could still probably fit in my one hand."
"You adopted a baby!?" Vaggie cried out in disbelief.
"Why yes. I couldn't very well just leave the poor tyke alone. Nor was I about to take him to an orphanage. The ones up on Earth leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I do not want to imagine how horrible the ones down here are." Alastor stated.
"Between an orphanage and you, I would say the former would've been the better choice." Vaggie commented.
"Oh, that is just cold, Vagatha." Alastor said in mock hurt. "I'll have you know I did a magnificent job at raising my boy. He's a chip of the old block."
"Yeah. That's what worried me." Vaggie replied, dryly.
"Oh, it's been so long since I last saw Moxxie. I should give him a call." Nifty said.
"You won't have to worry about that," Alastor told her. "I invited him over to the hotel for his birthday next month."
Nifty gasped with joy. "Moxxie's coming here?! For his birthday?! Oh, how exciting! I just gotta decorate the hotel for the occasion! But what theme should I go with? Musical or guns? Oh! What about a combination of both?"
"How about we just have a BBQ?" Alastor suggested. "Nothing like fresh meat roasting over an open fire."
"Alastor, you should've run that with me first." Vaggie scolded. "You can't just host a party at the hotel without-"
"Oh, what a wonderful idea." Charlie interrupted. "I would gladly host a party for you son, Alastor."
"WHAT!?" Vaggie cried out, then pulled Charlie aside, away from earshot. "What is the matter with you?" She hissed.
"What?"
"You're gonna let Alastor host a party for his hellspawn?" Vaggie asked.
"I think it's sweet of him to wanna throw a birthday party for his son." Charlie replied. "And this just shows that even someone like Al has a redeeming quality if he's a parent."
"And that's what worries me," Vaggie retorted, looking mortified. "This person, whoever he is, was raised by the fucking Radio Demon. He's probably as sick, twisted and blood thirsty as Alastor is."
"We don't know that," Charlie pointed out. "And besides, I did say this hotel is about giving anyone a chance at redemption. It would be pretty hypocritical of me if I didn't allow everyone a chance to prove their worth as a person. That includes Alastor's son."
"I still don't like this. Whoever this Moxxie is, he's bound to be a sick twisted vicious monster like Alastor." Vaggie said in dismay.
/
IMP
"Oh, so precious." Moxxie squealed as he watched kitten videos on his phone.
Suddenly, Blitz kicks the door open and shouts "Guys, meet our new client, Pauline!"
"My name is Paulie!" The sinner cried out. He was wearing a purple suit with green shoes and gloves. But most notably, his face was partially melted, exposing bones and teeth. His eyes were still intact though.
"And guess what? He's hired us for a special case." Blitz declared.
"Oh geeze. It better not be another raid at a horse ranch. I still haven't recovered from what I saw you do to that one poor horse." Moxxie said, cringing.
"Nah. Nothing like that. We're going to Gotham to kill a clown." Blitz announced.
Moxxie had a worried look on his face, while Millie started to look anticipated and Loona only had her nose stuck on her phone.
"Uh … when you say kill a clown in Gotham, do you happen to mean-?"
"We're gonna bag the fucking Joker!" Blitz proudly declared.
"Oh … crumbs." Moxxie groaned in dismay.
/
Hazbin Hotel
Garfield decided to get his mind of off things by watching TV. He was curious as to what qualifies as entertainment in Hell. He was joined by Angel Dust.
"What are they showing?" He asked as he sat down on the couch.
"Don't know what it's called. But it is gruesome." Garfield replied. "Man. I almost mistook this for a kid's flick. But there's so much violence and sexualization. I can't believe how fooled I was."
Angel paused for a bit before saying. "Uh, Garfield … this is a kid's flick."
Garfield turned to Angel Dust to see if he was joking or not. But the serious look on his face says it all. "Word?" He asked and the porn star nodded. "Jesus! Then what the hell are adult flicks like?!"
"You should get used to these movies first before moving onto the grown up flicks." Angel Dust suggested. "Your fragile PC mind wouldn't be able to handle them. Movies down here is basically Hollywood without any of the restrictions from the FCC."
"But I take it the corrupt CEO are still a thing?" Garfield asked.
"Yup. Only they can get away with anything because nobody down here cares how much they'll abuse actors and actresses." Angel Dust said, looking solemn. Garfield noticed this. So he decided to change topic.
"So how long have you been here?" He asked.
"Since 1947," Angel Replied. "OD," He added, revealing how he died. "No regrets. I finally got away from my shit family."
"You didn't get along with your folks?" Garfield asked.
"Not really," Angel said. "I was part of the Italian mob. Being gay was heavily frowned upon in the mob. So I was walking on thin ice everyday. Really, death was more of a release than anything else. Down here, most people don't care if you's gay or not. And those that do, I can always put a bullet in their pathetic little skulls. Plus, I can snort coke as much as I like without dying. I mean, I'm already dead. So really, this place isn't that bad." He said with a fake smile.
"Really?" Garfield asked. "Well, feel free to tell me how you really feel when you're ready." He said, getting a suspicious look from Angel. "No use in trying to hide behind that fake smile. I've seen it a lot. But I won't pressure you. I know the feeling. You'll talk about it when you're ready."
"Whatever," Angel said with a snort. "So how old are ya?" He asked.
"What?"
"You lookin' really young. Can't be easy having passed at such a young age." Angel said.
Garfield sighed. "Seventeen," He revealed. "My life had hardly started before it was taken from me. But that's what you get for murdering someone. Even if he deserved it."
"Seventeen?" Angel said in disbelief. "That's rough buddy." He said and Garfield nodded. "Well, if you died that young, then that means you probably died a virgin."
"Uh, excuse me?" Garfield said, looking nervous.
"Most teenagers would rather stick it to a computer or a phone than stick it to a partner," Angel said, waving it of, dismissively. "It's sad, really."
"Honestly, I never understood the big deal about sex." Garfield said. "It's just sex."
"Spoken like a true virgin," Angel replied, dramticaly. "Tell ya what?" He said wrapping his arm around Garfield. "How about I help ya out with that?"
"I already told you, I'm straight." Garfield told him, glaring at the porn star.
"I know," Angel said. "Which is why I'm taking you to a brothel." He revealed.
"NO!" Garfield said, trying to get free. But that only made his headache worse again.
"Try ta take it easy. You still have that nasty headache." Angel Dust told him. "Trust me. After a night with a thirsty succubus, you're going to thank me. They specializes in virgins."
"I think I'd rather stay a virgin throughout eternity." Garfield said.
"Are you sure," Angel said, raising an eyebrow. "I notice your right hand is stronger than the left one. Now why is that, I wonder?" He asked, teasingly.
"… I don't know," Garfield said, hopping he'd buy that.
"Oh, I think you do." Angel replied with a snicker. "By the way," He said and brought out his phone. "A date for your funeral was set today." He said and scrolled through his phone. "It'll be broadcast live on VNN tomorrow at noon."
Garfield laid back on the couch and said, "Splendid."
/
Somewhere else in the Pride Ring
On a field far away from Pentagram, two massive armies sizes each other up. One side was carrying flags of the Soviet Union and the Russian flag, while the other army bore banners of the Swedish flag. At the front of the Swedish army was a man on a horse dressed in a Carolean uniform.
"Zhukov!" He shouted so loud he could be heard all the way across the field. "Your tank! I want it! Give it to me!"
"Carolus!" The man leading the Russians, a man in a tank, shouted. "Come and get it!"
The Swedish leader grinned, pulled his sword and shouted, "CHARGE!"
"My comrades, SERVE ME CAROLUS' HEAD ON A PLATE!" The Russian legend shouted.
With that said, both armies let out their battle cries and charged, guns a blazing. Bullets and rockets clashed with both armies as they charged at each other before they met in the middle, crashing into one another.
/
IMP office
"Okay, shut your assholes. We got a real big shot this time." Blitz told his staff and put up a poorly drawn picture of the Joker. "This fucking comedian who couldn't get a crowd to laugh to save his life. The Joker."
"Hold up," Moxxie said, looking nervous. "Are we seriously going after the Joker?"
"Yeah. What's the problem?" Blitz asked.
"What's the-? He's the freaking Joker! A supervillain! One of the worst of the worst!" Moxxie cried out, frantically.
"Chill Mox. He doesn't even have any superpowers." Blitz said, dismissively. "Besides, axing of a supervillain could be really good for our company's reputation."
"I guess it could be worse." Moxxie said, trying to stay optimistic.
"So here's the scoop. That overrated shitbag is being held up in Arkham. So that complicates things. Because Arkham is tighter than a tick's asshole. So here's what we'll do. We hijack one of those blimps that flies over Gotham all night long for some fucking reason. We load up with a shit ton of explosives, we fly over Arkham, we Hiroshima the shit out of the whole fucking place, we take out the Joker, Pauline will be so satisfied that we got the job done he'll pay us double, we celebrate with booze and strippers. Nothing can go wrong."
"Sir, you do know Arkham has been hit with aerial assault in the past, right?" Moxxie asked.
"Yeah? Well we'll show those fuckers how it's done." Blitz proudly declared.
Moxxie tried processing his boss's stupidity. "They have anti aircraft defenses now!" He cried out.
Blitz looked thoughtful for a good few seconds, before he made up another plan on the spot. "Okay! New plan." He said and started drawing something quickly. "We hijack three tanks for each of us to use. We blow the gates down, we Duke of Hazards the whole compound till we find the fucker, we aim all three cannons at him and fire simultaneously at him and boom! Mission success."
"They have anti tank rifles too," Moxxie pointed out.
"… New plan!" Blitz said and quickly drew up another plane. "We dig our way under it-!"
"The entire complex has a layer of concrete over 10 feet thick beneath it to prevent criminals from tunneling underneath the wall." Moxxie pointed out, interrupting his boss.
"Well damn it Moxxie!" Blitz cried out, tossing his pen onto the table. "What do you suggest we do, Mr CumGutter?!"
"Did it ever occur to you that we could just open a portal inside the asylum?" Moxxie asked, silencing the taller imp.
"… That was gonna be my next idea if you hadn't interrupted me, Moxxie." Blitz said, causing Moxxie to groan. "Alright, Loonie, portal on!" Loona only sighed but did as she was told. The portal revealed a scrub room. "Hey. A janitor's closet. Nice one Loonie."
"I only open them at random," Loona revealed.
"So we could've ended up in the dining hall for all we know?" Moxxie asked, concerned about this revelation.
"But we didn't." Blitz said and pulled Moxxie with him. "Now let's go kill a clown! Getting hard just thinking about it!" He said as he stepped through. Blitz carefully opened the door and looked outside into the hallway, which was fortunately empty. "Alright. we're clear. Anyone got any ideas on how to find the target?"
"More than likely he's being held up in solitary. Would be unwise to hold him up among the other prisoners." Moxxie suggested.
"We could make one of the guards tell us." Millie added.
"Perfect. Oh this is going to be a breeze." Blitz said with glee.
/
Meanwhile, outside of Arkham, an actual tank approached the asylum. On the top was a young blond woman with paper white skin and downed a black and red two piece suit. She was also wearing a military helmet and operated the machine gun. "Hang on, sweetie. I'm coming for ya." Harley Quinn said as she unlocked the safety.
/
Back inside Arkham, a guard was casually walking down the dark empty hallway when suddenly Blitz got him from behind, holding a knife to his throat. "Joker, where is he?" He asked.
The guard, now looking terrified, sweated and replied. "Uh … Down this hallway are a flight of stairs that leads to the basement where the solitary confinement is. Joker is in cell 001."
"Thanks buddy." Blitz said and snapped the guards neck, shocking Moxxie. "Let's go gang."
As they ran down the hallway, Moxxie started questioning his boss's actions. "Hold up! Why did you kill that man back there? He wasn't a target."
"Couldn't have him rat us out. Duh." Blitz retorted.
"You could've just knocked him out." Moxxie argued.
"Look, we can talk about what's morally correct after the mission. But right now, let's do this world a solid and make that fuck-tard Hell's problem instead." Blitz told Moxxie.
The gang were careless however and got spotted on the security cam. The guard spat out his coffee and was about to hit the alarm button. But then the room exploded.
The IMP crew heard it.
"What was that?" All three said simultaneously.
/
Back outside, Harley was readying her next shot. "That should take care of surveillance." She said with glee. "One of the perks of having worked here for so many years, I know where everything is. Like where they keep their anti-tank rifles. Ready to fire?!"
"Ready at your command, Harley." A male voice spoke from inside the tank.
/
Back inside, the IMP gang were waiting to hear if there was anymore explosions … standing in front of a door with a sign that read 'Armory' on it.
"Whatever it was, it'll keep the rest of the guards busy." Blitz concluded. "Let's keep going." He told the M&M and kept running down the hallway. that's when the sound of a:
Weeeeeeeee!
was heard. Moxxie perked his head up and said, "Do any of you hear th-"
KABOOM!
The three were sent flying by the shockwave of the explosion behind them.
"Yee-fucking-HAW!" Harley cheered. "Now let's take it to them and run fucking wild!" She ordered, pointing forward. "CHARGE!"
And so the tank headed forward and blew a way through the wall, drove right on through and started shooting at random.
/
Back inside, Blitz was digging Moxxie out of the rubble, while Millie was pushing a large chunk of rock of off her.
Moxxie coughed. "Wha-what just happened?!" He cried out.
"How the fuck should I know," Blitz asked. They then heard more explosions. "Sounds like WWIII just started. Come on!" He cried out, urging the gang to continue forward.
/
However, Harley drove the tank straight into the control room that control the door cells of every block. She shot down all the guards in there as she jumped out of the tank and went over to the dashboard. "The parole board has come to an agreement." She said and slammed the big green button. "Parole for everyone!"
"You'd think they wouldn't have just one button to open every cell door," A talking man shark said, popping his head out the tank. This was King Shark.
Harley then whistled. "Bud, Lou! Here boys!" She called and two hyenas jumped out of the tank and rushed over to Harley. "Daw. Good boys. You always do what mama tells ya." She cood as she petted her hyenas. "Now fetch!" She cried out, pointing at the door and the hyenas rushed out the control room.
"Um, Harley … you didn't tell them who to look for." King Shark pointed out.
"… Shit!" Harley cursed.
/
Sure enough, every cell in Arkham opened and the prisoners instantly attack the guards. One of them, a red head with green skin, smirked as she snapped the neck of a guard who had his back turned. "Only one person would be crazy enough to do this." Poison Ivy commented.
/
Meanwhile, the IMP gang made it to the cellar where the solitary was.
"We fucking made it!" Blitz said, triumphantly. "Alright, let's find that fucking cell, before-" But then all the cells opened, letting the prisoners out. "Oh come on!" Blitz cried out in frustration.
Out of the cells came several big shots. Two-Face, Bane, Killer Croc, Scarecrow, Deadshot, Man-Bat and so on. But IMP had the unfortunate luck of getting a really big guy in front of them. He had a hulk like figure. But was pale white and looked like a zombie.
"Oh crumbs," Moxxie said, recognizing the zombie. "Guys, that's-!"
"Grundy crush!" Solomon Grundy cried out and brought his fists down on the three imps who narrowly avoided getting smashed into mush. The impact caused the three to fly into different cells and Grundy started walking up the stairs with the other villains close behind. When Deadshot walked past Moxxie, he noticed the dual handguns he had dropped and took them.
"Hey! Those are mine," Moxxie cried out, but Deadshot aimed his guns at the imp, who quickly raised his hands and said, "You know what? I was gonna get new ones anyways."
"Good man," Deadshot said. "I'll let you live for the guns. But if you come after me I'm gonna shoot you in both your eyes." He warned and ventured forward to freedom.
"Bane!" Killer Croc cried out and the former League of Assassin member turned. "Let's see how tough you are without your venom!" The reptilian cried out and jumped at him.
Bane just grabbed him by the throat and body slammed him into the concrete floor. He then grabs Croc's tail and tosses him to the floor. "You think brute strength is enough to win every fight?" Bane asked and Croc attacked him in blind rage. But Bane moved aside and made him crash head first into the concrete wall. "I have more important things to worry about than playing with a second rate." He said and went up the stairs. Croc wasn't far behind though.
Moxxie came out of the cell, thinking the coast was clear. "What a shame. Those guns were mom's birthday gift to me." He commented, only to get clobbered from behind.
"Nighty night, midget." Joker said, holding a blood soaked baton in his hand and walked over the unconscious imp.
/
As the riot raged on, Ivy was avoiding confrontation as much as possible until she could get her hands on a plant. Anything would do. But this whole block was completely cleared of all plant forms. There wasn't so much as a spore in here.
"Stop right there, Ivy!" One of the guards told her, aiming his gun at her.
"Fuck," She hissed, raising her hands. But then the guard was knocked out from behind by Bane.
"There you are," Bane said. Croc tried once again to jump Bane from behind. But the latter just smacked him in the face without turning and ignored him. "I'm ready to strike a deal with you, Ivy."
"Oh boy," Ivy said, rolling her eyes.
"I get you out of here safe and sound and then you help me get my venom. It is located in an area I can't get to by myself, I am embarrassed to admit. So…"
"Fine," Ivy agreed. "But that's it. Okay?"
"Good. Follow my lead and try to keep up." He said as he escorted her out of the block.
/
Moxxie came to it and find he was being carried by his wife, riding her back. "Millie." He said.
"Oh hey. Welcome back hon." She said.
"Way to let yourself get knocked the fuck out, you fuck up." Blitz scolded Moxxie. "You let the Joker get away!"
"What're you talking about." Moxxie asked as he got of Millie's back and rubbed the back of his head. "Ow."
"Careful hon. You got a nasty bump on your head." Millie said.
"Alright, it shouldn't be too hard to find Joker." Blitz said. "Just follow the laughter that sounds like Mark Hamill if he smoked a million Mallbrous."
But then suddenly, Millie was yanked back by something. And that being one of Harley's hyenas that had bitten onto her pants and began dragging her back. "Millie!" Moxxie cried out and pulled his gun to shoot the hyena. But then the other hyena jumped out of nowhere and got on top of him. Moxxie held the hyena back with her arms as best he could.
"Don't worry, Mox! I'll save ya!" Blitz declared and pulled his favorite gun. But then Harley's tank rammed through the wall, straight towards Blitz. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" He cried out and wall onto the floor. The tank drove right over him. But luckily for him, it was between the continuous tracks. So he remained unharmed as it continued through the other wall and deeper into the facility. Blitz was frozen however and looked traumatized as he slowly rose back up. He snapped out of it when he heard Moxxie cry out for help. "Oh shit!" Blitz cried out and raised his gun, only to see that it had been flattened as the tank had run over it. "Fuck!" He spat and tossed the gun aside and then pulled a knife. "I'm coming, Mo-!"
Blitz didn't have a chance to finish that sentence when a black boot suddenly kicked him. Blitz quickly recovered and saw to his shock who just assaulted him. "Oh shit!" He cried out as a tall figured in a bat suit towered over him. "BATMAN! You're the god damn Batman! Hey, is it true you fuck bats?" He asked. Batman only threw a punch at him, which he dodged. "A simple no would've done!" He cried out.
"I don't fucking believe this," Moxxie groaned as he kept struggling with the hyena.
Millie was having her own difficulties with the other hyena as it was still biting onto her pants and swinging her around like a rag doll, making her scream. "Let go of me, you overgrown cackling rat!" She demanded and wrapped her legs around the hyena's head and twisted it, snapping it's neck. Millie's head was spinning as she was dizzy from the joyride she just experienced. She snapped out of it when she heard Moxxie in trouble. She pulled a knife from her hair and rushed to her husband's aid, ramming the knife into the tiger's skull. "Are you alright, hon?" She asked, removing the dead hyena from him.
"I'm fine. But Blitz is fighting Batman." Moxxie said as Millie helped her back up.
Millie gasped. "He's the only superhero I admire! I should've brought my autograph book!"
"Yes. Well let's focus on saving Blitz first." Moxxie advised.
/
Blitz was doing surprisingly well considering his opponent. They were both in a grip lock on each other, and then Batman asked something that surprised Blitz.
"What're imps of Hell doing here on Earth?!" He demanded.
Blitz look shocked. "How the fuck do you know what we are?! Also, you really do sound like that? I thought it was just everyone trolling and did a voice over on literally every video of you I've watched. But you actually go outside sounding like that? I don't know what you're trying. But whatever it is, you are trying way to hard."
/
Back with the tank, it rammed right through the cafeteria where a big brawl was taking place. Harley jumped out of the tank and whacked a few guard with her bat. She then spotted a familiar face.
"Hey Riddler!" She said, waving cheerfully at him.
"Hey Harley," Riddler waved back. "Just one second." He said and used a fork and shoved it deep into the ear of a guard. "Did you instigate this little breakout?" He asked.
Harley nodded. "Sure did. I'm just here breaking out my fiance. You wouldn't have happened to-" She was interrupted when a guard grabbed her from behind. "Motherfucker!" She spat as she yanked her head back, breaking the guard's nose. Once she got lose, she crushed his skull with her bat. "You were saying?" She asked Riddler.
"Well, riddle me this," Riddler said as he was about say a riddle.
"Ed, not in the mood for bad riddles. Just tell me where my fiance went." Harley demanded.
"Fine," Riddler said, rolling his eyes. "And my riddles aren't bad." He pouted.
/
Bane kicked a door open, leading him and Ivy outside to the yard.
"Ah, great." She said, happily back to her natural element and instantly grew plants surround herself with.
"Our bargain?" Bane asked.
"Don't worry, big boy. I haven't forgotten." She said and made her way to a separate building. "Be right back."
"Bane!" Killer Croc cried out and Bane groaned. "Found ya. You won't get the drop on me a second time." He said, gleefully.
"Oh trust me," Bane said, not turning around to even face Croc. When the latter jumped at Bane, the wrestler themed villain just elbowed him on the face. "I don't need to get the drop on you." He said turning around to face Croc and cracked his knuckles.
/
Back inside the facility, a whole bunch of inmates just finished of a few guards and took their guns.
"Don't know what the fuck's going on." One of them said, grinning. "But let's get outa here before the cops show up."
"I agree," Joker said, appearing at the end of the hallway, causing all the thugs to step aside as the clown prince of darkness step out of the shadows. "I hear Gotham's been getting boring without me. I think it's time for my long awaited comeback."
"We're with ya boss." One of the thugs said with an expression of fear on his face.
"What's the plan fer getting outa here?" Another asked.
"First of all, I got us a new friend." Joker said and turned his head so he could see down the hallway. "Grundy!" He cried out. Out of the shadows appeared the Hulk rip off, grunting, making the other thugs step back with fear in their expressions. "The Gotham PD will be here soon. Think you can do your new BFF a solid?"
"Uh huh. Grundy do anything for BFF." The giant zombie said with a nod.
"Good. Then take care of the cops for me. I'll pick you up once I've gotten what I need." Joker said.
"Okay, BFF." Grundy said and walked past everyone.
"That'll keep the feds busy while we get the fuck out of here." Joker said.
"How did you get Solomon Grundy on your side, boss?" One of the goons asked.
"His cell was next to mine. He had no one else to talk to. Been spending the past few months getting him on my side in case I could use him when the opportunity to escape arise. And it couldn't have happened soon enough. I would say he was driving me crazy. But it's too late for that. Now come on. Anyone falls behind is left behind." Joker ordered and rushed down the hallway.
/
Blitz and Batman were still fighting and Batman kicked him through a door, but the imp was quickly back on his feet, taking up the boxing position.
"Look, bitch, I took down one of you capes just the other day back in Hell. And that green bitch boy had powers and you don't." Blitz said, tauntingly. Batman didn't say anything. He just shot two wires from the wrist of his glove straight at Blitz's chest. Electricity surged through the imp making him grunt. Somehow, he managed to pull the wires of. "Nice try bitch." He said, panting. "But I've been strapped nipple first to a car battery. So-"
Before he could finish, Batman kicked Blitz in the chin. "You said something about a green superhero in Hell," The dark knight said, towering over Blitz. "Is it Beast Boy?"
"Does he turn into animals?" Blitz asked.
"What's he doing in Hell?" Batman pressed on.
"Something about committing planetary genocide." He revealed which left Batman visibly confused. "What? You didn't know that?"
"I have not heard anything about this," Batman retorted.
Before either of them could say anything else, there was a click behind Batman. "Hands in the air. We have a strict policy against killing superheroes. But I can still shoot you in the shoulder." Moxxie told him.
In one swift move, Batman spun around, tossing a Batarang, which knocked Moxxie's rifle of his hands. Millie then launched forward with her ax, which Batman dodged and countered with a kick that sent her into her husband.
"Oh you bat-fucker!" Blitz cried out and went for another offensive, but Batman just tossed him across the room and onto the married couple. "Oh come on! How are we having this much fucking trouble with a cape who doesn't even have powers."
"He is one of the founding members of the Justice League." Moxxie pointed out.
"I'm gonna hand you three over to Constantine." Batman told them.
"Oh, Hell NO!" Blitz cried out and tossed a smoke bomb, covering their escape.
/
Back with Ivy, she busted into a security vault containing the confiscated weapons and equipment of all the villains in Arkham. It didn't take long for her to find Bane's venom.
Back with Bane, he was sitting on Croc's back who was covered head to toe in bruises. He saw Ivy return with his venom on one hand and a baseball bat in the other.
"Thank you, Ivy." Bane said getting of off Croc and taking back his venom. "I guess we're even. But if you ever wanna do a team up and blow up say the Gotham stadium..."
"Pass," Ivy said, raising her hand and left without another word.
/
Outside of Arkham, several dozen cops and SWAT cars were heading towards the asylum. Jim Gordon was ridding the car in the front. Suddenly, he and his partner heard a roar.
"Oh crap," Gordon said when he saw a massive figure descending upon them. It was Grundy who flipped the car and tossed it over the others.
"Grundy crush stupid policemen!" The Hulk zombie cried out and went on the offensive.
Inside his upside down turned cop car, Gordon, with blood on his head, spoke into the intercom, "Bring out the knockout gas." He ordered.
/
Back at Arkham, Harley drove right through another wall which took her outside again.
"Damn it! Another dead end! Riddler gave us bad directions." Harley pouted. "We're never gonna find-"
"Why thank you Harley." That voice sent chills down Harley's spine. She turned around to glare at her ex. "You made me an exit." Joker said as he and his goons walked out of the hole he made. "This makes escaping this joint a whole lot easier. You must still have feelings for me."
"Don't make me turn this tank around, cock sucker." Harley spat.
"Aw, pudding, is that anyway to speak to the man who made you?" Joker asked, tauntingly.
"King Shark, turn the cannon around." Harley said.
"Don't bother," Said Poison Ivy as she made an appearance, resting on a oversized flower. "He's not worth it Harl."
"Ivy!" Harley cheerfully cried out as she jumped of off the tank and into Ivy's arm. "I knew I'd find ya! I've missed ya! Did ya miss me! Cause I sure missed you!"
"Of course I missed you, babe." Ivy said and pulled Harley back so she could look her in the face. And then they kissed.
"Ugh, all this romantic mush is making me sick." Joker said, rolling his eyes. "Come along boys. We're leaving." He said, walking towards a door.
"Did you steal a tank and cause all this carnage and mayhem for me?" Ivy asked.
"I'd steal a nuke and blow this whole city of the map for your sake." Harley replied.
"That's sweet and all. But remember, I'm an environmentalist. And a nuclear explosion would cause radiation that would poison the plants all around it." Ivy told her.
"Right. Sorry." Harley Sheepishly said.
"Hey Ivy. We're here too." King Shark spoke as he popped out of the tank as did a mud man. Clayface.
"Guys, you came for me too?" Ivy said, visibly touched.
"Of course!" Clayface declared in a high Shakespearian tone. "As the great Vin Diesel would say, we are more than just a team. We're family!"
"This is way to wholesome for my liking," Joker said as he grabbed the handle to the door giving Harley one last glance. "Until next time, Harley." He said and gave wink, which she was only disgusted by and stuck her tongue out her like a child. And then Joker opened the door.
/
(Thirty seconds earlier)
"Sir, this mission has been a disaster. Maybe we should call it of." Moxxie suggested as the IMP ran down a hallway.
"You're giving up to easily Mox." Blitz said.
"Too easily?!" Moxxie cried out. "So far we've been caught in explosions, faced of a deadly zombie that's on par with Superman, narrowly been mauled by hyenas and just now been facing the freaking Batman of all people. How many more times are we gonna have to tango with death before you decide to call it a quits?!"
"And this is why you're not the boss, you spinless baby dicked quitter," Blitz spat as they stopped in front of a door. "Can you just show some commitment for five fucking minutes! Geesh. Have some faith. For all we know, the Joker could be entering that door right this fucking second!" He cried out…
And sure enough, the Joker opens the door. The three imps looks at Joker in utter shock and the Joker looked back at them in confusion.
"What the fuck-?" Joker said, but that seem to have snapped the trio out of their trance as Blitz and Moxxie opened fire. Joker's entire body shakes from being popped full of led before being promptly chopped in half by Millie and her oversized battle ax. The Clown Prince of Darkness is dead.
"Holly fuck. I can't believe that actually worked." Blitz said in disbelief.
"I think we should set some policies about killing super villains. Be more selective." Moxxie suggested.
"What the fuck?" Harley and Ivy said, simultaneously.
When Millie looked up from the carcass and saw who it was, she gasped and stars formed in her eyes. "Harley Quinn!" She cried out. "Mox! Look! It's Harley Quinn!" She cried out, jumping up and down with excitement.
"Looks like you have a fan," Ivy said to her girlfriend.
"You probably get this a lot. But I'm a huge fan." Millie said like a hyped up fan girl. "Please, sign my battle ax!" She asked holding out the ax which was still soaked with Harley's ex's blood.
Harley smiled at the small imp and replied, "Sure." She jumped down from Ivy's plant, grabbed the ax and fell to the ground from the weight. "You're a lot stronger than you look, huh?" She commented.
"Hurry up and finish with that, Millie. We gotta get out of here before the bat-fucker comes for us." Blitz said as he brought out his phone. "Loonie, we're ready come home dear."
Millie looked at Harley's autograph on her ax with admiration. "This is awesome! Oh! Sign my boobs too, will ya!?" She cried out, pulling her shirt, exposing her breasts for Harley.
"You got it," Harley said, signing her autograph on the imp's chest
"Ah can't wait to rub this in mah sister's face! She's a big fan too." Millie declared with glee.
"Really? Then maybe we should take a selfie just to rub it even deeper." Harley suggested and Millie's mind almost blew.
"Harley, I don't mean to rush you. But we really need to get out of here before the authorities show up." King Shark told her.
"In a moment." She said as she and Millie got into position with the two smiling with their tongues out as Millie took the picture.
"Aw man. I wish there was some way I could repay you." Millie said, simping for Harely.
"Well, have any of you seen my pet hyenas?" Harley asked.
"Tim to go!" Millie cried out and rushed for the portal pushing Moxxie and Blitz through.
"Will you look at that," Ivy said with a grin. "My girlfriend's got fans in Hell. You're name is now immortal."
"How cool is that?" Harley said as she went back to the tank. "Best breakout ever!" She cried out. "Now lets go find Bud and Lou. Poor things must be running scared without me."
/
Hell
The battle between the Russian and Swedish army had come to an end … And both sides were now celebrating a good fight together?
"Great fight, Ivans/Cheers for the Caroleans!/What a fight/You almost got me with that grenade."
The soldiers bantered, sharing booze and food, while their commanders were of to the side having their own private party. Carolus and Zhukov were sitting by the latter's tank, drinking coca cola.
"Don't be so moody just because you lost, Zhukov." Carolus told the Russian sinner. "You beat me last time, remember?"
"And now I suppose you want your sword back, huh?" Zhukov asked, gesturing to the sword hanging from his belt.
"Keep it a little longer," Carolus said. "I want something else from you for now."
"What?" Zhukov asked with suspicion. Carolus gestured to the vehicle they were leaning against and the Russian went wide eye. "No! Not my tank! My pride and joy!"
"Georgy," Carolus said with a demanding tone. "You took my sword in the last battle. That's my pride and joy."
"Your sword is a tiny piece of metal that doesn't even weigh a pound. My tank is 60 tons of solid metal fortress. You can't compare the two." Zhukov retorted.
"My sword is also an ancient weapon that was used in Lucifer's Rebellion. It was strong enough to kill angels. So you're right. There is no comparison." Carolus said with a smug grin. "And besides, both of us agreed 40 years ago that the winner always gets to take something from the loser after each battle. Are you backing of from your promise, Georgy?" He asked, accusingly.
Zhukov looked down in defeat. "Take it." He finally said. "What do you want with my tank anyways? I thought you prefer to ride into battle on horseback."
"Oh, it's not for me. It's a birthday gift for an old friend." Carolus replied with a wide smile.
"You started this bloodbath just so you could get someone a birthday gift?" Zhukov asked, flabbergasted and Carolus nodded while still grinning. "You truly are the maddest king Sweden ever had. So who's it for?"
/
IMP office
"Sir, it's Tuesday. We shouldn't be drinking on a workday." Moxxie objected as he watched his boss with a bottle of beer in his hand.
"So what? We just killed the fucking Joker!" Blitz cheered and handed Moxxie a beer. "It is a time of celebration. This is going to look so good on our records! People will be flocking to us to kill any no good cum dump who wronged them in life!"
"Whatever you say, sir." Moxxie said, rolling his eyes and decided to take a zip from the beer.
"Can you believe this?!" Millie cried out as she showed of Harley's autograph on her ax to Loona, but the hellhound was too fixed on her phone to care. "I got Harley Quinn's autograph! How awesome is that?!"
"Stop fucking bothering me," Loona told the female imp, unimpressed.
/
Earth the following day
It was the day of Garfield's funeral. A lot of people had gathered. Mostly heroes and some civilians. People whom Gar had saved in his lifetime. There was the entire Teen Titans as well as the Doom Patrol. Garfield was watching from a live stream in Hell.
"How does it feel watchin ya own funeral?" Angel asked as he entered the room.
"Bizarre as fuck," Gar replied.
"I wouldn't know. Never saw to my funeral. I hated my family. So I didn't give a damn about what they thought of my passing." Angel replied.
Up on Earth, as the funeral was on the way and Robin stepped up to hold a speech.
"Well," Robin said, going first. "this is the hardest part of being a leader. You have a responsibility towards the people who follow you to keep them alive and safe. And I realized a long time ago that you can't always protect your teammates. And sometimes you will have to deal with the loss of a teammate." He paused for a moment, composing himself. "Beast Boy, or rather Garfield Logan, was more than a teammate though … He was family." He said and struggled to hold back tears. "I'm sorry. I can't … I can't do this any longer." He said and stepped down.
Starfire was next to give a speech. "I come from a warrior culture. My people are taught early on to be ready to lose a loved one. And we are taught how to deal with it by bottling up our emotions … This … is too much to keep bottled up … Garfield was like a younger brother to me. He always tried so hard to bring a smile to all our faces … I'm going to miss seeing his bright smile everyday. I'm going to miss taking our pet Silkie with us to the park every weekend. I'm going to miss his jokes that made no sense to me and yet humored me … I'm just really going to miss him." She finished as she was tearing up.
Next was Cyborg. "What can I say about Garfield that hasn't been said already? When I met him, he was the first person who didn't judge me for being a cyborg since the accident that made me into this. Just like what Star just said, he was the little of this team. He made really really bad jokes. But at the very least they lightened the mood. His limitless energy just kept us from getting too gloomy, even when he was annoying. And he was just so terrible at video games. He made wining all the time so much fun." Cyborg paused, looking down on the ground. "I'm seriously going to miss my little brother." He finished, letting a single tear run down from his one human eye.
Finally, Raven was next. "I've had my fair share of loses," She started. "But this … this is a lose. I know what most of you are probably thinking. Why the hell am I giving a speech for Garfield? Well, after I smacked him up the head back in Tokyo, you all know how hashtag Cancel Raven was trending. Until he shut all the trolls down by reminding them that I was only teenager. A kid who did something stupid, which he never held against me. He never even asked for an apology. I may have been a kid. But that's still no excuse. I know that. And yet, despite that I hit him unprovoked, he still stood up for me when all the crazy fans online lambasted me. Said they were no fans of his for overreacting that way and speaking for him. He even came out with a lot of the bad things he did, which he was also hit hard for by online haters. But these past few years since Tokyo he made a real effort to becoming a better person, a more loyal teammate and devoted friend … I wish I had more time to develop our relationship. I wish I could've had more time to become a better friend to him as he was trying to be better to me … Time really is a precious thing." She finished before stepping down.
Later as everyone was putting a rose on the coffin, one unexpected blonde individual showed up. Terra had shown up dressed in a black dress. She put a rose on the coffin while everyone watched her after recovering from their surprise.
Garfield saw her on the TV and was mighty surprised.
"You and that cutie were close?" Angel asked.
"Very," Gar replied.
"Oof," Angel replied with a sour expression.
After the ceremony, the four founding Titans caught up with their old teammate.
"How are you, Terra?" Robin asked.
"I'm doing okay." She replied. "I'm glad Slade is finally gone forever. But…" Terra looked down in sorrow.
"A price for everything, as the devil would say." Raven retorted.
"We know who did it." Robin told Terra. "And our next move is tracking her down and bring her to justice."
"Room for one more." Terra asked.
"Thought you were done with this life," Raven said.
"For his sake, I'll gladly step out of retirement. Only until we catch his killer." Terra retorted with determination.
"You're more than welcome back. But before we move out, I think it's time I change my wardrobe." Robin said, confusing everyone.
/
Gotham, the Batcave
Inside the secret lair of the Batman, which looked more like a museum than an HQ, the caped crusader was sitting in front of his computer when a blonde man in a brown trench coat walked over to him.
"Fucking hell, Batman," The man spoke in a thick British accent. "I was about to have a threeway with this bitching Taiwanese and Brazilian couple when you text me. So this better be fucking important."
"I never call you unless it's important, Constantine." Batman retorted. "We're dealing with outer worldly beings. Imps arrived from Hell and into our world. They were the ones who killed the Joker last night."
"Blimee," Constantine, as he was called, said. "Sounds like we ow these little rascals a solid for finally putting that clown six feet under. Now he's their problem."
"Even so, it would be bothersome if they kept appearing on Earth." Batman said and opened up freeze frames from Arkham's security camera. "These are the footages of the assailants."
"Oh fuck me!" Constantine cried out in shock. "You gotta be fucking kidding me! Blitzo!"
"Friend of yours?" Batman asked.
"One of my ex." Constantine replied, with a sour expression.
/
Now some of you have more than likely read Growing Up Impish by Cheycartoongirl8. Indeed I got the idea about Moxxie being adopted by Alastor from that fic. And I give full credit to them. This was not an original idea of mine. I just really like the idea of Moxxie being raised by Alastor so much, I couldn't help but do my own adaptation of it. I take no credit for this idea.
OC BIO
So the two OC you've all seen here are, as some of you might've figured out, based on historical figures. The first one was a king from my home country.
Carolus Rex
Right from and early age, Karl was full of potential. His strong will and unyielding personality both impressed and unnerved those around him. Once he made a promise, it was almost impossible to talk him out of it. He lived a Spartan life, neglecting all comfort as he regarded sloth as the greatest sin of all. He was taught by his father, Karl XI, to be a merciless lion to his enemies, and his mother, Ulrika, taught him to be a gentle lam to his people. He was highly Christian, praying to God twice a day and never missing service. Not even on the field of battle.
When he was 15, his father died of Stomach cancer, ascending the throne in 5 April1697. Many nobles saw an opportunity. For with many teenagers, Karl was impatient, impulsive and adventurous. One time, he rode through Stockholm at break neck speed, smashing every window with his sword. The Swedish nobles believed they could exploit the young king. But were deeply disappointed. Karl starred down on them with the glare of a wolf, showing no signs of fear or hesitation. He made sure everyone would know he was now the king of Sweden. He made his point on the day of his coronation in 30 December, 1697. Only he was allowed to ride on horseback while everyone else had to walk. Even his own family would walk. It was his way to letting his rivals know that he wasn't about to let anyone step over him. Before God, he was just another sinner. But on this Earth, he had no superior.
Karl's authority was absolute. He had made sure that the people would swear their loyalty to him before his coronation. Not after. And once he was king, he kept his promise of treating his people with generosity and kindness, he was merciless to those who oppose him. If word reached his ears that someone had spoken ill over his reign, even if they were from the farthest corner of Sweden, they would be dragged to Stockholm in chains. And if found guilty would be sentenced to life in prison or a firing squad.
Now, this may have him come of as en evil tyrant, which he's often described as today. But he had a humane side to him. He forbade torture and vowed to judge those around him based on personal merit. He was strict in that every Swede had to do their service to the state. But anything beyond that was forbidden.
In 1700, a tipple alliance consisting of Denmark, Norway and Poland, launched a full scale invasion upon Holstein, Livonia and Ingria. They have had their sight set on taking down the Swedish Empire for many years. And believed now would be the perfect opportunity while the Swedish king was still young and inexperienced. Karl heard about the declaration of war when he was on a bear hunt. He rushed back to Stockholm and burst into the parliament where he declared:
"I have resolved never to begin an unrighteous war. But I have also resolved never to finish a righteous war until I have utterly crushed my enemies."
And he absolutely crushed two of the triple alliance, Denmark and Poland. He drove his enemies out of Sweden and crushed them in their own homelands. Russia was also driven back. But as history always shows us, Russia is too big to be conquered. But for Karl, driving the Russians out of Swedish territory wasn't enough. He needed to ensure the empire's survival by securing powerful strategic positions that would halt any Russian invasion in the future. Karl launched a massive campaign to the East, which was met with utter disaster. In the Battle of Poltava, the Swedish army suffered a terrible defeat, forcing Karl to flee to the Ottoman Empire, where he spent years trying to convince the Ottoman's to join his cause. Eventually, he was driven out of the Empire and returned home, where he launched an invasion upon Norway, which was part of the Danish kingdom at the time. The reason for this was evict the Danish king from the war so he could focus all his forces on Russia.
In the Siege of Fredriksten, Karl met his demise when he was shot in the head. Many historians have debated whether or not it was his enemy or one of his own men who shot him. Never the less, Carolus Rex died on the battlefield on 30 November, 1718 at the age of 36.
Sin: The murder of innocent people who dared question his authority.
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Georgy Zhukov
Most of you are probably unfamiliar with this man. And that makes me sad. Because this guy deserves to be as remembered as Theodore Roosevelt.
Now Georgy Zhukov is just the Chadiest man the Soviet Union ever had. When Russia entered the Great War, his response was "It is my duty to defend the motherland." And serve he did, taking a German officer hostage and interrogated him, gaining vital information earning his first of many, many well deserved medals.
When the Russian Civil War started in 1918, he left imperial army to join the Red Army. And as he continued to serve as an officer of the Red Army, his popularity grew with his ranks. His popularity came with a price though. Joseph Stalin had his eyes on him at all times, putting him at a high risk of being caught up in Stalin's purges. Luckily for Zhukov, in 1938 the Japanese-Soviet Border Conflict had Zhukov sent to the front lines in Mongolia, away from Stalin's gaze. There, Zhukov lead a decisive campaign against the Japanese. Most notably in Khalkhin Gol, where Zhukov crushed the entire Japanese 6th Army. The battle gave Zhukov crucial experience in encirclement operation which would come in handy when facing the Axis in the Second World War. Speaking of which…
Zhukov had become the General of the Red Army as of 1940, after successfully leading the defenses of Moscow, sending the Axis backing. And he didn't stop there. He continued to lead the Red Army and drive the Germans out of the Motherland, all the way back to Berlin where he choked the final breath out of the Axis, ending the war. After his many achievements, Zhukov was hailed as the greatest hero in Russia, it's most popular man and the greatest military mind in all of Russia's history. And it was thanks to his popularity among the people why Zhukov became the only man in the Soviet Union Stalin feared. He knew that executing Zhukov would not just bring about the people's wrath. But the wrath of the entire Red Army, who loved and respected Zhukov dearly. As such, Zhukov was also one of few men who could actually stand up to Stalin. I mean, come on. How can you not love a Gigachad like that?
Now the reason for this long history lesson is for a very personal one of mine. So many ignorant people will praise Stalin as the one who defeated the Axis. They couldn't be more wrong. After Hitler broke his treaty with Stalin and initiated Operation Barbarossa, Stalin locked himself away for weeks like the manchild he was, allowing the Axis to sweep across Russia, unhindered. And when Stalin did finally take charge, things only went from bad to worse. Stalin had no experience or any proper education in military warfare. He put incompetent military officers in charge, he initiated many orders that backfired entirely, most infamously Order 227, which wasted thousands of good men. Finally, Stalin was convinced to let his top generals lead the Red Army instead while he focuses on keeping Russia's factories going. It wasn't until the likes of Zhukov took charge that the tide turned. Not just him, but there were several other Soviet generals who also lead the Red Army to many victories.
It should also be noted that Zhukov did help prevent the Red Army from committing any more atrocities that they already committed. He forbade his men from murdering and raping innocent civilians. Including German civilians. He could not prevent all his men, of course, as seen in the history books about how Red Army soldiers brutalized German civilians. But he was only one man who could only do so much.
He died on June 18, 1974 from a stroke at the age of 77.
Sin: Killing unarmed prisoners of war and stealing wealth for himself from occupied Germany.