Secret in the Desert

By Spunky0ne

Chapter 1: The White Prince

Renji laid in the bed in his quarters at the sixth division headquarters, his body still and his breathing slow, but his ears strained and his senses piqued, waiting.

I feel it every Friday night…late, after I leave my friends at the dance club and come back here where I can be alone to recover from all of the drinking, dancing and noise. I like partying at the end of the week, but after a night with my buddies, I need to wind down. My place here, at the sixth, is usually a good place for that. The hot water in the shower actually works here. There's always food stocked in the division kitchen if I gat hungry, if something breaks, it gets fixed right away, and there aren't people shouting at each other or celebrating loudly while I'm trying to sleep.

But lately I've noticed…

He sat up as he sensed it.

Every Friday night, late at night when there's nobody here, I sense him arriving at an ungodly hour, going into his quarters that he barely ever uses otherwise.

He climbed out of bed and crept to his door, opened it and looked out into the hallway.

He comes in through the little courtyard outside his quarters and he doesn't come out into the office for anything, so he's not here to work. He never asks me for anything, not even tea, which I prepare for him during the day, even though he must sense I'm awake. I want to ask him why he comes here like that.

He left his bedroom, suppressing his reiatsu as he moved closer to the door of the sixth division captain's quarters.

If this was a few years ago, I wouldn't question what he was doing, but we've become friends. He's still quiet, almost silent when he's working at his desk during the day, but when we're training together, sometimes when we eat together or when we're walking to a meeting or mission location, he'll talk to me more casually. There are even these moments when he looks at me while we're working, when he almost smiles at something I say, or when he does something small that shows affection.

He moved cautiously until he was at his captain's bedroom door and he paused outside, listening to the oddly heavy sound of his captain's footsteps within the chamber.

Then, there's this time every Friday, late at night, when he shows up here like clockwork, walking with that strange, heavy step, with his reiatsu feeling weak and tired, and he doesn't ask for anything, even though he knows he could. He knows I would be happy to help him if there's something wrong. He asks for help with other things, but not this, whatever it is.

He held his breath as Byakuya's voice sounded softly in the room. Not words, but a low exclamation of pain. And it was that which nudged Renji to do something he hadn't dared.

"Captain, are you okay? Do you want me to make you some tea?" he said through the door.

The footsteps in the room halted and everything was quiet for a moment, then Byakuya's voice answered in its calm, normal manner.

"Everything is fine, Lieutenant. I am not in need of anything."

Renji bit his lip gently, stiffening at the words.

I know damned well he's not okay. I know something is wrong. I should call him on it. If it was Ichigo or Shuuhei or any of my friends, I would go in there and talk some sense into them. I'd point out what they were doing and yell at them for not confiding in their friends when they needed help. But, this isn't another guy like me. Captain is the leader of my division and leader of the Kuchiki clan. You don't walk into his room and slap him around and tell him he's being a jackass about things.

You pretty much just do what you're told.

"Yes, sir," he replied, employing in his voice a calm that he sure as hell didn't feel as he answered, "I'll, um…I'll be awake for awhile if you change your mind."

"Hmm."

He won't change his mind. I hear it in his voice. The last thing he wants is to open that door.

Why is that?

Where has he been tonight?

And what could happen that he doesn't want to share with anyone? I mean, if he's coming here, that means there's a reason to not go home. Is he going somewhere close to here and just doesn't wanna walk back to his home? Or…I've been wondering if maybe he's avoiding certain people…his attendant, who's been his attendant since they were both kids? His cousin and bodyguard, Tetsuya, who shadows him most places, but who is never present on Fridays when he comes here? He comes here, where there are no night staff or attendants. And usually, I don't say anything. Even tonight when I did, I felt like I was intruding.

Renji let out an anxious breath and returned to his bedroom. He laid down in his bed, blinking slowly as he tried to go back to sleep. But although his body ached for rest and he knew he needed it, he couldn't drop off. Finally, he left his bed and walked down to the division kitchen, where he whipped up a little late-night snack and set a pot of water boiling. He sat down at the kitchen table and looked out the window at the cloudy sky, feeling the little chill in the air that told him winter was coming.

During the winter, my heater never works, so I start sleeping here every night. It's funny. For a long time, Captain never seemed to notice me staying here more often and he never asked why, if he did notice. But after the thing with Aizen and then the quincy war, he started noticing and asking me about it. And when I confessed that my heating wasn't working, it was fixed within a day. I'd say something about the cold water that usually comes out of my shower, but I was kinda embarrassed he had to do that before. I'm not used to people doing things like that for me. In the Rukon, we had to do things for ourselves. Depending too much on somebody else was a mistake because those people often died, and then what? Then, the dependant person would die too. No, we had to be independent. Being independent built our strength and helped us survive. Maybe it's stupid to still feel like I have to do that, but it's just me. I don't want him thinking I'm weak, so I don't tell him when my heating breaks or when the water's freezing in the winter.

Renji's cinnamon eyes widened slightly and his head turned towards the kitchen door as Byakuya's footsteps sounded in the hallway.

He must've heard me come in here. Good. Maybe he'll say something about before. I wonder what's going on…

Byakuya appeared in the doorway, looking quiet and composed, his sakura scent stronger after recently having showered, and his nightclothes looking as crisp and unwrinkled as his uniform.

Other than looking sorta tired, he looks perfectly normal…well, normal for Captain Kuchiki.

"Good evening, Abarai," Byakuya greeted him.

I wonder if it's just because it's late at night and he's probably tired from staying up late, but his reiatsu seems weak.

How would I ask about that and not get him pissed at me? He's more open now, and we talk more casually. I know him well enough to know he doesn't like people questioning his strength. He never admits weakness if he feels it. He always looks strong and acts like everything's okay.

But right now, I know it's not.

Why won't he talk to me?

"Good evening, Captain?" Renji said, smiling up at him from where he sat at the table, "You change your mind about that tea?"

"I have."

"I'll get that for you," the redhead said, starting to stand.

"It's fine," Byakuya said, waving him off, "It is after work hours. You do not need to go out of your way."

Renji gave him a friendly smirk.

"I was here anyway," he said, shrugging, "It's no trouble."

"Hmm."

Renji watched as Byakuya measured out the precise amount of tea leaves he needed, then poured in the boiling water.

"Would you like some tea, Renji?" asked the noble.

"No thanks," Renji said, still smirking, "I was making it for you."

Byakuya gave him a curious sideways glance but said nothing in reply.

"You hungry?" asked the redhead.

"No, thank you for asking," Byakuya said quietly, taking a seat near him at the table to wait for the tea to steep.

Renji bit into a piece of taiyaki, his stomach rumbling noisily for him to eat quickly. He ignored the sound and worked at his food slowly.

"Were you having trouble sleeping, sir?" he asked in what he hoped was a casual tone.

"Perhaps," Byakuya replied almost absently, "You as well?"

"I was winding down after being at the club with my friends," he explained, "I like the noise and lights and music, but after, sometimes I can't fall asleep for awhile."

"Hmm."

A normal, Captain Kuchiki reply.

He's not a big conversationalist most of the time.

Several minutes followed with Renji working at his snack and trying to be quiet about it, while Byakuya gazed silently out the kitchen window, into the training grounds.

I'd say something work related to make conversation, but he's clear with all of us that we are to leave our work at work and not fill our leisure hours with business. I do know that he likes the night sky. When we go out on assignments at night, he does a fair amount of star gazing. Unfortunately, even though I know the sky really well, I didn't learn the constellations. The only thing I know about is the moon.

"I like the way the moon has that pretty ring around it."

The words escaped Renji before he quite decided to say them.

"It is lovely," Byakuya agreed.

Renji's smile returned as he sensed the invitation to say more.

"I like that no matter where you are, the night sky is almost the same, just the patterns are in different places."

"Hmm."

Renji looked down at his plate and realized it was empty, at the same time noticing that the tea should be done steeping. He left the table with his dishes and placed them in the sink, then poured the noble's tea and brought it back to the table.

"I used to stargaze down in the Rukon, but we didn't have anyone to tell us what the names of the constellations were. And when I went to the academy, they weren't interested in more than a basic education so we could read the orders we were given. They didn't bother teaching us much more than reading, writing and a little math. Only the ones headed for the twelfth got any science instruction."

Byakuya looked back at him silently for several moments, then he stood.

"Come with me."

Renji blinked in surprise.

Is that an order or is it an invitation?

The redhead nodded and followed as Byakuya left his tea in the kitchen and guided him out into the training grounds.

"I think we're both too tired to be throwing our reiatsu around, sir," Renji chuckled.

"Come here," Byakuya beckoned him.

Renji moved closer, breathing in the pretty sakura scent that was always strongest right after the noble bathed.

"Those three bright stars are Orion's belt. Orion was a mythical hunter. He was gifted, but he was also rather cocky and careless with his boasts, which earned him the ire of the Earth goddess, Gaia. Some myths say that she created a scorpion that stung him and he died from the poison."

Renji gave Byakuya a little smirk.

"Killed for shooting off his mouth? You trying to tell me something, Captain?" he chuckled.

Byakuya glanced at him out of the corner of an eye for a moment and Renji felt the touch of the barest of smiles.

"Orion appears in the sky with his hunting dogs," the noble went on.

Renji felt a strange little twinge inside as Byakuya's slender and surprisingly soft hand touched him under the chin to guide his eyes and the noble moved his own face closer.

"Canis major."

He moved Renji's chin again.

"Canis minor."

He moved Renji's chin a third time.

"And there is the scorpion that killed him."

"That's kinda creepy," Renji laughed, "A hunter being hunted."

"Yes," Byakuya agreed, "That is an astute observation, Renji."

The redhead wanted to cry as Byakuya straightened and moved away from him slightly.

"I think that is enough for one lesson. Too many constellations at once would only confuse you."

Did he just offer to do this again with me?

"Thanks, Captain," he said sincerely, "That was an interesting story. I'd like to hear more of them."

Byakuya nodded briefly and Renji felt his spirits lift.

"Perhaps another time."

Renji was glad for the fact that, although he went quiet, Byakuya remained where he was at his lieutenant's side, gazing up into the night sky.

Should I…?

"Sir, Renji said, watching his breath mist as he spoke, "I know you already told me you're fine, and I don't wanna bug you, but, you know, your reiatsu seems…off. You did tell me that I should improve my reiatsu sensing."'

"And so you have," Byakuya complimented him quietly.

He's admitting it?

"Is there anything I can do?" Renji inquired, hoping fervently there was.

"No, I just require rest."

"Would it be overstepping to ask what tired you out like that?" Renji asked, sensing the line he was about to step over.

Byakuya gave him a measured look.

"Training."

He's lying.

More than that, he knows that I know he's lying, but he's warning me to back off.

Damn!

He knew better than to press for information after the warning, so he turned his attention back to the sky, his eyes tracing the constellations he'd been shown and recounting the story in his head so that he would remember.

Maybe I should get a book on the constellations. If we focus on that, maybe he'll tell me something. Maybe, if we get to do this more often, he'll tell me what's going on. I don't see another way to get him to talk to me. Whatever this is, it feels dangerous and he's not confiding it in the people who are closest to him.

Everything inside me is screaming for me to do something.

I'm not the subtle type and if I do the wrong thing, he'll never talk to me. He needs to know he can do that. He can trust me. So, I guess it's a crash course in constellations. I'll go to the library in the morning.

"If you are finished staring aimlessly, we should go back inside," Byakuya said suddenly, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Oh, right. Sorry, Captain," Renji apologized hastily.

He fell into his usual place at the noble's side and the two returned to the hallway together. Byakuya sighed sleepily and turned towards his quarters.

"You want me to freshen your tea, Captain?" the redhead offered.

"No, I would not stay awake long enough to drink it. Goodnight, Renji."

"Goodnight, Captain.

I should stay awake for awhile, just in case…

But time passed and the reiatsu around the sixth division remained undisturbed, and before long, the redhead was collapsed and snoring contentedly in his bed.

Within his quarters, Byakuya sat in his bed, looking down at his very slightly trembling hands. One lifted and moved, curving around his graceful neck to the place on the back, where two small wounds had recently been healed, but still stung slightly.

Renji is suspicious.

He knows something is wrong.

But he is still less likely to guess than Tetsuya would be. Although, my cousin must of course be curious why I ask him not to follow me on Friday nights. Maybe he has his suspicions too. This was easier before, when Renji wasn't acting like a friend.

I wonder if letting him get so close to me was a mistake.

He cannot know.

No one can know.

It's the only way to hold on to what is left…of him.