Phone Calls From Home
By: M14Mouse
Summary: Peter may have left the Guardians but he really haven't left his family.
Disclaimer: Don't own them.
"If someone sends me one more file, I swear…I'm going to burn down this city," Nebula said angrily.
Peter chuckled as he balanced his phone against his shoulder and his face as he made himself a peanut butter sandwich in the kitchen.
"It can't be that bad," He said.
"Someone sent me the same proposal…three…Damn….times! The only thing that they did was change the wording. Do people think that I'm that much of an idiot!?" She groaned.
"No, they don't think that you would read it three time. They probably thought that you were approve it if they changed the wording enough."
"Well…I didn't do it because it was stupid."
"And that is why you are a great mayor."
"Mayor?"
"Urgh…president?"
"I approve of that title."
"Anyway, that is why you make a good president. You read everything and make sure no one tries to pull one over on you. Most of all, you make sure that you have the safety and welfare of everyone in mind."
He heard her groan over the phone. Hehe…he got her to blush.
"Anyway, if it makes you feel better…at least, it isn't the DMV," He said.
"DMV?" She asked.
"Grandpa is trying to get me a driver license. Something about having an identity and teaching me how to drive. I told him that I already have my pilot license and several copies of fake identities. I think that I confused him at that point. Anyway, this DMV place is hell, Nebula. They have forms for everything. EVERYTHING. They want multiple copies of these forms. You must bring all of this stuff like your birth certificate, 2 copies of something or other."
"They don't have a database mainframe or centralized chip?"
"No! Then grandpa explained something about state and federal stuff having different databases. I was super confused by that point. I had to ask how anyone gets anything done. Grandpa said that…they don't."
"…."
"…"
"New plan."
"Yes?"
"I'm coming to your planet to burn down this DMV."
-Drax-
"So…these fairytales that you sent me…" Drax asked.
"Yes? Did the kids like them?" He said he stared at this lawnmower.
His grandpa wanted him to cut to the yard because his regular yard guy was on vacation.
But it shouldn't be too hard…right?
"The kids love them, especially the one with the rabbit. Even if the rabbit was terribly stupid and should be killed for his stupidity. No turtle should beat a rabbit."
"Okay."
"And you should send us more."
"I plan too."
"I will also request educational books."
"Oh?"
"Yes…some of the children have an unhealthy interest in fire and knives and explosions…sometimes, together. It is important to introduce safety."
"It is. Anything else?"
"Cooking. Some of the children are interested in cooking."
"Recipe books, gotcha."
"And knitting. I have no idea why but one of the children heard the word and can't stop asking me about knitting. What is knitting by the way?"
"I think that it has to do with needles and yarn."
"Hmm…watch the children when they do this knitting."
He snorted.
"Anything else?" He asked.
"No…Don't think so," Drax said.
"You make a good dad, Drax."
"They require so much energy and time. Some days, I want to scream. Although, I did try that screaming thing and they screamed with me. Rather funny. But…I have enjoyed this feeling again."
He smiled a little.
"I'm glad, my friend."
-Adam-
"How do you bring a creature to this animal care place?" Adam said suddenly as he answered the phone.
How in the world did Adam get his number?
No…no, he knew that answer.
Rocket.
"First off, who….Second, why are you asking me?" He said as he tried to get the top on the blender. Whoever designed this thing should be killed…
"Because Captain laughed and left. Groot has never been to this animal care place and for some reason thinks of it as a zoo. Cosmo cries. Kraglin just looked at me strangely….and…"
"Okay! Okay! I get it! So, who are you taking to the vet?" He asked.
"Blurp. Phyla-Vell and I have been reading about animal care. I have come to realize that Blurp has never been to this animal doctor to have a formal checkup. As Blurp's owner, I should make sure that his health and well-being are my top priority. So, I have found a well-respected animal care doctor and made an appointment. Now, I am preparing for the appointment and it said I should make the visit as stress free as possible. How about I do that?" Adam asked.
He caught himself before he sighed.
It was kind of sweet in a strange way.
"Toys and treats. Maybe, bring someone else who is close to draw his attention. Make it fun."
"Hmm…wise advice, Captain. Thank you. Good-bye."
*Click*
He shook his head and then laughed. Totally an Adam thing to do.
-Groot-
"I am Groot."
"That is seriously impressive. Are your roots okay?" He said as he stared at the lawnmower again.
Why is this simple device causing him so much trouble?
"I am Groot."
"That is good to hear. I know fire can do a number on them."
"I am Groot."
"Really? I never knew that. Cool. That probably explains why the grass in the yard keeps growing."
"I am Groot?"
"A little yard and a small garden in the back of the house. It isn't like the gardens we have seen on other planets but…he likes it and will do daily walks in the mornings through it. So, I keep the grass short. So, he won't trip and fall."
Okay…trying…trying is the keyword here.
"I am Groot."
"I try, man. I will try."
- Kraglin-
"Man, I was totally impressed by how far you came with that thing. Remember when we were younger? When we tried to steal it to see how it worked," He said.
Kraglin laughed.
"Man, we got into so much trouble for that," Kraglin said.
"Cleaning duty for a damn month!"
"I think my hands were traumatized for life."
"How is Earth treating you, Cap?" Kraglin asked.
"It is strange. Not bad or good strange. Just strange. Earth can be painful slow and fast at the same time. I have been learning to drive a car. It is so slow! But you can see what is around you more. The trees…the grass…the people….road. A lot of roads. How about you? How do you like being a Guardian?" He asked as he scrolled through what seemed to be a million songs to add to his mp3 player. Yes, he could add it to his phone but his little player gave him a sense of comfort.
"The same but with more shooting and a cool outfit," Kraglin answered.
He laughed.
"We definitely had the best outfits and I'm not your captain anymore."
There was a moment of silence.
"Like Yondu before you…like Rocket is now. You will always be my Cap, Peter."
-Cosmo-
"And then…then! I threw the missile into the big rock. THEN BOOM!" Cosmo said excitedly.
"Wow…what happened next?" He asked.
"Then…then…Captain went bam bam. Groot went "I'm coming" and punched a hole in the wall…then Adam went whoosh!"
He laughed softly.
"Go on. Then…then Kraglin went tweet, tweet…"
"Tweet, Tweet?"
Don't laugh, Pete. Grandpa is right there. Okay…he is sleeping on the sofa but still don't laugh out loud.
"Yes. Tweet, tweet."
"Okay, go on," He said as he struggled to keep his voice calm.
"Then his arrow got stuck then did that long tweet, tweet…then pop," Cosmo said excitedly.
"Pop?"
"POP! Like a pimple."
That is when he lost it.
-Gamora-
"I'm surrounded by morons." Gamora said as soon as he picked up the phone.
"Uhhh…okay?" He said in confusion.
"I just sat through a farting contest…A FARTING CONTEST!"
Oh, he remembered those…he probably shouldn't say anything about the burping contests either.
"Slow?"
"YES!"
He hummed.
He wasn't sure what to do in this situation. The next time he talks to Rocket…he will strangle him.
Everyone in the damn universe has his damn number!
"I was this close to killing all of them. Slowly…with my very dull knife," She mumbled.
"Maybe you should start up a female crew?" He suggested.
"They have those?"
"Not very common but yes, I knew a few growing up. Oftentimes, it was a temporary thing. I suggest talking to Ma'al. If you don't know her, Big Boss knows who she is and sets you up for a meeting. She might be able to help you set up a crew. At least, a temporary one to see if you like hanging out with the girls more than the guys."
"Hmm…Earth has made you wise." She said after a moment.
"Nah…it made me stop running."
-Mantis-
Hey, Sis.
This is Pete. I know that you are on a journey of self-discovery and stuff. I don't want to interrupt that. When you aren't busy or anything, can you stop by? I want you to meet grandpa and my mom. Plus…you get to see my baby pictures and hear all the trouble that I got into when I was little. Blackmail, sis. Blackmail. You will have so much blackmail
Heh.
Anyway, talk to you soon.
Peter.
Mantis grinned at her phone then turned to her adorable boys. Her brother sounds so much better. At peace.
"Okay! Next stop, Earth to visit my brother!"
- Phyla-Vell-
"How did you like Pink?" He asked.
"Her earlier stuff was great but not the same level as Britney," Phyla-Vell said happily.
"And Aretha Franklin?"
"Her voice can shake the heaven and the stars but she isn't Britney."
"Come on! Aretha is epic!"
"I respectfully disagree."
"Dolly?"
"While her community work is truly noteworthy, her voice doesn't touch my soul as Mrs. Britney Spears."
"Tell her to listen to Linda and Lauper," Grandpa grumble behind him.
He grinned.
"It looks like I'm sending you some more music," He said.
-Rocket-
"How did you do it?" Rocket said.
He didn't need to ask what happened. He knew because he had been there.
"Badly. So badly," He said.
Rocket snorted.
"I know you did. I was there but…"
"The better question is how do you move on when you totally screw up?" He said.
There was a moment of silence.
That was the only answer he needed.
"Some days…you don't because it sticks with you. Other days, you move on because that is the only thing that you can do. When you're alone, you let out," He continued.
"Does it get better?" Rocket asked.
"Hell, no. But that was our burden to bear when we took the role of captain."
"Do you regret it?"
"Nope. That is how I met you…my best friend and my family. I don't regret that for a moment."
Rocket took a breath.
"You're right."
There was another moment of silence.
"You should come to Earth. My grandpa would love to meet you."
Rocket snorted.
"Uh huh," Rocket said.
"He does! He took the Mantis's visit very well by the way. Beside, there are baby pictures of me." He said as he lay out the bait.
One thing that he learned as a leader was breaks were important. Rocket sounded like he needed a break. He was offering the best type of break.
"Really now?" Rocket's voice perked up.
"Yup. I can introduce you to so many different things like riding lawn mowers, Jeopardy, and Swiss army knives"
"What is so special about a knife?"
"My man, Rocket…these knives have so many compartments. It has a screwdriver, a cock screw, a knife, a pair of scissors…"
"You're lying. That sounds like something that could kill someone."
"Probably it has been used in a few crimes. No, they sell it at any store."
"Hmmm…I supposed that I could come for the knife and stay for a few hours," Rocket mumbled.
"I would like that. I would really like that, buddy," He said.
End
A/N: This was supposed to be a little cute conversation between Rocket and Peter...then Nebula decided to come in blow up the DMV. So, it sort of snowballed from there. No regrets. Read and review if you wish.