"In your darkness, it's silence. In my darkness, it's her screams."
His fingers were like sharp razors digging into my skin, cutting through everything down to the last drop of humanity that could exist as if it were butter. I watched as his eyes glowed again, but at the same time his gaze darkened becoming as icy and cold as the worst of winters. his mouth steeled itself to mine and pressed his teeth against my lips until they bled, drowning in a kiss a cry of desperate pain, the blood slipped from my mouth running down my neck, and his eyes remained imprisoned to mine full of anger, sorrow and pain.
His hands sailed through my body as if I were a boat on a river, I tried with all my strength to get away from his touch, his eyes, his mouth, but I had almost no strength left, I refused his touch by writhing and I placated his gaze, but every time I continued to resist his lips would smile, like He was enjoying damaging me in every single possible way.
He clenched my jaw "I told you if you were a good boy I would treat you well" his hoarse voice echoed in my ears, I told him to let me go, but he refused, he said he would make me pay, that I should suffer, two wires snapped as they made contact "I am going to punish you", his bodyguards stripped me naked. the electricity made my body whip, slamming me against the beam I was tied to, I was electrocuted until I lost consciousness.
When I woke up, my arms hurt, when I realized I was still tied to the beam, but I was hanging by my arms, I could barely focus my sight, my left eye hurt and I assume I couldn't see because of the blood, I don't know how much time had passed, if it was the same day or a different one, I had lost track of time, the door thundered open, my whole body tensed again, Boss appeared with a belt in his hands, he said nothing, he just walked over and before I could do anything I again demanded that he let me go, that I knew nothing, that my boss would come for him if he found out he had me trapped here.
My body whipped again, Boss's belt against my chest embedded itself leaving a path of blood and flesh all over my torso, I screamed in pain at each whipping, until I begged him crying for him to stop, but he didn't, he didn't until the blood ran until it dripped from my body onto the floor, he beat me until I fell unconscious again.
again, everything was dark and I was not a person who was easily afraid of darkness, I was not afraid of Boss either, at least not before today, he was the first person I could perhaps personalize as fear. when I opened my eyes everything hurt, it hurt the sun streaming through the window, it hurt the slight breeze blowing and the sweat making races between the wounds. I could barely keep my breathing normal, I felt that maybe I had several broken ribs and I was also very hungry, to the point that I had been vomiting perhaps because of the trauma of the amount of wounds.
It was daylight, but Boss did not appear, I gathered the little strength I had left and managed to move the pulleys that kept me hanging, I had almost no strength and falling from such a height made me lose consciousness again, when I woke up the sun was setting, but Boss did not appear, maybe this was my only chance to escape, I opened the shackles and released my chains, I turned the handle of the door, I opened the sliding window that led to a small terrace, from there I threw my body against the bushes and started to run until I found the lake, the residence was on a small island that I had to cross by boat to get to the other side, I shouted for help, but there was no one, it was almost night and I was naked in a small harbor screaming like crazy.
"What do you think you're playing at Kahn?" it was him "Go on go try, it's just you and me" I had nowhere to run, I turned my eyes towards the water, and before I could launch myself, I felt my body filling with electricity and again the darkness.
I could hear him calling my name over and over desperately, it didn't sound like himself, it wasn't him, and I wanted to blame the darkness for my delusions again. When I woke up I was lying on a bed, I could not get up, my body hurt and with my hands I felt my face, maybe now I was an unrecognizable person, even touching myself hurt, but the pain was good, it meant that there was still some sensation in me, that I was still a human being who could feel. I felt my body and felt the scratchy scars from Boss's belt all over my body, fresh new wounds over old wounds, my body was a map with his name etched into each of my scars, and even the shackles had darkened around my wrists, forever etching the fact that I am his prisoner.
"You painted in colors wounds of memories that I could never erase".
I was awakened by the thundering of the doorknob, I was already used to that sound, it was not easy to recognize that I was conditioning myself to the torture sessions, and to the fact that my whole body tensed knowing that Boss would come to do me irreparable damage, not even let my body recover, he did not seem to have intentions of letting me live, and with each session I was losing more the notion of time, if it took a couple of days, weeks or months I did not know, at this point time was irrelevant to me.
I felt my body dirty, and the wounds began to become infected and swollen, even mosquitoes began to appear in the room, but the chains did not reach the shower, only the toilet, I could not wash myself nor clean or treat my wounds. Boss appeared behind the door with a bowl of hot soup, I was hiding in a corner "Here, eat something" I shook my head, my stomach betrayed me "see? I didn't want to believe that he had suddenly been struck by kindness, but delusively hunger won out, I approached to take the plate, when my knees betrayed me and I almost tripped causing some of the soup to spill on the floor, I noticed in Boss' look that he was not happy, and I could feel the sole of his Louis Vuitton shoes against the back of my neck drowning me inside the bowl of soup, it was the first food I tasted, I was no longer ashamed, I looked up smiling at him with the noodles all over my face, what would my boss think if he saw me like this now? , Would he be proud of me?
He crushed my fingers until they almost broke, then squirming like the damn worm I was at that moment I hugged his calf and begged him to let me live, I closed my eyes while in the distance I could hear him cursing me, he grabbed me by the hair and lifted me up, I felt his fist thunder as it closed before he beat me relentlessly until again the darkness broke through and I was no longer afraid of it, darkness was a good thing, it meant that as long as there was darkness the pain didn't exist, and even if he hit me I was only going to feel it later when I woke up.
The cold made me wake up and it was night again, my whole body hurt and at this point I could no longer see, I felt my face again and my whole face was swollen, Boss had made me a toy, I was no longer human, I no longer felt human, I no longer wanted to be human, I wanted to disappear once and for all, I wanted this to end, had I reached my limit?
That night I could not sleep, the cold and the pain of the wounds were reaching an inexplicable extreme at least for me, when the door opened again and Boss entered my eyes had lost their shine, I was not going to fight again, Boss pulled the pulleys and my body was suspended in the air, and although it hurt I did not make any sound, nor did I writhe in pain, nor did I say anything to him, I simply let him do what he wanted; I still didn't know how I still had blood in my body that could still leave me, but I didn't react to his actions, and cut after cut I let him do what he wanted. And cut after cut I let him do it, until I saw disappointment in his eyes, but why would he be disappointed if this was what he wanted?
He climbed up on the edge of the bed and pulled my hair, his eyes on mine, I tried to let him know by looking at me that I was ready to die, that I had had enough, what do you think you are doing? he said without taking his eyes off me, I didn't respond, I could barely look at him, my face was swollen and blurry. But I knew he was angry, "let me die once and for all Boss" I let out in a faint and choppy sound. then I heard his laugh, a laugh that froze to the last cell of my body, I thought that fear was already a habit, but this was different, he laughed, he laughed as if everything so far had been nothing.
Did it mean that all this was just the preamble to the real pain, was there more, was it going to hurt more than now, my breathing became agitated, and I started to get dizzy. Boss released the pulleys and my body fell precipitously to the floor whipping me to the point that I couldn't even stand my own self anymore, panting on the floor, I felt the shackles on my wrists loosen, what are you doing Boss? I thought to myself. He dragged me by the hair into the bathroom and threw me against the shower wall, he let the water run, it was very cold and against my wounds it was almost like a glorious balm that I was grateful for deep inside, then I felt his body against my back and his breath against my ear, his hands ran down my side, what was he doing? I tried to move, but the weight of his body against mine was impossible to overcome, I felt his fingers go down my crotch, and it was there in that instant where terror took over me, there I knew and there it happened, the infinite humiliation.
"I was chased by demons with stars in their eyes."
I no longer wanted to wake up, I did not want darkness, I was no longer really nothing, I felt like I was floating at the bottom of the sea, I no longer had hands, eyes, mouth, body, I was nothing, I did not exist. it was not cold, it was not hot, there was no day or night, I was nothing.
They say that reality is crueler than the stories in books and movies, because reality always surpasses fiction and real life will always be crueler and colder, but we are the deluded ones who dream that our life can be like in the movies. There could be no more than this, it was the peak, I had learned my lesson, Boss was the cruel and nefarious person; he had already proved it.
He looked at me with a smile on his face, as if he was the happiest person in the world after having humiliated me that way; but I was no longer human, I was no longer human, I saw him walk away towards the room and I felt the pulleys, he went back into the bathroom with the handcuffs between his hands dragging the chains, that sound was terror for me, I stretched my hands obediently and let him cuff me again, he got up and threw me a towel "wash yourself, do you want to? "he said dismissively, I felt the bedroom door close and the doorbell ring. I was alone again.
I stood up leaning against the shower wall and turned the knob for the hot water, I felt my body relax for the first time, and I cried, I cried inconsolably I cried as if I were a child again looking for solace in the loneliness. with my hands I rubbed my shoulders, my legs, my chest, my face wishing the water would wash away all traces of Boss. I turned the knob turning off the water, I took the towel and wrapped myself in it, I walked holding myself against the wall to the bedroom dragging the damn chains and lay down on the bed hugging a cushion until I fell asleep.
"I was sand, and you were waves"