Episode Eight

Passing On

"There you are!" Willie said, taking Alex into a big hug on the walkway to the garage. Alex wasn't expecting the sudden hug, but nonetheless was grateful to see his boyfriend, wrapping his arms gently around him. He had been wondering where he was since last night.

"You're okay…?" Alex trailed off, putting his hand gently on the back of Willie's long, brown hair, "I didn't know what had happened to you after the fire," He whispered softly, taking in Willie's presence now weighing on top of him.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Willie asked, pulling back from the amorous embrace, "I'm a ghost, remember?" He chuckled, slapping Alex on the back playfully.

"Well, yeah," Alex started to say, "but, you didn't show up here to see me."

"What do you think I'm doing right now?" Willie laughed. Alex blushed a little at his failure to agnize, his shoulders dropping, "Hey, don't worry about it. I'm here now, and that's all that matters," Willie said, cupping his hands around Alex's face.

"I'm just glad you're alright," Alex sighed, turning his head to the right just slightly so he could kiss Willie's palm, "Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about something," Alex said quietly and awkwardly, biting his bottom lip.

Willie cocked his head to the side curiously. "Everything okay?" Willie asked him.

Alex rubbed his fingers along his forearm nervously, looking down at his feet which were placed in an inward stance. "It's something serious," he whispered, "something that I don't want to talk about, but I have to," He said.

Willies' brows furrowed in concern. "What's on your mind?"

"I have a few things I want to get off my chest in the event—," Alex breathed in ruggedly, "in the event that I pass on."

Willie bit his lip nervously, frowning. "Why? Did something happen?" He asked his boyfriend, tilting his head downward to get a better look at Alex's face.

Alex shook his head hastily, looking back up at Willie. "No, not exactly. I just realized that there are so many things I want to tell you," he paused, "that I will never have a 'right time' to say."

Willie swallowed hard. "Tell me then."

Alex sighed, glazing his tongue over his teeth. "I don't know if you caught me saying it or not, but I love you, Willie," Alex admitted, "I have never loved someone so much in my life, not even as much as my friends, or my older sister… I don't know what you've done to make me like this, but I would do anything for you," Alex chuckled.

"I heard you," Willie smiled, "I love you too, but I don't see what this has to do with anything–" Then Alex inched closer to Willie, his hands still cupped around Alex's face, and turned his head sideways so he could kiss Willie. The two stood there on the front drive for a few seconds, Alex desperately grasping at Willie's shirt behind his back, the fabric balled in his fist.

"Cool it there, Cupid," Willie chuckled, pulling away from the kiss, "You're gonna tear my sweater to bits," Willie laughed as he grabbed the sides of Alex's face, kissing his cheek forcefully.

"Sorry," he swallowed, "I wasn't trying to be so aggressive," He said.

Willie frowned. "It's okay, but back to the conversation, I have something to tell you too."

Alex chewed the inside of cheek, gnawing on the rubbery skin. "Alright, what is it?" He asked.

"After all this talk of passing on, if you do happen to pass on," He sighed, taking in a deep breath, "just– know that I'll be okay," He whispered, looking into Alex's eyes.

"I don't understand how you could be," Alex frowned, "after everything we've done together…"

Willie let out a small, awkward chuckle. "I don't think I would ever be, deep down," he admitted, "but I could manage. I want you to know that, so don't worry about me."

"I guess I'll try," Alex sighed, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, "that's a little comforting."

"Good," Willie smiled. He was glad that even though the fate of Alex was scary and uncertain, he could at least provide him solace in the fact that he was going to be alright if Alex ever left. It was the least he could do in such a sad and scary situation like that. He just hoped it would be enough for him. Lately, Alex had been more anxious then he usually was, so he was glad Willie was someone he could talk to about that. He was the one person that knew about his anxiety disorder, so if anyone could calm him down, it was going to be Willie. Of course, Willie didn't have any firsthand experience living in Alex's mind, but without any ghost therapists around to try and figure him out, his boyfriend would have to suffice.

"Again, I love you," Willie told Alex.

Alex chuckled. "That's funny, because I was about to say the same thing," He replied.

"Hey, sweetie," Ray said as Julie walked past the kitchen island, making her way to the front drive. She was trying to cool down in the garage, for she had not been prepared to be kissed by the boy she had been crushing on for a month that morning, but her father trying to get her attention was only getting in her way. Julie just didn't want to be questioned by her father, it was too early for that, so she tried to ignore him by walking straight past him.

"Hey, Julie," Ray called again, trying to get his daughters attention, "me and Carlos thought we should go out to breakfast to celebrate the whole Trevor thing being done," Ray explained, resting his elbows on the island. Welp, there was no ignoring him now, Julie thought.

"Hey... dad," Julie swallowed, stopping in front of her father, "I'm actually not too hungry. I was going to go out to the garage–"

"Oh come on, Jules," Ray whined, "You don't even have to eat anything, just spend time with your tia, brother, and me for once? It will be fun, I promise," He asked her, pouting to try and convince her.

"Ugh," She sighed, "maybe later, but I have to do something right now," She explained, walking towards the door again.

Ray clicked his tongue. "Alright, but whatever you have to do, make it quick," He said, sticking his pointer and middle finger out towards her to say 'I am watching you,' Julie nodded hastily, opened the door, and gently closed it behind her on the porch.

Before Julie could take a step towards the concrete walkway, however, Luke blinked in front of her. "Hey, Julie," Luke smiled, grabbing Julie by her shoulders, "why did you run off so fast?" He asked, resulting in a jump from Julie.

"Ugh, you scared me," She exasperated, reaching a hand towards her chest to catch her breath, "What did I say about scaring me like that?" She reprimanded him, frowning.

"I'm sorry," Luke apologized, "really, I am, but I just wanted to catch you before you ran off too far," He said, "nor interrupt the conversation with your dad."

"Well, I'm right here," She shrugged grumpily, placing her hands on her hips.

"Okay…" He swallowed, "I just wanted to know, why did you run off like that?" Luke asked, narrowing his eyebrows at Julie. He had a few inklings of why Julie might have run off, but he didn't want to make any assumptions to keep his mind at peace. The last thing Luke wanted was to have kissed Julie, make her realize they were never meant to be, and be the thing that made her run off so fast. Now Luke couldn't get it off his mind.

"I'm not scared, just– shocked," Julie admitted, "I needed a minute to breathe and you're not really helping right now," She said, tugging his hands away from her shoulders.

"Why would you be shocked?" Luke asked, smirking, "Have– have you not felt the same all this time?" Luke stuttered, his head full of doubt as he said those words out loud.

"No, I have," She reassured him, "I just– I didn't expect you to feel the same."

Luke frowned. He didn't say anything to Julie, just pouted at her. She didn't sound like a girl who had just been kissed by a boy she loved, but he tried not to fill his head with such pessimistic thoughts. All these explanations had entered Lukes head at one point or another, but were quickly shaken away when Julie started to speak again.

"I don't want to give you the wrong impression," She paused, taking Lukes hands gently in hers, "I am so happy that you kissed me. I love you, Luke–" She confessed.

"I love you too, Jules."

Julie continued on. "It's just, that was the first time someone kissed me," She admitted, "like, kissed me first. I've never really been the object of anyone's affection before; always the other way around."

"Oh," Luke said gently, his smile dropping. He wasn't upset, just shocked, "I guess I never thought about that," He said, laughing awkwardly.

"Yeah…" She trailed off.

Luke rubbed the pads of Julie's fingers, stepping closer to her in one, long stride. "It wasn't my intention to make you uncomfortable; I understand how much a moment like that can mean to a person. I mean it when I say that you are perfect in every way, Julie. I hope you know that."

"And I'll never believe you're anything less than remarkable," Julie complimented him back and raised their connected hands towards her lips, kissing the parts of his fingers in which his rings did not cover.

Luke studied Julie's gentle kiss on his fingers, her eyes not breaking the contact with Luke's blue ones. His chest hurt. Luke opened his mouth like he was going to speak, but hesitated. He wanted to ask Julie a question, one that seemed so outlandish to even ask at the moment, but Luke couldn't keep the query from leaving his mouth by the time his words caught up with his brain. "Julie?" He asked gently, lowering his hands from Julie's grasp so that they hung loosely by his sides, his stomach churning a little less when he let her hand go.

"Don't speak, let me hold you," Julie said, grabbing at his hands again, completely ignoring his question.

"Julie," Luke chuckled, "Just let me say something, okay?" He asked her, letting her hold his hands that time. She nodded slowly, then let him talk without interruption.

"Lately, after all the trouble we've been through with Caleb," Luke paused; Julie wanted to interrupt and tell him Caleb was dead now, but let him finish, "I've been thinking about what we do now; what else there is to do," He said.

"So… what are you trying to tell me?" Julie asked.

"I just want to remind you that all that is left for Alex, Reggie, and I… is our unfinished business," He swallowed, looking down at the ground so he didn't have to look Julie in her eyes.

Julie furrowed her brows, cocking her head to one side. "Why are you talking about that?" She asked, laughing awkwardly, "We are finally together and the first thing you talk about is leaving me?" She said sorrowfully, obviously confused.

"I'm really not trying to be so grim, Julie," Luke explained, "but– there is something I must get off my chest," He admitted.

What could Luke possibly be talking about, Julie thought. Something about the way he enunciated each gummy syllable gave Julie the impression that something was gravely wrong, a situation that Julie did not want to face after waiting so long to be with Luke. "Please don't say something awful, I don't think I could take you–"

"Stop," Luke reprimanded her, "calm down, Julie," He said. Julie inhaled a shaky breath through her nose, and breathed out through her mouth in the hopes of giving herself some sort of comfort in the agonizing seconds that faced her.

"Go ahead," She whispered, "I won't say anything."

"Okay," Luke sighed, "I don't know if this is a figment of my imagination, and I really hope it is, but the more time I spend with you… the more I–" He paused.

Julie nodded, signaling for him to go ahead.

Luke grazed his tongue against the front of his top teeth nervously, a sign of anxiousness that Julie did not like. "I feel weaker," He said bluntly, "every time you look at me in a, 'more than friends' way, there is this heaving weight in my chest, and I–"

"What– what is that supposed to mean?" She interrupted, obviously offended by his words.

Luke sighed heavily, realizing how his words sounded to Julie. "This whole time we've been here, we, the band, always thought our unfinished business was some sort of… band affair, or something like that. But, I think it's something that's much harder to accept," He frowned.

"What now?" She asked him, letting go of his hand so that it fell slack at his hips so she could facepalm.

"I have been thinking so much lately, about why the Orpheum show only lifted our stamps, and how strange it was that it didn't make us cross over. So, when I tried to think of what else I wanted in my life while I was still living, which wasn't much, the only thing that I had hoped for besides that sold out show… was someone like you."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Julie said, her voice shaking a bit.

Luke nodded slowly, lifting a hand to scratch the back of his neck nervously. "I don't think my unfinished business has anything to do with our music," He sighed, "I think my unfinished business is... is you, Julie," He swallowed.

Julie didn't know whether to take that as a tacky ghost pickup line, or if Luke was being actually serious. She didn't want to come out and ask, in case it wasn't the latter and she was going to ruin the set up to a sexual advance, so Julie just kept her mouth shut and waited for Luke to start talking again instead of her.

"I am being completely serious, Julie," He clarified. What a relief, she thought sarcastically.

"So, does that mean we can't be together anymore?" She frowned, her fears coming true.

Luke sighed, "Not exactly," he huffed, "if I stay with you, I might cross over."

"Then don't stay with me," Julie said, frustrated, "go, I'd rather you be without me than not be here at all," She told him, her voice suddenly becoming loud.

"You don't understand, Julie. I don't want to be here if I don't get to spend my time with you," Luke explained, "I want to stay with you so bad, but what other choice do I have?" he trailed off.

"You aren't going to give up that easily, are you?" She asked him, her brows narrowing.

"I need to let go," He said quietly, killing any chance of hope that Julie had. Luke brought his hands up to cup the sides of Julie's face, "It seems like all I ever do is bring you harm. I got you locked in a closet, for fucks sake. Besides, I can't stand the thought of being on this earth knowing you were right here, and I can't be with you," He said, his voice trembling in an angry, yet sad tone.

Julie wanted to say something, try to convince him to stay, but all she could get out was a loud, garish sob. "What the hell is wrong with you," She yelled, "I–, I just–" She tried to talk, but it felt like the world around her was crumbling as she spoke; a terrible, careless apocalypse that invaded her mind.

"Julie..." Luke said, taking Julie into an embrace, but was forcefully pushed off by her push against him.

"I thought we weren't supposed to be together anymore," She cried, her voice annoyed, "get off of me..." She sobbed, collapsing back into Luke's hug despite rejecting the hold. The only sounds besides Julie's sobbing were Lukes gentle shushes that she had trouble listening to. In that moment, it seemed like the only thing she could do was cry, and with what seemed like nothing to live for anymore, Julie let her tear ducts control her.

"Julie, I promise that nothing will happen to you if I leave, I–"

"How could you say that?" She sniffled, "I will never, ever, be fine without you," She said, chewing the inside of her cheek roughly with her teeth. No matter how much Luke tried to sooth Julie's anger, an emotion she rarely ever showed, she didn't, couldn't, tuck it away.

Luke then started to cry too; he couldn't help it. He didn't fall to his knees like Julie almost did, or yell out in anguish at the world, he just cried. The kind of crying that you try to hide with your pillow as you hiccup, only Luke didn't have one, so it was just loud heaves. "I don't think you understand," Luke struggled to say, his breath hard to catch through the hyperventilating, "I do not want to do this. When I kissed you, I tried to ignore the pain in my chest, I tried to focus on you growing old and still loving me despite being stuck at seventeen years old, I tried to force myself to be with Lisa because I knew deep down something wrong was going to happen, I tried, Julie, I did," He said coldly.

"How long has this been going on?" She asked him calmly, her tears drying up on her cheeks as new ones formed in her eyes.

Luke hesitated to say anything in fear of making Julie cry again. "Ever since the stamp got lifted…" He told her. Julie sucked in her lips to the inside of her mouth, and teetered on her heels nervously.

"So, am I just supposed to grieve, or something? Just forget everything that happened between us and try to somehow move on?" She asked, her voice raising a bit.

"I don't want you to move on," He said angrily, "If it were up to me, I would hope that you would never find anyone other than me, but that's not right. I'm not as selfish as you think, Julie," He said, "I don't want this; if there is one thing I know, it's that I love you," He admitted to Julie.

"I love you, too," She swallowed. The silence stirred for a little bit on the empty drive, but Julie couldn't keep one question from leaving her mouth, "So, what are you going to do now?" She asked him.

"I am going to be with you for as long as I can," He explained, "maybe, hopefully, this whole thing was just a really unfortunate misconception– and this is not my real unfinished business."

"Do you really believe it could be anything else?" She asked him.

"I can't think of anything else," He said, sighing heavily, "The question is, do you believe me?" He asked her, his brows furrowing.

Julie just bit her bottom lip. "I don't see why you would put me through something so terrible if you only half believed it, so yes, I do believe you," She told him, looking up at him as the bright sun shined through his body, "I know you aren't that cruel."

"Okay," He swallowed, "Besides, I don't know if this passing on thing could happen in the next couple of months, days, or the next few minutes," He told Julie, "so it doesn't matter if you believe me or not. Come here," He said, picking up Julie with his hands fastened around her waist unexpectedly. He spun her around so that she now had her back to the sun, and let her arms wrap around him as he continued to hold her up in the air, lowering her a couple of inches so she was in reach of his lips. Then just like he had hoped, she leaned her head towards his, promptly placed her lips on his, and kissed him until Luke gently set her back down on the porch's planks.

"I don't want you to go, " She whined, "I don't even want to think about it."
Luke brushed Julie's tears off of her cheeks with two swipes of his thumbs, the rest of his fingers cupped around her jaw. "I don't want to either," He whispered to her, "so I guess let's just enjoy the time we do have together, okay?" He asked her, taking her in for an embrace again.

The two of them stood there on the drive for what seemed like an eternity, both of them desperately grabbing at each other, the back of their clothes balled in each other's fists. Julie realized she was in an interesting predicament, one that put her in a vulnerable position to get hurt with either outcome. If Luke was wrong, and he did not pass on, she would be dating a ghost. If he did pass on, however, she would be losing the love of her life. She wanted to ignore the fact that an unsatisfactory end result was inevitable, but it seemed like the only thing she could think of as she rested her head on Luke's chest.

The fact that Julie was in plight wasn't a profound observation however; it was quite obvious to her that she had no choice but to sit there, wrapped in Luke's arms, holding on to the phantom that could quite possibly disappear from her grasp any moment. And it seemed like the world was against her that day, because that is exactly what happened.

She continued to tug at the balled fabric in her hands, the texture of his burgundy shirt feeling tough in her hands. The feeling was comfortable, but seemed to grow to fragility, and the shirt began to feel like mere air in her hand. She didn't realize when his body first started to waver, as she had not predicted him to go so soon, but once she did realize, she remained calm.

She didn't start crying into his shirt again like she would have predicted, she didn't whisper any words of her love as he went, she just let him go just as he had asked her to; let him pass on, just as he was supposed to. The world kept on spinning, and Julie didn't die like she thought she would, so she remained calm. Hauntingly, Julie felt like she was in deja vu at the way her fingers started to sink through his back, just as they did when they first met. It was an eerie feeling, a reminder that life repeats itself if you never learn.

And Julie hadn't learned. She had lost so many people in her life: her mother, Carrie, now her band, but she still didn't feel prepared for this at all. But Julie pretended like she was, so Luke wouldn't be coddling her mess in what was supposed to be a cherished moment. However, Julie was a singer, not an actor.

Luke had realized he was passing on too, and he was surprised at the timing of the whole thing, but he also didn't fight it. Luke acknowledged her effort to stay calm, which was not as disguised as Julie had hoped it would be, but nonetheless Luke was proud of her. It takes a strong person to be able to remain so calm while losing someone, Luke thought. His hands wrapped around Julie's body started to wither away, and after a few seconds of the decaying of his hands, it slowly moved up to his wrists, then his forearms, until it had fully inched up to his shoulders.

Julie's clutch tightened around him, her hands barely being able to keep from sinking through his torso. That feeling felt so helpless to Julie, because it was the same position she was in when Julie and Luke first met: wanting so desperately to touch Luke, but forbidden to do so. It was a feeling she had hoped she would never experience again, but here she was. As the rest of Luke's body continued to consume itself, the front porch seemed to get deafeningly quiet. The buzzards of late summer had died down, the wind wasn't howling harshly against their faces anymore, the birds' songs had gotten dead quiet; it was an eerie feeling. It was almost like nature knew that this moment was one it should respect, a moment that should make the world go quiet around them. And just like that, Luke was gone. The band had lost one of their own.

As the seconds passed, Julie didn't seem to process what had just happened. She didn't realize exactly what it meant for Luke to be gone, until he really was. Her arms were still wrapped around his figure like he was really there, but she felt nothing. Just her fingers closing into her palm as she tried to grasp for him, to no avail.

She let her hands drop slack at her hips, and she looked around, the tears finally seeping from her eyes as she closed them. Was she just supposed to move one? Was this her time to break down now? These questions among any others filled her head, so all she could think to do was scan her surroundings. Her eyes finally landed on a finch that was perched upon her fence, the bird's head looking around absurdly. Its burgundy coat was the same color as Luke's favorite shirt, the one he was wearing when he passed on, which resulted in a smile from Julie, as well as a couple more teardrops.

Julie let herself cry at the fact Luke was really gone, a fact that she knew one day she would be forced to accept, but for the moment she let herself believe he was coming back. This fueled the fact that Julie couldn't help but feel a twinge of hope about the whole situation when she saw that bird. Maybe, just because Luke was never going to be physically with her again, didn't mean she would never see him again. Maybe, he would always be there for her. She thought about how before people died, they always told their loved ones to look for them in rainbows, or butterflies. Julie wondered if the finch was exactly that.

If Julie could just pick up the microphone again, place her purple-painted nails on the piano keys once more, maybe things would return back to normal. Oddly, Julie felt at peace with the whole situation. It could be because the wound was still fresh, or that she knew that Luke would always be a part of Julie's music and her life, and she knew the legacy that he created for her. The band would never be the same without Luke, but that wasn't the most important thing. Julie was just glad that she got to spend the time she had with Luke, and that would be enough. They were together; the rest could be forgotten then.

"Hey, Julie," Ray's voice appeared behind her, his arms crossed, "Is everything alright?" He asked her, cocking his head to one side.

Julie turned around at the unexpected call of her name, shaken up a bit. "Oh, um–," She paused, rapidly wiping the tears that were on her cheeks away, "yes, of course. Why wouldn't I be?" She asked, forcing a smile through bared teeth as she hiccuped.

Ray raised an eyebrow, but decided she probably didn't want him to say anything. "I don't know, I was just curious," He paused, "anyway, are you ready to go eat?"

Julie bit her lip. "Uh, um–," She thought about it, "yeah, I guess," She exhaled.

Ray looked his daughter up and down, then placed his hands on his hips. "Did something happen?" He asked her, his brows narrowing.

Julie hesitated, but promptly shook her head. "Nothing happened," She told him. Then her father inhaled a deep breath, shook his head, then turned around to open the front door. As she watched her father enter the house and close the door behind him, she looked back towards the fence only to find the finch had flown away. Perhaps their conversation had scared the small animal away. Just like Luke, the bird was there, then gone without even realizing it.

Julie's eyes continued to scan the backyard until her pupils landed at her feet, and sitting in front of her beat up sneakers was the finch; its eyes looking up at Julie, and its feathers spiked. Maybe, Luke wasn't gone after all. Maybe, Luke had hope of returning one day. However, that day wasn't coming anytime soon, so Julie bent down towards the bird, smiled in its face, then straightened herself back up.

"Are you coming or not?" Julie heard her father call, car keys in hand and her brother Carlos by his side in front of the door now.

"Yeah, I am," She said, looking back once more at the bird. Then, she joined hands with her little brother and walked towards the car.