CHAPTER 2.

Late that night Walt White knocked up Snape's door to his office. Snape sleeps in his office thats why hes in there. snape opened the door looking miserable and said "what do you want at this bloody hour you weird old muggle"

walter said "snape i think i have a business proposal that will knock off your socks"

snape responded "you twit i havent got any socks. Wizards dont wear them"

walter said "ok it'll knock your stupid fucking wizard shoes off then"

So snape said "ok lets hear it you have 5 seconds or else im reporting you to our gay headmaster dumbledore for trespassing"

walter said "now snape there's no need for that, this is just a proposal man to man. What im offering is a 50/50 partnership between me you and jesse pinkman. You supply us with newt balls and we cook up some of the purest meth the wizarding world has ever seen. Then we sell it and make bookoo bucks selling it to whoever wants it. Does that sound like a deal"

Snape thunk on it, then he said "if i agree to this deal i will have to be very sneaky. Which i am good at being so i like that. But on the other hand i dont know how i feel about the drug portion of the plan. As much as i fucking hate all the twerp students at this school it seems morally irresponsible to make methamphetamine around so many impressionable young kids" then walt pulled a fat stack of cash out his pocket and said to snape "this is how much money youll make for giving me one newt ball" Snape said "okay im in"

Walt grinned "you wont regret this snape" so snape gave him a bag of newt balls and walt gave him a lot of money. I would say how much but its in england, i dont wanna confuse you about the exchange rate. Lets just say it was enough for snape to buy a lamborghini, but the kind they only make for wizards (runs on broomsticks? Idk go back and fix this later)

Snape whispered in a hushed whisper voice to walt "walter…just know that if you fuck this up my job is on the line from dumbledore…and my life is on the line from voldemort…so no pressure" then he slithered back into his shitty little coffin he sleeps in.

In the same time frame Jesse was pacing around in the halls trying to figure out what to do about turning the hog warts heroes into meth addled tweakers who are useless to society. "I better stop these little shits from taking any more of the blue meth" jesse said "i need that shit to sell back in Albarkerky, so i can use the money to buy a nintendo switch OLED and an Xbox Series X and a Playstation 5" He came up with this plan, he was going to start hiding the meth in random locations around hogwarts where no one would ever look for it so that he could be the only human being of hog warts who knew where he put it. So he started doing that, the thing i just said.

Jesse put one baggie underneath dumbledores nasty gummed up desk chair with tape (he did not think any negative thoughts about dumbledore being gay while he was doing this, hes not a homophobic character at all).. He put another baggie in a toilet. He put another baggie in HAgrids garden behind some big fucking gourd. Then finally he put the very last baggie in an outhouse right by the Hogwarts front door.

Once his work was done Jesse thought "now in case i ever need to know where this particular batch of blue meth is, ill know exactly where to look for it, and no one will ever find it or eat it. Harry and his dipshit bddies wont touch it. Not even the dumbest human being in hog warts would go around looking under gourds and in toilet bowls for meth." Then he got tired. "Sweet dreams and nap time for me" jesse thought, and he fell asleep on a pile of bricks in the hallway.

One problem, theres a guy whose job it is to petrol the halls at hogwarts and scold students who go where there not supposed to. That mans name is Agrus Filtch. Filtch came up to Jesse with his cat Mrs Norris in his hand. He had bad teeth which to be fair so did most of the characters since its in England. He also had bad breath but yeah consider the type of crap they eat over there, its to be expected. Filtch said "come off it then! Arent you supposed to be in class innit! Bloody tosser!" Jesse said "hey bitch im just trying to take a nap on this pile of bricks, im not even a wizard so who gives a shit if i skip class yo" Filtch said "i'll report this to Professor Mogonongol and Griffindor will lose points" Jesse said "fine bitch i dont give a fuck" but then he realized that if griffinfor loses too many points then it will only encourage harry ron and hermione to get up to more shit since they will figure theres nothing to lose. Jesse relunctantly apologized for calling Filtch a bitch and went to class.

Filtch said "pinkman next time i catch you in in the halls youre going to the damn dungeon" and Mrs Norris the cat said meow which meant she agreed.

Jesse was walking to class when he bumped into Walt who had a big bag in his hand. "Yo Mr White what are you doing with that bag and whats in the bag bitch" Jesse asked calmly. Walt said "it's a bag of newt balls which snape is secretly giving me and im going to use them to magically make my meth more pure so that we can sell it to all the students of hogwarts and make enough money to get out from under Gust Fring's greasy little thumb." Jesse said "ok" but thought about it for a second and then said "nevermind"

walt said "Whats the issue"

jesse said "these kids should be in class learning wizard math and how to do a death ray, not tweaking out on our epic crystal blue shit"

walt said "think of the big picture jesse, once we get all the hogwarts students hooked we can make them do a portal to send us back to albakerky and you can buy all the video games you ever wanted with there wizard money"

jesse was torn, he was so upset that he screamed and howled in mental anguish and agony. Then he went to professor Mogonog's class and learned how to turn rubber bands into condoms

In class ron weasley came up to jesse. He said "pinkman where the bloody tosser is the meth. Jesse said youre not getting any you fucking brat i hid it. then hermione came up to jesse and said "jesse i'm sorry to say this since i am a pacifist. but we are going to beat the ever loving fuck out of you." out of nowhere Harry sucker punched jesse in the back of the head. then Ron punched jesse in the dick, jesse said "jesus christ! OUCH! fuck off you little worms" by this time hermione was picking up the biggest textbook she could find to throw at his face but professor M (too hard to spell) finally noticed the commotion and said "what's all this then? 10 points from griffindor for acting like bloody wankers in class and you have detention" Jesse said "see what you little pricks did, now were all in trouble because you're addicted to meth" Harry said "i don't really even care about school or fighting evil anymore, i just want to do drugs and fuck shit up at hogwarts" jesse sighed knowing he was going to have to sit through detention with these ignorant little clowns. He felt bad for them but not that bad cause they kicked him in the dick.

Walt was on the other side of class trying to make friends with the slitherins so he could purposely hook them on his extra pure newt balls meth. He was practicing the condom spell with Draco Malfoy and Crab Goyle. "You guys are really good at this" he said, buttering them up.

"Thanks Walter White said Draco Malfoy." Crab Goyle was double fisting two wands at the same time to turn multiple rubber bands into condoms and then change them back rapid fire. He gave one wand to walt and said "i bet you cant do that"

Walt knew he couldnt do it, but he didnt want to look like a pansy in front of the kids so he said "ok watch this" and he tried to do the spell, but instead of the spell he slipped and fell on his ass and everyone in class saw.

Walt got so fucking mad about this but he had to play it off because he needed to stay in there good graces so he could make them his drug crazed meth mules. He said "i did that on purpose for the laughs, ha ha!"

Draco said "you're a bloody legend mate" and walt said "thanks draco, do you want some meth and to become my evil meth mule"

draco said "nah, i was just kidding before you suck eggs you bloody old tosser"

Walt rolled his eyes. "alright fuck off then" and Draco left while laughing at him in his face.

that's where we're at. End of chapter 2