Author's Note: So, this chapter might get into some of the more religious aspects, or generally non-pc stuff. But there's also an action scene, so that's good.
Chapter Four: City of Prophets
It was mid morning in the ancient city of Jerusalem. Here laid the foundations for all Abrahamic faiths and a place that had been fought over since the first house was built.
The blistering sun beat down on all of the pedestrians that walked through the market, including Arab muslims, local Orthodox Christains that had kept their faith after the Byzantines lost the province, Catholic pilgrims from Europe, Crusader knights and the ancient Jewish population that had been there since the time of Joshua. Merchants stood under canopies, selling all matter of goods, including fruits and vegetables, livestock, tools, clothing, religious items and trinkets galore.
Puss In Boots led his party through the market, occasionally stopping to brush the sand off his orange fur. Although Spain had at least a semi-arid climate, Puss never did well in the dry, sandy deserts of the Middle East.
Kitty Softpaws was right behind him, fashioning a green scarf into a make-shift hijab to blend in with the locals. She hated covering her ears, but at least her sea blue eyes still got to shine.
Brother Carlos wiped the sweaty, shaved spot on his head. As he was also carrying supplies for the expedition in a rather large leather satchel, the heat was definitely getting to him.
"Who exactly is this friend of yours," asked Brother Carlos to Puss, "is he close by?"
"Hopefully," replied Puss, "odds are he's either in a hookah lounge or trying to hustle some cheap shit on a street corner in this neighborhood. It's a popular place for lowlifes to make a buck."
"You really do have friends in low places," said Brother Carlos, "the Commandante of San Ricardo was right."
"I'll have you know," said Puss, "that last time we met, it was not for anything criminal. I helped him find the Cave of Wonders and we got a good payout without robbing anyone."
"Cave of Wonders," asked Kitty, having heard of that place before, but not remembering any details.
Puss and Brother Carlos just ignored her and kept walking. Kitty didn't like this, so she walked up closer to Puss, and caressed his shoulder.
Puss gently pushed her arm off, and said, "Don't do that here. These Arabs don't like seeing men and women touching each other."
"Prudes," muttered Kitty.
"Hey," said Puss, "I didn't write the Koran."
Kitty looked around, and saw some unpleasant stares from some of the locals, many of which had poorly concealed bladed weapons on them.
"When can we get out of here," asked Kitty nervously, "I feel like at least half the city wants to kill us."
"They probably do," replied Puss, "but Aladdin should be somewhere around here. He used to panhandle on this street."
Suddenly, an Arab voice called to the trio from one of the stands.
"You, Catholics, come here," said a younger, muscular man with no beard, a somewhat muscular build, and a turban, "want to buy magic lamp?"
"That's him," said Puss to his companions, and then led them to his acquaintance.
"Aladdin," said Puss as he pointed at the cheap oil lamp that the merchant was trying to hock them, "you and I both know that's not the real lamp."
"Of course it is," said Aladdin, "watch."
He gently rubbed the corroded hunk of metal, which was apparently too much, as the handle broke, and the body of the lamp fell onto the table.
"Now 90% off," said Aladdin, not even skipping a beat.
"I told you," nodded Puss disapprovingly, "never summon a genie without a good attorney. Those fuckers are the magical conmen."
"This our man," asked Brother Carlos, who was not exactly pleased with what he saw.
"Who the hell are they," asked Aladdin to Puss.
"Uhh," Puss composed himself to make a proper introduction, "Aladdin," he pointed at his companions, "this is Brother Carlos of the Catholic Church and my uh," he looked for the right words as he felt Kitty's blue eyes gaze into his soul, "friend with benefits, Kitty Softpaws."
"That's what I am to you," said Kitty with a hint of anger.
"What," said Puss, "did you want me to say 'girlfriend'? Ex-girlfriend? Very good friend that I occasionally have sexual encounters with? Lady who acts like my esposa?"
After an awkward silence, Aladdin decided to break the ice. "Hi," he said to Brother Carlos and Kitty, "I'm Aladdin."
"Pleased to meet you," said Brother Carlos, relieved to witness some civility.
Puss, having gotten himself back together, decided to speak. "Aladdin will be serving as our guide in the area," he continued, "he can talk to the locals, navigate the desert, and help us survive."
"So what brings you back to paradise," asked Aladdin to Puss.
"Something about the Holy Grail," said Kitty.
"Sorry," said Aladdin to Kitty, "are you Puss."
"I'm friends with benefits with Puss," said Kitty.
"This is going nowhere," muttered Brother Carlos.
Meanwhile, a knight wearing a purple and black crest, the colors of the Fisher King, a notorious tyrant obsessed with immortality, was watching them with a telescope from a balcony. The knight had black hair and a goatee. He turned to his companion, Emile Beauchat.
"I see two cats and a monk talking to some street vendor," said the knight, "is that them?"
"Is there an orange cat wearing boots and a big black hat," asked Beauchat.
"Yes," replied the knight.
"Good, Sir Mordred," said Beauchat, "sic the local muscle on them," he continued, "you don't want to make your presence known."
"You take orders from me," said Sir Mordred angrily, "not the other way around, cat!"
"Fine," said Beauchat, "you do it. And I'm happy to sit on my ass and get paid while you and your men do the dirty work."
Sir Mordred turned into the room and faced several Arab mercenaries, all with their faces concealed, armed with scimitars. He pointed to the location and made a throat slitting gesture. The mercenaries nodded and left the room.
Back in the market, unaware that their rivals have spotted them, Puss's party walked down the street to find a camel rental service.
"You haven't been getting any Father's Day cards, have you," asked Aladdin to Puss.
"No, no," said Puss, "I use a rubber."
"Not with me," teased Kitty.
"Do you want me to," asked Puss.
"No," said Kitty coyly, "I like taking a gamble."
"I use the pull-out method," said Puss. Then, as Kitty walked off ahead and sniffed some flowers being sold by a merchant, Aladdin got beside Puss and tried to talk to him.
"You love her," Aladdin said, "don't you?"
Puss said nothing, but nodded in agreement.
"Don't let her go," replied Aladdin, "it'll destroy you."
"I love her," said Puss, "but I also love being myself."
"Priorities man," said Aladdin, "you gotta get your head on straight."
Puss walked up next to Kitty, and decided to turn up the charm.
"You know," said Puss, "we're gonna have to camp in the desert for at least one night. Maybe we can sleep together under the stars."
"Maybe," said Kitty, "I do love the night sky in the open range. After all," her voice turned flirty, "I love a good adventure."
"For you, chica," said Puss as he snagged a rose and handed it to her.
"Hey," said the vendor. Puss said nothing as he tossed him a coin without even looking.
"I see you haven't forgotten," said Kitty, "what works on me. You mean it? Or are you just thirsty?"
"I don't know," replied Puss.
"Don't know," said Kitty, confused.
"I like screwing you," said Puss, "but I also like you, as Kitty. Maybe it has something to do with your sword fighting prowess or your spicy personality," he continued, "but there's something about you that's special."
"So," said Kitty, "does that mean you'll be gone after a few months?"
"I have problems with commitment," said Puss defensively.
"Ain't that the truth," said Kitty, "but I still carry a torch with you. Believe it or not, you were my first time."
Puss looked at her, confused.
"Well," she said, "I had to start somewhere. But I mean," she continued, "what kind of future do you want?"
Just up the road, the mercenaries watched and drew their swords.
"Look," said Puss, not noticing that he was being tailed, "you're an amazing woman, but marriage and kids, that is just something I am not ready for."
"I respect that but," Kitty was interrupted.
"Look out," exclaimed Brother Carlos as he noticed at least a dozen masked men charging at them with swords.
"Mierda," said Puss as he and Kitty drew their swords.
"Die infidel," one of the men screamed as he lunged at Brother Carlos with his blade, only to be punched in the jaw by Aladdin and knocked over.
Brother Carlos looked at Aladdin and said "thank you."
"No problem," replied Aladdin.
Meanwhile, Puss and Kitty fought with three bandits. As one of the bandits swung sideways at her, she jumped up and slashed his arm, forcing him to drop the blade.
Puss, on the other hand, managed to block the blades of both men attacking him, before using his strength to push against the blades, eventually causing them to drop the blades.
"You've been disarmed," quipped Puss, before darting underneath them and slashing their legs, knocking them over.
Brother Carlos, not liking violence, but knew that death wasn't favorable either, chose to fight for his life, picking up a frying pan and smacking one of the men about to ambush Kitty.
"Gracias," said Kitty to the monk.
"We have to go," said Aladdin as he dodged a swing, "now!"
"Good idea," said Puss.
They took off down the streets as more sword-toting masked men chased them.
"It's been awhile since I had a good sword fight,"said Puss to Kitty.
"I'm not one for violence," said Brother Carlos, "but I hope you're as good as people say you are!"
"I didn't ask your opinion," said Puss.
"Show a little respect to the holy man," said Aladdin.
"He's right," said Kitty, "you can't drink from the Grail if you aren't worthy."
"Alright," said Puss, "I'm sorry Padre."
Just then, they hit a roadblock, as at least two dozen swordsmen stood in their way, flanked by a white man in knight armor and a beret wearing siamese cat.