CHAPTER V
The next day after that day Walt went to the chamber of secrets to cook another batch of the meth. Jesse didnt show up at his scheduled time which pissed off Walt. "Just like jesse to not show up at his scheduled time" walt grumbled to himself. "That irresponsible little turd boy is probably off somewhere playing Grand Theft Auto: Looney London Lorry Edition, and thats the most shittiest version of the game"
Where jesse actually was, was chained up in the basement of the hogwarts dungeon, covered in his own piss and shit. His arms and legs were tied to the walls and he had a big fat dunce cap on. "Fuck this" said jesse. Filtch had left him in there for the night and wasnt gonna let him go until he said he was sorry for being a little weenie, which jesse was much too prideful to do. So he was in there missing his meth shift and his Spells class too.
Suddenly Jesse heard footsteps coming down the stairs just out of view. "I bet it's that fuck filch again. Hey loser go fuck your cat or whatever. I'm never apologizing bitch!"
Jesse then heard laughter from the stairs "Jesse you absolute madlad it's us!" the voice was ron weasel's voice. Ron aHarry and Hermione came into view.
"Oh thank god" said Jesse "You're gonna bust me out of here?"
"Lol maybe" said Harry "But first off i want you to know you're already a bloody legend for taking a fat dump and pissing all over yourself in the hallway"
Jesse stared in disbelief. "How the fuck do you even know that. You fucking imps were in bed"
Hermione cackled. "Yeah but Peeves the ghost saw the whole thing and filmed it on his cell phone. He posted the video on Wik Wok (the wizard version of tik tok) and now you're a bona fide celebrity"
"Yeah" chortled Ron "And everyone's calling you Pissy Stinkman"
"God damn it" said Jesse
Harry cleared his throat. "Alright though we are gonna break you out since we need you to keep making that meth since now we're addicts. And by the way here's a spell free of charge to get rid of your nasty odor. Stinkius Nomoresa!" Harry did that spell and all the piss and shit that was on jesse vanished into the either.
Jesse smiled. "Thanks pal, i really appreciate the help."
"No prob" said Harry. "Actually one prob. There's only one problem is what i mean. The problem is the locks in the dungeon are made of magic, and we cant actually break you out with the means currently at are disposal. We have to go to the Prank Store in hogsmead where Fred and George Weasel work to get some stuff that will cancel out the magic."
"Ok fine" said Jesse. "Oh by the way while you're there can you grab me a butter beer? I was gonna get one yesterday but got too busy making incredibly fat stacks of cash by selling drugs"
Ron, Harry, and Hermione looked at each other for a second. "Sure thing pal" said Hermione. "We'll grab you a butter bear. You're good for it right"
Jesse said "of course i'm good for it, just take a couple bucks from the wallet in my pocket." Ron went over to jesse and put his hand in his pocket and just took the whole fucking wallet. "Hey wait a sec' said jesse. But the three heroes just laughed and ran away. "Don't worry we'll totally bring you that butter beer" harry called out from the staircase "right after we spend the rest of your money on useless fuckign shit at the pranks store"
"Fuck this" said Jesse. "Im never gonna get that stupid ass butter bear"
Walt was just finishing up in the chamber of secrets. While leaving he passed the body of Moning Mytle on the floor of the bathroom and briefly thought about how he might have possibly been able to avoid shooting her to death for no reason. Then he rememberd that his mission was more important so he stopped thinking about that and just left. He headed back to the slithierin common room, which was mostly empty since the students were mostly either in class or in a back alley doing meth that jesse sold them. Walt felt a little lonely since he didnt really have any friends at Hogwarts and being the only muggle adult in school was a little isolating. He let out a big heaving sigh and said "Gee, It sure is boring around here…"
"Well well well, just the man I wanted to see…" a fermiliar voice called out as Walt turned around in shock. It was none other than the sleazy lawyer played by Bob Odinkirk named Saul goodman.
"Saul? What are you doing at Hogwarts School of Magic and Sorcery" Walt stammered
"Long story don't worry about it" Saul conveniently handwaved. "The bottom line is…a little birdy told me you were in a lot trouble, and im just the man to get rid of it. I mean the trouble not the bird"