Chapter 7

The next day Jesse was getting out of Robes class when he was immediately swarmed by a swarm of Harry Ron and Hermione. All of them were double fisting butter beers from The Butter Beer Bar in Hogsmeade. "Jesse we just wanted to tell you thanks for all the meth but we're straight edge now, we wont be needing it anymore"

Jesse said "thank fucking jesus bitch. Now maybe you devil turds will stop stealing all my shit. By the way how did you get sober so fast"

Hermione said "we had an intervention, perfesser snape told us it was a more better idea to drink butter beer than to smoke wizard meth since he wanted us to pass our classes and not die from meth abuse and leave our corpses in the hog warts dorm of tory. So he taught us about the straight edge pholosophy and life style, now we all listen to 100 hours of Henry Rollins pod cast every day and have really bad tattoos about perseverance and stuff"

"Oh ok" said Jesse. He thinked this next part to himself instead of saying it out loud "why would snape want them not to do meth, its his job to sell us stuff for meth and every sober students is one less potential customer to be lining up his pockets with money, and i fucking know that guy doesnt care about these kids grades cause he loves giving out Fs on all his stupid tests. It doesnt make sense why did he do this is he double crossing us or something"

Do you want a glass of Butterbeer jesse - Ron said

Jesse got really excited and said "yeah bitch you said you were gonna get me a damn butter beer days ago. Thank god now i get to sip some refreshing butter taste" He snagged a glass (or bottle maybe that makes more sense) of butter beer from rons pasty ginger hand and started chugging…but then he spit it out instead of swallowing it, the butter beer he was drinking, he spit it!

"Urgh!" said Jesse "this shit tastes nasty yo. It tastes like black tar heroin juice! How are you drinking this?"

Harry ron and hermione all giggled in unison "i guess its just an addictive taste" said Harry. "I mean a quired taste. Why did i say addictive"

"Yeah thats weird" said hermione. "By the way we feel bad for are past misdeeds. Here's some extra anti magic prank spray from Fred And Georges Pranks Shack that we used to get you out of the dungeon earlier" Jesse pocketed the spray for later use at an as yet undetermined time. Ever heard of Checkovs Gun!

"Ok thanks weirdos" said Jesse "i am just gonna leave now and go to watch the Quittitch world series on TV" he left but really thats not where he was going he was going to consult with walter white regarding the snape conondrom

Jesse traipsed across the hogwarts school campus until he found walt sitting around on a bench outside hagrids shack carrying 2 major weapons. "mr white what are you doing here" said jesse. "Jesse i'm selling meth to hagrid since you are too lazy to applying yourself and you just keep get robbed by harry potter and his friends and i have to do everything my self around here. So i sold hagrid 1000 bags of lucky charms meth since he is a big guy and needs to do that much to get high, and he is also kind of stupid so he gave me these 2 valuable wizard weapons in exchange for the meth. He gave me a magic scimitar that can cut off anyone's head in one swing, even a giant, and a magic ninja star that can chop up any one into teeny bits with one flicka the wrist"

"Woah dude" said jesse "bitch can i see them"

"No" said walt "im takign them back to albuquerque you buffoon, there we can sell them for a high high price and we dont have to worry about saul taking a cut for his stupid foundation since magical weapons are non taxable under british law code"

Jesse smiled "yeach bitch mr white i'm glad you are such an expert of britain. Good thing you went to college since all i remembered about the british is that George Washington drove around on a pony saying they were coming before he crossed the Delawhare."

Walt shook his head. "Jesse you absolute nimrod..your thinking of Abraham Linkon"

Jesse spat at walt. "Whatever cunt"

"Jesse why the fuck are you even talking to me right now. Did you have something important to say" walt was getting impatient with jesse because jesse was going way off topic at this point, which is a pet peeve of walt. I personally hate when people go off topic and lose there focus of what they're supposed to be doing. It grinds my gears bigtime. I remember one time i was on a date with this hot girl named Susie and i was trying to lay on the moves but she kept trying to talk about her favorite movie, i dont even remember what the movie was probably like one of those girly movies like The Noteboook starring Ryan Notebook or that one where Robert Pattinson dies in the 9/11 terrorist attack. It was a major turn off and we did not end up dating after ward. And thats a shame because initially i was really hoping it would at least go to 2nd base

"Oh yeah walt" said jesse "Snape is getting the kids to drink butter beer that tastes like heroin instead of doing our meth. Any idea why hed want to do that"

Walt puzzled, "hmmm…well hes our supplier and doesnt stand to prophet off of us selling less meth…unless theres something else going on here…" walt struggled to remember the conversation he had a couple chapters ago with snape. understand that he is older and doesnt remember as quick as he used to, it happens to every one ofu s and is a natural part of aging, he shouldnt be ashamed of this and you would do well not to judge him "WAIT" walter said. "Snape has an evil boss named Voldemort who is the dark lord and he is telling Snape to double cross us and kill us, that might be related"

Jesse face palmed "Bitch you think?"

Suddenly the Hogwarts alarm system started to go off. WEEE-OOO WEEEE-OOO! It sounded like that. Lights were flashing and it was a major racket. The gay voice of dumbledore came over the intercom. "Attention all hog warts students" he said "we are on lock down due to a break in at the location of the dining hall. Please remain in your dorms and keep chugging that sweet sweet butter beer that we all love. Dont do any meth in the meantime, we will update you whenever something cool or scary happens"

Walt and Jesse looked at each other. "Weve got to put a stop to this" Walt said. "I agree" said Jesse. "Lets save these kids from Voldemort Mr White, it's our destiny." Walt handed jesse the ninja star he got from hagrid, and he unsheethed his mighty scimitar. He and Jesse started doing a head first anime run directly toward the dining hall as upbeat rock music played in the background.

MEAN WHILE! In the dining hall, there was glass all over the floor from where Voldemort and his friends came in through the window. It was raining so there was rain coming in through the window holes. The alarms and flashing lights made the scene look very cinematic like from a movie, such as The Terminator or Michael bAy Transformers movies.

Voldemort grinned an evil grin and hissed snakely "today we will begin the new era for hogwartsssss school…but first theres a traitor in our missssst that we must deal with. Bellintrix! Bring me Professsor ssssnape so i can kill him!"

She did that. And he was there now. And he was hogtied on the floor. I guess beltrix did that. "Voldemort mr dark lord sir i can explain" said snape. "I concede that i was playing both sides so i could come out on top, but mostly i was on your side as you can see because i personally got harry ron and hermione addicted to heroin butter beer offscreen so you could do your plan. Im a good noodle dont kill me"

Voldemort patted snape on the head condestendingly. "Oh ssssseverus" he said (yes hes still talking like that) "you always were a little ssssnake in the grass…" he pulled out a colt 45 magnum gun and put it right on snapes temple "and what do we do with snakes? We exterminate them like the roaches they are"

"Wait voldemort noooo!" said Snape. But it was too late. Voldemort pulled the trigger and BAM! He put a fat bullet in snapes cranium. Blood and skull bones shot everywhere in the dining hall and even got in the food. There was a mighty thunderclap as snapes scronny lifeless body slunked over and collapsed in a pool of his own blood. what a fitting end for a disgusting traitor like snape. FUCK HIM!

Just as snape bit it, walt and jesse stormed into the dining hall weapons drawn. "Yippy kai yeah bitch" jesse shrieked (Reference to John Mccain from Die Hard 2)

"Boss we got bogies on 3 o clock" Crab Goyle Sr. said

Voldemort and the others turned to face Walt and Jesse. "Ahhh…these mussst be the muggle ssscum i heard so much things about" said Voldemort. Then Voldemort said "are you prepared to be ripped to sssshredssss and fed to the alligatorssss that are in the hog wartsss moat"

"Nah i dont think so" said Walt. "Your an insanely degenerated pile of fith and frankly my dear you deserve to die!" he drew his scimitar and said "lets dance to the devil in the pale moonlight partner." Jesse held up his ninja star but didnt say anything because he remembered ninjas are noted for there silence.

Voldemort just laughed at them "those puny weapons will do nothing to me or the death eaters due to a loophole in the magic rules. Dont even try!"

Walt and jesse looked at each other and frowned. "Curses! We've been foiled" said walt. Jesse remained quiet as per his ninja vow

"You thought you had the what it takes to be the drug lord of the wizard world?" Voldemort said. Im not typing the snake sounds anymore, just imagine them. "But you are far from albakerky. You have no power here…not even that of a puny bug! Not even that of a speck! An insignicant speck of microscopic dust! You are as nothing to me, i will now show you my power in its full form. Now witness the power of a wizard drug lord!" He snapped his fingers but nothing happened.

Walt giggled. "IS that all you got sucka? You think you have the Infamy Stones like Thano from The Avenchers? Tisk tisk Its not gonna work voldy. Science tells me you cannot just snap your fingers to kill us and this experiment is all the evidence i need to prove my hypothesis, that you are a powerless imp"

Jesse tapped walt on the shoulder. "Shut up jesse" he said "i'm gonna keep taunting this charlatan, this…this fraud…this too bit chuckle fuck…" jesse slapped walt in the face. "What the hell Jesse" walt said. Jesse pointed to behind Walt. Walt turned around and saw something that made him shit his pance.

every student and teacher and janitorial staff and etc in all of hogwarts was lined up with glowing red eyes and a zombie expression. All at once they said together in unison simultaneously as one, "WE ARE THE SLAVES OF VOLDEMORT. WE WILL DO AS HE COMMANDS TO KILL ALL MUGGLES OF THIS WORLD"

Jesse broke his vow of silence to say "looks like i picked a wrong day to stop sniffling glue bitch