A/N
I wrote this story, most of it, in the middle of the night after JLS's last episode. I think it was an outlet for how pissed I was…still am…
In interviews Gwen said she would have Jay Halstead leave in an honorable way or something that does justice to Jay, something like that, then she blew up his character and had him do something Jay Halstead would never do.
So as much as this story sucks, (not a death fic) I chose this honorable way for Jay to leave.
*Also, you will probably notice there are familiar themes to some other stories…more on the other side.
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He walked into the airport without a backward glance knowing he was doing the right thing. As much as he hated blindsiding Hailey, he knew it was the best choice. Really the only choice.
TSA was just ahead, but he veered off to the right, through double doors and down a long hallway. It was empty except for the two men waiting for him at the end of it. He was anxious about his choice but knew he had to get back to himself and this would be the only way. He'd been on a slippery slope and getting closer and closer to the bottom since Roy Walton, this would be his way off it.
Steeling himself to his fate, Jay reminded himself once again, that as much as it hurt, he was doing the right thing.
He shifted the bag on his shoulder and greeted the men in front of him, "Agent Kissel…North. "
"Detective Halstead…or should I say former detective Halstead."
He didn't let North bait him. He was letting North take everything he cherished, but he wouldn't give him anything else.
His freedom was the price he the would pay for his actions this past year. It was a price he would pay over and over to keep Hailey from going to prison.
When North came to him with his ultimatum a month ago, he'd wanted to fight back but knew what it would cost him, cost Hailey, so he agreed to plead guilty and go to prison for 12-18 months for obstruction.
He hadn't been allowed to tell anyone he was going to prison and would have no contact with anyone while there. Abandoning those he loved was part of the punishment for abandoning who he was all those months ago.
North had left the option to get out early with good behavior on the table. He would be in gen pop but knew in his heart and mind, he would always be locked in solitary confinement whether he got out early or not and somehow North knew that. The agent knew too much about him.
Voight was no longer North's goal, the agent had him and Hailey dead to rights and knew he wouldn't let his wife go to prison for manslaughter, not in a million years.
So he had chosen the lesser of two evils, break Hailey's heart or send her to jail…
He broke her heart.
X
The Bolivia thing fell into Jay's lap and that would be the excuse for leaving. Going back to Afghanistan for a special assignment had been what he was going to use, but he didn't think anyone would believe that. They all knew what Afghanistan had done to him…still did to him at times.
So he was going to Bolivia for 8 months, maybe a little more.
Jay was given Kissel's number for Hailey as an emergency contact for him, and Kissel would take care of any calls from her, Will or Voight. His personal phone was destroyed and all calls would go to voice mail, texts wouldn't be returned.
The lie was in place and any possible loose strings of it tied in knots, not to be undone.
X
He had broken Hailey's heart today, but knew she would eventually heal and make a happy life for herself. Even if he made it out of prison alive he knew she would never forgive him and he didn't deserve forgiveness. He didn't talk his decision through with her. He didn't talk it through with her because she would've given herself up, forgetting that she saved Voight's life and Voight was the real criminal here.
She would have given herself up and he took away her right to make the decision herself.
But he had to.
She still had nightmares and guilt was a constant undercurrent. Even though they were working through it, it was still there, still too close to the surface, and because of that, she would have protected him and he didn't deserve protection. He deserved what he was going to get.
He had been been losing himself, mucking up their lives since Walton and their last case was the proof of it.
Hailey deserved something, someone better than him.
X
He was going to a federal prison out of state, not so much to protect him from people he'd put away, but to keep Voight from finding out from his criminal buddies he has there.
Leaving nothing to chance, he was given an alias, again under the guise of his protection, but he knew it was just another layer to make sure he was hidden away from those who currently loved him.
An NDA was signed and in effect for five years after he got out. Even if he tried to reconcile…reconciled with those he loved, he would be living a lie and it would probably consume him.
North had thought of everything and was happy with the punishment - whether he was a cop or not, he would be living in hell for the foreseeable future…he lost his job, Hailey, his friends and Will. He would be isolated from everyone he loved just like North was isolated from the one he loved…his brother had overdosed two months ago. Jay was his revenge. Jay was the one who blackmailed him.
He handed Agent Kissel his bag and turned so North could cuff him, blowing out his last breath as Jay Halstead and sucking in his first breath as felon Mark Walker. Then, sandwiched between the two agents they exited the building directly into a small hanger and the waiting FBI jet that would take him to prison and away from his home.
He would do anything for Hailey and knew the unit and Will would do anything for her too. Eventually she would be okay, they would make sure of it. He was losing…had lost everything, but Hailey would be safe and that was all that mattered.
It was a good lie.
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The first draft of this was pretty much the same but had ended a little different - They found out he was in jail but the bow was just too pretty for this story, so I made his Bolivia lie as airtight as I could.
*Without giving anything away, I would recommend reading JLSoutlet's stories, 'Home' and 'Can't Bend it Like Voight'. They are two of my favorite stories and have become canon for me to undo the shitshow Gwen created.
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I have another story that takes place right after 10.3 that also lets Jay off the hook (he's my boy - gotta do it) with everything that happened after he got on that plane.
I felt as OOC his leaving was, he could realize how bad he fucked up and Hailey and he would be able to work through his initial decision/action - that in my mind, was made under duress.
The story doesn't diminish what Hailey went through, that shit's still there. I haven't watched the show since 10.3 but I hear what you guys are saying about it…Ugh Gwen! WTfuckityfuckfuckfuck!
Anyway, It is kind of done, in need of tweaking and was written after they blew up Jay's character again when he extended his tour without telling Hailey. WTF are you kidding me Gwen?
Eventually it will the light of day…maybe…
But I digress…I hope you enjoyed the story even though there isn't a happy wrapped up in a bow ending
Stay safe peeps!
PS
I'm still working on my other stories but Barbara the muse wanted this out of her brain…they were cluttering up the joint.
PSS
Just saw a clip of something that happens on tonight's episode. The timing for posting this is perfect and sucks at the same time.