Fly

It had been their best sex yet, and that was really saying something, because sex with Cloud had always been good. Really, really good. But tonight? Tonight had been...

Leon couldn't remember when sex with Cloud had become something more than mere physical pleasure, probably because it always had been. From the moment they met, there had been a strong sexual attraction, but there had also been an instant rapport that was just as compelling, and in the days and weeks and months that followed, it had grown into an affection that was every bit as strong as the physical attraction. Long before they had ever fallen into bed, they had fallen into a deep and lasting friendship.

From the very beginning, their affection for one another had burned just as brightly as their passion.

When they had finally, inevitably, ended up in each other's arms, it had scared them both to death. Neither one had been prepared to face the undeniable truth of the feelings laid bare by their union, and neither had any idea what to do with those feelings. So both men did what each did best: Leon buried himself in his responsibilities, and Cloud ran away.

They'd been terrified all right – still were – but it hadn't been enough to keep them apart for long. Their attraction was simply too strong and the sex too damn good. But it was their sheer fondness for one another that kept pulling them back together. They liked each other's company.

Cloud had been the first to crack beneath the weight of their unfulfilled desire, finally shoving Leon up against a wall in the bailey one day and having his way with the sexy brunet, but afterwards, they had carried on as if nothing at all had happened. Leon practically locked himself in the postern, tackling the painstaking process of decrypting Ansem's records with a single-minded determination, and Cloud disappeared. When he returned two weeks later, Leon found him pacing the floor in Ansem's study and promptly pinned him to Ansem's desk.

Even then, they continued to carry on as if nothing had happened, dealing with their fear by simply pretending that it wasn't there, pretending that nothing was there, and therefore, there was nothing there to fear. Still, their impromptu trysts became more and more frequent, their couplings more urgent, and their kisses more desperate.

Still Leon stayed silent, and Cloud ran away.

Back to back, they battled the Heartless, and face to face, they surrendered to their desires. Sparring matches became nothing more than aggressive foreplay. They left a trail of passion from the Dark Depths to the Castle Gates to the back alleys of the Marketplace, hardly a horizontal or vertical surface in Hollow Bastion remained unchristened. Eventually, that furtive path had led them to a more intimate place and a slower pace: to Leon's bedroom in the castle.

So which had come first – the love or the lust? The chicken or the egg? Leon couldn't have separated his feelings for Cloud from his passion for the blond or tell you which had come first anymore than he could have answered that age-old conundrum. They had both been there from the start, and tonight, they had grown into something that had spread its wings and soared.

And Cloud was already running away.

Leon rolled over onto his side, propping himself on one elbow to watch as Cloud dressed. He must have dozed off after their love-making, though not for long for the fire was still flickering in its bed of ash-covered embers, casting a warm glow on Cloud's face and licking a path across his chest like fiery little kisses – just like Leon had done but a short time before. The sight of his lover's graceful movements as he slid his pants over strong, slender legs tugged one corner of Leon's mouth into a tender smile. Cloud looked up and returned it with a small, wistful smile of his own. "Did I wake you?"

Leon shook his head and sat up fully, the bed covers slipping from his torso as he glanced out the window at the cold, stormy night outside. It had started to snow. "You don't have to go," he said quietly. In all of their times together, never once had Cloud stayed the entire night, and Leon would be lying if he said he hadn't longed to wake in the morning to find Cloud still by his side.

Cloud paused in buckling his belt, a pause so brief that no one else would likely have noticed, but Leon caught it and Cloud knew it. He finished threading the end of the belt through the buckle and attempted to cover his unintentional hesitation with a playful reply. "Why, Leon," he delivered in his best bedroom voice, "are you asking me to stay?"

"Yes," Leon answered. "I'm asking you to stay."

Turning his back, Cloud walked over to retrieve his top from the chair where it had been tossed in the evening's earlier haste. With his back still turned to the older man, head hung, he said quietly, "Leon, we both know this could never–"

"Don't!" Leon cut him off, throwing the covers off completely and springing out of the bed. He placed his hands on Cloud's shoulders and turned him around to face him, reaching up to lightly caress the side of Cloud's face. Letting his fingertips slide down Cloud's cheek to his chin, he lifted it up and looked him in the eyes. "I don't want to hear all the reasons why this won't work; I know them. I also know we have one good reason why it could."

Still, Cloud again wavered before turning away with a bitter little laugh. "It's only in fairytales and dreams that love is enough, Leon."

The word, never once before spoken between them, rolled off his tongue so easily it surprised them both, and neither knew what else to say. Love. But they both knew it.

Leon walked over to the fireplace and threw another log on the fire, stoking it back to a full blaze, then just stood there staring into the flames. What could he say to that?

Dropping his sweater top back on the chair, Cloud sighed and walked over to stand behind Leon. He ran his hand down his lover's beautiful back, so strong and sleek, and leaned into him, resting his forehead against the back of Leon's shoulder. "Do you really want to take a chance on losing what we already have?"

"I want to take a chance on us," Leon answered, turning around and taking Cloud in his arms. "I'm tired of being alone, of being lonely." Words that had been kept locked away for more than two decades, never before admitted to a single soul, not even himself, had flown from his heart like a heavy burden letting go, and it felt so good, so right, he decided to try another truth. "I'm tired of being afraid of being happy."

Cloud looked at the proud man standing before him with his heart laid as bare as his body, without pretense or fraud, offering everything that he was without any attempt at disguising all that he wasn't. He was just Leon, beautiful and flawed, and Cloud loved him.

He loved him so much that he would rather leave than to stay and risk hurting him. But it was too late for that; he could see that now. He had already stayed too long. To leave now would hurt Leon just as deeply, maybe more.

Cloud glanced from the storm in Leon's eyes to the storm outside and then back again to Leon's eyes. It would nice to stay in the warmth – the warmth of the fire, the warmth of Leon. Still ...

"I'm not a very good bet for a happily ever after, Leon."

"I'm willing to take that chance," Leon answered, "because I know the odds of being happy without you." He ran his hand down the length of Cloud's arm, curling his fingers into Cloud's and pulling him into another embrace, kissing him deeply with everything he had to give and hoping it was enough. "Come back to bed, our bed, and take that chance with me."

Cloud smiled, a genuine smile, and unbuckled his belt. And when Leon awoke the following morning, Cloud was still there.