JENNIE
The escort website looks high-end. It's not seedy in any way, and there are not even references to sex on the first page. No red, no pink, just white and gray tones. Underneath the drop-down menu is a pretty black and white picture of a man and a woman dining in a fancy restaurant. At first glance, they look like an ordinary couple, but upon closer inspection, the woman is wearing hold-ups and the man has his hand on her knee under the table.
The tabs 'our ladies' and 'our gentlemen' at the top of the page direct me to the escorts and instinctively, I find myself drawn to the list of female escorts. There's a filter for 'men only', bisexual' and 'women only', and I click on the latter. Only five women appear in this section and I'm not surprised. I suspect very few female clients book a female escort around here, and I feel a sting of unease—a sense that something is wrong with me—even for just looking. Anyone I know apart from Chahee would consider me a creep for checking out escorts online, and I make a mental note to delete my search history in case Ella borrows my laptop over the weekend.
It doesn't sit quite right that I was drawn almost instantly to the female section, yet anticipation still flares inside me when I scroll through the profiles of the women who are available for F/F sex. 'Angel', the first one, looks too good to be true. With a perfect figure, long, blonde hair and big, blue eyes, she also looks super straight. The second and third women, 'Red' and 'Tatiana', are gothic looking and specialize in SM. This scares me a little, so I skip past them. With their black hair and dark makeup, posing with whips and floggers, they look too intimidating to even consider. Not that I'm actually going to do this, of course…. Am I?
"No," I mumble out loud, then take a sip of my white wine. I've had more than I should already, but the news about Yeji being pregnant has upset me, and I need the wine to numb my thoughts. Simultaneously, the wine drove me to pull the business card Chahee gave me from my gym bag and now I'm sitting in Mark's old office behind my laptop. I locked the door, which is ridiculous as I'm the only one here. It feels kind of dirty and somewhat depraved, but I remind myself that this is just an idea, a fantasy that's brewing. Being on this website is the naughtiest thing I've ever done, and it feels like a significant moment in time; the point where I take my boring, safe existence back into my own hands and decide I'm allowed to do whatever the fuck I want to. I don't need Mark; he's hurt me, he's moved on, and I have to let him go and stop dwelling on the past. I don't belong to him anymore and he doesn't belong to me. I certainly don't need him between the sheets; it was never that great anyway and perhaps now it's my time to discover what I'm about because Chahee was right; I could do anything at this point in my life and yet I'm doing nothing.
I scroll further down and my breath catches at seeing the fourth lesbian escort on the page. I don't register exactly what it is at first that draws my attention to her face. Something just feels oddly familiar, and then it comes crashing down on me.
"Lisa," I mutter under my breath and take another long drink of my wine, then refill the glass. She's seriously cute, with her dimples and cheeky smile. Her big, brown eyes that beckon me to click on her stare playfully into the lens. What is she doing working for an escort service? She already has a job, and doesn't seem like the type at all, but then we only exchanged a couple of sentences. Nobody knows what dark secrets people hide behind closed doors. She's registered under the name, 'L', and unlike the others, she looks happy rather than seductive. That makes her more approachable somehow yet at the same time, there's also something extremely sexual about her. "Fuck." I have to admit, I find her immensely attractive. Scrolling through her three profile pictures, I study each of them at length, taking in every detail of her. Again, unlike the others who are dressed in expensive lingerie, Lisa's wearing jeans and a slinky, gray jersey T-shirt. 'Trust me; I look good naked', it says underneath and I chuckle, partially because I've seen her in real life and have no doubt that she looks amazing naked, and partially because it's a little cocky, and that amuses me.
'I will make you feel like no man or woman ever has.' Another bold statement, but I believe her. Heat spreads between my thighs when I imagine her mouth on my neck, her body draped over mine, her hands roaming over my naked flesh… It's been a long time since I've felt aroused, and it's a pleasant surprise.
Going back to her main profile picture—the close-up—I stare at her charming, youthful face for minutes on end while I finish my wine. She's not that much younger than me—thirty-three, her profile informs me—but she's got this vibrancy about her that draws me in and makes me want her like nothing else. Of course, I refrain from clicking on the 'book' button, but I do look at her availability. Three nights a week, 8:30 pm to12 pm. Twenty-seven-hundred dollars. 'A drink, a shower and then, whatever makes you scream.'
For that price, she'd better be good. Immediately, I feel ashamed for even thinking that, because how can you put a price on a human body? Besides, even if I wanted to, I could never book her. It would be highly awkward seeing her the next day when she comes in to service my pool after a night servicing my body and I don't even know if I'd be into sex with a woman. The cool, composed woman in me makes me jump up in utter shock at my own thoughts. What the fuck am I doing?
Abruptly, I close the laptop, prop it under my arm and venture downstairs. It's dark and stormy outside, but the beach is calling me. I haven't been down there since last summer, worried I'd bump into Mark and Yeji out on a romantic walk. But they won't be out in this weather, and I feel an urge to walk for miles, to conquer the strong gusts of wind blowing against the reinforced windows that run along the entire length of the house. I need to clear my head, to think, to come up with a plan that will give me some direction in life. But most of all, I need to ban Lisa from my mind before the idea of having sex with her takes over every inch of my imagination.