JENNIE

"So, did you look at the website?" Chahee whispers. We're sitting at a bar in Southampton village, both sipping a perfect martini. Chahee is dressed in a skin-tight blue knee-length dress and I'm wearing jeans and a black, silk top; I look seriously underdressed next to her.

"I did," I say, glancing down at my heels that are resting on the frame of the stool. I pulled my favorite pair out of the back of my shoe closet for tonight, dusted them off and even felt a sparkle of excitement when I put them on after months of wearing flats.

"And? Did you see 'my Ben'?" she asks, making quote marks in the air. "What did you think of him?"

"Oh, your Ben," I tease. I can't possibly tell her that I've skipped the men altogether, so I shoot her a wink and say: "Yeah, he's quite something. I can see how that was one hell of a night."

"Right?" Chahee grins. "Oh, Jennie, I'm so glad I can talk to you about this. Keeping it to myself was killing me. I won't make a habit of it, though. I've been thinking and…" She pauses. "Well, it was just one of those things I had to get out of my system, and even though I want to, I'm not going to do it again."

"Do you regret it?"

Chahee takes a moment to think about that, then shakes her head. "No. It was foolish and reckless to put my marriage at risk like that, but I don't regret it. That night will give me something to fantasize about for many years to come."

"Good. And I agree, it's probably smart not to do it again. If Neil found out, you might lose him and it's not worth it. But I'm glad you told me and I'm here for you whenever you want to talk." I pat her hand. "This is nice, Cha. Just you and me." I wave a finger between us and our cocktails.

"Yeah. It's been weird since your divorce. With Neil and Mark being friends, and I'm so sorry if I—"

"Hey, don't apologize," I interrupt her. "It's fine. I know you're in a difficult position."

Chahee nods. "Thank you for understanding. Maybe we could make Thursday our night, whenever we're both free? You and me, a couple of drinks, just to catch up? Because I need more girl time and if I'm being honest, Yeji is a bit of a bore."

"I'd really like that," I say, delighted that Yeji is not on the top of her friends list.

Chahee finishes her cocktail, orders two more, then turns back to me. "Anyway, we're here to talk about you. Were you not tempted by the escorts? Or have you thought about signing up for one of those dating apps?"

"Escorts are not for me and I think it's too early for dating apps."

"Nonsense. It's never a good time to do scary things, so now is as good a time as any," Chahee protests, waving her phone at me. "Did you not see anyone who made you wet on there?"

"Me? You mean on the website?" My cheeks flush at her cocktail-induced question and I'm grateful for the dim lights in here. "I ehm…" I bite my lip, unsure how much to share, but Chahee has shared her biggest secret with me, and I want to entrust her with mine in return.

Her eyes widen when I remain silent, and she points a finger at me. "You naughty woman! You booked someone, didn't you?"

"No, I didn't, actually," I say hastily. "I swear, I didn't. But this really weird thing happened."

"What?" Chahee leans in, hanging on my every word now. "Tell me."

"Well, the pool service company sent a replacement for Barry."

"You mean Larry? The guy with the funny haircut?"

I chuckle and shake my head. "Turns out his name is Barry. Anyway, they sent this woman, Lisa, and there was something about her that made me think of her in a way I haven't thought of anyone in years and years."

Chahee frowns. "I don't understand. In what way?"

"In a sexual way," I say, deciding to just tell it like it is. "I found her attractive." I hold up a hand when Chahee opens her mouth, undoubtedly about to attack me with a string of questions. "Wait, just let me finish before we discuss this. So, I went to yoga, leaving Lisa to do whatever it is she does, and that's when you gave me the business card. And when I checked out the website the following night, she was on there." I lower my voice to a whisper. "My pool lady is an escort. She works for them. Women only."

Chahee stares at me with her mouth agape. "Wait, let me get this straight. Your new pool service lady works for Hamptons' Escorts… Okay, that's a weird coincidence, but what really baffles me is what you told me before that." She tilts her head and regards me. "I didn't know you were interested in women."

I chuckle uncomfortably and shift on my stool. "I've had crushes on girls when I was younger, but I never went there."

"And now it's something you might want to try?"

"Maybe." I shrug. "I can't stop thinking about her. She's awoken something in me, and now I'm confused and I have no idea what to do with myself. To be honest with you, there's not much I can do."

"You could hire her. Wouldn't that be the obvious next step?"

"No, I can't," I say resolutely. "She comes in to service the pool three times a week. It would be weird because we'd see each other."

"But you want to?" Chahee navigates to the website on her phone and scrolls through the list of lesbian escorts. "Which one?"

"'L," I say, pointing to Lisa's picture. Again, the sight of her makes my breath catch and I move away from the phone as it's too much to handle in company.

"Oh my God..." Chahee narrows her eyes as she studies Lisa and I hold my breath, awaiting her judgement. "You devil," she finally says. "She's kind of sexy. Even though women are not my cup of tea, I totally get what you see in her." She's way more understanding than I expected.

"There's more," I continue. "She told me she has a four-year-old daughter."

"Really? Hmm…" Chahee slips her phone back into her purse, pushes the next martini my way and attacks her own. She's drinking like a fish tonight; I'm not even halfway down my second and she's already on her fourth. "Do you think she has a partner? A wife, or a husband?"

"I don't know. I can't imagine her with a man, and it seems unlikely that's she's in any relationship with her line of work."

"Why don't you just ask her?"

"Yeah. I might do that." I sigh deeply, blowing out my cheeks while I absently stir the olive around in my drink. "I can't stop thinking about her and it's really stressful." I'm aware I'm telling Chahee more than I planned, but it feels good to share, and I feel less alone with all these strange emotions that have been haunting me for days. "I stopped thinking about women that way when I met Mark, but since Monday it's all been flooding back, hitting me like a ton of bricks and I'm all over the place."

Chahee throws her head back and laughs. "You know what? I would have never imagined you with a woman but seeing you now, listening to you talk, it's like you're a different person and I get it. I promise, I get it. I was a different person with Ben too."

"Or maybe this is just who I am," I say, not sure of anything anymore.