JENNIE

"Ella!" I give my daughter a long hug and pull her inside. "How was the drive?"

"Long and slow," Ella answers with a groan, then rolls her shoulders. "I'm hungry. What's for dinner?" She heads straight for the fridge, grabs a carton of orange juice and takes a long drink from it.

"I was a little distracted today, so I've ordered Chinese. It won't be long." I don't comment on the fact that she's not using a glass. I'm so happy she's here that I can forgive her less than ladylike manners. "How was your week?"

"Busy. I'm starting fieldwork next week, so I've been trying to get ahead with studying for my exams." Ella puts the orange juice back, wipes her mouth with the sleeve of her hoody and looks me over as if suddenly only then, noticing me. "Oh, wow. You look super nice, Mom. Your hair… it's so lovely and straight."

"Thank you." I blush and pull my hair behind my ears.

"And your heels and your dress…" She walks over to me and fingers the linen silk blend of my yellow summer dress. "Is this new?"

"No, I've just never worn it."

"Oh. Are you going out tonight?"

"Of course not, you're here," I exclaim. "Just thought I should take care of myself a little better, that's all."

Ella's mouth stretches into a wide smile. "Good for you. I'm happy to see you're doing better. Have you spoken to Dad?"

"No. I have no reason to talk to your father anymore. Have you?"

"No." Ella averts her gaze, and I know she's lying. Mark's probably told her that Yeji is pregnant and asked her to keep it quiet until he's ready to tell me himself. He must be dreading the moment, but now that I'm over the initial shock, I know I'll be able to stay calm and friendly. Perhaps the realization of finding myself attracted to a woman after twenty-two years of marriage to a man has overshadowed everything else that's going on in my life.

"You should go visit him while you're here. He'd like that," I say. "You still haven't been to their house yet."

"Nah." Ella grimaces. "I don't mind going out for lunch with him, but I'm not jumping to see him and Yeji together. Maybe a coffee somewhere on Sunday, we'll see." The gate buzzes, and Ella gratefully embraces the opportunity to end the conversation. Grabbing some change for the delivery man from the bowl on the kitchen counter, she sprints out the door and toward the gates. "Fooooood!" she yells, making me laugh. She comes back with a big bag full of all her favorite dishes I've ordered, and as she opens it, the smell of chow mien, deep-fried seaweed, Sichuan eggplant, crispy Peking duck with greens, pancakes and plum sauce, wonton soup and steamed vermicelli rolls fill the kitchen. It's way too much for two people, but I know she likes leftovers for breakfast, so I've gone a little overboard. "Yum, I'm starving," she says, opening the boxes.

I take plates, chopsticks, glasses and a bottle of white wine outside to the dining table and Ella brings the food that she's attacking on the way. Normally, I sit at the head of the table, but this week I've been sitting on the side as it gave me an unobstructed view of Lisa. Without thinking, I pull out that same chair and take a seat. Ella shoots me a fleeting look of confusion but doesn't comment. "Are you still enjoying New York?" I ask as I pour the wine.

"Yeah, I am. You always ask me that." She plates some eggplant and passes me the box.

"I'm your mother. It's important to me that you're enjoying your life. What are you doing this semester? Is it interesting?"

"I suppose. I'll be able to give you an answer to that question in a couple of months; it's still too early to know." Ella purses her lips and chews her cheek. "What did you want to do when you were younger?"

The 'younger' comment stings. "Hey, I'm still young," I say, playfully kicking her foot under the table. "I doubt many of your fellow students have a mother who's still in her thirties."

"Only just." Ella rolls her eyes and laughs. "I'm sorry, just kidding. You know what I mean."

I take a sip of my wine and glance over the dishes on the table. I'm not hungry; I haven't been able to eat all day, totally thrown by the incident with Lisa, but I plate up anyway. Even if it's just the two of us, it's still family time, and I'm going to eat, appetite or not. "Well, I suppose I wanted to be a photographer."

"Really?" Ella's puzzled look tells me she can't quite believe I have an artistic bone in my body. "I knew you liked photography; you bought all the art in here, but I didn't know you wanted to work in the field. Were you good?"

"I considered myself to be better than average. Not sure how good I'd be now; I haven't had much practice other than using my phone to take pictures in the past decade."

"Do you have any cool pictures lying around somewhere? Where's your camera?"

"I think I have some upstairs in a box in the study. My camera is there too, I think, but it's very old, just like me," I add, arching a brow at her. "I'm sure there are much better ones on the market now."

"Sorry, Mom, I didn't mean to be ageist." Ella blows me a kiss. "Don't you feel like taking up photography again? Now that you have more time on your hands?"

"Maybe." I'm hesitant as I'd honestly not considered it, but she's right; I do have way too much time on my hands and it's actually not a bad idea.

"Excellent," Ella says, taking my vague reply as a yes. "Why don't we get you a new camera this weekend? We could buy one online, or go into town? Yes, let's go into town. Lunch and shopping, just the two of us."

"Okay. Lunch and shopping it is," I say, happy at the prospect of spending a day in the village with my daughter. As I entertain the idea of having a camera in my hands after so many years, I feel an itch to see the world through a lens again, to capture the essence of everything I love.

"I just want you to find yourself again, Mom. Like you want me to enjoy life, I want you to be happy too."

There's a silence between us while I ponder her statement. It seems like an awfully mature thing for her to say and I'm a little taken aback by it. Has it really been that obvious to her that I've been going through a bad time? I've tried my hardest to hide it, being the best version of myself on the weekends when she's here. "I know, honey, but I am happy. I'm feeling so much better already."

"Yes, I've noticed that. There's something different about you. Not just your appearance, there's something else." Again, Ella studies me, as if she's waiting for a confession. Is she waiting for me to tell her I've been on a date or met a man in the grocery store, or online? Waiting to find out why I'm suddenly prancing around on stiletto heels again and taking care of myself like never before? There's nothing to report, of course. At least nothing I'm willing to share, so I simply smile.

"It's just time to move on," I say, focusing on my food. Yes, I feel different today, but I also feel terrified and confused because even with Ella here, all I can seem to think of is Lisa.

"I'm glad you said that. Because I wanted to talk to you about something." Ella pauses. "There's this party at a friend's house in Brooklyn at the end of the month, and I kind of want to go. It's on a Saturday but the traffic will be horrible coming here, and—"

"Of course, honey. Stay in New York and enjoy yourself," I interrupt her. "You don't need my permission. I want you to come home because you want to be here, not because you're worried about me being alone."

"But I can't help but worry about you." Ella shrugs. "And just to clarify; I love coming here. I love the ocean, and I love you. This is my home and you're my home. I just don't want you to be lonely."

My eyes sting with the sentiment, and I swallow down the lump in my throat. "I promise you I'm not lonely, okay?" I look at her intently. "You're an adult and you're growing into your own person, so stay in New York whenever you want, you hear me? Whenever you want. And when you come home, there will always be Chinese takeout waiting for you." Reaching out over the table, I squeeze her hand. "As long as you call me and let me know you're okay, I'll be fine."