LISA
"I don't want to go to the bank. I want to see the lammies." Lily protests as I'm getting us ready to leave.
I finish brushing her hair and start braiding the left side of her hair. "We have to go to the bank, sweetie. Mommy needs to open a business account."
"Why?"
"Because I'm starting my own company and I need to pay for lots of stuff that I've ordered."
Lily turns and frowns in the cutest way. "Why?"
I laugh, and secure the elastic in her braid, then start on the other side. "So that we can have a nice life, you and me. So that we can get a bigger house eventually, and so you can study and be whatever you want to be. Don't you want that?" Hearing myself talk, I can hardly believe I'm the same person I was three years ago. Working behind the bar in New York nightclubs, sleeping my way around town and living in a shared apartment with three friends, I lived for the moment and never planned further than a day ahead. Now, I have a child to take care of, a mortgage to pay, I'm about to start my own business and life couldn't be better. My sister gave me something meaningful before she passed away. She gave me the gift of devotion, responsibility and love, and although I still miss her every day, having Lily in my life makes me feel strong and positive.
"Study?"
"Yeah. It's when you go to a big-girl school and they teach you how to do a job." I think of Jennie telling me about her daughter. They must be close if her daughter still comes home on weekends, and I can only hope that Lily will do the same when she's that age. I've been analyzing our brief exchange over and over and I'm sure Jennie knows I work for Hamptons' Escorts. If she knows, that also means she was browsing the lesbian escorts… "What do you want to be when you're older?" I ask in an attempt to distract myself from Jennie. "You don't need to decide now, of course, and you can change your mind whenever you want. And if you don't know, that's fine too."
"I want to be a princess," Lily says, matter-of-factly.
"A princess? That's not a job." It amuses me how girlie she is, considering I'm the opposite. She clearly takes after her mother. Linda used to dress up like a princess when we were younger and I liked to be the prince, never getting it quite right wearing my father's checked shirts.
Lily tilts her head back to look up at me. "I want to be a princess with a job."
I chuckle. "Okay. What job?"
"The same as you." She grins. "I want to swim in pools."
"I don't swim in pools, honey. I clean them. But if that's what you want to do then you can."
"Yes. I want to come to work with you." Lily slaps her little hand on her thigh. "And I want to swim too and I want to be a princess."
"Maybe I could teach you how to swim. That would be a good start, wouldn't it?" I doubt she'll have the same dreams in three years' time, but it's kind of cute that she wants to be like me right now.
"But I can swim."
"Yes, you can swim. You swim really well, but I mean without your armbands." I tap her shoulders twice, my cue that her hair is done, and she turns around with a frown.
"With nothing?"
"Yeah, just with your arms and your legs. It might take some practice, but you'll get there. We'll go to the community pool. It will be easier than in the sea and Jihyo and Cameron might want to come too."
Lily mulls over my proposal which must seem outrageous to a four-year-old. Swimming without armbands. Crazy. "Okay. Can we go now?"
"No, Lily. The pool is closed now," I say, wincing at my little white lie. "We're going to the bank, and then we're going to get groceries." I shake my head at her and smile. At least I've managed to distract her from 'the lammies.'
No one ever said this was easy. After our visit to the bank, I'm juggling a stroller full of groceries and Lily is pulling me along the pavement. She considers herself too old for the stroller now, but it's the only way I can multitask. I use it to transport stuff whenever she's with me, so I can hold her hand at the same time. Today it's filled with frozen peas, wilting spinach and melting ice cream among other items but that doesn't mean we'll get back to the freezer any faster.
From the corner of my eye something catches my attention and I stop abruptly to glance across the road. "Wait, Lily," I say, narrowing my eyes to make sure I'm not imagining things.
"Mommy, you're holding me too tight."
"Oh, sorry, honey." I realize I'm squeezing Lily's hand as I see Jennie coming out of the funny little tech shop on the corner of our street and loosen my grip. She's with a girl who I assume is her daughter; she bares a remarkable resemblance to Jennie. Younger of course, a little curvier and dressed way more casually, but feline cat eyes, long dark hair and full lips are the same. The girl lifts a Polaroid camera, but Jennie seems reluctant—or perhaps shy—to be in the picture. Suddenly she looks up, as if she can feel my eyes on her, and I wave from across the street and hear myself calling her name. "Come on, let's go say hi to mommy's friend. We'll just be a minute."
I feel nervous as I lift Lily up and cross the road, and from the look on Jennie's face, I think she's nervous too. My heart is pounding but it's too late to turn back, so I raise my chin and give her a wide smile.