JENNIE
Perusing the store filled with everything photography related, I'm overwhelmed by their selection. We've ventured out to Sag Harbor, as the only specialist shop on the peninsula is here. It's a sweet fishing village with a very local crowd and a bohemian vibe. I've never been in this part of the Hamptons; most of my friends live in the villages and hamlets in and around Southampton and Easthampton, tucked away behind private hedges in their big villas. It's nice to get out of my neighborhood, and it's made me realize how small my world really is.
"How about this one?" Ella picks up a huge camera. The lens alone is bigger than her two hands gripping the body as she points it at me.
"That one's for filming long-distance," I say with a chuckle. "I don't need a sniper camera. A simple, semi-professional digital or hybrid with good focus will do. Glancing over the shelves, my attention naturally gravitates toward a Nikon D6, as all my previous cameras have been by the same brand. Picking it up, I rub my thumb over the rough surface and admire the lens. The camera's an unusual shape; square instead of rectangular, but it feels robust and comfortable in my hands.
"What are you planning on shooting?" the sales assistant who has been listening in, asks me.
"I'm not sure yet. The beach, the ocean, wildlife, people maybe?" I told him I didn't need help, but now that I'm faced with so much choice, I kind of do. "What do you think?"
"I think that DSLR is a great choice. It's pricey, but one of the best we have. You know about cameras?"
"I used to, but that was a long time ago," I say, folding my hands around it and lifting it up to peer through the lens. Its vision is crystal clear, way better than my old camera and that doesn't surprise me. Technology must have come a long way since I was in my teens and early twenties.
"It's got a silent setting for wildlife photography, an incredibly accurate auto-focus system and the quality is top-notch. It's also weatherproof and suitable for all environments, day or night," the sales assistant continues. "I'd say it veers more toward professional and it's often purchased by journalists or sports photographers, but it's easy to use and designed to capture moments, rather than scenes."
Securing the neoprene lined band around my neck, I note that its weight is pleasant. Not too heavy for long walks, and not too light. There's nothing worse than a flimsy camera; I want to know that it's there. "I like it."
"You have good taste."
"I do," I joke. I bet he's already sized us up to work out if I can afford it. Although Ella's wearing torn jeans and an unbranded gray T-shirt, I'm sure the Givenchy Antigona bag I bought her for her seventeenth birthday has not gone unnoticed and neither has my Bottega Veneta purse. I'm not one to splash out on things; one nice purse is all I need, and I've had this one for years. But with that in mind, I'm also aware that I haven't treated myself to something special in a long time, and I really, really want this camera.
"I can throw in an additional five-year guarantee and a Polaroid camera for the young lady," he says, hoping Ella will persuade me. "And I'll include two vintage color film packs and one sepia film pack."
Of course Ella is excited. It's the perfect suggestion for someone of her age. "Yes, Mom! I'd love one of those." She gives me her best doe eyes and I laugh as I don't need persuading; I've already made up my mind.
"Okay. I'll take it."
Ella eagerly takes the box containing the Polaroid camera from the sales assistant and starts loading in the sepia film while I pay, discuss the basic settings of my new camera and sign the paperwork for the guarantee. If I'd known something as simple as a cheap Polaroid camera would make Ella so happy, I'd have bought her one long ago.
"Smile!" she says, about to snap a picture of me while we exit the store.
"Oh, please don't. I don't like having my picture taken." In a reflex, I lift a hand in front of my face and turn away slightly.
"Come on, Mom. This is a big moment. You finally have a good camera again."
Shaking my head with a chuckle, I give in and hold up the shopping bag while I smile at her awkwardly. Spotting something, or rather someone familiar in my peripheral vision, my cheery expression quickly shifts to one of shock. It's Lisa, and she's standing on the opposite side of the road, watching our back-and-forth banter. Her hand is holding that of a little girl, who I assume must be her daughter, and she's got a stroller filled with grocery bags in the other.
"Hey, Jennie!" She waves at me, lifts the child onto her hip and to my surprise, she crosses the road. My heart beats wildly as she comes closer, so violently I'm barely able to greet her back.
"Hey, Lisa," I manage. My voice doesn't sound like my own when I'm face to face with her. She looks so different without her red cap and shorts. Instead, she's dressed in washed-out jeans and a navy T-shirt. A white linen shirt is draped over her shoulders, and her hair is casually slicked back. She's so incredibly attractive that I find myself staring. Today, she doesn't look like Lisa the pool girl, but she does look like 'L' the escort. Just like her profile picture.
"And you must be Ella." I'm impressed Lisa remembers her name, and I can see Ella's puzzled. She knows all my friends and Lisa is certainly a little different than them in the looks department.
"I am." Ella shakes her hand and smiles at the little girl. "Hey there, cutie. What's your name?"
"Lily," the girl mumbles, while she sucks on her thumb.
"That's a pretty name. How old are you?" Ella asks. I realize I should be asking these questions, but I'm too stunned to hold a conversation.
"Lily is four," Lisa says when Lily doesn't answer. "And she's getting too heavy to carry." She puts her down and takes a hold of her hand.
"Aren't you a pretty girl?" I finally say. Lily giggles and half hides behind Lisa's leg.
"She's so cute. I love kids." Ella smiles at Lily. "How do you know my mother?"
"I service her pool," Lisa says. "I work for Pool Masters."
"Oh." Ella glances at me, probably wondering why I've lost my tongue. "What happened to Larry?"
"Barry." Lisa chuckles. "He broke his arm; I'm just filling in for him." She looks from Ella to me and back. "What are you guys doing in Sag Harbor?"
"Mom just bought a new camera." Ella points to my bag. She told me she used to be quite a good photographer back in the day, so I wanted to see for myself."
"Is that so?" Lisa arches a brow at me. "If I were you, I'd start with that beautiful view of yours."
"Yes, I think I will." Finally, I work up the courage to lock my eyes with Lisa's and the effect that simple action causes is astonishing. I hadn't expected to see her here. It's out of context and it's confusing, making me break out in a cold sweat. My core is fluttering, my pulse racing, and I wish I could check myself in a mirror to see if I look presentable. "And what are you doing here?" I stammer.
"Me? Oh, we live here." Lisa points to the first restaurant in a row of many. "Right over there, above The Oyster Bar."
"How lovely," I say, glancing up at the two-storey building with a wide balcony that overlooks the street. I don't know where I expected her to live. I thought about it, and even tried to find her on social media but to no avail. Frankly, I couldn't picture her living anywhere since pool maintenance and escorting are such contradicting worlds, but now that I see her here, it makes sense. "Right in the middle of all the action."
Lisa laughs. "Not sure there's much action in Sag Harbor, but we like it, don't we, Lily?" She turns the stroller in the direction of The Oyster Bar. "Well, it was nice to see you. We'd better get the ice cream into the freezer."
"Yes, it was nice to see you too." I blow a kiss at Lily. "And you." Lingering on the spot, I ponder over where to go next. We can't stay here in front of the store, but I don't want to go in the same direction as Lisa either. That would be weird after we've just said goodbye. Oh God, I'm overthinking things. "How about we drive to Southampton Village instead and have lunch at that shrimp place you like?" I ask Ella, then start heading back to the car without waiting for an answer.
"But I thought you wanted to stay in Sag Harbor," Ella says, following me. "You said the shops and restaurants looked nice and that you wanted to have a look around."
"I know I said that, but I'm really hungry, so we might as well go somewhere we know the food is great." Turning to her, I give her an apologetic shrug. "If you don't mind, of course. You're not into shopping anyway, right?" I feel a need to get out of here because I have no idea how to behave after seeing Lisa. It was too much, too overwhelming. Neither her nor Ella have any idea about how I feel, and I'll make sure they never find out.
"I don't mind," Ella shrugs. "But…" she pauses while we put our bags in the car and get in. "But what I don't understand is why you were you being so weird with that woman."
"I wasn't. She's just the woman who services our pool."
"Exactly. So why were you quiet and all fidgety? It was like she made you nervous or something. Has she done anything to make you feel uncomfortable?"
"No. God, no." I look skyward and attempt a laugh. "I honestly don't know what you're talking about." Desperate to change the conversation, I point to the Polaroid picture she took of me. "How do I look?"