JENNIE

"Do it," Chahee whispers. "Do it, do it, do it."

"Shh…" I utter, fighting to keep my backward position in the King Pigeon pose. After having Eddie, I took up yoga and although I don't religiously practice every day, I do just fine in the advanced class. "Not here."

"Come on, you have to. She practically dared you to, you can't back out now." I regret updating Chahee before class as she's so excited for me that she can't stop talking about it.

"Chahee, I said not here," I hiss.

"Silence, please. Come on, ladies. Just five more minutes and then you can talk all you want." Our instructor walks between the struggling bodies and starts counting down from ten. "That's good. Now slowly come out of your position, shift onto your hands and knees and get down into Child's Pose."

I let out a long sigh of relief when I finally bend forward, relieving my muscles from the strain. Stretching my arms out in front of me, I bring my head between my knees and concentrate on my breathing. In, hold, out, hold. In, hold, out, hold. My shoulders feel lighter already. I should really attend more than one class a week, especially when I'm so tense.

"Okay, now sit up, slowly move your legs in front of you and lie down on your back." Our instructor is still standing next to us, making sure we won't interrupt his class again.

We do as he says, and I close my eyes. Normally, I drift right into a blissful state of nothingness, but I can't seem to do that today. Chahee has always envied me for being able to meditate. She told me all she thinks about during this part of the class is our Argentinian instructor on top of her, minus his tight pants. I must be the only woman in class who hasn't got a thing for him, and I think I know why now. My mind drifts to Lisa and her lips, to her eyes staring into mine with that curious and indeed—Chahee wasn't wrong—daring glimmer. If you're interested, Jennie, if there's some part of you that I can help you explore, then my schedule's free tomorrow night…

"Hey, wake up." Chahee pokes me and I shoot up.

"Oh, sorry." I blink, disappointed to be ripped out of my daydream.

"You've never dozed off in class." She holds out a hand to help me up and I grab my bag and follow her outside to our cars.

"I didn't doze off. Want to get a juice?"

A mischievous smile plays around Chahee's lips. "I don't think we'll have time for that." She points to my purse. "Give me your phone."

"Why?"

"Just give me your phone."

Lacking the energy to argue with her, I unlock it and hand it over. "What are you doing?" I look over her shoulder and see that she's on the Hamptons' Escorts site, scrolling down Lisa's page to the 'book' button. "Hey, stop it!"

"Back off, I'm helping you," she simply states, pulling away when I try to snatch my phone out of her hands. "You know you want to, and Lisa's not awkward about it as she practically told you to book her."

"But I don't know if I'm ready yet. I don't think I am."

"You'll never be ready, so you might as well rip off the Band-Aid and do it." Chahee shamelessly takes out a couple of cards from the leather slots in my phone cover and holds up one of my credit cards. "Is this one okay to use?"

I open my mouth to protest but I'm out of excuses. I can always cancel, I think to myself, and that's probably what I'll do when I get home. "Yeah, that one's fine," I say with a resigned sigh.

"Great." Chahee looks giddy as she enters my card details and waits for the confirmation page to appear. "All booked, subject to a criminal check…" She then takes my driver's license, snaps a picture of it and uploads it. "They'll confirm in two hours. Tomorrow night, eight-thirty to midnight. Lisa will make all your fantasies come true," she quotes the page in a teasing tone.

"Fuck," I mutter. "This is the most terrifying thing I've ever done. What if she doesn't like me? What if she's repulsed by me?"

Chahee laughs. "She won't be repulsed. From what you told me, there might even be some mutual attraction and besides, it's her job. This is for your pleasure and yours only."

"It doesn't feel right to pay for sex," I say.

"Trust me; you'll change your mind about that soon enough."

I sit down on the brick wall behind my car and let it all sink in. Lisa is booked for tomorrow night. A person, a woman, booked for sex. I'm going to have sex with Lisa. I'm going to have sex with a woman for the first time in my life. For hours, I'm going to have everything I fantasized about in the past week. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll realize it was just some silly infatuation, and that in hindsight, I'm not attracted to women at all. Maybe I'll disappoint her. Maybe she'll laugh at me. At that, I burst into tears, and no matter how hard I try, I can't stop crying.

"Hey, come here." Chahee must be shocked as she's never seen me like this. She takes me into her arms and squeezes me tight. "I'm so sorry, that was out of order, I shouldn't have pressured you. Do you want me to cancel it?"

Shaking my head, I sniff and wipe my nose. "No, it's not you. Well, it is you," I say with an uncomfortable chuckle. "But you did what I'd never dare to do, so thank you for that. But…" My breaths become quicker again, and I force back another outburst. "I just feel so insecure."

To my surprise, Chahee's eyes well up too. She squeezes my shoulders before she lets go and lifts my chin to meet her eyes. "Jennie, you are so amazing. Do you even realize that most of the men in our circles would kill to be with you? Not that you care, of course," she adds with a hint of humor. "I get why I've never seen you flirt with another man now. It all makes sense, you just preferred women and you didn't even know it. But believe me, you are a very attractive woman."

"Right." I sniff again and clear my throat. "You're biased because you're my friend, but I appreciate the pep talk."

"Bullshit." Chahee pulls me up, takes me by my shoulders and turns me toward the car window so I can see my reflection. "Look at yourself, Jennie. You're a beautiful, exotic woman in the prime of your life. You don't need to worry about money, you're single, your kids have moved out and this is your time to shine, to pursue your dreams and figure out what inspires you. So go figure it out. Take a good look at your life and ask yourself what it is that you want. You have the world at your feet and its time you explored your options. We both know there's one thing you crave so start with that and by tomorrow, you'll be able to tick that one off your list."

I nod and take a deep breath. "Okay. It's just so…" I pause. "So soon."

"Anything new and scary always feels like it's too soon. But we have…" Chahee checks her gold watch. "At least six hours to shop for lingerie and something snazzy to wear before I have to be back home, and we can stop off for a pedicure and a wax on the way to the mall." She winks. "Preparation is the best medicine for nerves."