I do not own the Big Bang Theory, all ownership goes to Bill Pradey.

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There are some people that leave you, but their impact on your life remains forever. You may try to bury their memory, but each day reminders show up, and you cannot escape.

Amy and I were getting ready for our next interview. It was a hot day for Pasadena, with no breeze, the new norm for summer. After winning the Nobel Prize we found ourselves busy with questions, events, and speaking engagements. It started to become too much. The university hired a PR agent, I got on medication for anxiety (I know, unlike me, but Beverly, my old roommate's mother who is a psychiatrist, recommended it for the time being), and we had less and less time to spend with friends.

"Ready?" Amy adjusted my tie; her eyes were always memorizing to me…

"Yes, the world cannot go on without us."

"Humble."

We walked out to meet the reporter.

"Thank you, Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler," the reporter was young, black hair pulled back neatly, she sat leaning forward, her eagerness and energy radiating from her. She ran through the same questions that everyone else ran through, and Amy and I almost had our answers memorized.

Where were you when you discovered the gap with string theory?

Amy, how do you feel as a neurobiologist to win a Nobel Prize in physics?

What do you two plan on doing next?

We answered each with confidence. Sometimes questions about our childhoods came up, mainly mine. Today one question came up I was not prepared for, one revealed truth that I have buried down deep.

"Sheldon, when you were little, you mentioned you had very few friends…"

"Yes, that is true, I had Tam, and I had a professor as a mentor, until he passed…."

"Tell me about Paige?"

Time stood still. My eyes widen…

"No…no thank you." I started to move; my wife's eyes changed direction from the reporter to me.

"Dr. Cooper, I only bring her up because you both were considered genius; however, both had a very different path…"

I interrupted her, "…and how does that relate to string theory and my, I mean our win of the Nobel Prize?" I adjusted myself in my seat again, I wanted to run, I tried to hold back tears, became more stoic.

The reporter spoke up…" Well, your life story led you to be one of the youngest winners in history, and her story counters yours because..."

"…I'm sorry, but this interview is over." I got up and left.

...

"Sheldon?" I turned around and faced Amy, she had followed me to the restroom after I stormed out.

"Amy, you can't be in here, this is the men's restroom…"

"…Sheldon, what's going on? Why are they asking about a person named Paige?"

"It's nothing to worry about." I said facing the mirror and adjusting my tie.

"Apparently it is, at least enough for some random reporter to bring her up. Why have you never mentioned her to me? What are you not telling me?"

"Amy, this is no problem of yours, now if you are okay with it, I want to go home."

"Fine" and with that she picked up her purse and walked out, me following.

...

Dinner was silent. I can sense that Amy had all sorts of questions about Paige. I don't blame her; I have never brought her up. The only people that knew the story of Paige and me were myself and Paige. Well, my family knew part of the story, and I suspect they figured out the rest but knew better not to ask. Amy played around with her food and was quiet. "Amy", I put my fork down. "Amy, I get you are upset, but speaking about Paige is too painful, I have not thought about her since I was 15."

"Was she a girlfriend?" Amy's eyes held some pain, or at least I think they did, her face had no recognizable emotion, but her eyes, her green eyes said more.

"No— I don't know—"

"What do you mean you do not know?"

"She was a girl, and she was my friend…" I sighed…I fidgeted with my napkin. "I guess I will tell you everything, but before I do, I want to show you something, something I hope will help you understand why her memory is buried so deep." I got up and went to our room. We bought a house with the money we had won and were in the middle of packing. The letters were buried in one of the boxes, boxes labeled PRIVATE. I opened the box and took out 3 letters.

"Here", I went back out to the kitchen and handed them to Amy. She grabs them. In the first letter, she shows no reaction, she moves on to the second letter, her brows furrowed, the second letter she puts down gently…. I can tell her mind is sorting out all sorts of thoughts.

"Sheldon, I…I" …she gets up, places the letters gently on the counter and walks out of the apartment. The door shutting softly.

...

"Wait what?" Penny leaned in, eyes wide. "You are saying that he had a girlfriend before you?" That was all I needed to hear as I followed Amy into our neighbor's apartment.

"Amy!" She quickly turned to look at me as I walked in. "You had no right to tell Penny, I already told you that this was too painful for me to share…"

She cut me off, "Well…you lied to me, you said you never had a girlfriend, you said you were never kissed, you said I was your first!"

I backed up; she was reading too much into the letters. I'm not saying it was not true, I have buried her memory with her. "Amy, please let me explain, what happened to Paige is going to get out there, now that I, we, are famous…there is more context to those letters. Did you read them all?"

"Yes" Amy stood up, her body swaying, it always did that when she was trying to be serious and impress one of our friends. She had her hands on her hips. "The first letter says that she is dropping out of college, the second letter states that you will always be her first, her only, while the third letter apologizes, apologizes for what?" The third letter was not addressed to anyone, but simply said I'm sorry. This was the letter that broke me.

"Amy", I inch closer, she backs up, "I did not tell you about Paige because…" I couldn't finish it, I turned on my heels to leave.

...

"Shelly, you need to tell at least Amy before the world finds out. I was worried this was going to happen if you ever made it big."

"Mom, you don't 'make it big' in science…"

"…big for your world you do…"

Couldn't argue with that. "You're right."

"I mean, what happened to her set you on a spiral while you were in Germany, you almost lost yourself as well, you don't think Amy deserves to know what really happened before the media puts their own spin on it?"

I couldn't argue with her, "You're right…"

"Oh gosh, I love hearing that, now get!"

I did get, I got up and headed back to the apartment across the hall.

"All right I am ready."

"Well, maybe I'm not anymore!" Amy crossed her arms. I turned to leave.

"Wait, Sheldon, we can listen." Penny speaks up…

"Yea buddy…" Leonard her husband stands up from the couch. I did not notice him there when I first came into the apartment. "Amy, why don't you hear him out…"

I sighed, "it is now or never I guess…" I walk over to my spot. This is a section of the couch I claimed when I lived in this apartment, it is the perfect location, and at this moment, I needed it. "Okay, all of you have always wondered why I sheltered from others, why I never stuck to a roommate until you Leonard" I motion towards him, he nodded in agreement…" or why I never dated. Well, when I was 15, I was in Germany, my father just died. So did Paige, a few years later." I breathed in deeply.

"So, who was she?" Amy sat next to me, this time her body softened. She put her hand on my lap.

"She was another 'genius', smarter than me, maybe. She had more social grace. We spent a lot of time together as children. When I was 11, I developed a crush on her, she did not reciprocate at the time. Then, she attended college with me, but she could not handle the social pressure, so she dropped out. She disappeared for a year, but we reconnected. Her mind was still brilliant. I realized my crush on her would not go away, she realized that she did have feelings, so we dated, as much as a 14-year-olds can."

"So, it was just innocent then?" I can tell Amy was searching, searching for some solace that she was my first everything….

"At first, sure. But when I was 15…" I sighed, "I was getting ready to go to Germany, she was going to try college again, we kissed, and some more", I looked down and blushed, "not what you think Amy", I put my hand on her lap for reassurance.

"But you said you never kissed a girl or", she gulped, "or more…"

"I lied." I looked away. "I then went to Germany, she stayed behind. I lived with a family who were my guardians. My father died that summer; however, my family could not afford to bring me home for his funeral. I slowly lost touch with the world and delved into my studies. I neglected Paige. But I was turning 16, I may have been a genius, but I was also just a teenage boy." Now was the time to start to share the details that have haunted me. "I was in Germany for two years, when I came home, Paige was unrecognizable. She had dropped out of college again and got addicted to opiates. That's how she died", I noticed my accent was getting thicker the more I told the story, tears forming. She wrote me the "I'm sorry" note because we often argued about her addiction, I was myopic then. I had no understanding why she chose drugs instead of learning. Of course, my adult self I can reflect and realize why. "I found her in her home after she overdosed, I called 911, and I tried to resuscitate her. She became another statistic of genius children who lose their innocence." My mind was swept to the past, me standing at her grave surrounded by my family, again I tried to be stoic, but once in the car I broke. I remember my mother putting her arm on my back, rubbing gently, no words being said.

"Did you love her?" Amy looked up, almost searching for an answer.

"I didn't realize it then, but yes."

"I don't understand why the media is bringing it up now?"

I wasn't sure either, but I responded with my best guess, "She was opposite to me, at least on the outside. However, the fame of being a child prodigy followed me. After her death I went back to Cal Tech, I vowed not to get close to anyone, the 'weirder' I became, the less likelihood anyone would want to stick close. I especially made this promise about women." I stared at Amy, "I until I met you." I could sense Amy softening, I looked over to Penny and Leonard who were silent.

"So, all this time, you hid this? I would have had so much more understanding!" Leonard exclaimed.

"Yes, but, if I brought it up, her memory would have destroyed me. I am sorry I have not mentioned it sooner."

"That's okay, everything will be okay, I am glad you opened up about her." Amy grabbed my hand, "It makes me understand you more, understand how we fit, how our stories fit."

THE END