JENNIE
Mark never touched me with such understanding. I couldn't even touch myself the way she does. Lisa mapped out my body, studied it in detail like it was the only thing that mattered to her, and then she made me explode until I had nothing left to give. Lying in the crook of her arm, draped half on top of her, I wonder if she's like this with all her clients because this is nothing like I imagined an escort experience to be. Perhaps it's different with two women, or maybe she has her own ways. All I know for sure is that my life will never be the same again.
"Do you always keep your underwear on?" I ask, trailing a finger over the elastic of her sports bra.
"Sometimes. I didn't want to overwhelm you." Lisa shoots me a wicked smile before she takes it off. "But I think you can handle it now."
Staring at her small, perky breasts I'm not actually sure I can handle it, and immediately arousal shoots through me again. I never expected to be so turned on by another woman's breasts, but I realize then that there's nothing more bewitching than her naked form. I'm overcome by an urge to possess her, to explore her body like she explored mine. "Can I touch you?" I ask, so softly I can barely hear myself.
Lisa takes my hand and brings it to her breasts, then slides it over the delicate dips and curves. When my fingertips brush her nipples, she closes her eyes and moans softly, and her hand takes a tighter hold of mine. I kiss her because I want her to moan into my mouth, to pour all her pleasure inside of me. "You feel so soft," I say, taking over when she lets go of my hand and starts caressing my back and my behind. I'm like a virgin; clumsy, uncertain, curious but determined. Not determined to get it over with but determined to make this good for her too. My mouth is drawn to her neck and I kiss my way down to her collarbone while I breathe in her lovely scent. Her skin is warm against my lips, her nipples hypersensitive when I run my tongue over them. Smiling at her quick intakes of breath, I know I'm doing something right.
I drag my hand over the smooth skin of her belly but stop when I feel her muscles tense. Does this mean she likes it, or does it mean she doesn't? I don't have a fraction of her confidence, but I do have a deep desire to make her feel good so I'm willing to take my chances. She's in charge and if she's uncomfortable, she'll tell me.
Finally finding the courage to move farther down, I slide my fingertips under the elastic of her boxers and Lisa doesn't stop me. She shivers, and when I find her wet, hot flesh, she lets out a soft moan. Her heat stirs my own arousal even more and I feel my hand tremble as I explore her.
Lisa's hips shoot up when I drag my fingers back up and repeat the movement, hopeful I'm doing the right thing. It shouldn't be any different from touching myself, but it feels so new to me that I'm second-guessing everything I do. Her breaths quicken, though, and soon, she's moaning louder and spreading her legs apart. Moving over her delicious body, I kiss her, and she laces her fingers through my hair and kisses me back. This touches me to my core. It's knowing that she wants me that makes me ache to give her everything and more. I watch her eyes flutter closed as I stroke her, and without warning, she suddenly tenses up, lets out a long, deep moan and starts shaking underneath me. She's climaxing and all I can do is pull my face away from hers to stare at the mesmerizing sight while I continue to stroke her. With her eyes shut tight, her lips parted, her head tilted back and her whole body trembling she looks like a fallen angel, feeding off our sins.
My face breaks into a huge smile and when she opens her eyes again and sees my smug expression, she chuckles.
"I'm sorry, that wasn't supposed to happen," she mumbles, then covers her face with her hands as if she's mortified. "Oh, God."
"Why?"
"Because you're paying me for your pleasure, not mine."
"Are you saying you just had an orgasm?" I ask, drawing out my words in a teasing tone. "I thought you were pretending." The latter is a lie, because what I just witnessed felt very, very real.
Lisa laughs. "I wasn't pretending. I'd be ridiculous if I did that."
"Hmm…" I try to wipe the grin off my face but it seems permanent. "So, is it against the rules?"
"Kind of. It's against my rules." She turns on her side to face me and pulls me in. "I don't usually let clients touch me intimately."
"Why not?"
"You sound like Lily," she jokes. "So many questions…"
"I'm sorry." When she nuzzles my cheek, I close my eyes and lean into her touch. It feels comforting and warm, and it makes me want to fall asleep in her arms.
"Don't be." Lisa kisses me softly on my lips. "I only do things I know will be pleasant for me, like pleasing others. It's the best way of keeping myself out of uncomfortable situations, otherwise I couldn't do this job. I should have discussed the ground rules with you, but you were so nervous, so I thought it best not to overcomplicate things and just let everything happen naturally."
"I understand. Thank you for making me feel so comfortable." I run my hand over the curve of her hip, marveling at her body. "Why did you let me touch you?"
Lisa gives me a small smile. "Because I wanted you to." When I roll off her, she turns on her side, props herself onto her elbow and regards me. "You look like you're enjoying this."
"I am. Would you mind if I booked you again?" Dusk is falling, reminding me that time is passing and I wish I could suspend time.
"Of course not, I'd like that very much." Stroking my hair tenderly, Lisa seems to ponder over something. "You know, if you did a test, we could have a lot more fun next time."
"A test?" I frown. "You mean an STD test?" For a split second, I almost feel offended as I've only slept with one man in my life. But then I remind myself that this is her job, that she doesn't know me and that I'm no different to any of the other women she sleeps with. And then I remind myself that Mark had an affair and that Yeji must have had a whole string of lovers before him.
"Yeah. So I can use my tongue on you in a way that will blow your mind," she says, licking her lips. "Trust me, it will be worth it."
Her words make me squirm and now all I can do is stare at her mouth and imagine it between my legs. Her tongue. Fuck.
"Think about it," Lisa says. "But for now…" She shifts on top of me and pushes her hips into mine. "For now, we still have time and I want you to lie back and relax."
Glorious hours pass and I wish I could function properly, but steamy flashbacks keep overtaking my mind. I'm forgetful, distracted, even totally absent, and when Nola raises her voice and calls my name I'm aware that I haven't taken in a single word of what she just said to me.
"Sorry, what was that?"
"I asked if you're planning on celebrating your birthday," Nola says. "It's in two months, and not to put any pressure on you, but you know how hard it is to arrange something last-minute in the Hamptons, so if you want my help, it would be good to know sooner rather than later."
"Oh right, my birthday." My stomach flips at the thought of turning forty. "I haven't thought about it, to be honest with you. Maybe I'll just skip it altogether this year."
"But you skipped it last year too," Nola says. "I mean, I totally understand that— Mark had only just moved out—but don't you think it would be nice to celebrate your fortieth? You seem so much happier now." She pauses. "Although you're also very, very distracted."
"Yeah, I am, sorry. I'll have a think about my birthday." I step out of the tub and put on a fluffy, white robe, then wrap my hair in a towel. Nola's seen me naked countless times and I'm so comfortable in her presence that I don't even think twice about the fact that she's standing right next to me, hanging up fresh towels.
"No pressure, we'll make it work if you decide to go ahead with it," she says with a smile. "By the way, I hope I'm not overstepping here, but have you met someone?"
"What?" My face flushes and for a moment I wonder if Nola is psychic.
"A man," she clarifies. "Not that it's any of my business."
"A man?" I laugh and walk to my dressing table in the bedroom. "No, I haven't. Why do you ask?"
"You just…" Nola chuckles as she places the last towel on the shelf, then follows me. "You're acting like a woman in love. You're all over the place, you're up late and you have this glow about you."
"I am not in love!" I exclaim and laugh along with her. The real reason I'm up late is because I have no idea how to behave around Lisa, who is currently in the backyard. I want to see her and talk to her, I really do. But I also need time to process what happened last night. When I woke up, our night felt like a dream, like it had never happened, but then I caught a waft of her scent on my pillow and reality came crashing down on me. I slept with a woman and I liked it. No. I loved it. And now what? Nola makes my bed, and that's probably why she's speculating. The sheets were pretty sweaty and messy, and my bedsheets are never messy. "I swear, there's no man." This is all true, so I don't even have to lie. A crush? Sure. A little obsessed? Yes. But I'm not in love and certainly not with a man.
"Just teasing you." Nola picks up the empty laundry basket. "But if you want to talk, I'm here, okay?"
"Thank you," I mumble, more to myself as she's already disappeared down the stairs. Appraising myself in the mirror, I note that I'm fine seeing the subtle crow's feet around my eyes. Lisa made me feel beautiful and that energy still lingers. She gave me the impression that she truly wanted me and that for a couple of hours, I was all that mattered. It's amazing what feeling desired can do to someone, and whether it was real or not, I cherish the aftereffect.
Still, I'm not looking forward to turning forty. Several women have told me their forties were great. That it was a time when they started feeling more secure in themselves and stopped caring so much about what others thought of them. 'Fuck being young,' a woman in my yoga class said. 'I'd never want to go back in time.' But me? I feel like I'm stumbling right into puberty and I don't even know who I am anymore. Most of all, though, I'm suddenly terrified of what others will think of me.
I put on moisturizer and scroll through my phone while I wait for my skin to hydrate. A message from Chahee, asking me if I still want to have drinks tomorrow, a charity ball invitation for July and an enquiry from my mother regarding a birthday present are awaiting my reply but instead, I navigate to my doctor's practice and book an appointment for an STD test. So I can use my tongue on you in a way that will blow your mind. Her words have been on repeat in the back of my mind since I woke up, and I just can't let it go. Not even twenty-four hours after Lisa's first visit and I'm already fantasizing about splashing out on her again, my body raging with longing.
Outside, I hear Nola's voice, and then Lisa's. Her voice draws me like a magnetic force and without thinking, I get up and slide open the balcony doors. There she is, looking as fresh-faced, cute and sexy as ever. Denim shorts, a navy T-shirt, her red cap and that smile that makes me weak in all limbs. I stare at her hands, remembering how they felt exploring my body. I stare at her mouth and can still feel her lips against mine. And then Nola looks up, and Lisa looks up and our eyes meet in a loaded exchange. I'm nailed to the ground and remind myself that I'm supposed to greet her—that that would be the normal thing to do—so I take a deep breath and smile.