AU: Sam's time missing onboard the Prometheus drives Jack to distraction, setting them on a course they have denied themselves for years. Set in Season 7 after 7.13 Grace, but before 7.16 Death Knell.

Prequel to Lost and Found.

Chapter Summary: This is why base sex is never a good idea... enter a little bit of Coombs and Felger, because those guys are forgotten too many times and it's fun to write bumbling nerdy characters.

Chapter 8: Bribery

Friday afternoon, 23rd January 2004

Blackmail had never been my thing, but I was desperate. I needed two players for my new Wormhole Xtreme table top adventure. Unfortunately, we only had three of us. Jay and Chloe were player characters, with me as the Gamemaster. I had put invitations out a few weeks ago and followed up several times, but everyone was too busy, or so they said with their strained looks and placating 'maybe next time' responses. Even Bill was either too busy with his exploration and spaceship improvements on the Eve Online MMORPG or replaying every one of the Warcraft games in anticipation for the launch of another MMO called World of Warcraft set for the end of this year. Pfft, computer nerds! True RPG resided in the human imagination, not a computer program.

I had needed another stack of paper and some blank transparency slides, but the door had been locked and there were noises. Pressing my ear to the door, I heard a muffled female voice say a name I recognised. Jerking backwards, I swallowed and looked left then right down the empty corridor. No! Surely not? I was frozen at the door hearing the unmistakable sounds of… of... no! The woman cried out and then the man said her name before grunting. Holy dice! The sound of the door lock unsnapping had me half walking, half running back to the elevator before they saw me. When the room door opened and the elevator still hadn't arrived, I ducked around the corner to the stairwell and started my climb. Rounding the corner into the lab a few minutes later and out of breath, I found Jay muttering to himself over his Avenger 3.0 virus modifications that he was working on after the disabled Gate system debacle a few weeks ago. The modifications that he insisted would make Major Samantha Carter fall in love with him if he could get a working tamperproof prototype. Pah, after what I just heard, he was way too late.

"Jay… Jay…" I interrupted him with a tap to his shoulder. When he ignored me, I poked his cheek, "Jay!"

"Ya huh, just give me a second Simon. I almost have this…"

"Dammit Jay, you've been working on that thing day in day out for weeks. It's never going to work."

"It will work, you'll see. It will work and then Major Carter will…"

"No… nope… she won't." I interrupted his delusion of a lovelorn beauty falling head over heels in love with him.

"Why do you always say that? I know, you are jealous of our bond." He said standing up and giving me that look of incredulity he got whenever the topic of Major Carter came up, which was a lot lately. "She will see that I am worthy of her affection."

"Yeah, I don't think so Jay." I replied, biting my lower lip. "You see, I went to the stationery room, you know the… the one on level 25."

"OK, why?"

"Well, it has the best pens and higher quality paper, more slides and oh so many boxes of staples. You know it even has…"

"Coombs!" Felger yelled causing me to flinch.

"Noises!"

"The stationery room on 25 has noises. What are you talking about?"

"Noises… you know… noises." I replied, making gestures with my hands. I didn't want to say any names because of the cameras, and I had an idea of how to get our two players. He looked at me, eyes wide.

"No. She…"

"Shhh!" I said making a cutting motion, then grabbed a pen and wrote on my hand who the other person was. The look of shock was unexpected, he really thought he had a chance with her. "We need two players, Jay."

"Oh no... no... no. Simon, they will never go for it. They're soldiers, not table top gaming nerds."

"Perfect. The game is based on this place, they'll bring integrity to the gameplay. You know, make it more real. C'mon man."

"OK, how?"

"How what?" I asked, pushing my glasses back up my nose.

"How will you get them onboard?"

"Well, I...ah...I...ah... a Gamemaster never reveals his secrets."

He laughed, "Ha-ha-ho...oh no." His finger shaking at me and head moving back and forth like one of the clowns at the fairground, "You're gonna bribe them."

"Maybe." I said, standing a little taller. "My silence comes at a cost."

"Have you heard yourself?" Jay replied as he ran his hand through his hair and muttered incoherently about this being nuts and crazy.

"C'mon Jay, I'll do the talking."

"Fine! Let's go. I can't believe I'm doing this." He said nervously, as he locked his computer and walked with me back to the elevators to go to level 19. "This is a bad idea." Jay said as we approached her lab to which I waved him off. This would work. Coming around the corner, the sound of O'Neill's low murmuring and Major Carter giggles filled me with a dread I was not expecting.

"Damn, I can't do this!" I whispered loudly. "You do it!"

"Oh, no this was your idea. You heard them. Besides you are the Gamemaster." Jay replied, shoving me back in front of him.

"He'll kill me. I'm the GM, I order you to do it." I replied, grabbing his shirt, spinning us around followed by a shove to his shoulder that sent him stumbling backwards towards her lab door. He immediately marched back toward me.

"Do what?" O'Neill said. We both turned slowly to see him leaning in the open lab entry way, twisting, and turning a Rubix cube. I shoved Jay forward again and nodded for him to ask.

"No! Coombs, this is all you." Jay said shuffling back toward me. I saw O'Neill narrow his eyes.

"Jay, c'mon I can't, he doesn't like me, at least he likes you… a bit…"

"What?" Jay screeched.

"You know after the thing, with the guy and the ship."

"Oh yeah, before I stranded him on a hostile planet by killing the Gate system!" He retaliated, arms waving in the air. "And... and let's not forget the photon torpedo disaster!"

"You mean the focused plasma weapon." I added, correcting the name of the weapon from the description Chloe had used to something less Star Trekkie.

"Hey Folger! Whatever it is you need help with, why don't you just ask?" O'Neill announced loudly over our bickering. I saw Jay's face fall when O'Neill said his name wrong again. So much for the bond forged by going to hell and back, the Colonel could not even remember his name.

"Umm… errr… well… we have… Coombs has this game. A table top game." Jay said, his fingers making little tumbling steeples. "And, my name is Felger."

"Right. Felger." O'Neill enunciated with his standard disinterested look of indifference just as Major Carter popped her head out the door causing Jay's face to brighten. He really was a lovesick puppy. Why couldn't he see that Chloe was a better match for him and actually interested in what he had to offer?

"Yeah, so… ummm… we need… players." Jay continued.

"Uhuh, players?" O'Neill repeated as he pulled an orange-coloured sticker of the cube.

"Sir! That's cheating." Major Carter said quickly, trying to take the cube off him before he pulled off a blue sticker from the adjacent side.

"What? No, it's not. It's creative problem solving, Carter. I want the orange square here, not here." O'Neill replied with a huge smile and a brush of his thumb over the back of her hand that made her blush.

"We heard you! I… I heard you!" I said quickly in a low stage whispery voice from behind Jay. Major Carter sucked in a breath and O'Neill gave me a death stare seconds before he hauled us both into Major Carter's lab and key carded the door closed.

"Carter!"

"Yes, Sir. On it." She responded quickly as she rounded the desk and hit the button on her console she used when working with Naquadah generators since the slight radiation emitted futzed with the camera feeds creating a white noise and broken footage. I had thought this was a great idea, but now that I was here - I'm not going to lie - I was quaking in my shoes standing in this room with two bona fide killing machines that I was trying to blackmail. What the hell was wrong with me?!

"You had better explain yourself Coombs." O'Neill ground out, perching himself on Major Carter's lab table.

"Right, yeah. Ah… well, I needed pens and paper and…" I stammered.

"Sam… how could you. I thought we had something?" Felger interrupted my jittery non-explanation.

"Err… excuse me?" She replied with a chuckle and a look of amusement on her face.

"You know, after I fixed the dialling program. You said you thought I did a good job... and ah... and ah... ah... you... hehe... you kissed my cheek." He stumbled and stuttered through his explanation, somehow managing to miss Major Carter's nervous look to Colonel O'Neill.

"Huh, yeah. I did that, but… look Jay, you're a nice guy and all, but umm… you're…" she paused, screwing up her face the way she did when she didn't want to verbalise her thoughts.

"Not him." Jay interrupted with a forlorn face.

"Sorry." She said with a wince and with a flick of her eyes to a very scary looking Jack O'Neill with arms folded, fingers gripping the cube and a dark look on his face. I swallowed hard and focussed back on Major Carter. "I mean it, Jay. You're smart - brilliant actually, and funny, and... and any girl would be lucky…"

"Just not you." She winced again and shook her head, "It's OK, I get it. I'm not dangerous enough." Jay sulked and Major Carter smiled placatingly but didn't respond.

"So, players?" O'Neill reminded me with a wave of his hand.

"Oh right, yeah... umm, you see, I have this game. Table top game and I need two more players." I said to O'Neill as he put the Rubix cube down and grabbed a yoyo instead.

"Like Dungeons and Dragons?"

"Sir? Really. You know about that stuff?"

"Sure Carter, there's a whole lotta doing nothing in the middle of nowhere waiting for orders. Of course, I mostly played chess and cards." He replied while untangling the string and rolling it back up. "Though I was dragged into one of those 'adventures' to make up numbers." He confessed and looked up when Major Carter made a noise of disbelief. "What?"

"Nothing Sir, I just didn't think you would be into roleplay." She replied with a look of mischievousness. Oh God!

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Major." He replied with a salacious smirk and raised eyebrow. Eww... eww... I did not want to think of these two in the type of roleplay O'Neill was suggesting.

"Ahh... it's not that kind of roleplay." I interrupted before this conversation ventured too much into the TMI neighbourhood. Why couldn't I just find like-minded individuals instead of sexually egregious military personnel.

"I know." He sighed, "Which is only one of the reasons why we're not gonna join your game Coombs." He continued, looking pointedly at me.

Standing up a little taller, I decided to play my Ace. "Well, then perhaps I'll tell the General what I heard." I had barely spoken the last word when Major Carter leaned forward and grabbed my shirt to haul me almost across her table. "Ahh, please don't kill me!" I cried, my hands waving in front of my face.

"I'm not going to kill you; I am going to hurt you. Then he will kill you and dispose of your body." She threatened. O'Neill hadn't moved from his spot or even looked at me, instead opting to still play with his yoyo as if his 2IC had not just threatened my life.

"I know a great little spot to Coombs, you'll love it. Lots of grass and trees, and the earthworms are huge." He said without taking his focus of his yoyo. Holy dice! He meant it. 'I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead. I'm too young to die!' I chanted in my mind trying to stall the anxiety.

"Sorry, I just… we just… we really need two more players." I sobbed as she let my shirt go.

"Then why don't you just ask?"

"Carter? What are you doing?" O'Neill asked, finally giving up on the tangled yoyo string and looking at her sharply. She just smiled at him until he sighed and returned to his impossible task.

"8pm, Saturday, here's the address. Here's your book with all the character types." I replied quickly handing over the Wormhole Xtreme players guide, several sheets of paper and some pens before hightailing it out of there as soon as the door was opened.

"Chloe! Chloe, guess what? You never will, so I'll tell you." Jay said with what I would call his 'received a compliment from Sam Carter face'. When would he learn that while Jack O'Neill was around, he would never get a second look from her.

"What, Jay." I replied, my hands held demurely in front of myself.

"Simon has convinced Major Carter to join our game!" He said excitedly, with a small leap and fist pump into the air.

"Sam is joining our game. Great, so we only need one more person." I replied.

"Oh, and she is bringing Colonel O'Neill with her." Now that did surprise me. Colonel O'Neill was not known for hanging out with scientists, well except for Sam and Daniel that is. Everyone knew why he hung out with Sam, well everyone it seemed except Jay Felger. God, even Coombs got it.

"Colonel O'Neill. The Colonel Jack O'Neill, the leader of SG-1, is joining our table top roleplay game." I repeated, crossing my arms over my chest while giving him the sharp eye. He was probably the least nerdy person in the whole SGC. Even Teal'c was more nerdy and he wasn't even from Earth.

"Yeah. Isn't it exciting. We are going to have not only real soldiers playing our military game, but two of the most elite soldiers Earth has ever known. Can you just imagine what they will bring to the table?"

"Numbers." Coombs grumbled as he walked in, looking a little shaken. "Is my shirt ripped?" He asked Jay but was clearly ignored. "Did she rip my shirt?"

"What do mean did she rip your shirt?" I asked, then took note of his pallor and yes, a slight rip in his shirt. "Simon, what happened?"

"I ah, I ah… well, you see… I needed pens, and paper and staples… and umm, as you know the best stationery room on the base is on level 25, so… I… umm… I…" He stumbled, wringing his fingers together.

"Simon?" I urged, putting my hands on my hips. "Jay?"

"Hey, don't look at me!" Jay said throwing his hands up before going back to his Avenger 19.0 Stargate virus. I don't know why he bothered; it was never going to work, and if it did, Ba'al would just modify it again like last time. After all, you make a smarter program, you make a smarter hacker.

Turning my attention back to Coombs, who was still visibly shaken, making himself a Chamomile tea. Yeah, this was bad. He only ever made one of those when he was really stressed, normally he drank coffee like the rest of us. His last tea had been when Jay tested his virus and shut the Gate system down a few weeks ago, putting our whole team's employment at the SGC in jeopardy. I walked over to him and grabbed a cup of my own.

"Simon, what happened?" I whispered as I poured my tea.

He rocked on his stool and took a tentative sip of his tea. "I… I… heard them, in the stationery room."

"Heard who?"

He gritted his teeth and whispered, "Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill! They were… you know!" He gestured wildly with his hands. "Doing things!"

"Really?" I whispered back, unable to hide my shock. Then I laughed a little. "Let me guess, you thought it would be a good idea to try and blackmail them to join our game with your information."

"Blackmail, no… God Chloe, you make me sound like a mobster or something." He said aghast.

"Oh, so you didn't try to use information you had to get them to do something?"

"Well, maybe… a little. But it's not blackmail, more like a little bribery. Then she threatened to hurt me and have O'Neill kill me and hide my body if anyone found out."

"You should've seen him, Chloe. He was all 'don't kill me'." Jay chortled from over by his workstation. I just looked at him and shook my head, because he had been so different when Hammond was so angry that he wouldn't speak. The brown paper bag immediately came to mind. Turning back to Simon and laying my hand on his shoulder.

"So, I guess I shouldn't tell them that I know then, hey?" I replied with a huge smile.

"No. Unless you want me to die. You don't want me to die? Do you?" He asked, his hand shaking. I just smirked. "Chloe?"

"No Simon, it's just funny. I mean O'Neill is ex-black ops and Sam, well she might as well be black ops after seven years serving with O'Neill and Teal'c. If anything, you've got some serious balls." I replied, taking a sip of my tea.

"Really? Huh, yeah…" He smiled and perked up, "I suppose I do."

"Yeah, but I still wouldn't tell anyone unless you want those balls to be castrated."

"Right, yep…of course." He said nodding quietly. Patting him on the shoulder once more, I crossed the room to work on the ATA gene sequencing research that Major Carter tasked me to investigate after the whole Loki incident, particularly to see how the ATA gene would react if the person also had naquadah in their blood. The results so far had been interesting, showing the potential for accelerated healing abilities, faster development, and the potential to operate both Ancient and Goa'uld technology.

A/N:

A huge shout out to the Stargate SG-1 Roleplaying Game for being my inspiration for the Wormhole Xtreme table top adventure being run by Coombs. I am planning to run my own Stargate RPG game in between all the other stuff in my life. Just another thing to fit into my work-life-stargate balance.

Prior to World of Warcraft launching in November 2004, Eve Online was the most popular MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role playing game). I figured since Bill Lee was a known WoWhead, he would likely also be into Eve Online or something similar before WoW was around. Of course, anyone who played WoW at the time of the episode where Bill bragged about having a level 75 Mage ('SGA: The Return, Part 1') would know he was full of it. The level cap was only 70 at the time of the episode.

Yes, I am a table top gaming, MMORPG'er playing nerd, in case you couldn't tell. ?