A/N: I keep getting drawn back to that final scene on the beach. This time, I decided to focus on the fact that Sarah was drawn there, too. This is told from her perspective.

No betas were harmed in the production of this one-shot. If you spot anything wrong with it, PM me so that I can make corrections.

Drawn

I've been sitting here for an hour now. I'd planned on driving to the airport and getting away from the man who so confused me, but instead I found myself drawn to this beach. There was something about the place. I feel grounded here, safe, and less driven to flee.

Flight is not my normal reaction to danger. I have pushed myself on many occasions to face threats, and have done so, without hesitation. However, this is different.

Chuck Bartowski doesn't pose a threat to me physically. I could easily defeat him, I'm sure. Besides, we faced each other in that house where he didn't want to fight me and hardly tried to defend himself. Then, he had even deliberately taken a bullet for me. No, physically, he is no threat, and more than that, he would protect me with his life, as he demonstrated.

Chuck is a different type of threat. He is an emotional threat. That is something I am totally unprepared for.

It seems that he loves me with every fiber of his body. The only other person who has ever demonstrated such love is my mother, and I left her with the baby and vowed to keep them both safe by staying away from them. There is an emotional pull there, but it is one that I have mastered. Chuck is different.

In spite of my statement to him that I didn't feel anything for him, I do. I lied to him to give myself a way out of this emotional mess. But today, as I drove away from Maison23 to leave Los Angeles forever, all I could think about was Chuck and how I was going to miss him. Crazy!

Becoming a civilian and being married to someone is such an alien concept to me. Everything in my experience and in my head fights against that. It goes against everything my father and the CIA have taught me. Love goes against that teaching, in itself, but marriage is so far beyond that. However, that is exactly what had happened to me. I had fallen in love and married Chuck Bartowski.

I watched my video log and saw the transition from the person I know as myself to a woman both in love and totally confused at the same time. The overall transition had taken a while, but I could see that he changed me right from the start. To be honest, he started to do that again recently, hence my struggle to get away. I feel drawn to him.

When I close my eyes, I find myself thinking of his beautiful brown ones, not just because they are full of love for me, but also because I want to sink into them and never escape. That is my heart speaking, while my logical mind and spy self hate that weakness. I have to keep my eyes from looking into those depths.

His eyes aren't the only attractive appearance. His face is too and my fingers are drawn to his curls. I haven't done that, but I'm sure my past self must have.

I like that he is so much taller than me, as well. Bryce always struggled with being with me when I wore heels as I was then taller than him. It hurt his ego. Chuck probably wouldn't feel that way, but it would never occur anyway. I look up to him and that feels right, somehow.

I find myself wanting to touch him, to get closer to him. Something that I have never felt before.

It isn't just his appearance that attracts me, though. There was definitely something different about Chuck Bartowski. It wasn't just that he loved me. There was something about how he looked and acted around others that impressed me. He wants to help others more than help himself. That was obvious in how he treated me, but he does it with others too.

He makes decisions for the majority, not the minority, just as we were taught as spies, but he does it instinctively. He gave up the chance of me getting my memories back when he downloaded the latest Intersect himself. He did that to save everyone, including me, but in so doing, gave up on me remembering him. It isn't that fact that he did it that makes him special, but that he just did it instinctively, without any thought about the consequences.

Acting without thinking, like that, is also part of his nature. Of course, it turned out that he didn't need the Intersect to save everyone. If he had stopped and thought about what to do, he could still have the Intersect for me to use, but I don't begrudge him that. I already knew he was like that, and found that I like him for it.

Hell, I've made plenty of judgment errors myself! Believing Quinn was the worst. That will forever make me feel that I am a terrible person.

On serious reflection, everything about what Quinn told me was unrealistic. Why would I go undercover for five years and even marry my mark? That just isn't the sort of assignment I ever take, or am good at, for that matter. And then, after those five years. I suddenly needed to kill him, and in a hurry? Ridiculous!

So, here I am, sitting with my toes in the sand, looking out at the ocean, watching the waves brush against the shore. That view is calming. It feels like something I have taken in before to calm myself. It is almost a memory, but tantalizingly just out of reach.

That is what my life is like now. Some memories have returned, but only fragments and without any context. However, that does give me hope. My memories aren't lost completely, but are just inaccessible right now. I feel like a shell of a person with a huge hole within me that needs filling, but I now hope that it will fill, I just don't know how long that will take.

Ironically, what I most want to remember is my husband. To fully get those feelings back and to remember our life together. The irony being me wanting that, in spite of it frightening me so much.

There is a problem, though. If I stay with him, without the memories, which is what I feel drawn to do, I still wouldn't be the woman he married. That didn't seem fair to him. I would be a constant reminder of her, but not able to be her. My mind tells me that is another reason to leave. However, when I told him I was leaving, I could see in his eyes just how devastated that made him feel. I had to turn away rather than see that. Now, I don't want him to feel like that.

God, what a contradictory mess!

I sense him approaching. I can't see him, but just know that it is him. Maybe that is our connection still in play, even without memories.

He sits beside me. "I was hoping you'd be here," he says.

I look at him. My attraction to him starts to kick in again, but I resist the urge to touch him. I need to know why he is here, and also wonder how he found me.

My feelings about the place resurface. "This place is important, isn't it?"

He nods. "Yeah, yeah, very much. This is actually where you told me I was going to be okay. That I could trust you."

A hint of a memory comes back to me. In it, I found him here, sitting looking out. Deep in thought, just as I have been.

He continues, "And that's exactly what I'm doing now. I'm asking you to trust me. Sarah, I don't... I don't want anything from you. I just need you to know that wherever you go, I'll always be there to help you. Someone you can call. Whenever. Trust me, Sarah. I'm here for you, always."

The message he is giving is more than just what's in those words. I realize that he will wait for me, if I go away. He won't move on. He won't even look for anyone to replace me. He will wait and wait for me to return. If I did leave and never came back, he would wait the rest of his years, missing me, longing for me. And, in spite of feeling like that, he isn't going to ask for me to stay. He just wants me to be safe. He cares so much for me.

How can anyone feel that way about me, of all people? He knows of all the blood on my hands, and all that I have done as a CIA operative, but he still sees me as a woman, not a killer, and one that he wants to be with for the rest of his life. That alone makes me feel unworthy, but also overwhelmingly honored. Strangely, I don't think that he is mad for feeling that way, so the little girl that wanted to be loved, is not as buried as I thought.

I know, at that moment, that I can't leave this amazing man. I want to stay with him. Not just for him, but for me too. Somehow, together we will get those memories back to make me whole. That can start now. "Chuck? Tell me our story," I ask, hopefully.

He smiles at me and my heart quivers. That smile makes me want to stay, in itself. "Yeah, yeah, uh... Where to begin? Well, uh, it started with a guy who worked at Buy More. And then, one day, an old college friend of his sent him an email that was filled with secrets. And then, the next day, his life really changed when he met a spy named Sarah, and he fell in love."

I get a short memory back of walking up to him standing behind a desk. He has a phone held to his ear by his shoulder. He looks up, sees me and freezes. The phone drops and he still doesn't move. I know my looks affect men, but this is different, somehow. It's as if what he has just said, falling in love, happens immediately for him. What's more, I felt a twinge just looking at him as he said that. I don't have to resist locking eyes with his, though, as he looks away and continues our story.

He proceeds to tell me the highlights, and some of the lowlights, of our years together.

In the early days, he'd been thrust into a life of danger that he was totally inexperienced to face. He feared for his life a lot of the time, but that didn't stop him from making a difference. He also wasn't used to lying, but had to do that with family and friends to keep them safe.

One of the hardest things for him was the cover relationship the two of us had to adopt. His perceptive sister could see that we both had fallen for each other, almost from start, but because it wasn't a real relationship, he was never satisfied and that caused problems. We both wanted the other, but due to the asset / handler situation, if we had acted on that I would have been sent away. He apparently didn't understand that, and my constant refusal to make it real got to him, so he sought comfort from others, as apparently did I.

He skims over the other relationships, which suits me. I don't want to know about our mistakes but about how our relationship developed.

It was a tale of craziness, laughter, sadness, heartbreak and a fair amount of upset, but we eventually became lovers, and then, a married couple. The stories about how each of us went to unbelievable lengths to save the other just reinforced the fact that we would do anything for each other, for the person we loved.

He brings me to tears with some of the craziness. He is a masterful storyteller, but he knows this story better than anyone, so it was easy for him to recollect the events. As I listen to his lovely voice, and hear everything he tells me, it feels like an almost magical tale, but I know this was all true.

Some of the things he mentions trigger memories. All just fragments, and it was only his words that give them context.

I remember kissing him in front of the bomb in the warehouse. I know from my video log how significant that kiss was, but hearing what it felt like to him, brought back my memory of desperation, desire, and then confusion, because I really shouldn't have done that.

I remember being in bed with him in a motel room and the feelings of desire overcoming all my barriers, but they were unfulfilled because of another crazy reason.

I remember my desperation to find him in jungles, apparently in Thailand, and how overjoyed I was when I did, but I remember no more than that.

In the end, what he tells me, and my short bursts of recollection, all just reinforce my desire to stay with him. Now very much for myself, as much as for him.

However, I'm not sure I can adequately fill the gap that 'she' left? The woman that I'm not. The woman who fully gave herself and her love to him in a way that I still don't know how. I need more memories back to enable me to know, and I also know he wants me to stay so much. Me, even though I'm not 'her.'

Chuck is looking away from me, at the ocean, but then says, "You know, Morgan has this crazy idea," he starts, but then stops.

I'm curious and prompt him, "What is it?"

"He thinks that, with one kiss, you'll remember everything."

I laugh at that. "One magical kiss?"

I have no expectations that it would achieve what Morgan has suggested, but I realize that I desperately want his lips on mine anyway, just as in some of those tantalizing memories. "Chuck?"

He looks at me. "Yeah?"

I look into those depths. "Kiss me."

Almost as soon as our lips touch, my feelings for him soar. His lips caress mine in a way that fires my senses. When he pulls away, I still pout my lips, wanting more. Thankfully, his lips crash into mine again and the kiss deepens.

He is fantastic at kissing and it is a breathtaking kiss, one that I want to last forever. Our tongues explore each other's mouths and even feeling his hand gently caressing me is amazing.

Eventually, we have to part in order to breathe.

My memories don't all return, but I do remember more of the kissing and caressing in Barstow. And the memory of a kiss in front of Roan Montgomery, of all people, that took my breath away and made me need to splash cold water over my face to help me recover my control.

I also remember kissing in a bed in Paris and the start of what followed. Wow! Even though I didn't remember all of it, what did come back to me was wonderful.

My desire for Chuck is even stronger now, and I find myself yearning for what happened in Paris. It seems that my physical desire for him is much more than I thought. Remembering what making love with him felt like, made me want that, too.

I realize that Chuck is looking at me, expectantly. Hoping that the magic has been completely successful.

I have a lot to tell him and rush to get it all out. "Chuck, I didn't get all my memories back. However, I did get some. Memories of significant kisses." I take a deep breath. "I'd already decided to stay, but now I can't fight my feelings for you. I want our relationship to restart. A full relationship, Chuck. Over time, I am sure we can work on getting more memories back, but for now, can we go home and consummate our marriage again?"

His face goes through a series of expressions as I said all that. Sadness and dejection initially, then, when I said some memories returned, it morphed into happiness which increased as I told him I was staying with him. My final request, however, makes him frown. "Are you sure you're ready for that?" he asks.

I grab his face and kiss him hard. When I pull away, I say, "Only you would worry about me like that, Chuck. I feel my love for you again, but I'm also sure that will increase over time. Yes, I'm ready for what I have asked for. I won't have the knowledge of what you like, but I want to learn again."

He stands and pulls me up. "I love everything with you, Sarah, and have from the start."

I grin and grab his hand. Then, we run up the beach together, to get to our cars.

Happiness is something new to me, but I feel it now. Both in the moment and as I think of our future. It won't all be easy, but I know that together we will overcome all the challenges.

Just as I had been drawn to him and, earlier, to the beach, I am now drawn back into our marriage, and all that entails.

A/N: So, happy ever after… maybe.

I hope you liked this one-shot. Let me know.