JENNIE

"Juice?" Chahee asks, opening the door to the juice bar next to the yoga studio without waiting for an answer.

"I think I might need something stronger," I joke.

"Why? Trouble in paradise with that Lisa of yours?"

"Shh… not so loud." I scan the menu, then order my usual, and Chahee does the same. We've become predictable, the pair of us, but at least we now allow ourselves to let our hair down over cocktails once a week. "I'm seeing her tomorrow," I whisper as we walk to the bar by the window, snapping up the last two available seats. "Seeing her as in—"

"I know what you mean," Chahee interrupts me with a chuckle. "But that's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah. It is. I'm so nervous, though."

"But you've already been through it once. Surely it gets easier when you know what to expect?"

I consider that, then shake my head and give myself a stern talking to. "No, trust me; it does not get easier. If anything, it's getting fucking complicated." I sip my juice and hesitate. "Promise me you won't laugh?"

"Never." Chahee crosses her heart, her expression innocent like a little lamb.

"I think I'm infatuated with her," I say, lowering my voice. "Seriously, Cha, there might be something wrong with me. I'll grab any excuse to talk to her when she's over servicing the pool and I've told her really private things about myself. And I can't even look her in the eyes properly because it's just too much. She makes me feel unhinged just by being near."

Chahee props her elbow on the bar, cupping her cheek as she turns to me. "Okay, that is a little funny, but I promised not to laugh so I won't." She quirks a brow as she looks me over in amusement. "I don't think you're obsessed, Jennie. I know it's only early days but I think you're in love with her. Have you considered that?"

"I'm not in love with her. I can't be," I say defensively but deep down, I know she might be right. I've never been in love before so how could I possibly know what it feels like? "I'm paying her to sleep with me. That doesn't feel very romantic."

"I know. That doesn't mean you can't fall for her. She obviously has a way with the ladies. Super charming and all."

"That's the problem. I don't know if she's like this with everyone or just with me. I know we have chemistry, I'm sure of that. But maybe she's just one of those people who has chemistry with everyone. She's very sexual."

Chahee nods and thinks about that. "Well, there's only one way to find out. You need to ask her out on a date."

"No way." I gasp. "I can't ask her out. If she turns me down, I'd be embarrassed and if she says yes, then I'd be going on an official date with a woman."

"And?"

"And, I don't think I could do that. In public, I mean. I have kids and a position in society. I'm not even sure myself if I'm—"

"That's why you need to date a woman. To know for sure." Chahee shrugs. "You're single and your kids are practically adults. What are you so afraid of?"

"Everything!" I exclaim. "I'm afraid of everything, don't you get that? My feelings, the fact that she sleeps with other women… and I haven't even thought about what happens if we go further down the line. She has a kid, what if we did date and it didn't work out? And if it did work out, what would my friends say? My mother?"

"As for your mother, we've already discussed that. She's far away and you have your own life. As for your friends, I'm your friend and I'm cool. And if they're not cool, they're not real friends, simple as that. We're not in the Middle Ages. Or in Wyoming," she jokes.

"Easy for you to say. You're not the one falling in love with an escort." There. I've admitted it. I'm halfway to falling madly in love with Lisa.

Chahee's amused expression drops, and she puts a hand on my thigh. "Honey, whatever happens, happens. Do you feel like you can talk to her?"

"Yes."

"Good. Then talk to her and just tell her how you feel. That's the only way to get a perspective on your situation." Chahee hesitates for a moment before she continues. "I just need to warn you about something, and you have to promise me not to get upset, okay?"

"Okay… what is it?" A feeling of unease creeps over me because I have an idea of what's coming.

"Well, she's an escort and you're a very wealthy woman. That's all I want to say, really. Just remember that if you're going to explore your relationship with her."

"Are you trying to say Lisa's just after my money? She's not like that."

"No, I'm not. But just keep that in mind. After all, you don't really know her."

For a second, I want to shout at Chahee. I want to tell her that she's not cool, that she's reacting just like anyone else would and that it's not helpful. I want to argue that I do know Lisa, because I feel like I do. Even without knowing all the facts of her life it's like I really see her, and I think she sees me too. But Chahee's never met Lisa and all she knows are the facts that I've given her. She just wants to protect me and because of that, I can't blame her. "Sure," I say, letting out a long sigh. "I'll keep it in mind."