JENNIE
"Will you untie me?" I ask when I'm finally able to speak again.
"Of course." Lisa pulls at the ties and I'm free in seconds. She takes my hands, laces her fingers through mine and settles herself on top of me to kiss me. "Are you okay?"
"Yes." I smile at her and take her face in my hands. "I'm still shaking."
"I can feel it." Lisa shifts between my thighs, her hipbone resting on my throbbing center. "You're amazing, Jennie," she says, brushing a lock of hair away from my face. "Seriously amazing."
Our eyes lock and it feels so intimate that confusion strikes me again. "You're the one who's amazing," I say, and lift my head to kiss her again. "I want to taste you too." When Lisa's breath hitches and uncertainty flashes across her features, I regret saying it. "I'm sorry, forget it. I know you don't normally allow that, I just got carried away."
"Don't be sorry." Lisa looks at me, really looks at me and I'm certain that the arousal in her eyes is not an act. I've turned her on by voicing my desires and now her reaction is turning me on too. She clearly wants it, so why is she resisting me? "Fuck it," she finally mumbles, then takes off her boxers. "Are you sure?"
"Yes." My breath catches when I see her completely naked, and longing surges through me at the thought of going down on her.
She rolls off me, allowing me to shift on top of her, and I move down and run my hands over her thighs, staring at her glistening sex. My body is raging with an intense carnal need to have my mouth on her. It's daunting and beautiful at the same time, her throbbing flesh pulling me in. "Are you sure?" I whisper as I lean forward, still watching her fight an internal battle.
Lisa doesn't answer. She hesitates for long moments before she reaches for the back of my head and laces her fingers through my hair. Bringing me closer, I can hear her heady breathing as I kiss the soft, neat triangle of hair. My lips are barely touching her, but her hips jerk violently and she mutters a curse. She's so sensitive, so aroused, and when I run my tongue over her, our combined moans fill the room.
Lisa is delicious. Women are delicious, and God, I could do this all night, every night. She tastes unique like nothing I've ever tasted, but she's my new favorite flavor. Doing this to her feels surreal, and I lick her harder. Basking in her moans that make me want her even more, I circle my tongue around her clit and mimic what she did to me. What she did to make me explode. It doesn't take long before she's bucking her hips against my mouth, fisting my hair in her hands and when I move lower and dart my tongue inside her because I feel an inexplicable need to do so, she suddenly holds very still before she lets go. I can feel her orgasm in every cell of her body. Her legs are shaking, her hands trembling as they tighten, pulling me closer, and she stifles a scream, resulting in a guttural cry that ends in a quiet moan. I stay there for a while, not wanting to stop until she's entirely still and spent and as her body loosens her hands relax and she lets go of my hair. Sliding up to meet her mouth, we kiss, tasting each other, weaving our limbs into a tangled web, pulling each other in as tightly as we can.
"It's been a long time since someone did that to me," she says in a husky voice. "That was incredible."
"Well, I certainly enjoyed it." I trail a finger over her waist and her hip, marveling at her beautiful curves. Going down on a woman is a tantalizing new sensation; an experience I could get used to.
She can barely speak through her ragged breathing as she continues. "But this is…" she hesitates. "This isn't right."
"How can it not be?" I ask. "It felt pretty damn perfect to me."
"I'll get you a refund. I can't let you pay for this," Lisa says, slipping into her navy tank top before layering up with her denim shirt. She's been quiet for the past half hour and I can sense she's upset.
"What do you mean? I don't understand…" I wish she could stay but even if she didn't have to get home to Lily, she looks like she's very keen to leave all of a sudden and it hurts me.
"Come on, Jennie. You know this isn't right."
Meeting her eyes, I shoot her a questioning look. "Why? Because it's so good? Because we have chemistry? You know we have chemistry, right? I could swear there's something between us. Or is it because I like you too much?" I don't think 'like' is quite the right way to phrase how I feel but I'm afraid to overwhelm her with my feelings.
"Yes. All of it," she says with a sigh, as if she hates to admit it. "And because I like you too."
She likes me too. So I wasn't imagining it. A feeling of euphoria washes over me at her words and we both stare at each other. "You like me," I repeat.
"Yes. More than like," she admits. "But I have to protect myself. I can't fall for clients."
"Then why don't we do this differently? We could meet up in a normal capacity. A date, maybe?" I blush, hardly believing I just said that. Chahee's suggestion seemed ridiculous yesterday but now that she's told me we can't do this again, I'm desperate to hold onto her in any way I can. "Or you could come here on the weekend? Ella is staying in New York and Nola won't be here. I'll cook for you and we can talk."
"I can't do that." Lisa puts on her socks and her sneakers and scans the room for anything she's forgotten.
"Why? Because you don't do dates?"
"No." She pauses, glancing at the door as if looking for an escape route, then changes her mind and sits on the edge of the bed. "Look, you and I can never date, don't you understand that?" she asks, taking my hand. "My clients fall for me all the time because I'm the first person to pay them physical attention at a point in their lives when they need it most. They have a fantasy, I make that fantasy come true and they get carried away for a while. But in the end, I'm not what they want. They want a wealthy man who can take care of them, not an escort with a kid." She shrugs. "Believe me, I'm not what you want, Jennie. This is just a storm in the still waters of your life. It will pass."
"You don't know what I want."
"Oh, really? Because let's say we started dating, would you ever take me to parties as your girlfriend? Would you introduce me to your family? Would you be willing to accept my daughter? Because that's what a relationship is. It's not just me showing up on the doorstep of your multimillion-dollar mansion when it suits you."
"Hey, that's not fair," I say, raising my voice.
Lisa sighs. "I'm sorry, you're right. I shouldn't have said that but please try and see this from my perspective. We come from different worlds, you and I. We make no sense together."
"Is this about money?"
"Yes and no," Lisa says. "Jennie, we both know you're fabulously wealthy and have powerful friends. Don't think I haven't seen those pictures on the shelf above your fireplace. I'm a single mom who services your pool and my best friend is my booker from the escort agency. How do you think our lives could ever come together? What on earth would your friends and family think of me? Even if I quit my escort job, wouldn't you be worried they would find out about my past? And what if this is just a phase to you? I have Lily to think of; I can't just date anyone, let alone a straight woman who's so out of my league I can't even begin to describe it."
"I don't care what anyone thinks of me." As I say it, I know that may not be entirely true, and I also know she has good reason to say all those things. Could I really come out to my family? How would I feel if we were seen out and about in public together, holding hands, or kissing? Until now, she's been my biggest secret and I could deal with that because I was sure no one would find out. Sensing my inner conflict, Lisa simply nods and squeezes my hand, her expression sad but resolute.
"No, Jennie. We can't date, it will never work. But for what it's worth, this has meant more to me than you'll ever know." She gets up and walks out of my room, leaving me in bed feeling more conflicted than ever. I want to run after her and tell her nothing matters because no one's made me feel the way she does. I want to beg her to give me another chance but knowing what's at stake for her and knowing deep down that this is something I have to think through very carefully, I do nothing. When I hear the front door close, a sense of overwhelming sadness takes over. Glancing at the bed, I miss her already so I get out, put on my robe and head downstairs to pour myself a glass of wine.
It's still raining and fat droplets trickle down my face as I head for the beach barefoot with my wine in hand. I need the weather to wash away my confusion as I let Lisa's final words sink in. I didn't imagine it. Everything I felt was real and she felt it too. It's a small comfort, but it doesn't make me feel any better. Lightning flashes overhead, a bold pattern of blinding forks pulsing through the sky. Waves crash wildly against the shore, the power of the ocean reflecting my inner turmoil. Maybe Lisa is right, maybe this is for the best. Storms are beautiful, unpredictable and delightfully dangerous, evoking wonderment and excitement. But they can also be destructive.