JENNIE

The beach is deserted when I saunter toward the shore on Sunday morning. The sand is cool against my bare feet, and the scent of last night's rainfall hangs thick in the air. A layer of mist dances over the ocean, featherlight and translucent. Raising my camera, I take a couple of pictures of the mesmerizing view in the morning light. It has a blue, almost eerie tone to it, and it feels incredibly lonely at this time of day.

Spotting a crab, I lay down to get a good close-up of it, then continue to wade with the water up to my ankles. I've missed this; just me and my camera. The sand is smooth all the way up to the first enormous sleeping villas along this stretch, still void of footprints. Soon, adults, children and dogs will venture out to enjoy another morning in their home away from home and it's nice that the Hamptons are coming to life again.

When I realize I've almost reached Mark and Yeji's house—the point where I normally turn and walk back—I see a figure in the distance, sitting on the beach, facing the ocean. It's Ella. Zooming in on her, my heart breaks when I see her expression, and I refrain from taking a picture. She looks so sad. She still hasn't called me, but she sent me a message telling me she's okay and although I've respected her plea to leave her alone for now, I feel an urge to approach her. I can't help it; ignoring her would go against my motherly instinct.

"Mom?" Ella looks up at me and frowns.

"I swear I didn't know you were here," I say, holding up a hand. "I was just walking and taking some pictures and—"

"It's okay. I know you wouldn't do that." Ella turns my way, hugging her knees. "How's the new camera?"

"It's great, I love it." When I see no anger in her eyes, I point to the sand. "Can I sit with you?"

Ella hesitates for a moment, then says, "Okay."

I sit down cross-legged, put the cover over my lens and stare out over the ocean, waiting for her to speak first.

"Are you gay?" she asks after a long silence.

"I'm not sure, honey, but I think so. Would you mind if I was?"

"No…" Ella fiddles with the hem of her T-shirt. "But… you've been with dad all your life. Were you even happy with him?"

"Of course I was happy. Your father and you and your brother were my whole life. I've loved being a wife and a mother. I still love being a mother, and always will." I pause. "But now that everything has changed and I'm starting to accept that, I feel an urge to explore who I am, to be not only a mother, but my own person, if that makes sense. And what I'm currently going through is a part of that." All I can do is be honest with her now and I hope my answer makes sense.

She nods. "Were you ever with a woman before dad?"

"No. I've had mild crushes on women when I was younger, but I've only ever been with your dad. Sexually, I mean."

Ella grimaces, as if the words 'dad' and 'sexually' are too much for her to handle in one sentence. Another long silence goes by before she asks: "Are you in love with the pool lady?"

"We're not serious, and her name is Lisa," I say, immediately regretting my defensive tone.

"I know, I just had to say it." Ella lets out a sarcastic chuckle. "It's just so cliché, it's almost funny. I mean, I thought dad was a cliché, but you've trumped his midlife crisis by miles."

I can't help but laugh too because when she puts it like that, I can see what this looks like. "It's not a midlife crisis, and I don't think your dad is going through one either."

"Are you sure about that? He told me last night he's been thinking about buying a Ferrari. Yeji is against it because—" Ella stops herself then.

"Because she wants a big family car?" I say, unable to resist.

Ella's eyes widen. "You know?"

"Yes, I know Yeji's pregnant. Your father hasn't told me yet. Perhaps he's still working up the courage."

"Does it upset you that they're having a baby?"

"I was a shaken when I first found out," I admit. "But I think I can be happy for them. What about you?"

"I don't know. I guess I'll have to get used to the idea." When Ella scoots closer and rests her head on my shoulder, I fight back tears of happiness. My girl is back again, and everything will be okay.

"I imagine this is hard for you. Moving to campus, your parents being away from New York, your father starting a new life and me…" I let my voice trail off because I don't really know what it is I'm doing. Instead, I put an arm around her and pull her against me.

"No harder than for you," she says. "Are you going to tell dad about the pool lady? Sorry, I mean Lisa," she corrects herself.

"No, I wasn't planning on it. It's none of his business and as I said, it's nothing. It's not serious whatsoever." As the words leave my mouth, I know that's not true. Our paid encounters aside, I know what happened between Lisa and I was real. The mutual attraction part, at least. "But if you feel the need to talk about it with him, then it wouldn't be fair of me to ask you to keep it to yourself."

"I won't tell him. He kept his affair secret for months, he doesn't deserve to know anything about your life." Ella gives me a small smile. "Besides, Dad and I never talk about real stuff anyway. He just asks about my exams and boyfriends and that kind of stuff."

"And? How is the boyfriend?" I ask.

"Tyrell and I had a fight. He keeps cancelling on me whenever he gets a last-minute gig." Ella's shrugs. "It's his job, so I do understand but it just made me feel rejected. That's why I came here on Friday. I was upset and I just wanted to be home."

"I'm sorry to hear that, honey. And then you found me like that." I bury my face in my hands, cringing as a series of flashbacks of my daughter walking in on me and Lisa loom large in my mind. I hope to God that she never finds out Lisa's an escort.

"I thought you were being attacked," Ella says. "You were screaming." When I groan, she laughs and puts an arm around me in return. "Oh well, at least you were enjoying it." She takes the camera from around my neck and turns it on. "Can I see the pictures you've taken?"

"Of course." All tension from the past few days seeps away from me like the outgoing tide, and I finally allow myself to smile.