JENNIE

"Where's Lisa?" I ask when a man from Pool Masters arrives on Monday morning. I was already waiting for her with a coffee, so I hand it to him instead.

"Good morning to you too, and thank you very much for the coffee," the blond, beefy hunk jokes before giving me a wide smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be cheeky. I'm Ralph and Lisa won't be coming here anymore."

"Oh. Do you know why?"

"Nope." He shrugs. "We're a big company and I don't know her very well. Maybe she swapped shifts."

"Okay." I try to calm myself as this man will no doubt think I'm acting strange. "Well, that's a shame. She was really good and very nice. But I'm sure you are too," I add, returning his smile. "Anyway, I'll be inside. Let me know if you need anything."

Back in the kitchen, I steady myself against the kitchen counter and stare at the spot where I was perched only days ago. Was that a pity fuck after all? Some weird way of saying goodbye? It didn't feel that way, but then again, it wouldn't be the first time I've been wrong about someone. I was wrong about my own husband, for God's sake. Was it Ella walking in on us? Or was it just too much for her?

Lisa's absence stings, and I know it's not fair but the man now throwing chlorine tablets into my pool annoys me, simply because he's not her. I was up at four am, unable to sleep because I thought I was going to see her. I hoped we could continue what we started on Friday as I've longed to make her scream like she did to me. I've longed to kiss her and to hold her again, to look at her. But that's not going to happen now. A sense of desperation and abandonment creeps up on me and the feeling almost chokes me. The urge to see her face is too strong to resist, so I open my laptop and navigate to the Hamptons' Escorts website but my stomach drops when I see she's disappeared from the system.

"What the fuck?" I mutter, cursing when I refresh the page to no avail. I search on her name again and as expected, the message 'not found' comes up. My frustration is replaced by worry then. What if something happened to her? I take my phone from my robe pocket. The robe I bought with her in mind. The robe covering my saucy lingerie meant for her eyes only. I don't have her number, so I dial the escort agency and ask the booker if Lisa's available next week just to check if she's okay.

"Lisa no longer works for us," she says in a chirpy tone. "But we have lots of other amazing women in our portfolio. Would you like me to talk you through them?"

"No," I say, appalled that this booker is talking about women like she's simply selling goods. It makes me sick, even though I myself am one of the very people who have participated in the scheme of putting a price tag on women's bodies. I'm disgusted by myself, like that time I ordered a down duvet and boasted to my friends about how lovely and warm it was, and then Ella showed me a video of how the chickens are kept in the factories. That's how I feel right now, only way, way worse. "Is she okay?"

"Yes, I can assure you she's totally fine, it happens sometimes. Our escorts move on to other career opportunities. I'm not in a position to disclose any personal information about her, though. But how about our new girl, Leila? Have you had a look at—"

I hang up before she finishes her sentence and sink to the kitchen floor. Resting my head against the cupboard, I look up at the ceiling in despair. I must ban her from my thoughts. She clearly doesn't want anything more to do with me, so I need to stop trying. Don't cry, I tell myself. Don't cry, it's just a stupid, stupid crush.

"Miss Kim? What are you doing on the floor?"

"Oh, hey, Nola. I'm just…" I sigh. "I don't know what I'm doing."

Nola kneels in front of me and places her warm hand on my cheek. I haven't seen much of my own mother over the years, and I think Nola knows that as she's naturally taken to fussing over me since I moved here permanently. It's sweet, but right now it doesn't help as her kind smile only chokes me up more. "You look so sad."

"It's nothing."

Nola gets up, sensing I don't want to talk. She glances at the pool before she puts her purse on the counter and checks her phone. She's always on the phone and I don't mind that. Her kids who are in their twenties now, her sisters, her husband and God knows who else ring her non-stop, all day long, but her silly ringtone of some Polish party song always makes me laugh. "Where's Lisa? Is she not here today?"

At that, I start crying and mutter a curse at myself for doing so. I tell myself to get a grip. There's no real drama, no death. No one in my family is in trouble or sick, yet Lisa vanishing from my life seems to overrule everything else. "I don't know where she is," I say through sniffs. "But I don't think she'll be back."

Nola looks puzzled and kneels down again. "I don't understand," she says, pulling me into a hug. "Why are you so sad about that?"

I don't answer and Nola doesn't pry. "Let me make you a cup of tea. Or would you prefer a coffee? I brought some marble cake I made on the weekend; the chocolate one you like."

"I'd love a tea." I get up making sure to keep my robe closed tight so she won't see a glimpse of my lingerie as I don't want her to make that connection to Lisa. Not that she would; I don't think anyone could imagine me sleeping with a woman unless they actually walked in on me like Ella did. "But let me make it. Do you want one?" Wiping my tears, I manage to compose myself and turn on the kettle.

"I think it would be good for you to get out of the house a bit more," she says carefully, grabbing two mugs. "I volunteer at the special needs summer camp on Tuesdays. They're just starting their first week of the season." she pauses. "You're welcome to come along, if you'd like."

"Oh…" I stare at her as I pour water into the mugs, welcoming the change in topic. "I didn't know you volunteered. You have so much on your plate already, working full-time and taking care of your family."

"I enjoy it," Nola says with a sweet smile. "Going there always puts me in a good mood and I've missed it over winter. We play games, in and out of the pool, we do crafts, we take day trips to the beach and sing and play music. That kind of stuff."

"That sounds nice," I say carefully, not wanting to commit but not entirely against the idea either. Distraction would most certainly do me good. The kind of distraction that does not involve parties or alcohol.

"It is. I can introduce you to the team and see how you feel? You'll need a CRB check but I assume that won't be a problem?" She shakes her head when I'm silently taking in her idea. "I'm sorry, I'm getting carried away. It was just an idea, and I don't want you to feel pressured in any way."

"No, no, not at all. I think you're right; I probably do need to get out of the house more. In New York I actually had a life. I was on the board of the City Parks Committee, I worked for Mark part-time, I was on the school committee and the rest of my time was filled with social obligations. It's been quiet here and I actually wouldn't mind doing something different." I swallow hard, suppressing another outburst. "Do I have to commit?"

"Absolutely not. As a long-standing volunteer, I can recommend people, but if it's not for you, then that's totally fine and no one will mind. They have enough volunteers in principle, but any extra help is always welcome."

Taking a couple of deep breaths, I nod. "Okay, I'd like that."

"Great." Nola seems both pleased and surprised as she pulls me into a hug. "Just come along and see what you think. No strings."