"Goddammit," Ron said. "Stop singing."
"Wait," Hermione said. "Let him sing."
"Huh?" Harry said, while watching Draco dance. "Um, I'm in love with Ginny."
"Sure," Ron said. "You go ahead and marry Ginny. Um, I approve of your marriage."
"WHOA," Ginny said. "I'm not ready to get married yet, Harry. Uh, I want to be a Quidditch Player."
"Cool," Harry said. "I thought about doing that myself, uh, but I think I should be a cop."
"A what?" Ginny, Ron, and Draco said.
"It means an Auror," Hermione said. "It's the Muggle Law Enforcement."
"You want to work in the Muggle Law Enforcement?" Ron asked, looking confused.
"No," Harry said. "I mean... well, actually-"
"No, no, no," Draco said. "Leave the muggles alone, Potter. Stop harassing them!"
"I wasn't harassing them," Harry said, calmly. But he looked pissed off.
"Sure," Draco said. "You were practically shoving your guitar in their faces, but sure."
"Guitar?" Ginny said. "When did you get a guitar, Harry?"
"Um," Harry said. "It was a lark."
"Draco bought it for him," Hermione said. "He's a bored rich boy, so he bought Harry a fancy guitar and then they decided to pretend to be Street Musicians."
"Listen here," Draco said. "I politely asked Mr. Potter to play MY guitar FOR me because he has more... patience. And he is... talented... at reading sheet music."
"It's true," Harry said, with a grin. "It was really easy to read. And I just, like, I saw a video on Draco's computer and it showed me how to make music. It was so easy!"
"Shut up," Draco said. "It's harder than it seems."
"Wait," Ginny said, looking baffled. "You're going to be a Street Musician with Draco Malfoy?"
Ginny squinted at Draco. He was wearing a white t-shirt and leather pants.
"Um," Ginny said. "I know that... like... he didn't get sent to Azkaban... but... um."
"You can just tell me you want me to fuck off," Draco said. "I won't get offended."
"Wait!" Harry said. "Don't leave!"
Draco patted Harry on the head, as if he were a dog, and said, "You can just follow me."
"I can?" Harry said, looking hopeful.
"What the fuck," Ron said. "Harry... um..."
"Shhh," Hermione said. "Wait for him to be ready."
"Ready for what?" Harry said.
"Don't worry," Ginny said. "I'm... um... I support this hobby."
"Okay," Draco said. "I'm tired of dancing around the elephant in the room."
"Elephant?" Harry said.
"It's a muggle idiom," Draco said. "Look. Potter. The world wants to know what your sexuality is."
"My what?" Harry said.
Everyone groaned.
"You can't just ask him!" Hermione said. "What if he wants to stay in the closet?"
"Closet?" Harry said. "No, I don't live in a closet anymore."
Everyone gasped.
"Wait," Ginny said. "Uh... does this mean we have to break up?"
"Huh?" Harry said. "You want to break up with me?"
"No!" Ginny and Draco said at the same time. Then they stared at each other in bafflement.
Harry looked just as confused.
"Um," Ron said. "I think maybe... um, Hermione, uh, didn't we have... um."
"You are absolutely right, Ron," Hermione said. "We said we were going to go on a Movie Date."
"A what date?" Ron said.
"That's a great idea," Draco said. "Potter, buy me a movie ticket."
"Sure," Harry said, still seeming a little confused. "Uh, what movie do you want to see?"
"Just whatever is playing," Draco said. "I'm not picky."
"Liar," Ginny said. "You HATE horror movies."
"Slander!" Draco said. "Lies and slander. Potter, don't listen to a word she says!"
Harry grinned at Draco. "Then you DO want to see a horror movie?"
"Ugh," Draco said. "Fine. I am not picky except for... I absolutely abhor and detest Horror as a genre, because-"
"You don't have to justify it," Ron said.
"Exactly," Hermione said. "You can just dislike something because you dislike it?"
"Actually," Draco said. "Did you know that Horror is the Genre of the Common Man? It's plebian. Therefore-"
"Aha," Harry said, looking at his phone. "There's this cartoon about the Mario Brothers. Wanna see that?"
Draco immediately perked up. "Cartoon, you say?"
Ginny grinned at them. "What's special about the Mario Brothers?"
"It's from this old video game," Harry said, warmly. "Dudley used to play it all the time and I would sort of watch over his shoulder. It's a good game. Um, it's about two brothers who, um, save... a princess... from... like... a monster?"
"Ugh," Ginny said. "Nevermind, watch it without me."
"I call dibs on being the princess," Draco said. "You can be one of the brothers."
"Fuck yeah," Harry said.
"What?" Hermione said.
"It's a game they play," Ron said. "They pick a favorite character and like... they wear costumes?"
"Excuse you, sir," Draco said. "I do not wear Costumes. I wear... very... um, stylish clothing... that I sometimes make adjustments to because sometimes my stylish clothing is not stylish enough!"
"He learned how to sow," Harry said, clearly in admiration of the skill.
"Shut up, Potter!" Draco screeched.
"Whoops," Harry said. "Uh, was that one a secret too?"
"Ugh," Draco said. "I changed my mind. You cannot follow me."
Harry pouted playfully. He didn't seem concerned. Then, as if it had just occured to him, he proudly pointed at his phone and said, "You don't have a cellphone, Malfoy."
Draco squinted at him. "Your point being?"
Harry squared his shoulders proudly, "You have no idea what time the Mario Brothers is playing!"
"So?" Draco said. "I'll just stroll up to the Theater and request a ticket for the next available showing."
"Hate how he says that," Ron muttered. "The Theater, as if it's all posh."
"There IS a posh version," Hermione said. "But the muggle movie theater isn't actually-"
"Shush," Draco said. "I'm going to the Theater by myself!"
"Wait!" Harry said, looking slightly worried now, "Um, you don't have any muggle money!"
"Fuck," Draco said. He looked irritated. "Then give me some muggle money."
Harry automatically reached into his pockets to do as he was told, but Ginny smacked his hands away from his pocket. "Hey," Ginny said. "If you want muggle money you can go to Gringots yourself, Malfoy."
"Ugh," Draco said.
Harry smiled at them all and then said, "I can go to Gringots with you?"
"Ugh," Draco said.
"Or," Harry said, with a grin, "You can take me to the movies and I'll buy the tickets!"
"Ugh," Draco said. "Fine, you can come with me."
Ron and Hermione made awkward eye contact and wondered if Ginny knew that Harry and Draco were going on a date without her.
"Hey," Ginny said. "Will you buy some chocolate while you're there? Muggles always have the best candy."
"Sure thing," Harry said. Then he gave her a kiss on the cheek and walked off with Malfoy.
"Ginny, you CANNOT marry Harry!" Ron burst out, as soon as they were gone.
"Huh?" Ginny said.
"Um," Hermione said. "I think what he means is-"
"GINNY," Ron wailed. "HARRY IS GAY AS HELL FOR MALFOY!"
"I know that," Ginny said. "But he's straight for me, so it's fine."
"Huh?" Hermione said.
"It's simple," Ginny said. "I hate Malfoy, but Malfoy is good at babysitting Harry while I'm busy with other stuff."
"Huh?" Ron said.
"And don't worry," Ginny said. "Me and Harry have an active and colorful sex life."
"WAIT A MINUTE," Hermione screamed. "Wait a minute!"
"Look," Ginny said. "Harry is in denial about his crush on Malfoy."
"Huh?" Ron said. He looked constipated.
"Look," Ginny said. "Harry is gay for Malfoy and straight for me."
"Um," Hermione said. "You mean... he's bisexual?"
"What does that mean?" Ginny said.
"It means what you just said!" Ron shouted. "Harry is shagging you both!"
"Oh dear," Hermione said. "Ginny, you can't let him cheat on you like this!"
"He isn't cheating on me," Ginny said. "But... like, fine. If he asks me for permission to shag Malfoy I'll say yes."
"WHAT?" Ron shouted.
"Um," Hermione looked as if everything finally made sense. "I think that would qualify as Polyamory."
"Huh?" Ginny said.
"Look," Ron said. "You're not allowed to have sex with Harry anymore."
"Excuse me?" Ginny said.
"Why can't you find someone who will be loyal to you?" Ron said.
"Ron," Hermione said. "I don't think-"
"You can both fuck off," Ginny said. "I'll fuck whoever I wanna fuck, Ron!"
Ginny accio'd her broom and flew off. Who knew where. Maybe she was flying toward the movie theater to join Harry and Draco after all. Or maybe she went home.
"That went well," Hermione said.
"Can you believe her?" Ron said. "God, it's like mom and dad forgot to give her the STDs talk."
"Oh good," Hermione said. "I thought I was going to have to explain that to you."
"Ugh," Ron said. "I never want to say that acronym ever again."
"Actually," Hermione said. "I think this is a good time to discuss Non Monogomy."
"Fuck," Ron said. "You want to fuck Malfoy, don't you?"
"Um," Hermione said.
"It's okay," Ron said. "It was obvious."
"Um," Hermione said.
"He's probably gay," Ron said. "But... like, maybe he's like Harry."
"Um," Hermione said. "I am regretting broaching this topic, Ron."
"Got it," Ron said. "We'll think about it for a few months and then we'll debate the ethics and then I'll give you permission to do whatever you want."
"Really?" Hermione said, hopefully.
"Of course," Ron said. "I love you."
"Aw!" Hermione said. "I love you too!"
"Wanna shag?" Ron said, just as hopefully as Hermione had asked about Non Monogomy.
"Yes!" She said, and hugged him.
He apparated with her. They went... probably to their apartment.
And the muggle spying on this strange group of teenagers decided that he was having a hallucination.