Here we go friends! Last chapter for real this time. I really hope you like it!
He just stood there in the middle of Lucy's kitchen, wondering why he had bothered to come in. It was late, they were both working tomorrow, but he just didn't want to leave her just yet. He already missed the way she felt under his hands, her warm skin under his fingers, her head resting on his chest. It had been one of these moments he never wanted to end, but of course it had too.
So that's why he was now standing there. In the middle of Lucy Chen's kitchen. As she was changing just one door down.
Opening the cupboard to do something with his hand, he grabbed the bottle of whisky and poured himself an ounce of the dark liquid which he emptied in one swallow before refilling it. The alcohol burned his throat and made him feel a little calmer. He took his jacket off and walked around the couch, sitting in the same spot he had a couple of weeks ago when he had come to check on Lucy.
It didn't take her much longer before she got out of the room. She was wearing sweatpants and an old t-shirt, and she had taken off the small amount of make up she'd put on. Despite all of that, Tim still thought she was the most beautiful women he knew. She smiled at him as she went to the kitchen, grabbing the now hot water and making herself an herbal tea before she came to join him.
"It was such a nice party, I'm glad they were able to organize it so quickly." She said as she sat crossed legged on the corner opposed to him.
"Yeah, I'm impressed, although knowing Thorsen I have a feeling that he has a guy for every occasion." Tim chuckled and Lucy agreed.
"He does have quite the social contacts." She said shrugging.
"They looked happy tonight, Harper and James." Tim added, smiling, and Lucy smiled back at him.
"They did. Makes me want that kind of relationship in my life. Not someone who will hum my worse nightmare on the worse possible day." She said, rolling her eyes, and Tim furrowed his brow.
"Humming?" He asked, and Lucy opened her mouth, narrowing her eyes for a second. He had the feeling that she was now regretting saying this and he wondered why.
"Yeah, I thought Tamara told you?" She replied, her eyes fixed on the cup in her hand, and Tim swallowed hardly. He knew that she had heard the song, but never thought it could've been hummed. Now that she was talking about it, he did question himself as to why he didn't ask Tamara where she'd heard the song.
"She just asked why a song made you feel bad and then told me you'd watched the video, so I thought you heard it there." He explained, now annoyed at himself that he hadn't asked more questions the night he was here, but he didn't want to have her relive it again. His only goal that evening had been to make her feel better, and he didn't want to push anything.
"I guess Chris had the song stuck in his head and uh… Yeah he ended up humming it in the break room." She said matter-of-factly and his breath caught in his throat.
"He what now?!" Tim all but exploded, and Lucy's face looked surprised, her mouth falling open at his expression.
"He didn't think, Tim, he apologized after, it's fine. I just… Haven't felt safe with him since. I don't really know if I did before that to be honest." She rambled and he took a deep breath to steady himself.
"Of course he didn't think. I mean, seriously? The guy is clueless when it comes to you." Tim spit out, so mad that the ADA would put her through so unnecessary pain. He knew that she would have to relive it all, but to hum that dreadful song, it was just too much.
"Tim." Lucy said, her voice harder than what he was used to, and he had to take another breath to calm down.
"Sorry, it's just…" Tim stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, shaking his head. "No wonder you don't feel safe with anyone."
He had heard her sing that song to herself on this awful video, saw her trying to keep calm, remain focused on her breathing. He had seen the life slowly fade away from her body as her voice got lower and lower. He still remembered how sick it made him feel, and he knew he would never be able to listen to that song ever again, let alone hum it in Lucy's presence. How brainless was that guy really?!
She chuckled sadly, her eyes meeting his and holding his gaze for a moment. She broke the connection a moment later, taking a sip out of her tea before she wrapped her hands around the mug, staring at it.
"Actually, I have something to confess." She said, still looking at her tea, and Tim furrowed his brow, waiting for her to continue. "I lied to you before."
"What do you mean?" He asked, knowing that him and Lucy were usually very honest with each other, even when the truth hurt.
"Well, it wasn't really a lie since I hadn't realized it before that. Before you switched the radio station in the shop." She continued, not looking up at him.
"You don't make any sense right now, Chen." He said, lowering his gaze to catch her eyes, but she just laughed under her breath.
"When you changed the radio as soon as the first notes of that song came up." She explained, and he remembered vaguely having done that, but it wasn't as a significant even for him as it clearly was for her. After watching the video, that song held so much horrible memories for him too, it was just normal that he'd want to skip it. Which again, he couldn't understand how the ADA could have been humming it in front of her.
"Yeah, I mean, it wasn't like it was a big deal or anything." He shrugged it off, not knowing what it made her realize.
"Coming from a place where my boyfriend was actually humming that song, it is a big deal." She sighed, and he didn't say anything, hoping that she would continue. "Anyways, that's not the point. Before that, I didn't realize that there was someone who made me feel safe."
Things got clearer in Tim's head at that moment and his heart sped up just enough for him to feel it. Not saying anything, he just nodded and took a sip of his whisky before putting the glass down on the coffee table.
"There had been someone who made me feel safe… From the moment I felt your arms around me when I regained consciousness. Your lips on my forehead, your hand on mine that night at the hospital. Because even if you said you didn't spend the night there, I know you did. And I know it's wrong, that you're my TO, my sergeant, but I…" She rambled again, and he interrupted her.
"Stop overthinking everything, boot." He said in his old TO voice and she stopped automatically, laughing. He didn't remember last time he'd call her that, but the word seemed softer in his mouth now than it did when she was his rookie.
"You make me feel safe, Tim." She simply said, her eyes glistening suddenly, and Tim's heart who was already beating faster swelled to twice it's size.
He could feel her warmth from where he was sitting, and he wished she could be as close as she was earlier. Without thinking about it, he held his arm opened and she didn't hesitate before she slid herself down the couch so he could put his arm around her shoulders, her head settling in the crook of his neck.
"There's nothing I want more than to give you that. Make you feel safe." He said seriously, remembering the times where he couldn't give her what she needed. If at least he could give her this, then he'd be happy.
"I know you feel guilty about what happened, but you're the reason I'm here right now. You have nothing to feel guilty about." She said softly, and he gave up the last of his restraint, resting his head against hers.
"I know Nyla meant well when she asked you to trade with her so she could be my TO for a few days, but I didn't feel safe again on patrol until I got back to riding with you." She added and she could feel his laugh in her cheek.
"You should tell Harper that, I'm sure she still thinks she knew better than me." He said, happy to know that he wasn't that wrong at that moment.
She gave him a friendly slap on the thigh, and he laughed again before going back to being quiet.
"My point is – your smile when I woke up at the hospital was one of the first things I saw, and ever since I have felt safe every second with you. When you look at me on patrol or smile at me in the shop, in the station. I do feel safe. Which is more than I can say about Chris…" She sighed, and he traced patterns on her arms with his fingers, not knowing what else to say.
He had been so scared sitting in that hospital chair. If they had been only 5 minutes later, he wouldn't have been able to bring her back to life, and that idea still hurt him every time he thought about it. So yes, he had been smiling when she woke up. Found himself smiling more every day that he spent with her.
What Lucy didn't know is that she was the reason for him smiling more now. In fact, he hadn't been smiling that much before she came into his life. The year before had been incredibly tough on him, with Isabel and everything. She had come into his life, unsufferable and immensely annoying, but she had gotten under his skin. He had started to smile more, even Angela had called him out on it, putting it on Rachel or Ashley, but he knew that this wasn't the real reason. Yeah, sure, his relationship with Rachel had been nice, but she never brightened her day like Chen did, even if he never would've admitted it directly to her.
She cracked his armor long ago and now held such a big place in his life, in his heart. He didn't even know when she did really, but she did. He felt home with her, safe.
"I do too, Lucy. And for what it's worth, I've never had a partner, or anyone honestly, who made me feel like this." He whispered, and he could feel her smile against his shoulder.
"Like what?" She asked, her voice full of sleep.
"Safe." He said, and she just nodded against his shoulder.
She stayed quiet, cuddling closer to him, and he breathed in the smell of her hair. As he did, his mind wandered back a few weeks earlier, after he came out of his father's room devastated, not wanting to think that the Tim tests made him like him. She'd known then just how much her words and what she thought about him were important to him. She'd known then just what to do, just what to say to make sure he knew he wasn't like his father.
He thought to himself that this was probably the reason why they worked together so well. She could put up with his bullshit, she'd been the only one to call him out on Isabel, but she'd also been the one to help him rebuilt himself afterwards. They'd went through so much together; they knew each other better than anyone else, and she'd become one of the most important people in his life.
The most important person – if he's being honest.
Closing his eyes, he just slowly drifted to sleep. He knew that tomorrow it would go back to normal. They would wake up feeling just a little awkward. He would go back home to change. They would go back to patrol just like if tonight hadn't happened.
He knew that they weren't ready yet to face what had been building slowly between them for a while, because it was scary.
It was less scary to stay in relationships that weren't great but weren't bad either. They both knew that trying this, them, was scary. It was scary because if it didn't work, they'd lose what they had, and Tim knew neither of them were ready for that. They'd figure this thing out in the long run; he knew they would. Just not now.
Tonight though, they stayed entangled on her couch, falling asleep against each other, because somehow, they felt safe with each other. Safer than they felt with anyone else.
They felt like they were home.
That's it! I hope you liked reading it as much as I liked writing it. I just had to address Tim's reaction to hearing that Chris was humming that dreadful song.
If you like it please leave a comment! I'll see you soon in another story!