JENNIE

"How are you and Tyrell now?" I ask when Ella and I are walking through Montauk County Park. I've spent the morning taking pictures of her until she begged me to stop and now we're looking for birds to test my new wildlife lens.

"We're okay," Ella says. "It was just a stupid fight."

"That's good." I stop to take a picture of a woodpecker I've spotted in a tree ahead, and I'm pleased with the result. It's actually staring right into the lens, like it's posing for me. "You know you could have stayed in New York for the weekend, right?"

"I know, stop repeating yourself, Mom. I wanted to see you."

"I'm sorry, I'll stop saying it." I snap another picture of the woodpecker and raise my camera higher to catch the sunbeams through the leaves of the tree. "And as I said before, if you want to bring him here, that's fine too. I'd love to meet him."

Ella blushes and shrugs. "I'll think about it."

"So, a rapper, huh? Does he write his own lyrics?" I ask, once again pushing away the thought that a rapper is not what I had in mind for my smart, amazing daughter who I'm hoping will be a doctor one day. After all, if my mother said anything negative about Lisa, I'd be furious with her.

"Of course. All rappers write their own stuff." She grins and blushes even more now. "He produces too. Stuff for movies and TV."

"Okay, that's interesting, tell me more."

"I'll tell you about Tyrell if you tell me about your love life," she retorts with a smug smile.

Now it's my turn to blush. Ella hasn't mentioned Lisa once after our talk on the beach, but I can tell she genuinely wants to know. "We went on our first date," I say. "She took me to a lovely restaurant in Sag Harbor."

Ella's eyes widen. "Really? You went out with her in public?" She stops herself and holds up a hand. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I just didn't think you'd actually have the courage to openly go out on a date with a woman."

"Well, I did. I hadn't seen her in weeks. Not since you walked in on us, but then I bumped into her when I was out with Chahee one night and…" I blush even harder now. "And then I went home with her."

"Why had you not seen her? Was it because of me?"

"No, honey, it had nothing to do with you. Our lives are just very different and although that doesn't bother me one bit, it bothered her a lot. She also thought I might be going through a phase."

"You can't blame her for that, they're valid points." Ella squeezes my arm. "But it's not a phase, is it?"

"No, it's not. I'm sure about that now." I feel completely calm saying it out loud and it even gives me a sense of relief. "I've asked myself if I could date another man, but the truth is, I can't see myself with anyone else but Lisa and on a physical level I way prefer women."

"I gathered as much," Ella jokes, then laughs when I turn crimson. "Sorry, too soon," she says with a chuckle.

"Please don't mention that incident ever again," I beg, shooting her a warning look. "There is no 'too soon', just stick to never, okay?"

"Sure, Mom." She shoots me a teasing look. "Now I know why you wanted to go to that gay bar in New York. How long has this been going on? Between you and Lisa?"

"Not long." At least the unpaid sex part. I refrain from giving her anymore timeline information and she doesn't pry.

"Well, now that we've established that you're gay…" Ella pulls me toward a footpath that leads to the beach. "Let's say this works out and you two get serious. Would you come out to the world? Would you introduce her to all your friends? And how do you feel about the fact that she has a young daughter?"

"You sound like Lisa," I say, her name causing a tug of longing in my core. "I've thought about it and in theory, I can handle people knowing about us. Now that we've been out on a date together, I'm much more open to the idea." I shrug. "But then again, I can't be sure. I know being gay isn't a big deal in this day and age, but I don't have any gay friends, and it's the last thing people would expect from me."

"If your friends don't accept it, you don't need them in your life." Ella smiles at me. "And I'll always be on your side, Mom."

"Thank you, honey." I lean in and kiss her cheek. The wind grows stronger as we conquer the last dune, and my hair starts blowing wildly around me. The noise of the ocean forces me to raise my voice. "Chahee knows too."

Ella gasps. "You told Chahee about Lisa?"

"Yes. She was very cool about it and I'm not worried about her gossiping." I don't mention that Chahee and I have a silent understanding. That her secret is just as safe with me.

"Are you going to tell James?" she asks.

"If Lisa and I are still together when he visits, yes, I suppose I'll have to tell your brother."

"He's not going to care either," Ella says. "To be honest, I don't think anyone will, apart from Grandma Kim."

"That's true," I say. "My mother won't be impressed but at least she's predictable, so I know exactly how she'll react; she'll just pretend I never told her."

"Yeah. She's still in denial about you and Dad getting a divorce." Ella rolls her eyes. "Last time I spoke to Grandma she asked me if we were all celebrating the Fourth of July together."

"I'm not surprised. She asked me if we were all coming to Beirut together." Reaching the shore, we take off our shoes, roll up our jeans and continue our walk wading through the water. "But enough about me now. It's your turn," I say. "Tell me about Tyrell."