sparks

my heart is yours
it's you that I hold onto
yeah, that's what I do

Standing in front of him was the house he once called home. It got repainted many times; the fence in the front yard wasn't the same as he last remembered it, maybe his mother finally got rid of the one eaten by termites.

This wasn't the first time he visited after he chose to stay in Seattle for good. There were times he'd drop by after conferences and twice or thrice he brought his family to meet the whole clan of good-looking Shepherds, much to his mother's delight.

But this time though, it was for another agenda. He wasn't just visiting, visiting. And he solely hates the fact that it was for something else. He hesitated to ring the doorbell, wished for a second that the moment he picked up the phone when Carolyn called, it was for a more acceptable news.

The large double wooden door opened after two bells, revealing the woman who birthed, raised, and educated five Shepherd doctors who were all too stubborn and loud to be in the same room together. She was lovely and welcoming as expected, but there was visible worry in her eyes. It was too obvious that it worried him too.

"Derek." In no time, he was already wrapped tightly around her motherly arms, and he didn't expect the way it gave him a kind of comfort only she radiates. "I'm glad you made it safe."

He knew he wanted to say something, but the words were tangled in his mouth, and he couldn't get it all spelled out right.

"I'm glad I made it here, Ma."

It might have been a bad idea to eat out on a Friday night. The restaurant was busy, and people were busier, chatting and laughing on each table and there he was, sitting on his lonesome while waiting for his wife to finish a call with the sitter. He must've agreed to just grab take outs and eat at home, but he was being the bigger person, thinking this is a way of making it up to Meredith. It was on some sort, but the thing was, he knew this wouldn't be enough.

"Sitter's got them. I told her we'd be home before bedtime." Meredith sat across him, "Did you order? What did you get?"

"No, I was waiting for you. What do you want?" he grabbed the menu the waiter left for them and started searching for something he could take. He wasn't hungry and food was the last thing on his mind, really. Meredith peeked through the bill of fare on her hand and observed the man in front of him.

Her husband was acting… off. To say the least. He wasn't his usual chatty self – jetlag be damned his husband could and would talk through whatever – and a huge part of her was contemplating what the hell really happened back in New York.

Push or pull. Push over pull. Push to get some answers. Not to let him pull himself away.

She took her eyes off of him before he even caught her looking and continued on her search of food. She settled on a pasta dish as he stood loyal to salad. But she was halfway through her plate when she noticed him only stabbing the leaves he ordered with his fork. Like her own son would when he doesn't like what's served.

"Do I need to feed you? I thought you said you're a big boy!" she teased, making him look up and smile. "You don't like the food?"

"It's okay, guess I'm really not hungry." He played with it one more time and dropped the fork on the table. He put both elbows on the table as he looked at her intently. She was trying to hold back and be patient, he could tell. Trying so hard to suppress herself from asking questions. Preventing herself from overthinking things. And the only way she could do that is if he'd willingly give answers, but he's not quite there just yet.

"You're awfully quiet. It's like you're not you. And you're hurting my ears." She muttered. Her second sentiment made him think. What if going back to New York took something from him? And what if he never gets it back? And as to his wife, whom he trusts with his whole life, he knew questions would be thrown his way, he wasn't just sure if the answers she was looking for were the right ones to be said.

Too many words to utter, so little courage he has in kept.

"Jetlag." He answered, forcing a piece of cherry tomato into his mouth. That, she gets. How he swiftly ended the conversation; how he avoided a probable topic; how he wouldn't want to say more.

She had been there and have done that. She pulled herself away from him many times and now she realizes that was how that must've felt. But the urge of wanting her husband to talk and open up was at high stakes as she grew worried.

She simply hummed in response, keeping in mind that this was an unfinished conversation and should be talked about. Him being his unusual self was one thing; him being dismissive was another. Both were beasts that she was not looking forward to be unleashed.

Small talks kept the dinner on its beat, to say the least. The dead airs in between the small conversations were eerie and the silence it brought their nook was frightening. If only she could understand what's happening and not being turned off by her husband, maybe she'd find a way to help him cope or better yet keep him from not freezing.

"Keys?" she held her hand back to him as she walked a few steps ahead.

"No, I'll drive." He insisted, catching up to her side. Meredith stopped from her tracks and crossed her arms to her chest.

"Keys or I'm taking a cab home." She kept her ground, daring him more.

"You're very bossy, you know that?" putting his hands in his pockets, he turned to her and leaned down to leave a kiss on her lips.

"A kiss won't do it. Give me the keys." She pushed his chest and kept a safe distance between them.

"Meredith – "

"Derek, just give me the damn keys!" all he could do was sigh, because no way on Earth he'd argue with her over who's driving and who's gonna be the passenger princess for the night. Not tonight.

"Fine." He grumbled and fished the keys in his pockets, handed it over to her, then walking ahead to open the car door for his wife.

He sighed before taking a jog to the opposite side of the car. Those petty disagreements won't last long and would not cover things up either. Derek buckled himself and once settled, they hit the road.

The quietness they shared in the car was deafening that it almost made her ear fall off. She tried to focus her mind on the road, but it just kept bugging her with her own curiosity. She felt a very familiar touch gently rubbing her thigh; words that were left unspoken were slowly and carefully communicating.

I know I'm worrying you, I'm sorry.

I'm okay. Don't freak out.

Tell me if it's too much.

And that would have to do for now.

"Daddy!" the voice of his youngest echoed through the living room as she came running down the hall, her favorite stuffed bunny on one hand. Derek kneeled with his arms opened and seconds after, a tiny body slumped into his.

"Hey! I missed you!" both his eldest came not too long behind and smothered him with welcome hugs. He stood, nodded, and thanked the sitter as Meredith escorted her to the door. He looked back to the three musketeers of their humble home. "What did you three do when I'm gone?"

He got a rundown of the long list of his children's whereabouts the previous days. It was filled with school presentations, sports, and arts for the most part. He milked every ounce of his children's willingness to tell him about their day as he knew it would not last long forever.

"Mom didn't sleep well when you were gone." Zola whispered as the three of them form a semi-circle in front of their dad. "I've caught her in the wee hours staring at her computer."

"And she got cranky in the mornings." Bailey chimed in, also whispering. Meredith – unfortunately still – has abandonment issues and him being away for a couple of days made it hard for her to have a good night's rest, he's aware.

"So, we ate fruits and cereals for breakfast." Ellis also butted in quietly with a look of slight disgust on her face.

He didn't marry a five-star hotel chef, he knows that as well. And the rare times he needed to fly out mostly for work, he makes sure he at least prepares food or loads the fridge with goods that would last some time. This time though, for the reason of the trip being so sudden, he didn't think of doing so.

"What are you four whispering about?" Meredith asked from the hallway, folding the sleeves of her button down.

All of them looked towards where she was standing and chorused, "Nothing, Mom!"

"Uh-huh." She nodded, squinting playfully as she took steps forward to the kitchen. One way or another, she'd surely know the secret by the end of the night. So, she worried not.

"You three, give Dad a space to breathe. Go take a shower and we'll be right in to say good night." Mild protests came out of her children's mouths. "Go!"

The three of them reluctantly moved, literally dragging their feet on the way to their respective rooms. His gazes went to his wife as she busied herself sorting two weeks' worth of mails on the kitchen counter.

"I can take care of that in the morning, you should sleep." He carefully offered, but the moment she shot her head up and raised a brow at him, he wished he didn't say anything.

"You don't look better, just so you know. You sleep." She got back from separating mails, opening a few ones then tossing them segregated on the counter. He snorted, walking past her to grab a glass and filled it with water.

"That's not what I meant. The kids told me you didn't sleep well when I was away." He put the glass down on the marble countertop that made a clinking sound.

"Your kids can talk, that's for sure." It was her turn to snort. Meredith looked up and saw her husband standing across from her with a safe distance. It made her ache and the desire of his touch on her body was urgingly dangerous but out of the question, especially since he's obviously and utterly tired and ready to call the day quits.

"They're not my kids if they weren't looking out for you." The smirk and the smug look on his face annoyed her. She remembered the first time she freaked out when he told her he wanted to have kids. She ranted it out to Alex about her fears of failing of being a mother and raising another human being she would hold responsible for.

She was sure she'd just mess them up but seeing as her Zozo, Bails, and Ellie turned out to be alright – so far, she doesn't want to take any chances and jinx it – she knows she did well.

"You, Derek Shepherd and your constant need to protect and hover." Meredith shook her head, smirking.

"Well, that's what a knight in shining whatever does. We protect the people we love." He straightened up and walked to her, only keeping an inch away, then he leaned in to plant a kiss on her forehead. "I'm gonna take a shower. Come to bed soon. I'll be there."

He leaned in for another kiss, this time on the lips, then he turned around and walked away. Overthinking things would just worry her more, but she couldn't help her mind go through different directions.

For a moment, she considered calling his mother to ask a bunch of questions that needed answers. But the mere fact that her own husband couldn't blabber it out to her just yet, her mother-in-law would be a no help to the matter. So, she swept the idea and just finished sorting out the envelops.

Upstairs, Derek trudged to their bedroom, the homey scent and the comfort it gave made him at ease. He's home. After four dubious and complicated days, he's finally home.

"Dad," tiny, running footsteps stopped, he turned around to find his youngest standing by the door, already in her pajamas. "I can't find my hairbrush."

Derek tilted his head and smiled at her. She reminds him so much of his wife, it's like looking at an eight-year-old Meredith.

"Did you try to look for it under your bed?"

"I did, it's not there." The little girl turned and skipped back to her room with her dad tailing behind her. He shook his head, amused, as he watched her. She's all grown up – can never be called a baby anymore – and she's got at least an inch or two taller since the last time they measured.

"Okay, where'd you look?" he started searching on her bed side table, opened every drawer, then he completely kneeled to look again under her bed. "It's not under the bed, I don't see it on your side table, the drawers – "

"Found it!" her little cheerful voice made him turn around. She was beaming as she held a grasp of her tiny hairbrush.

"Where'd you find it?"

"In my laundry hamper. I must've thrown it in with my sweater."

"C'mere." Derek sat on her bed and pat the space beside him. Her long, wispy, damp blonde locks swayed over her shoulder as she turned her back to him. He brushed it finely and thought of the last time he got to do that. Since Ellis had turned seven, apparently, she was old enough to do things on her own and rarely ask for help from both parents.

It pained him and his wife to know that their youngest was growing up too fast and their last baby girl was trying to be independent, much to their disappointment. They had a theory that she was pressured to grow up quickly since both her big brother and big sister were already doing things on their own and their influence on her being the youngest was contagious.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, Ellie?"

"You remember my friend Sam in school?" he furrowed his brow, trying to remember who she was talking about. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam – right! Sam, Ellis' friend in school.

"Yeah, what about her?" surrounded with women his whole life, Derek learned that rumors and gossip are two interrelated matters that has a common denominator that is: it spreads way too fast. All three of his children were good talkers – which, from the words of his wife, they got from him. They were at the age when they absorb things and try to understand it as to what their little genius minds could interpret.

He's got brilliant kids. And it's gonna get him in trouble one way or another.

"She told me her parents are getting divorced. She overheard them fighting. A lot of times." His daughter's nonchalant tone was at least calming, though his insides were freaked. He's not liking wherever the conversation might go.

"Well, moms and dads fight sometimes." He tried to explain in a whisper, but he couldn't seem to find his right words.

"But you and Mommy are not getting divorced, right? Even when you fight, and tease, and bicker?" that caught him off-guard. Have they ever had a fight that the kids heard? They try not to. At least they try not to.

They were advocates of good and effective parenting and in order to be able to keep their humble home intact, they keep in mind that home is sacred – it should be filled with love, care, and respect. And the kids were their utmost priority. They always come first. Always.

"No, Ellis. Mommy and I are never getting divorced." He quickly dismissed the thought. Him and Meredith became great a team. They were partners. Nothing and nobody could ever destroy the high forts they built. They became one of the standards. And when the world crumbled beneath them again and again, they held hands and toughed it out together.

"Promise?" the little girl turned to face him with nothing but trust on her face.

"I promise." He leaned down to kiss her forehead.

"Good. 'Cause even when you annoy her, she still loves you." Derek chuckled at his daughter's comment. Her mother's influence on her might not be on his benefit – most of the time – but she's still his baby girl.

"I love her, too," he whispered and handed back the hairbrush. "Keep your brush, Ellie. And when your hair's already dry, go to sleep." he kissed the top of her head and squished her in his arms. Ellis protested in giggles as he left a few too many kisses on her cheek.

"Good night, Dad. Dream of me!" she exclaimed as the giggles died down. How he wishes he can preserve the trust and innocence on her daughter's face forever.

"I always dream of you, Ellie-Belle. You sleep tight." He walked away smiling and closed the door to her room.

The children keep him grounded. They keep him in line, alongside his wife. Whatever endeavors and achievements he may receive in and out of the hospital, he always comes home to four joyous hearts. He may be The Great Dr. Derek Shepherd, the God of neurosurgery, but once he steps a foot inside their house in the woods, he's Derek. Meredith's husband. Dad to Zola, Bailey, and Ellis. And he wouldn't change a thing.

The door to the bathroom was open, though she could still hear the water pouring from the shower. Meredith had retrieved herself from her street clothes and was ready to call it a day. Just as she entered, Derek got out of the glass cubicle.

She found her place in the sink as she put toothpaste on both of their toothbrushes and handed him his.

"Ellis mentioned I annoy you." He stood behind her and kissed her temple. Their gazes met in the mirror, and he saw how her lips curved into a smile.

"You do. You always do." She nodded, a look of smug plastered on her face. The teasing and bickering would not end, and he would choose for it to stay that way. Because if it stops, then they must've bored each other to death.

"You still love me."

"Oh, you are so full of yourself!" she smacked his chest behind her as she continued brushing her teeth. Her earlier worries subsided at least a bit as the normalcy went on and above. Amelia's right. He doesn't like worrying her. But Meredith could still sense how reserved he's trying to be.

"It's your daughter's words. You're trying to get her on your side, it's not gonna happen. She's team Daddy since she could understand." One thing Meredith had to put up with all these years – his husband's ego. Under that thick, tousled hair was an immeasurable amount of ego.

"For the record, I'm not trying to get anyone on my side. And don't sound so sure." She snorted, rinsing of her mouth with water and put her toothbrush in the holder.

"Oh, I'm sure you love me." He followed her lead and quickly rinsed off.

"I'm gonna fight you on this but I'm too tired." As if to prove him, she yawned and made her way to the bed. "No welcome home sex, sorry." She shrugged.

Derek noticed the bags under her eyes. His sudden trip took a toll on his wife and all he could feel was guilt. He left her with the kids for days, wacked her sleeping schedule, and in return, he couldn't even tell her the whole story.

All he could do was smile sympathetically as he joined her on the bed.

"We should just sleep this one out. You should sleep." She lied down on her side, facing away from him. His body instinctively attached to hers as he spooned her. They fit perfectly like puzzle pieces.

Meredith hummed as Derek squeezed himself to her. Their hands melted into one another, fingers intertwining, holding onto it as if it was life. She closed her eyes and just felt the solace of the moment.

"You're not gonna get rid of me even when I annoy you, right? You still love me?" it wasn't a statement anymore. He was truly asking this time.

"I'm gonna think about it. If you make breakfast tomorrow, maybe I'd keep you." She could feel the smile tugged on his lips.

He was a keeper of his promise, and so was she. The post-it note was still sacred and it still holds their vows to love and care for each other. No matter what happens. Whatever the circumstances. They'd choose each other. Over and over and over again.

There was a moment of silence before she spoke again.

"Derek?" Meredith whispered in the dark. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her neck.

"Hmm?"

"You're stuck with me forever."

A/N: We're starting to drop pieces of hints! Let me know your thoughts on this by leaving reviews. Thank you all so much. xx