Disclaimer: Any dialogue or characters you recognise were created by the superbly talented Martha Williamson.
So, Montaldo's with Steve. Don't forget Steve is cunning. He's resourceful, an efficient secret agent, a man of the world. He was never going to lie down and die. I really hope I don't disappoint you guys.
Again, my sincere thanks go to my dear friend Rhonda Leighton Wronski for her beautiful support and input.
############################
New stomping ground Steve - part II
The moment Steve left the house Shane felt like screaming. She was so angry with herself. Why did she give in to that kiss, she asked herself, with hot tears running down her face. She paced back and forth trying to calm down before she smashed something in her beautiful kitchen. What she needed right now was to go for a good run. She quickly walked to her bedroom, shedding her clothes off as she went. She threw the discarded items on the bed and changed into her favourite exercise gear. She opened the app 'Map My Run' and chose her route for the longest one, within reason, from her house and back. Then she chose one of her music lists on Spotify, put her earbuds in and set off. She started slowly, jogging gently to warm up until she felt she could pick up the pace. She enjoyed running different routes as the area was still pretty new to her. Running was a good way to explore her own neighbourhood. One hour and 30 minutes later she arrived back home. She was exhausted but she had calmed herself to a point where she could walk around her house without wanting to break things.
Next on her evening agenda she couldn't think of anything better than a hot bubble bath! She filled the tub, stepped in and sank into the hot bubbly water, luxuriating in it until the water cooled. She stepped out and dried off with one of her fluffy towels. She then started her nightly beauty regimen, slowly and methodically applying lotions and creams to her body and face. She then went to the kitchen and made a frothy hot chocolate with extra chocolate as a reward for her hard run. She sat on the couch and thought about the events of the day, taking stock of all the happenings. First of all, Samilla and Buzz. That was a love story in waiting for sure! The girl simply glowed when she talked about him. She mentioned his kind eyes with a dreamy look on her face. And then when Buzz first saw Samilla on the podium for the first time as she received her diploma, his face went all gentle and he whispered "oh, she's so beautiful!" Shane would love to follow that story, but it was none of her business. She then just wished happiness to both of them from the bottom of her heart and moved on to her next topic. Oliver!
She didn't know why he popped into her head so quickly. It was obvious they worked well together but there was nothing else between them. There could never be anything between them as he was married, albeit to an absent wife, but that was beside the point. She told herself sternly to get her act together and cut it out. Oliver was just a colleague and nothing else. Really? Then why did she have to try so hard to convince herself of that? She started to ponder more about him; how kind and gentle he was with her. Even when he lost his patience, he was still very forbearing towards her. He put up with her behaviour more than any normal boss would. He hardly ever exercised his just authority by putting his foot down, making his word the final decision on a situation. No, he didn't! Even if he opposed her ideas, he never turned her down harshly as sometimes he should have and she found that, more often than not, she took advantage of his kindness. He was a true gentleman through and through. And what a good looking man he was! She got all warm inside when she remembered that impromptu dance in the postal bar only a few days after they met. The dip… awww… his looking into her eyes with his glorious blue eyes that shone with a hint of flirtation. What? She snapped her eyes open when she realised she was actually daydreaming about her boss, and… fantasising about kissing him! Horror of horrors! Oh my goodness! Shane, what on earth are you doing? What's happening to you? Get your act together woman, are you crazy? She went on an open attack with a barrage of insults and threats against herself. She shook her head vigorously as if trying to get Oliver dislodged from her mind before he took up permanent residence in it. Once she was satisfied she was safe, of sorts, she then moved on to the last topic of the day. Steve!
She felt her anger coming back just by remembering the events of this evening. She asked herself to calm down and think about it reasonably. Why was she so angry? They hadn't actually broken up officially. As far as he was concerned they were still going out and she was still his girl. Once she started presenting all the facts before her, forcing herself to be logical, she realised she actually had been unfair to him. They hadn't talked for over 3 months and when he left for his latest assignment, he had no idea how unhappy, frustrated and stuck she felt. His leaving for yet another mission was not a new thing and he couldn't have known how sick of it she was. The painful truth was that Steve was no different from Oliver. Steve was married as well. He was married to his job. As long as she stayed with him, she was just his mistress and would never be anything else. First she felt dirty, disgusted with herself, and then she felt liberated. She actually felt tremendous peace as she arrived at this conclusion. She wondered why she had taken so long to see this situation clearly. She suspected she needed a man like Oliver in her life to compare to Steve and once she did, he came up short… by quite a lot! Oliver was the epitome of commitment to a relationship even to his own detriment. Shane knew absolutely nothing about his wife. She didn't even know her name, but she knew enough of Oliver to see how vulnerable his heart was. How hurt and lonely he must be to be married but not actually married in the real sense. Yet, he stayed true! She felt a pressing need to protect him. She could not fully grasp the meaning of these feelings. This whole thing was a mystery to her, but one thing was obvious, his wife was an idiot! Of that she had no doubt. But wait, she was supposed to be trying to sort the Steve situation not go back to daydreaming about Oliver. She shook her head and smiled to herself saying "you are a lost cause Shane McInerney." That made her start thinking about why Oliver called her Ms. McInerney. He meant, of course, to be formal and put some 'professional' distance between them, when in fact it was incredibly sweet! If anything, she felt closer and more intimate with him because of his attempt at formality. She smiled. She concluded there was very little she could do about thinking or not thinking about him. Her mind seemed to be calling the shots and she felt powerless to stop it. She might as well go along with it for the time being, as it seemed there would be no stopping it when it came to Oliver.
Satisfied with her conclusions as they were, she retired to her bedroom and slept like a baby. The new day dawned bright and beautiful. There was a majesty to this city that DC would never match. The Rockies! You could see in the distant west the wall of mountains. You could spot them from most places in the city and they were simply magnificent. They made Shane realise how small she was and that life was short. Life was for living and there was no time for regrets or a bad mood on a day like this. She embraced it. She started by working a little in her garden. One day soon she would plant yellow roses in the front yard and some low maintenance bushes in the backyard. There was so much she wanted to do. She had a lovely front porch and it was a travesty not to have a porch swing right there to watch the roses grow. She intended to have this garden looking amazing very soon. Once she was done in the garden, she went in, made a quick cup of coffee and grabbed a sandwich. She had some washing and ironing to do, yawn! She'd rather work in the garden all day long but the chores inside wouldn't do themselves. She quickly started her washing machine and set her ironing board in the living room where she could watch Netflix on her big screen TV while she ironed. She chose an easy going romantic comedy which didn't require a lot of brain power: How to Fall in Love. Wow, the male lead looked just like Oliver, what a cutie! She laughed out loud. Was there any attractive man who didn't remind her of him?
Once all her boring chores were done, she started stressing about the date she had with Steve that night. First of all, what should she wear? She didn't want to make him crazy but she didn't want to look below par either. She ended up going with a simple navy blue dress with black trim and open toed sandals. Hair up or down? Down it is. As she finished up the last of her preparations, the front door bell rang and the sound filled the house. She opened the door and there was Steve with a big smile and a lovely bouquet of red roses. She tried to be gracious and smiled back. "Oh thank you Steve, they are beautiful." "You're welcome." he said, looking at her up and down approvingly. "Not as beautiful as you, of course."
She went back into the kitchen, grabbed a vase and quickly arranged the roses into it. "There! I think we're ready now." "Okay, let's go then." The taxi was waiting for them. Shane made a mental note to not sit too close to him. She didn't want a repeat of last night's ambush.
Montaldo's was delightful. She had never been there but heard good things about it. The food was very good, the performing waiters were outstanding... but the company was average. She kept thinking about Oliver despite her own self reprimands. Her thoughts, for some odd and treacherous reason kept going back to him again and again. She was too distracted to really listen to anything Steve was saying. More than once he asked her if she was ok. She'd like to dance, but Steve was no dancer and he had no taste for it. She sighed as she couldn't help but remember again the dance between her and Oliver at the postal bar. She forced herself to focus to get this situation resolved once and for all. She cleared her throat and started talking. "Steve, I'm sorry for how I treated you last night. I was surprised with your sudden appearance and found myself losing sight of what's really important in life. Things like friendship for example." At the word friendship he looked up confused, and stared at her as if she had said she was the queen of England.
"What are you saying, Shane?"
"I'm saying I value your friendship and wouldn't want to lose it." He kept looking at her in silence, studying her and trying to understand this new Shane in front of him.
"I'm not your friend, Shane, I'm your boyfriend." he said almost harshly, starting to feel the sting of having to remind her of that. She looked away to watch the dance being performed not far from them. It was a beautiful & sensual dance, a charming and well rehearsed performance. However, she felt like she was standing on very unstable ground and there was nothing beautiful or charming about this moment. She sighed.
"Steve, it's over. If we're going to be very honest with each other, we need to admit it's been over for a long time." Steve hated losing regardless of what it was! He was never going to let her go without a fight.
"Shane, we're good for each other, aren't we? We understand each other. What's changed? What are you upset about? My job?" She had to at least try to make him understand.
"Steve, I can't compete with your job. It has you, don't you see? It has you, body and soul. Any woman involved with you will always come in second as you're committed first and foremost to your job." She paused, took a sip of her wine, took a deep breath and carried on. "I don't want to come second, Steve. I want to be the first thing that someone thinks about when he wakes up in the morning. I want him to look at me as if I'm the most precious thing in the world and he can't stand the thought of being away from me for a few days, let alone for months on end." Steve was getting the picture and feeling trapped. He knew that empty promises now would not do.
"Shane, you know I can't promise you that. I'd be deceiving you if I made promises I wouldn't be able to keep and you know it. Please don't ask that of me."
"I do know it, Steve. I'm not asking you to. Not now, not anymore! I did ask that of you for a long time though. To your credit, you never promised me something you couldn't deliver. But you also never seemed to want to make the effort to even consider it. You expect me to sit home and wait for you for months on end and receive you with open arms when you decide to come back. A relationship like that cannot survive." He looked sad.
"Would you like me to give up my job, my career I fought so hard to get?"
"No, not at all. I'd like you to let me go as I have done with you." He looked intently into her eyes and he thought he understood.
"Have you met someone else, Shane?"
She was genuinely surprised by this question. "What? No, I haven't. But I'd like to. As I said, I want a man who will put me first in his list of priorities." He nodded sadly.
"I understand. I'm sorry, Shane. I wish I was that man. Come to think of it, I don't think I'm the marrying type."
"I agree, I don't think you are. And if for some reason, a woman decides to marry you, she will regret it most bitterly unless she's also an agent from the Department of Agriculture." She laughed at her lame attempt at a joke. He didn't laugh. He seemed genuinely heartbroken.
"I'm sorry, Steve." She had no wish to hurt him just for the sake of it. He nodded and then tried to pick himself up.
"Oh well, it's official now. I knew it was over but I didn't want to admit it. Now I have no reason not to. I must move on as you have."
"Yes, I have and I'm happy here. Truly happy." He again looked at her as if trying to decipher a difficult code.
"Well, you do look happy. Whatever you've found in Denver has been good for you. I just wish you had found it in DC instead." She looked dreamy and said without thinking. "I don't think I'd have found him in DC."
What? He stiffened up all of a sudden. "Him? You told me you hadn't met anybody else." He tried not to let his sudden anger show. "Yes… ummm… no, I mean, I haven't met anybody… it's just a dream. A wish upon a star." She said smiling trying to compose herself. Shane McInerney, that was a blunder, she thought to herself.
"Are you sure it's just a dream? This dream doesn't happen to have a name by chance?" She bit her lower lip and looked at him, contemplating telling him her fantasies about her boss but then she almost laughed out loud.
"No, it's just a dream, a fantasy."
Steve wasn't fooled though, he knew Shane very well. He knew in his heart he had already lost her to somebody else. It wasn't just the city, it was a man! It was obvious, even if she denied it. It was written all over her face. Now was time to retreat. He felt bitterness threatening to overwhelm him as he recognised that today the battle was lost, but not the war. Take heart, Steve, he told himself as he clenched his fists with resolve. He'd come back for another assault. Next time he swore he wouldn't walk away empty handed, of that he was absolutely certain. Today he would leave with his pride in tatters but his dignity remained intact.
They both caught different cabs to their different locations. Shane was feeling light as a feather. She was once again her own woman and free to pursue whomever she wished. Today she only wished for one man and it wasn't the one with whom she had just spent the evening with … if she was really honest with herself, it was a very handsome and gentlemanly Denver DLO colleague.