Breha felt like she would vibrate out of her skin. It reminded her of when she'd only just got her pulmonodes and wasn't used to calibrating them — back then she'd had to manually increase her heart rate if she was nervous or doing exercise, and kept feeling lightheaded until she remembered. It was automated now, but it wasn't the kind of feeling one forgot.
For the last four days, it had felt like part of her was missing and that there was too much of her, all at once. A gaping pit of terror in her stomach and a constant thundering in her ears — she could feel how fast her heart was beating, but she still felt floaty, untethered from everything except her pulse. She knew this had nothing to do with her pulmonodes, but she kept dutifully allowing ID-23, her small diagnostic med droid, to check her oxygen saturation, pulse and blood pressure. Every time, ID would say, "You appear to be tachycardic," and run through questions that Breha could recite in her sleep. She could, at least, admit to ID that she was anxious, though she didn't elaborate; that stopped ID from constantly recommending she contact the cybernetics department at Alderaan Medcentre, though he did insist on checking her more than once a day to see if her heart rate had improved.
ID suggested she spend time doing calming activities, so she tried her best to read up on biosecurity zones, since the law governing them was being revised according to the most recent data. Her attention kept sliding right off the page detailing how the rustmite had been eliminated from the Kathou region, which meant that blicci no longer needed to be quarantined before entering Glarus — and she inevitably ended up dwelling on Leia. They had no information of her movements after arriving on Daiyu — was she still there? Was she hurt? Why hadn't anyone sent a ransom demand?
She was torn between being glad that she had no public appearances so nobody could note how distracted and pale she was, and envious of Bail, who seemed to be doing an excellent job at pretending he wasn't falling apart while meeting with constituents, except for the bags under his eyes. It helped that he had an unwavering faith in Obi-Wan Kenobi. She knew they had worked together during the war; he had told her about the missions at the time, praising Kenobi's skill and care for his troops and civilians so profusely that she had joked about them having an affair. He gave her plenty of details about his work during the war, but she had never quite understood his bond with Kenobi, and she knew she never would. There were some experiences that were impossible to explain to someone who hadn't lived them, but now she ached for something that would give her the kind of faith he had. Instead, she only had an echo of it secondhand, for a man she had only met a handful of times.
However strong Bail's faith, he woke them both up with screaming nightmares multiple times a night. It hadn't been this bad since the Purge, and she was equally helpless now as she had been then. All she could do was wake him up and tell him he had been dreaming, and then hold him while he cried silently. He hadn't elaborated beyond "the Jedi" when she asked what he dreamt about. In the weeks after the Empire was established, he had told her about some things he'd seen during the Purge, but there were other memories he refused to share. He didn't want her to be haunted by them as he was, he'd said. Her suffering wouldn't do anything to alleviate his. This time, there was nothing for him to tell, just helplessness and grief and terror.
The last four days had felt impossibly long, but now, finally, there was hope. Sixteen hours ago, Obi-Wan had sent I've got her with absolutely no other information until several hours later, when he'd sent another message — or rather, when Leia sent one. I'm not allowed to call, she'd written. He says it's too dangerous. I'm not allowed to tell you where we're going either but we're going to change ship there and then come home. Also they broke Lola but I've still got her.
Breha wasn't sure whether the noise that had come out of her mouth was a giggle or a sob or maybe both. She had not once wondered about the fate of Lola — hadn't even realised Leia had Lola when she was kidnapped — but the fact that it was the first thing Leia thought she should tell them, after Kenobi's instructions about their movements, made everything she'd felt since her disappearance well up and spill over in great, gasping sobs.
Everything was still so uncertain, then — she was under no illusions that they had made it out of the proverbial asteroid field yet — but her little girl was telling her very seriously about the state of her droid when she hadn't even mentioned her own experiences, and it was so painfully Leia that it twisted a vibroblade in the wound of her absence.
And now, after a restless sleep, she and Bail were standing on the royal landing pad in the dim light of not-quite-dawn, waiting for the ship that had given the codes that Bail had given to Kenobi.
The ship was tiny and had very obviously seen better days — it listed to the right as it came in to land, but the pilot corrected and managed a textbook landing, even as something creaked and let out a puff of smoke.
The ramp hadn't even lowered all the way before Leia was bolting towards them, jumping from the ramp and not even stumbling. She barrelled into them, trying to hug them both at the same time, and as Breha crouched, she tried to check her for injuries. It wasn't very effective, given the poor light, but she didn't see anything significant. Leia moved to cling to her neck, repeating, "Mama, Mama," into her shoulder and Breha couldn't say which of them started crying first. She wasn't sure how long they spent like that, crying on each other and repeating how glad they were, but when Leia had quieted down and was wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand, a sharp, "No," shifted Breha's attention.
She picked Leia up, even though she was getting far too big for that now — she didn't want to stop touching her; she wasn't sure she could — and watched as Kenobi scowled.
"I've spent enough time away from him as it is," he said, and Breha thought of the way Bail had slumped in the aftermath of the comm call, his voice wavering as he said that Kenobi was a good man in a tone that sounded as if he was trying to convince himself.
It's not about the boy, Bail had said, scrubbing at his face. He's lost everything and after he failed to save the Republic and his people, he's retreated to a goal he thinks he can achieve. Remembering us — caring about Leia as much as he does Luke — would remind him that there's an entire galaxy out there that he used to be able to help.
She thought, too, of the way Kenobi had murmured, She'll be better off, just before he ended the call. Perhaps it hadn't been about remembering a galaxy outside of that small patch of desert, but something much closer to home.
"Obi-Wan—" Bail began, but Kenobi cut him off.
"My name is Ben," he snapped.
From her arms, Leia offered, "Obi-Wan is more of a Jedi name." Breha wasn't sure what exactly constituted a 'Jedi name' — she had personally had little experience with Jedi outside of official functions, but the only thing that had tied all the ones she'd seen together was their air of unflappability. Kenobi, who had dried blood in his beard and was currently glaring at a ten-year-old, was unmistakably flapped.
"The Jedi are dead," he said shortly. In response, Leia shifted so she could glare back at him more comfortably, uncowed.
"That ship's not spaceworthy," Bail said, interrupting the staring contest. "At least let our mechanics fix it."
"It's too dangerous," Kenobi said. "They kidnapped her to get to me! They know we were friends—"
Breha saw Bail flinch slightly at the past tense, but Kenobi didn't seem to have noticed.
"—I caused this. Don't you see? Every moment I am here, I'm putting you in danger."
Breha, though she knew it was wrong, wanted to send Kenobi away right then. He was why their only daughter was put in mortal danger. She put her hand that wasn't holding Leia up on Leia's back, her fingers splayed across the bumps of her spine, and tried to breathe through the spike of anger and fear. She was here, she was safe.
"It's true," Leia said. "His face came up on bounty hunters' holocomms. And people inquisited us."
"Inquisited me," Kenobi corrected, and then a moment later he seemed to realise what he'd said. "The Inquisitors are hunting me, not her."
"What do you think your options are?" Bail said. It was only because she'd known him so long that she could tell he'd been rattled by the revelation that this had all been a plot to get to Kenobi — his voice was still steady, the flicker of horror on his face almost too quick to see. "If you try to jump to hyperspace in that, you'll be killed." Kenobi opened his mouth, but something in his face must have told Bail something, because he put up his hand and added, "I cannot allow you to steal a ship. We will help you in whatever way we're able, but you can't hurt people who are uninvolved."
Kenobi looked uncomfortable, but said, "You could give me enough money to buy a ticket for a passenger liner."
Bail pulled out far more credit chips than a ticket would cost and offered them. Kenobi selected a fraction of what was in Bail's hand and nodded. "Thank you," he said.
"Take the rest of it, too," Bail pleaded. "I've seen how much you have in your little cave. Or if you aren't willing to do that, give it to Luke's family."
Kenobi swallowed and looked away. "I can't. Besides, credits aren't worth anything on Tatooine. They don't even burn."
"Surely you could exchange them somewhere—"
"Bail," Kenobi said, his voice cracking. His anger had drained away, and all that was left was exhaustion. "I can't," he repeated, quieter this time.
Bail put the credit chips away slowly, as if hoping Kenobi would change his mind.
The sun spilled light across where they were all standing, finally rising from behind Appenza Peak, and Obi-Wan glanced behind him before straightening up. "I need to go. You can't call on me again. They know they can get to me through you, and we won't be so lucky next time." He paused for a moment, searching Bail's face, and said, "Goodbye, Bail."
Breha would wager even Leia would be able to sense the finality of it.
"Goodbye, old friend," Bail said, his voice rough with unshed tears. He grasped Kenobi's shoulder for a moment and stepped back.
Kenobi turned to Breha and Leia and nodded at them each in turn. "Your Majesty, Leia."
"Thank you for saving me," Leia said.
Kenobi looked surprised for a moment. "You're welcome," he said, with another nod. "You're going to grow up to be—" He swallowed and Breha saw his lower lip quiver. "—to be amazing. You'll do your parents proud." He looked at Leia like he was trying to memorise her features, and then finally he turned and walked away.
The silence that followed his departure lasted about ten seconds, after which Leia wriggled to be put down and ran to Bail, who picked her up with a groan. "When did you get so big?" he asked, but Leia didn't respond, just hugged him as hard as she could.
They walked back like that, even though Breha was sure it was uncomfortable for Bail. Leia started crying again about halfway back, sniffling into Bail's shoulder, but quieted down as Bail stroked her hair and murmured, "You're alright, sweetheart. You're safe." By the time they'd got to the private part of the palace, she was fast asleep.
They walked past the staircase that would have taken them to Leia's room and Bail gently laid her on the couch in the library. Neither of them wanted her out of their sight. Breha called Y-O to ask for some breakfast and then she and Bail just sat together, watching Leia sleep. They would have to wake her up in a few hours so her sleep schedule wasn't completely destroyed, and then the rest of the world would demand their attention, but for now they could just sit in silence and appreciate the chance to breathe again.