CHAPTER 8

Finally, Quinn Fabray had made it. Rock bottom. It had been a slippery slope, one which she had barreled down for a few years now, but she had finally reached a point where she couldn't sink any further. And she certainly couldn't dig herself out anymore. This was it.

Things couldn't have changed more for Quinn over the past summer. She had lost everything. She had been cast aside by Puck. Cast aside by Sam. Cast aside by Finn. Twice. Both times for the hobbit nonetheless. She had given up Beth and not seen her for an entire year. Quinn had absolutely nothing left to live for, nothing left to lose. And so she had allowed herself to slip further and further, until she was thoroughly unrecognisable from the person she used to be. It had started with quitting Glee and the Cheerios. Then came the Pink hair. A nose ring. Ripped black leather clothes. A tattoo of Ryan Seacrest on her lower back. This was the new her, and she was never going back.

That evening, she found herself seated at Lima Tavern, the seediest, sketchiest, cheapest bar in the city. It was so run-down, so abandoned. In a way, Quinn loved it because it reminded her of herself. She also loved it as it gave her the means and opportunity to drink away her pain and further remove herself from society.

That evening, however, Quinn could immediately sense that something was wrong. It was a new bartender behind the bar, and as soon as he had seen her, he immediately seemed dead-set on getting to know her. He was getting a bit too comfortable with her, despite her clearly not being into his advances.

"Come on, sweetheart! Here you are, sitting on my chairs, drinking my liquor! The least you can do in return is let me take you out!" He purred, smirking at her and revealing a line of yellow and blackened teeth, his oral hygiene clearly as neglected as his respect for women.

"No thank you." Quinn stated again, her tone attempting to sound more harsh, but quivering ever so slightly, a sign that she felt like a fish out of water in here. This wasn't where she belonged. But still, stayed. And still, the bartender was relentless.

"Don't be like that, baby! I promise you… one date with me and you'll forget about everything else. Just give me your number." He told her. The man was in his mid 40s at least, and although Quinn's fake ID stated that she was 22, the fact that he was hitting on a 17 year old was disgusting.

"No. I'm good. Now please, just let me drink in peace!" Quinn demanded. For a moment, the man backed off, and Quinn briefly thought that she had actually gotten him to go away. That definitely wasn't the case. All she had done was embarrass his pea-sized ego with her rejection, and caused his face to blush maroon in humiliation and anger.

"Fine! You want to be like that? Fine! But if you're not going to go out with me, you have to at least give me a kiss!"

"What? No!" Quinn snapped, getting seriously uncomfortable as the bartender inched ever closer. The bar was totally empty from what she could see, nobody there to help her or stop the man.

"Come on! Kiss me and I'll leave you alone! Kiss me!" He snapped. Quinn's heart pounded as she felt her anxiety level swiftly rising.

All of a sudden, before Quinn could even blink, she felt an arm wrapped around her waist. It wasn't the bartender's though. Quinn spun around to see an unfamiliar figure standing beside her.

"Sorry I'm late, babe! I was late getting out from work and traffic was horrible and… oh, it's just so great to see you." The stranger rambled on as Quinn stared at him, baffled. Initially, Quinn was confused and was even more scared, as this guy was even bigger than the bartender. It was only when the stranger gently and surreptitiously squeezed her hand, and Quinn could practically feel the warmth and kindness radiating from him, that Quinn realized what he was doing.

"Don't worry about it. At least you're here now." Quinn replied, shooting him a look of gratitude as she played along with his act.

"Who's this?" The bartender barked gruffly, his eyes flickering from Quinn to the man next to her over and over again, anger growing on his face as he stared at them.

"Her boyfriend." Theo snapped, playing the part well, even flexing a little as he sized up the smaller bartender, trying to intimidate him into walking away. He turned to Quinn. "Isn't that right, honey… bunch?"

Quinn had to hold back a laugh at that comment. It was almost like the boy was the one who was uncomfortable introducing her as his girlfriend, despite it clearly being an act.

"That's right, sweetie… pie." The pair of them awkwardly navigated through the conversation, until eventually the bartender admitted defeat and walked away. However, that didn't mean that Quinn was going to stay in that bar for a second longer. Her and the young man walked out into the night air together, finding a nearby bench and sitting down, facing one another.

"Thank you for helping me in there." Quinn told him, the punk-emo facade temporarily lifting as she addressed him like Quinn Fabray would. Like the real Quinn Fabray would.

"Not a problem." Theo shrugged it off. "I just did what anyone would have done."

"Still. I don't know what I would've done if you weren't there." Quinn murmured, shuddering at the thought of it.

"I should be thanking you actually." Theo responded. "You stopped me from doing something I'd have regretted, so… thank you."

That much was true. Theo had walked into the bar and immediately gone over to Quinn and the bartender, so he hadn't had so much as a sip of alcohol.

"I'm Quinn by the way. Quinn Fabray." She told him, holding out a hand to him.

"Theo Martin." He shook her hand, and as they did, Quinn's long sleeve shifted a little and revealed a few zig-zagged scars venturing up and down her arm. Theo's eyes drifted downwards at them and Quinn blushed furiously as she knew he had seen them. She tried to pull her sleeve back down but it was too late to cover it up now. Thankfully, Theo didn't comment on it. He knew it wasn't his place, and it certainly wasn't the time for it.

"Answer me something, Quinn Fabray." Theo eventually spoke up, causing the pink and blonde haired girl to turn and look at him. "What was the McKinley High former head cheerleader doing in a shitty bar like that?"

Quinn stared down at her feet for a while before answering.

"Oh, I, uh… wait…" Quinn began to respond, but then realized something, a little creeped out as she did. "How did you know I was head cheerleader? Are you stalking me?!"

Theo shook his head, blushing as he realised the misunderstanding.

"Oh, no, no, no! I'm sorry! It's nothing like that! I'm uh… I'm kinda living with Santana. She told me a bit about you." Theo told her. Quinn raised an eyebrow incredulously.

"You're living with Santana? How'd that happen? I almost feel sorry for you." She remarked. Theo didn't tell her any details, but he told her about how he'd be staying with Santana for the rest of his senior year. He also told her about how Santana had given him a rundown of all of the major drama that had gone down within McKinley over the past 2 years. It took Quinn a few seconds to realize that that also meant that Theo had also found out about Beth, and the horrible things she had done to those around her during the pregnancy. But luckily, Theo didn't comment on that either. Instead, Quinn changed the subject.

"So did you join the Glee club with Santana?" She asked him. Theo shook his head.

"Nah… not really a singer." He replied, and there was a short silence before he spoke up again. "I do hear that there's a lack of members this year though. I'm sure they'd all welcome you back with open arms if you wanted to. They all probably really miss you."

Theo was alarmed to see tears in Quinn's eyes as he said this. He didn't realize how much it would trigger her just hearing about the Glee club, and immediately regretted bringing it up. It was too late though. The damage had been done, as tears continued to trickle down Quinn's cheeks.

"I can't go back there." Quinn whispered. "It's not who I am anymore."

Theo raised an eyebrow, sitting back in his chair, staring up at the sky as he shrugged.

"You know, in the past 24 hours, it feels like I got a million and one sales pitches trying to convince me to join the Glee Club. All of the people who spoke to me, told me what they thought I wanted to hear. Puckerman talked about popularity and girls I'd get if I joined. Santana talked about finding fellow losers to face bullies with. But it was what Rachel said that I found really interesting. Do you know what the first thing she said to describe the club was? It's the place where different people can find the strength to be themselves, through the good and the bad."

Quinn scoffed.

"That doesn't really sound much like Rachel." She remarked. Theo shrugged.

"Don't look at me. I don't know her very well. Maybe it was just part of her sales pitch, I don't know. But is what she said true?"

Quinn didn't reply, but her silence said plenty. It stated that yes, indeed it was. Theo nodded.

"What Rachel's saying… it doesn't just apply to the Rachels of the world, you know? You don't have to be a nerd, or gay, or a racial minority. You can be a straight, white, blonde cheerleader and still face knocks to your identity. It's okay to be in pain." Theo murmured. If anyone knew what it was like to be in a lot of pain, it was him. "Clearly you've been through a lot. So much that you're hiding. The makeup, the tattoo, the hair… it isn't who you are. It's simply a disguise to run away from your problems. Maybe Glee club is exactly what you need to find the strength to be yourself again."

Quinn was silent for a while longer, before she looked up at Theo, attempting to rebuild the wall around her that Theo had effectively bulldozed through in an incredibly short span of time.

"Who says this isn't who I am?" Quinn told him. Theo's eyes briefly flickered to the long sleeves on Quinn's arms, which covered a plethora of scars below, before he replied.

"Call it a hunch." He replied. That wasn't the only reason he was able to see past Quinn's charade. He was able to see a lot of himself in Quinn, at least who he had become since Marley's death anyway. "I know that you lost someone. Someone you loved more than anything or anyone in the world. And you blame yourself for losing them. You think that it was all your fault. And when you lost that person, you lost any and all sense of self worth within you. You think of yourself as this virus that corrupts others around you, someone that creates nothing but pain for others. And so you're scared you're going to hurt the people you care about, just like you hurt the person you lost, and then you're going to lose them. But instead of holding them close, you're going to push yourself away from them and act like you don't care anymore so if you do happen to lose them too, it'll hurt a little less. That's what all of this is: the hair, the makeup, all of it. It's you trying to keep yourself as far away from everyone else as possible."

Theo's voice trailed off, and a long silence overtook them as they sat face to face, Quinn staring at Theo in shock. She took in the words he had said, and she really, really thought about them. And as she did, she realised something… he was right. He was absolutely fucking right. After losing Beth, her whole world had been rocked, but it was only after this past summer that she had truly managed to process the impact. Only after losing Finn, and Puck, and Sam she realised that maybe it wasn't the world that was the problem, and it was instead her. Something Theo had said truly rang inside her head… "you think of yourself as this virus". He wasn't wrong. She was a virus. She had been a bully to almost everyone she had come across, even those she considered to be close friends or boyfriends. And when Sam, Finn and Puck had all realised who she truly was, they had turned their backs on her. Finn even chose the insufferable Rachel over her for crying out loud!

As Quinn finally managed to pull herself out of her thoughts, her face pale and a lone tear starting to crawl into her eye, she realised that her jaw was gaping open in shock, and she quickly shut it.

"How did you…" She stammered, unable to finish the sentence. Theo looked down and took a deep breath, before looking back at her.

"Because you look just like me. I lost someone I love… I loved very much, and it took me down the very same road you're on right now." Theo admitted. "And can I tell you something? Give you a bit of advice from someone who's been through it firsthand?"

Quinn slowly nodded.

"Please." She murmured.

"Forgive me for being blunt, but in a little while, you're going to realise a harsh truth… life fucking sucks. It isn't some kind of fairytale with a happy ending, where your friends and family are going to be able to pull you from this abyss and bring you back to normal life. You're going to realise that it's up to you and only you to get your shit together and return to the people who love you, because God knows they aren't going to do it for you."

Theo said this in a shockingly harsh tone, a vehemence even surprising him. He wasn't angry at Quinn. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He was angry at himself. He was angry at the world. He still couldn't come to term with Marley's death, nor did he believe he ever would, and he was unleashing all of his pent-up anger, his anguish, now. However, he then felt a pang of guilt as he saw tears begin to roll down Quinn's cheeks. His face and tone softened considerably, and he reached into his pocket to pull out a packet of tissues, and handed one to Quinn.

"Look, I am genuinely sorry for what you've had to go through." Theo said, a lot gentler now. "But I'm just being honest. I wish I could tell you that things get better with time, but they don't. Either you do the hard thinking and processing and realise that despite whatever mistakes you have made, you still have value in this world and people still love you. Or you can just go further and further and further until the abyss eventually fully swallows you up."

"How'd you get over your loss?" Quinn asked quietly. Theo chuckled and shook his head, looking down again.

"Why do you think I was here, in the shittiest bar in the city, tonight, rather than out there with the rest of them?" Theo remarked, pointing out into the general distance. Although he wasn't pointing at anything in specific, Quinn knew exactly what he meant. He meant why he wasn't with the rest of the teenagers, who were all blissful in their living of a life without pain. "It's too late for me. I'm already too deep in my hole to be strong enough to dig myself out, and I'd hate to see that happen to someone else. Think about it, Quinn Fabray. Realise your own self worth before it's too late."

When Theo finished speaking, he stood up.

"Look, it's been a really long day and I need some sleep so I'm going to head home now." He said, before turning back to Quinn one more time and addressing her. "If I could just say one more thing, then I swear I'll leave you alone. Look, I don't know you well. I might know a bit about you because I can see my own pain when I look at you, but the bottom line is that we don't know each other. I don't know the nature of your relationship with the Glee club. But if you truly have 12 people in that choir room, in this world, who truly love you… like really, really love you, don't take that for granted. Trust me. Having even one person who loves you unconditionally like that… it's not a guarantee. Make the most of it, because it can all disappear so, so quickly."