CHAPTER 12
"Can't sing, my ass!" Santana remarked, as she shoved Theo out the door after Glee rehearsal, the pair walking out of the choir room together. "What the hell, Theo?! If I knew you could sing like that before…"
"What difference would it have made?" Theo laughed.
"Well I would've been a lot nicer to you for starters!" Santana told him..
"How does that work, Santana?" He asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly. Santana chuckled as she shook her head.
"You don't get it. The past two years… the Glee club has been the Finn and Rachel show. All of us have had to settle for backup to them. Even though neither of them are anything special, Mr. Schue insists on giving them every single solo." Santana explained. "But with you here… we can finally put an end to that. You and I can take over. We can be the ones ruling the Glee club, not Finn and Rachel."
"Look, Santana, I joined the club for fun. I don't want to cause any drama." Theo murmured. Santana shrugged.
"News flash… when you join the New Directions, you're going to be involved in drama, whether you like it or not. So when that inevitably happens, you might as well do so as the male lead of the Glee club."
"Theo! Hey Theo!"
Santana and Theo stopped walking as Theo heard his name being called. He turned around to see Quinn striding over to him. Before she arrived, Santana turned to Theo.
"I'll catch up with you later, okay?" Santana told him, before walking away and leaving Theo and Quinn to talk.
"Hey, what's up Quinn?" He asked.
"Um… so I figured, if you're not doing anything tonight, maybe we could work on the Glee assignment together?"
Theo nodded.
"Sure." Theo replied. Quinn smiled widely at him and as she did, Theo couldn't help but be drawn by how absolutely beautiful she looked. No, stop it Theo, he told himself. He was married. He had a wife, even if she wasn't around anymore.
Awesome." Quinn responded. "Could I come to your house around 8?"
"Oh, uh… I'm living with Santana. I don't think she'd really appreciate us in her house, and I don't want to disturb her parents after they just took me in. So maybe I come to yours?" He asked. Quinn nodded.
"Sure. That works. My mom is working pretty late tonight anyways." Quinn told him.
"Cool. I'll see you then I guess." Theo replied. Quinn beamed at him, before turning to walk away. Neither of them noticed in the heat of the moment, but both of their hearts were pounding. The tension between them was palpable, and they were so nervous that they almost forgot something… "Wait, Quinn!"
Quinn turned around to face him again.
"Yeah?" She asked.
"You forgot to give me your number or your address! I have no idea where to go tonight!" He exclaimed.
"Oh crap! I'm so sorry!" She laughed, trying not to blush in embarrassment. "Here, give me your phone. I'll put my number in."
Theo did so, and Quinn quickly typed her number in.
"Here you go. I'll message you with my address a bit later." She told him, before handing it back to him. As she did, their fingers touched, and instantly, they both felt sparks. It was like nothing they had ever felt before and although dating was quite possibly the last thing they wanted and needed to do this year, there was something about both of them that made the other want to get to know each other…
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DING DONG!
Theo' finger was still hovering on the doorbell when the door to Quinn Fabray's house swung open and she stood in the doorway facing him.
"Wow. That was, um… that was fast." He remarked. Quinn's face flushed crimson.
"Yeah, I saw you arrive from the window." She quickly lied. Sure, that story worked. Better than her admitting that she had been waiting for him by the door. "Come in. Here, let me take your jacket."
"Thanks." Theo murmured, following her into the house. They made it to the living room and sat opposite one another on the sofas.
A long, awkward silence then overtook the both of them as neither really knew how to start the conversation. It was Theo who eventually decided to break the silence.
"You know, I don't think I've seen you in anything but a Cheerios outfit and that questionable emo getup." Theo remarked. "You kinda dress like my grandma."
He wasn't wrong. Quinn's casual wear consisted of a white t-shirt, grey sweatpants and a long brown cardigan sweater. Not exactly something you'd assume a head cheerleader would wear, but hey, comfort was comfort. Besides, in Theo' eyes, she still looked radiantly beautiful.
"Jee thanks." Quinn muttered, her face slightly red. Theo shook his head.
"Don't be embarrassed. I kind of dig the look." He added. Smiling faintly at him, Quinn responded.
"Thanks." She replied. Theo followed her into the house, and they found themselves sitting in the living room, staring at one another in a long, awkward silence.
"So how do we do this?" Theo asked. "We just sit here and talk all evening, and then at the end of it, each come up with a song about the other person?"
"I don't know. I guess so." Quinn shrugged. Theo nodded.
"Alright. Then tell me about yourself, Quinn Fabray." He asked.
"What's there to know? You already know pretty much everything important about me." She replied. "I'm the head cheerleader. Member of Glee club. President of the celibacy club. I'm an honour roll stu… I'm sorry, am I boring you?"
Quinn had noticed Theo begin to yawn as she spoke, so she snapped at him, annoyed. Theo shook his head.
"No, I'm sorry. It's not you. I'm just really tired." He reassured her. He was always tired, as he hadn't slept for more than a couple of hours a night for the past 8 months. "But honestly… you kind of are."
"Excuse me?" She snarled, taken aback. Theo sighed.
"Look, with all due respect Quinn, I honestly couldn't care in the least what clubs you take part in." He admitted. "The point of the assignment was to get to know you: Quinn Fabray the human. Not Quinn Fabray the Cheerio or Quinn Fabray the Glee club member. So let's try this again. Tell me about yourself, Quinn Fabray."
"Well, you don't have to keep calling me by my full name… but alright, let's try again." Quinn said. She looked down and took a deep breath.
For some reason, she was nervous. It was kind of nerve wracking to open up someone, especially someone she didn't know. However, as she looked up and into Theo' warm, amber eyes, her thudding heart steadied itself a little.
"Where to start?" She thought aloud. "Well, my mom and dad are divorced. They got divorced two years ago, so I just live with my mom now."
"I'm really sorry about that." Theo murmured, putting a hand gently on her shoulder. Quinn shook her head.
"Don't be. It was definitely for the best." She replied. "My dad… he honestly wasn't the best person. He always kind of ignored my mom's opinion during their marriage. Then when I got pregnant two years ago, when Finn and I revealed it to my parents…"
"I'm sorry… Finn? I thought you got pregnant with Puck." Theo remarked. Quinn winced and closed her eyes for a moment.
"Yeah, um… I was, uh… I was kinda hoping we'd be able to talk for five minutes before we got to this topic, but, uh…" Quinn then proceeded to tell Theo everything. She told him everything. The entire story. She told him about cheating on Finn with Puck, and everything she had felt that day both leading up to it and afterwards. She told him about the pregnancy, and how freaked out she had been. She told him about how rather than turning to Puck - the real father - she had told Finn and lied about the baby being his. She told him all about how they had told her father, and how her father had kicked her out of the house. Then about how she had bounced around different peoples' houses: Finn's until he found out and kicked her out, then Puck's, then Mercedes', and then her mom taking her back in after leaving her dad. She finally finished telling him about giving birth and giving the baby up to Beth. How Beth had been the person that she had "lost", and how that loss had rocked her to the point that she assumed the emo getup.
She soon finished talking and went silent, however Theo - who had been completely silent throughout the story - did not say anything for a while. He merely looked down, deep in thought, trying to wrap his mind around everything she had told him. As Theo did not say a word for what seemed like an eternity for Quinn, she felt tears slowly begin to creep up in her eyes.
"Theo? Please say something." She murmured, barely louder than a whisper. Theo didn't though, but he noticed the tears that began to roll down Quinn's cheeks and he slowly brought a hand up to wipe them away. It took him nearly a minute for him to finally gather a response.
"Wow, I, um… that was definitely quite a story." He stammered.
"If you hate me and want to leave, honestly I don't blame you so go right ahead. I deserve it." She whispered. Theo slowly shook his head and held one of her small, trembling hands in his own.
"I'm not going anywhere, Quinn." He replied gently. "Look, I'm going to be honest with you, Quinn… what you did to Finn was absolutely horrible. You realised that you could have easily ruined his life, right? With a baby, he wouldn't have been able to go to college, he could have been put in serious financial debt… his life would have pretty much been over."
"I know! I know! It's all my fault!" She cried, the tears increasing substantially. Theo shook his head once more.
"No. No, it's not. At least it's not all your fault." Theo said. "You were pregnant, you were hormonal… you were scared. I can't even imagine what it must have been like in your position. Of course given all that, you weren't exactly going to be thinking clearly. And I think that every member of the Glee club who knew but didn't tell Finn also play a part in that blame. I think that Mr. Schue's ex wife and her sister who supposedly tried to buy the baby off you by planting fears in your head deserve some of the blame. I think that Puck especially, if things really happened the way you say they happened and you slept with him because he got you drunk, needs a serious talking to about consent and deserves quite a bit of blame. And there's Finn… come on, there's no way in a few months of pregnancy he never thought to google whether you can get impregnated via hot tub. This all could've been avoided if he just had an iota of common sense."
"No, it's not Finn's fault." She mumbled. Theo nodded.
"I agree with you." He told her. "But my point is that there were other people involved in this saga, not only you. It's easy to blame yourself for absolutely everything when in reality, it wasn't all you."
"Thanks." Quinn whispered, her voice still extremely soft. She honestly didn't know how to feel. Her emotions were in complete overdrive. She hadn't been this open and honest with anyone, let alone someone she had literally just met, but weirdly, it almost felt right.
"And besides…" Theo continued. "You actually admitting to having made a mistake is honestly a huge testament to your personality. It takes a really big person to look within and realise they fucked up. If nothing else, you should give yourself credit for that."
"Thank you." Quinn murmured, before sniffling and wiping her eyes. "God, I'm such a mess. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise." He immediately responded. "I asked to meet Quinn Fabray the human, and you allowed me to get to know her. So thank you, Quinn…"
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Blowing her nose and managing to finally get a hold of her emotions, Quinn took a breath to calm herself, before looking up at Theo again.
"I'm sorry. Anyways, your turn, Theo. I know you grew up in Lebanon. What was that like?" She asked. Theo thought for a moment, before responding.
"Hot." Theo grunted in response. Quinn couldn't help but let out a giggle.
"Come on, Theo! I did my part! I was open and honest! It's your turn to play along." She said. Theo sighed and nodded, his smile fading slightly.
"Well, I don't really know what to say, to be honest." He said. "It was nice."
Quinn nodded.
"I know you mentioned before that you lived with your mom. Did your parents also get divorced?" She asked him. Theo looked down and stared at his feet for a while, before shaking his head.
"Nah, he was never involved from the get-go. My mom got pregnant as a teenager. He wanted no part in the child. That was that." Theo grunted in reply.
"Theo, I'm really sorry." She replied, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Don't be. It wasn't your fault." He replied.
"Still though. I can't imagine how hard it must have been growing up without a dad at all." Quinn murmured. Theo shrugged.
"Eh, I still had a mom so at least I had someone. Lot of people have it worse." Theo commented.
"Can I ask you something?" Quinn asked. "How come your name is Theo?"
"It's not. It's Theodore. Theo's just a nickname" Theo murmured. Quinn giggled and nodded.
"Well, I know that much! I just mean, do you happen to know why your mom named you Theodore? I mean, it's not exactly a Lebanese name, is it?"
Theo nodded.
"You're right. It isn't." He said. "My mom… my mom actually got pregnant with me while she was living in the U.S. She was doing her senior year here as part of a foreign exchange program. It was like right before graduation when she found out she was pregnant with me."
"No way! Whereabouts?" Quinn asked, curiously. Theo shrugged.
"No idea. I wasn't really allowed to ask her anything about that year." Theo admitted. He was opening up to Quinn in a way he had done to very, very few others. He wasn't quite sure why. Part of the reason was because he was truly, truly trying to make an effort to move forward with his life, and he knew that honesty was the way to do so, no matter how uncomfortable it might have been for him. The other reason was that there was just something about Quinn that he couldn't quite put a finger on, but he couldn't deny either. "My mom got pregnant while she was in the U.S, and the father told her that he had no interest in being part of her baby's life, so she moved back to Lebanon after graduation. And since that day, she never really brought up that entire senior year abroad again. At least not with me. No matter how much I asked. It was like she had blocked the entire experience from memory entirely."
"That's deep." Quinn murmured, eager to learn more and more about Theo, who was such a mystery to all of them at this point. "But how does that explain why she named you Theo? If anything, wouldn't it be the exact opposite? Wouldn't she name you something more traditionally Lebanese?"
Theo shook his head.
"Even though my mom blocked out that whole senior year experience, it was always her dream for us to move to the States permanently. For that reason, calling me Theo, an American name… it was just another incentive for her to make it to America permanently."
"Wow. Your mom sounds like a really strong lady." Quinn commented. Instantly, a troubled look flickered across Theo's face. It was almost like he wanted to disagree with that statement, but he held himself back from doing so.
"She knew what she wanted and she did anything to get it, that's for sure." Theo replied, choosing his words carefully, but they rolled off his tongue almost in disgust. "She worked her ass off my entire childhood. So much that I never really saw her much. Work wasn't the only reason why though."
"What do you mean?" Quinn asked.
"This might sound stupid." He murmured. Quinn placed one of her hands on his, and she squeezed it reassuringly.
"I swear, whatever you have to say, I'm sure it isn't." She replied. "What is it?"
Theo sighed.
"It's just… my mom and I always had a rocky relationship. When I was a kid and she wasn't really around, the reason was always work. But when I grew older and I became more aware of my surroundings, I started to feel like work wasn't the only reason. I felt like my mom and I's relationship was always strained because as I got older, I started to look and act more and more like my father. I felt like every time she looked at me, she was reminded of the person who left us, and so she remained distant from me."
"I thought… I thought you never met your father?" Quinn asked. Theo nodded.
"I haven't. Never even seen a photo of him, or heard his name either." Theo said. "That's why I'm saying that this might sound really stupid. But it's just the feeling I always got from my mom. I know how ridiculous it sounds, so you don't have to believe me or anything. It's just…"
"I believe you, Theo." Quinn interrupted, stating firmly. Theo smiled faintly at her.
"Thanks." He murmured. Quinn nodded.
"So… tell me about Tampa. You moved there when you were 10. What was it like?" Quinn asked innocently. However, as quickly as Theo's face had briefly lifted, it fell again, and it darkened considerably.
"Don't worry about Tampa. Let's just say I don't plan on going back there anytime soon." He murmured, clearly and obviously deflecting. Some secrets were just too personal for him to reveal just yet. This one certainly was. "Bottom line is that we lived there until I was like 14. It didn't work out, so I moved from Tampa to Miami."
"You? Like you and your mom?" Quinn had finally picked up on the change in pronouns, and had landed right on the money. Theo slowly shook his head, taking a deep, calming breath before he kept speaking.
"No. Just me." Theo told her. "The issues my mom and I were having finally reached a point where they were irreparable. So I left my mom's custody. Got put in the foster care system in Miami."
"Oh, my God." Quinn's eyes were wide in shock upon hearing this revelation. She realised just how little she truly knew about Theo. He really embodied the fact that you never really knew who you were sitting beside. "I can't imagine how hard that must've been. To leave your mom and go on your own like that…"
"It was." Theo admitted. "But shockingly, it was definitely the best thing that ever happened to me. Because when I was in Miami, in fact a little before I arrived in Miami, I met the love of my life."
"Oh, you're… you're in a relationship?" Quinn asked, trying to hide the feelings of being crestfallen and disappointed out of her voice, though that proved difficult. Not as difficult though as what Theo had to say next.
"I was. She… she passed away." Theo uttered the last words in a voice no louder than a faint whisper. Saying it out loud, it just made it so much worse. It made the fact that she was gone seem so… real.
"Theo, I…" Quinn wasn't sure what to say. Just like everyone else who had learned that fact, Quinn was stunned into silence. Theo hadn't told her how Marley had died, how it was his fault, and he didn't intend to. But even what he had told her was enough to cause her to freeze in shock. Quinn knew that Theo hadn't told her his entire life story, but even with the little he had told her, he had been through more than any teenager his age ever should have to. He had been through more trauma than many adults go through in an entire lifetime.
"Yeah…" Theo muttered, staring down at his hands as he spoke. "I met her when I was 14. When I was at my very lowest. And she changed my life. I finally understood what unconditional love was. We dated all through high school, until she…"
Theo's voice trailed off, but his message was clear. He had been in a blissful heaven with Marley until the day she had passed away. Internally, Quinn felt horrible for him. Whatever she had been through, he had been through so much more than her, and the fact that he had had to most of it alone… Quinn felt grateful more than ever for the friends and family she had had all around her.
"Theo, I'm so, so sorry." Quinn whispered. "When did she…?"
"Last January. Car accident." Theo replied, gritting his teeth and trying his best to hold up the emotion that was threatening to creep up on him, though he appeared to be failing as his eyes began to shimmer with tears. "Just when we were starting our lives together too."
"What do you mean?" Quinn asked. Theo swallowed back his impending emotion as he forced himself to continue. Opening up to Quinn… it felt like a weight, a burden, was being lifted from his shoulder. Like he didn't have to go around every day, lying to everyone.
"The week before she passed away, on Christmas Eve, we… we got married." Theo told her. Quinn's jaw dropped slack in shock at this latest bombshell.
"W-what?" Quinn stammered in shock. "You got married that young?"
"We were both 18. And we had been together long enough to know we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives. We didn't see why we should wait." Theo shrugged. "The way we saw it, we knew we were very much in love. And that love would always be there, no matter what troubles we'd have to face in our adult lives. So we did it. We got married. And we were husband and wife for a week, before…"
Theo's voice trailed off once more, this time the boy burying his head in his hands. He couldn't bear to look Quinn in the eye, all of his emotion bubbling up inside him. He took shaky, shuddering breaths as he held back his silent cries. All Quinn could really do was place a comforting hand on his shoulder and say words of reassurance, just like Theo had done for her the night they had met.
"We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. We can talk about something else." She told him. Theo slowly nodded, looking up at her and Quinn seeing his eyes somewhat bloodshot.
"Please." Theo whispered.
"Alright." Quinn's mind spun as she tried to think of another subject to discuss, her brain still not fully recovered after the bombshells Theo had laid upon her. "Why don't we talk about football? I remember in Glee rehearsal this afternoon, you mentioned that you used to play. How'd that come about? I can't imagine there can have been much football in Lebanon or Paris."
Theo couldn't help but let out a watery chuckle and shake his head, and Quinn realized what that meant.
"She taught you how to play, didn't she?" Quinn asked, silently cursing herself for her stupidity.
"Her name was Marley." Theo murmured. "Marley Rose. She didn't introduce me to football, but she might as well have. I started playing when we moved to Tampa. And I loved it for a while. But I very quickly fell out of love with it. I associated football with… bad memories, and I thought I was never going to play again. Until I moved to Miami and met her."
"What do you mean?" Quinn asked, for what must've been the thousandth time that evening.
"When I moved, like I said, I was totally alone. No family, no friends, nothing. Just her. And with everything that had recently happened to me up until that point, I was really quiet. Withdrawn. I had basically no friends but her. I was in a really low point. Until she noticed me struggling and brought me to play a casual game of football in the park with some of her friends." Theo explained. "It was such a small gesture, but it changed everything for me. She helped me make friends, and I started playing football more and more again. I played all through high school. I wasn't bad."
"How 'not bad' are we talking?" Quinn asked, smiling faintly as she sensed a small hint of pride in Theo's voice as he spoke about football, even if it was buried deep under a lot of other, more negative emotion. Theo shrugged.
"I don't know how you can really judge that. I was captain of the team in junior and senior year. And we… we won the Florida state championship in my senior year."
"I'm sorry… senior year? But you're a senior now?" Quinn asked. Theo looked down once more as he nodded.
"I was a senior in Miami too. Football season ran from September to December. Then at the end of December, beginning of January, that's when Marley… that's when she passed away." Theo explained. "I never finished my senior year out there. I couldn't. That's why I'm here in Lima. For a fresh start and a second try at my senior year."
"I see." Quinn said. "But State champions? In Florida no less! Theo, that's amazing! You should play for the McKinley team!" Quinn encouraged him. Theo sighed and shook his head.
"I'm good. I'm done with football." Theo said. "Can't bring myself to play without her around anymore. Not when… not when everything I achieved in high school, I wouldn't have achieved without her with me then, and without her having introduced me to the sport in the first place."
"You know, a lot of guys from the Glee club play. It could really be a great way to meet people. Maybe even gain some popularity within the school." Quinn suggested. Theo shook his head.
"Yeah, um… popularity isn't really my thing." He chuckled mirthlessly. "I used to care about that sort of thing when I was a lot younger. But when I met Marley… a lot less so. Definitely throughout high school, I stopped caring about any of it. I really just cared about her and my close friends. I didn't care what others thought of me."
"You really don't like being popular? Having everyone's heads turn towards you as you walk down the corridor? Being loved by everyone?" Quinn asked him. Theo sighed.
"Again, I used to. Then I realized that none of those people actually liked me for who I was. They were either intimidated by me or they wanted to be like me. When it came down to it, if I needed help, none of them would have been there to help me. Hell, if my own family didn't give a shit about me, these random people certainly wouldn't."
This was the truth, and Theo had found out how true it was when Marley had passed away. Not one of those people had been by his side, or even so much as visited him in juvie. He had been abandoned by each and every one of them.
"I know you're the head cheerleader and everything, so I'm guessing it's different for you?" Theo asked. Quinn looked down and nodded.
"Yeah, um… I've always loved being popular. Kind of always gave me the feeling of being loved that I didn't get from my parents. Then everything with the pregnancy happened and when I took off the Cheerios uniform, I realised just how alone I really was."
Little did Quinn realise that her tears had returned thick and fast as she thought back to the hardest days of her life. When she had been kicked off the Cheerios, kicked out of her own house, and felt like her entire life had come crashing down around her ears.
"I lost Finn, I lost my spot in the Cheerios and I lost my family all in a very short space of time. I was in a really dark place for a while. Then came the post partum on top of everything else… I briefly thought about ending it all." She admitted, without even realising it. This was the first time she had admitted that to anyone in the world, and it was something she previously had intended to take with her to the grave. She was better now, so nobody needed to know, right? Well that plan had gone out the window now anyways.
Once again, Theo had fallen silent, and he did not say a word for another while. Quinn glanced at him, anxious about what he was about to say about this.
"Quinn, I want you to promise me something." He eventually said, his voice still soft but now a lot firmer.
"Yeah, sure. What?" She asked.
"Look, neither of us know what's going to happen in the next week, the next month, the next year. Things might be going better for us now, but for all we know, tomorrow they can end up back in the shitter."
"You're… optimistic." Quinn commented drily. Theo didn't laugh though. He didn't even smile. He continued to look at her with a dead serious look on his face.
"I want you to promise that if you ever feel like that again, you call me before you do anything. You have my number. Day or night, I'll answer it. Just call me."
"Theo, I…" Quinn began, but Theo interrupted her.
"Please, Quinn." Theo practically pleaded with her. He wasn't about to lose someone else he cared about. His wife's death had very nearly broken him, and he didn't think he'd be able to survive another tsunami of pain like that. "Promise me."
Quinn could tell that this was important to Theo. Like really important. And it didn't take a genius to figure out why.
However, Quinn did take his hands in her own and nod.
"I promise…"